Month: Jul 2019

Don’t Touch Me

People
like me
can never
be loved

It’s something we
won’t allow

People
like me
can never
be loved

We simply don’t
know how

2

Aspirations

Off on
my travels
again

Hoping to
find some
peace

Perhaps I’ll
meet someone
new

And this
heartache will
cease

0

Apathy & Deception

How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?

Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?

6

Guilty

I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.

I’m sorry.

2

Creaky Floorboards

Tonight is
the first time
I’ve felt real fear

Being
home alone
without you here

What if someone
breaks in during
the night?

Will I survive
now you’re not
here to fight?

4

The Jumble Sale

I rummage around inside my head as I search for what to say

But the silence means all you hear is that I don’t want you to stay

I rummage around inside my head as I look down to the floor

But the silence means all you hear is that I don’t love you anymore

What is painfully sad for both of us is that neither of these things are true

But this jumble sale of words in my head prevents me from being honest with you

18

A Long Forty Eight Hours

If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
a fifth can start
to appear.

Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
realise that
the end is near.

If you stare
at the same four walls
for long enough,
your mind can
start to bend.

Perhaps it’s then
you’re supposed to
know it’s the
beginning of the end.

9

Our Waltz

My joy
is in your
weakness.

Your solace
is in my
pain.

Both
forever
destined,

To dance
together
in the rain.

2

The Tempest

I don’t care for sun
I don’t care for rain
What I need is thunder
So that I can breathe again

4

The Drudgery

Another
day spent
trudging
through
the
sludge
of life
still
refusing
to budge
forever
trying to
avoid the
judgement
of those
who secretly
hold a
grudge
against me

2

Pretty Sure

I’ll look again,
if you like,
but I’m pretty
sure there’s none.

Fun, happiness,
joy, laughter,
I’m pretty sure
they’ve gone.

0

Careless

Waking up to find that,
once again,
I’ve lost my mind
at some point
during the night…

0

The Back of the Wardrobe

I foolishly
made a
mistake
today

I opened
the box
I’d hidden
away

Where the
memories of
my life
are kept

Along with
all the silent
tears I’ve
wept

0

No Air

It’s too hot to think
as I sit here on the brink
of yet another nervous breakdown…

4

Connections

It’s easier to connect with other artists these days than it is to any of my friends.

It’s because we understand how shit things are, I think, when the madness descends.

2

Not Today

No-one can shield me,
from this pain within.

Nothing can soothe me,
now the rot has set in.

4

Week 34

You all think
I’ve forgotten,
but you
have no idea.

I could never
be that tasteless,
or so fucking
insincere.

6

The Trip

I’m done
with
this shithole
today

I’m packing
up and
running
away

Far
from where
the sun
can catch me

And to where
the pleasure
of pain
distracts me

0

The Knight

You would come charging in on your white horse

Thinking you’re going to save the world, of course

But you’ve got nothing to offer underneath all of that armour

You don’t fool me, you know, you little charmer

0

I Already Know

I already
know I’m
a piece
of shit

I don’t
need you
to remind
me of it

I already
know I’m
a bitter
old crone

I don’t need
you pointing
out that I’ll
forever be alone

I already
know my
cuts are
too deep

I don’t
need you
to watch
them weep

I already
know that
I’m dead
inside

I don’t need
you telling me
there’s nowhere
left to hide

4

Photographs

A
camera
snaps a
memory

Of a
single
moment
in time

I’m glad
there’s not
that many
of us

My
one time
partner
in crime

I don’t want
anyone to
see our
photographs

Because
our
memories
are mine

0

Help Me

I never used to be like this, she said,

I used to be brave.

What happened to you, he asked,

Why did you cave?

The world happened, she replied,

You wouldn’t understand.

Why don’t you try me, he implored,

As he reached for her hand.

9

Written In The Stars

When you
fall in
love with
complicated people

Be prepared
for it to
end in a
complicated way

And for you
to be left
searching for
an explanation

Forever

2

Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)

So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed

And it’s been a
shitty day so far,
just as I said

So I was right,
I should never
have tried

For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside

5

Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)

I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow

No doubt
it’ll just
be more misery
and sorrow

Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed

Then I might
just escape
these thoughts
in my head

3

When Will It End?

Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.

Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.

When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?

0

The Time Waster

I cannot
believe
after all
this time
I’m still
stuck in
your trap.

Quietly
putting up
with your
bullshit and
listening
to all
your crap.

If I have
to spend one
more minute
with you
I think
that I’ll
be sick.

Never
before
have I
wasted my
time on
such an
arrogant
little prick.

4

Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink shit loads of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

3

The Struggle

When you see me, you see the finished article.

Washed, dressed, hair in place, make up on and a smile on my face.

But you don’t see what it takes to get there.

You don’t see me trying to muster the strength to open my eyes in the morning.

You don’t see me forcing my weary bones out of bed.

You don’t see me berating myself as I sob in the shower.

You don’t see me looking in the mirror as I question whether or not today is the day.

You don’t see me wracked with indecision on what to wear.

You don’t see me soothing my pain as I twist and pull out my hair.

You don’t see me apply make up in the hope it makes me disappear.

You don’t see me riddled with anxiety as I lurk in the doorway.

You don’t see me breathing deeply before finally pushing open the office door.

When you see me, you see the finished article.

But just because you don’t see the struggle, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

Just because you see me smile, it doesn’t mean it’s real.

How I look, is not how I feel.

18

Leftovers

A weary,
confused mind.

A hollow,
empty heart.

As bleak as it is,
it’s all I have.

As my life has
fallen apart.

0

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns.

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

0

Crutches

I fear
I have
lent on
you once
too often,
and now
you are
as broken
as me.

I should
never have
asked for
your help,
to be
honest,
as now
you’ll never
be free.

0

The Office

Momentory conversations

With temporary people

Sharing fleeting emotions

Providing non-permanent relief

0

The Deep

Do you think
we’ll make it
out alive,
she asked,
hoping for
the truth.

I’m sure
we’ll be fine,
he said,
with all the
bluster and
naivety of youth.

2

At Her Majesty’s Pleasure

You were keen to kidnap my kindness
and you were happy when you hijacked my heart.

You smiled when you stole my soul
and you laughed when you looted my life.

So why is it me that has been sentenced to life in this prison?

While you’re walking around out there scot-free?

2

Push And Pull

Love me
or
loathe me
you’ll
never
escape me
so why
would you
even try?

Kiss me
or
kill me
you’ll
always
want me
so there’s
no use
in saying
goodbye.

2

Glasgow

Everything has
changed
while everything
has stayed
the same

In this city
I once
so proudly
called
‘hame’

0

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