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Grief 101

Just smile and
nod, even if
what the person
says makes no
fucking sense.

It’s better to
be polite,
after all,
than to punch
people in the
fucking face.

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An Unwanted Gift

You’ll always carry it with you,
The pain.

You can try to wrap it differently.

Use an alternative box,
Choose a shiny wrapping paper.
Secure it with ribbon,
Even glue on a fucking huge bow,
If you like.

But you’ll still carry it with you,
The pain.

Like a gaudy present nobody wants to open.
An unwanted gift you can never return.

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Promises

I promise myself
never again
every time
and every time
I believe it.

But the truth is
forgetting you is
a promise
I am powerless
to keep.

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Lucky You

My head hurts,
Does yours?

My heart cries,
Does yours?

My body aches,
Does yours?

My soul dies,
Does yours?

How can it?

Your head
is as pretty
as a picture.

Your heart
is full
to bursting.

Your body
is as perfect
as a model,

And your soul
is an eagle
soaring high above
the rocky plains.

Lucky you.

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The Siren

I hear her calling my name,
Luring me to the murky depths.

Her song, beckons me.
Her promise, tantalises me.

I am compelled to listen.
I am urged to respond.

But she is all the way out at sea,
And I never learned to swim.

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Bank Holidays

Days off
are always
difficult.

There’s
so much more
time to fill,
without you.

So many
memories
of what we
used to do.

I’d rather
be at
work.

At least
there, I
get paid
to be
miserable.

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Lifeline

The rubber ring
floats
towards me.

Thank you
for throwing
it down.

But I have
no desire
to grab it.

The rocks
in my pocket
are all
I need.

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But

If only I could ask you,
But I never should.

If only I could show you,
But I never would.

If only you could tell me,
But you never should.

If only you could love me,
But you never would.

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Parties

Hi,

Sorry I’m late,

I didn’t want to come,

I already want to go home.

Where’s the booze..?

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Self Worth

I’d give you my heart,
But it’s not worth me trying.

I’d give you my body,
But it’s not worth your touch.

I’d give you my soul,
But it’s not worth my crying.

I’d give you my life,
But it’s not worth very much.

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All Surface, No Meaning

When you died,
My world stopped turning.

When you took your last breath,
My life became meaningless.

As the ongoing battle towards my own death continues,
I’m numb to everything and everyone.

I trudge along…

Feigning my interest,
Forging my desire,
Faking my love.

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Favourites

Tell me your favourite song
And I’ll play it.

Show me your favourite book
And I’ll read it.

Tell me your favourite film
And I’ll watch it.

Show me your favourite shirt
And I’ll wear it.

Tell me I’m your favourite
And I’ll love you.

Forever.

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Reminders

It’s when it comes from nowhere,
that’s the worst.

The hysterical sobs that hit without warning.

When I’m driving and our song comes on the radio.
When a letter arrives and it’s addressed to you.
When I find a pair of your socks in my drawer.

My throat constricts,
as my lungs compress.

My stomach lurches,
as my heart laments.

And my eyes burn as I drown, slowly, in my own tears.

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Every Day

Still hoping,
Still waiting,
Still holding,
Still wanting.

Still thinking,
Still grieving,
Still trying,
Still giving.

Still caring,
Still feeling,
Still crying,
Still fighting.

Still breathing,
Still living,
Still believing,
Still loving.

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The Loaded Gun

Time marches on
As I come undone
And my memories fade further away.

I try to hold on,
To ignore the loaded gun
As I trudge through another day.

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For You

I’ll smile today, for you.
But I won’t mean it.

I’ll laugh today, for you.
But I won’t feel it.

I’ll fake it every day, for you.
But you’ll never know it.

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Indecision

It's a long way to the bottom
from all the way up here.

As I stand and shiver 
I can't help but think...

What happens if I change my mind
halfway down?
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The Plan

Widowed before you're thirty eight,
that's my plan for you.

If that's your plan 
then all I can say is
seriously,
fuck you.
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This Silent War

I’m trapped inside this silent war,

furiously waving a white flag above my head,

but no one seems to care.

One day soon,

I’ll stop waving.