Round the Bend

Does it make me crazy,
if I turn and talk to you anyway?

Does it make me insane,
if I see you when you’re not there?

Does it make me nuts,
if I know you’re always with me?

Does it make me mad,
if I still care?

You Know Nothing

I do not want your pity.

Your sympathy is of no use.

I care nothing for your tears,

as your grief is just an excuse.

The Act

I can act like I’m happy,

I can act like I’m there.

I can act like I’m over it,

I can act like I care.

But it’s all to avoid having to admit,

That I’m just really fucking scared of life.

Without you.

Their Big Day

What am I supposed to say?

What am I supposed to do?

Everyone is happy, today.

But my heart is broken here,

without you.

Xxx

Animosity

You can
keep your
feigned apology

For your
friendship
now means
nothing to me

I shall
live without
you merrily

Waiting for
the day
everyone
will see

Just how
wicked and
cruel you
can be

Wedding Bells

Who knows
what will happen
when I get there.

Who knows
what will happen
along the way.

What I do know
is that you
won’t be there.

And my tears
will fall
all day.

Myself

Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?

Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?

Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?

Why?

The Past

Some days
it’s easy
to remember
you

Some days
it’s hard
to forget
you

Some days
I don’t want
to remember
you

Some days
I never want
to forget
you

Please

If this is all there is,

then who are you

to tell me no?

You have no idea,

how hard this is

so please, just let me go.

Monsters

They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.

One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.

A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

Another Day…

Another day of pretence dawns,

And my heart is full of dread.

Another chasm in my mind yawns,

And I wish that I was dead.

Night Terrors (Part 1)

I sense you,
stalking me from behind.
I won’t let you win.

I see you,
prowling outside my window.
I won’t let you in.

I hear you,
scratching at my door.
I won’t let you win.

I feel you,
gnawing on my bones.
How did you get in?

Living with Hypochondria

There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.

I get headaches.
Crushing, pounding headaches.
Cannot finish cigarettes,
because of the headaches.

I'm always itching,
Skin crawling.
Can't stay in one position for too long,
as my bones ache.
Sickness burns in my stomach,
constantly queasy.
My sleep patterns are disturbed.

I have bruises on my arms and legs, 
Lumps and bumps everywhere.
I feel dizzy all the time, 
Stumbling when I walk. 
I cannot concentrate my mind.
My own wheeze wakes me up. 

There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.

But there's no way I can see a doctor.
I'm too scared for that.
They might just confirm I'm really ill,
after all...

Conversations with Idiots

‘It’s better
to have
loved and lost
than never to
have loved
at all’

‘You really
should just
shut your mouth
as, honestly,
you know
fuck all’

Insanity

Upon making the journey,
to the furthest corners
of my mind,
it occurs to me.

What if I can’t remember
the way back?

One Of These Days

One day
you’ll tell me
and I
will run away.

One day
you’ll tell me
and I’ll
beg to stay.

One day
you’ll tell me
and my
tears will sting.

One day
you’ll tell me
and my
heart will sing.

Cruelty

In a perfect world,

There is someone for everyone.

You meet each other.

You fall in love.

And you stay together,

Forever.

Ours, however, is a cruel world.

There is someone for everyone,

But you might never meet them.

You might never fall in love.

And you might not stay together,

Forever.

Because they might die,

Before you do.

Then, you’re fucked.

Mine

I don’t want to ‘talk’ about it.

I don’t want to ‘express’ it.

I don’t want to ‘let it out’.

I want to keep this part for me.

A part that’s private.

A part that’s mine and mine alone.

As it should be.

I didn’t share my love and I refuse to share my grief.

So just piss off, the lot of you.

Grey Days

I love
walking
on grey days.

The raindrops
land on my face
and mingle with
my tears,

Hiding them
from prying
eyes.

No Idea

Stop asking me questions…

… When you are in no way prepared for the answers.

Never Stop

If I turn on the tap,
it’ll never stop flowing.

If I turn on the rage,
it’ll never stop glowing.

If I turn on my mind,
it’ll never stop knowing.

If I turn on my grief,
it’ll never stop showing.

It will never stop,
this seed I am sewing.

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