‘Very few of us are what we seem…’
– Agatha Christie
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
‘Very few of us are what we seem…’
– Agatha Christie
How do I give you up
My drug of choice
You don’t stand a chance
Whispers a voice
I
guess
I’m
happy
More
or
less
Even
though
I’m
left
To
clean
up the
mess
And
then
it
hits
Like
a ton
of
bricks
And
I don’t
feel a
thing
Lying to
myself
is bad
enough
But
lying
to you
hurts
more
But
there’s
no way
I could
be truthful
That’s
for
fucking
sure
I suppose
I should
make it
clear
Right
from the
very
start
You may
delight
in my
body
But you’ll
never
have my
heart
I wish
you were
with me
Gently
squeezing
my hand
Providing
me with
comfort
Helping me
understand
A kind man once said to me
You can be anything you want to be
But it’s hard to believe that you could matter
In amongst all this chatter
A kind man once said to me
You can do anything you want to do
But it’s hard to believe that could be true
When you live your life as I do
A kind man once said to me
You can say whatever you want
But it’s hard to believe you could speak that way
When you’ve never felt that it’s okay
A kind man once said to me
You are capable of more than you think
But it’s hard to believe you could make that link
As your heart, once more, begins to sink
Thirty
six
thousand
words
And
each
one of
them
shite
But now
I’ve
passed
one
thousand
followers
I
must
be doing
something
right
I don’t
know if
you’re
aware
She
said
But
I’ve
been
feeling
rather
down
Let me
fetch my
notebook
He
said
Reaching
forward
with a
frown
Carry on ‘studying’
For your Mickey Mouse degree
But just know whatever happens
You’ll never be better than me
Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind
Or
maybe
you
won’t
But
one
thing
is for
sure
You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t
I think you feel
The way I do
That your heart beats
Like mine does too
That your mind wanders
On the same path as me
That you also dream
Of when you’ll be free
I
did
not
realise
That
space
in my
head
Would
still be
filled
by you
Even
though
you’re
dead
My
head
hurts
today
Just as
much
as my
heart
I need
coffee
and a
cigarette
Then
I’ll
make
a start
I read,
read
and
read it
again
But it
doesnt
change
a thing
I can’t
take
back
what
I wrote
Or
remove
it’s
sting
All
those
times
I was
there
for
you
I
never
asked
for a
thing
in return
Well
you’re
on your
own
You
self
righteous
cunt
So
perhaps
now
you’ll
learn
All
that
time
together
With
nothing
left to
show
But a
heart
that is
broken
And a
space
down
below
If I
could
be
Who
you
want
Me
to
be
Perhaps
then
we
Would
both be
happy
Let
me
out
She
said
You
can’t
keep me
here
I
think
you’ll
find we
can
He
said
The
law is
very
clear
As
the rot
starts
to set
in
I
pour
myself
another
gin
To
silence
the pain
in my
head
As
the
thoughts
seem to
shift
My
mood
starts
to
lift
And
I can
finally
get out
of bed
If
only
I was
wasting
away
Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain
Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied
And
I live
each day
in pain
I’m
glad
you
find
it
helpful
But I
certainly
do not
What’s
the
point
in
telling
tales
When
you’ve
already
lost
the
plot?
How
many
more
times
Must
I walk
this
path
Surely
I’ve
done it
enough
times now
To
find
my own
way
back
It’s
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds
As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs
I’m
sorry
I haven’t
been
around
As
much
as I’d
like
to be
But
lately
my life
has run
aground
And
your
words
won’t
go in,
You see
Words
can’t
explain
This
eternal
ache
It
hurts
so much
When
I’m
awake
Another minute
Another hour
Another day
Another shower
Of shite
Get
me
to
the
church
on
time
I
need
to
claim
who is
rightfully
mine
They
say
you’re
not on
your
own
But
it
certainly
feels
like
it
Over
time
they
all
fade
away
While
you’re
still
wading
through
shit
Like
vultures
Eyeing up
the bones
Of those of us
who went before
Now rotting
on the stones
How long does it take
To only reach for one mug
To only set out one plate
To programme the heating to come on at seven
Instead of leaving it too late
To only buy one pint of milk
To only get one lottery ticket
To stop saying hello as you walk in the house
Because there’s none else in it
Lying here
Just us two
Isn’t the same
Without you
Xxx
It
frightens
me
just
how
much
your
Inaction
shakes
me
to
the
core
Time
was
you
would
comfort
me
And
things
would
be just
fine
But
now it’s
much
too late
for that
As
we
both
crossed
the line
If
it’s
not you
And
it’s
not me
Then who
the fuck
else
Is it
supposed
to be?
I ask
them
over
and
over
again
What
did
I do to
deserve
this
pain
As I
look
up to
the
starry
sky
The
knife
you
plunged
makes
me cry
Here
I am
again
Sitting
all
alone
I don’t
like this
anymore
I want
to go
home
They
say
you
shouldn’t
write
when
drunk
But
what
else
will
help
deal
with
this
funk?
At
least
beer
allows
me to
release
that
valve
And my
heart,
somewhere
along
the
line,
to
salve
It’s
not
really
you I
loveIt’s
that
when
I am
with
youYou
make
it
easy
to
believeThe
lies
I tell
myself
are
true
All
those
days we
stayed
in bed
They
rattle
around
inside
my head
Until
the tears
run from
my eyes
As the
love we
shared
slowly
dies
Xxx
It is
still
fucking
horrific
Even
though
it is
expected
Nothing
ever
prepares
you
For
feeling
that
dejected
All
I can
say is
I live
in hope
That
one day
I will
tie that
rope
As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind
And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind
The
figure
creeps
around
outside
As I
watch
the
darkness
descend
I lie
there
rigid,
fraught
with fear
As
I know
how this
will
end
How
the
fuck
can
it be
right
That
I have
to sleep
alone
tonight
I never
thought
that I
would be
On my
own at
thirty
three
Your
platitudes
irritate
me every
day
That’s
it
That’s
all
I wanted
to
say
So
I
suppose
This
is the
part
Where
you say
goodbye
And
break my
heart
Up
and
down
Side
to
side
I
only
wish
You’d
come
along
For
the
ride
I’d
rather
never
see
you
again
Than
see
you
burn
in
hell
So
if
I
just
move
myself
away
Then
I’ll
never
have
to
tell
I could
spend
hours
writing
poetry
But
I could
never
do it
justice
How
once
upon
a time
we
had
it
all
But
now
I’ve
been
left
lifeless
Please
stop
your
incessant
noise
Or I’ll
send
round
one of
the boys
When
the
wine
is in
The
wit
is
out
And
it’s a
good
job
To
be
honest
As
what
else
Would
we talk
about?
And honest
Is my first
Don’t bother
Reading on
Without expecting
The worst