I know he can’t be mine
She said
But now he’ll never be yours
If only he’d grow a spine
She said
And just choose one of us
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I know he can’t be mine
She said
But now he’ll never be yours
If only he’d grow a spine
She said
And just choose one of us
Will you just stop talking
He said
You’re driving me insane
If you’d just listen in the first place
She said
I wouldn’t have to say it again
Looking up to the sky
This foreboding feeling grows
As I see the unkindness of ravens
And hear the murder of crows
Life without you recently
Certainly has been gloomy
Even if my heart is now
That little bit more roomy
There’s a small amount of comfort
But it quickly becomes a chore
And when he tries to converse
You remember why he’s such a bore
This is not our goodbye
It’s just a fond farewell
For we both know
We’ll meet once more
As we both burn in hell
It’s been two years since you left me
Sitting all alone in that church
Cold, confused and crying
So painfully in the lurch
But it’s not really his death you know,
That has been the most pernicious
It’s how the rest of you have chosen to be
So incredibly fucking malicious
You were just pissed off
That he never wanted a place
You never really understood
What he was trying to embrace
That’s why you weren’t involved
And the reason we no longer speak
I’m just glad he wasn’t around
To see the damage you would wreak
‘Cause on you my tattoo will be bleeding
and the name will stain…‘
‘Now that I know that I’m breaking to pieces
I’ll pull out my heart and I’ll feed it to anyone’
I wake up one morning
and I’ll look at the wind
and I’ll see a song and music
Though I’ll feel nothing
and hear no tune
I’ll look behind me
and see poetry
– Anon
Words spill
Onto the page
Just like the blood
From my veins
You were the light
To my shade
The sunshine
To my rain
That is why
I can’t forgive you
For causing me
All this pain
In case you don’t come back
He said
You did really well today
Thank you very much
She said
But I don’t believe a word you say
We’ve got to move quickly
He said
Time is of the essence
Just go ahead without me
She said
I haven’t run since adolescence
You just have to remember
He said
You can’t pour from an empty cup
Well mine is smashed to smithereens
She said
So how the fuck do I fill it up?
What is it going to take
He said
For you to open up to me?
Another bottle of wine for starters
She said
And a money back guarantee
Why don’t you tell him what happened
He said
Instead of just writing it down
Because I don’t want him to know
She said
I couldn’t bear to see his frown
If I don’t talk about myself negatively
She said
Then I’ve got nothing much to say
Well perhaps I can try to help you
He said
See yourself in a different way
She betrayed me again today
The little bitch
She always wants what I do not
Now I must fix
Her egregious mistake
Before both of us get caught
Fuck you death
She said
You really don’t scare me
That’s what you all say
He said
But through your lies I see
The broadband
Isn’t the only unstable connection
In this house
I couldn’t care
Any less
If you cared
Any more
For nothing now
Can stop me
From walking
Out this door
‘More than this
You know there’s nothing…’
“Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while, a great wind carries me across the sky.”
— Ojibwe saying
It’s hard to explain what happens
When I’m standing alone up there
I’m just willing it all to end
To no longer have to care
I forget about everyone
And every little thing
It’s just me and the breeze
With the comfort it can bring
My mind is crystal clear
And I don’t hear a sound
As all of my focus is trained
On finally hitting the ground
Is this all there is now
Just sitting here killing time
Waiting for the next one to come along
Getting stoned and drinking wine
You see I’d rather not bother
Wasting all this time and effort
I’d prefer to end it here and now
And all my earthly ties sever
Why did you come here
He said
What exactly did you expect
Well they told me if I did
She said
That I’d feel less bereft
How long will it take
He said
For you to see
The wood for the trees
I don’t know
She said
But one thing’s for sure
In the end, everyone leaves
This isn’t love
It’s just a habit
No more
And no less
Remember that
Well that’s the second jab in
And the battle is almost won
Soon the war will be over
And we can all have some fun
Do you really look past
The colour of my skin
And try hard to see
Who I am within
I don’t believe you
Try as I may
It’s never enough
Nothing
Can replace your touch
Xxx
You’re lucky
I was out just then
And that I didn’t see
Your call
For if I had
I would’ve gone mad
And ended this
Once and for all
Who am I
To pass judgement
On whatever it is
You’ve done
As I can’t help but think
In the same situation
I might also
Have loaded that gun
You asked me
To run away with you
So, hesitantly, I did
And it was fun
Until you left
You fucking lying prick
I see you there
With your vacant stare
Drowning in infinite sadness
But never fear
I’ll alway be here
Trying to sweep away your madness
Now you’ve led me again
Onto the path of darkness
Who knows how this will end
Last time all that was left
Was sparseness
And we couldn’t even be friends
‘Whatever I do to make it real
It’s never enough…’
‘Hope my body gets better
Do I mean my body or my mind…’
Things should be better now
He said
They certainly shouldn’t be worse
I really hope so
She said
For I can’t live with this curse
Please
She said
Pay me no mind
And try not think of me unkind
For I am
She said
To madness inclined
And peace I can no longer find
They promised I’d feel better by now
That these pills would have kicked in
Well they fucking lied
As my brain is still fried
And my heart belongs in the bin
If I could
He said
I really would love
To lie with you forever, like this
Really
She said
I couldn’t be arsed
Now shift – I need a piss
I gave you everything I could
He said
Even if you don’t remember it
You gave me hell, heartbreak and hepatitis
She said
And your dope was shit
Presenter 1: ‘And the award for the biggest lie of them all goes to…’
(drum roll)
Presenters 1 & 2 in unison: ‘…I’m Fine!’
(applause)
Voiceover: ‘And collecting the award tonight are Honestly and I Promise, who both played a key role in supporting I’m Fine in the 2020 film ‘How Are You Today’
What the fuck
Are you still doing up
Don’t you know
It’s quarter past four?
Well of course I do
But it’s nothing new
To find I can’t sleep
Anymore
Does anybody know
What we are searching for?
Or where we’re supposed to look?
Because my motivation
Is fading
And it’s getting harder to give a fuck
Tell yourself you’re moving on
And they might just start
To believe it
But you and I know
This is all just for show
As you’re still drowning
In shit
Go on then pal
Unbutton your flies
Let's see what
You've got tonight
Does that bulge
In your jeans
Really mean
What I think it means
Will you actually have
Enough in there to please
Or are you just
A pretentious tease...
Do you believe in soulmates
He asked
As he lay back in the bed
No
She said, bluntly
Now can we just fuck instead
Thanks for that my dear
He said
Would you like a cigarette?
Are you fucking serious
She said
We haven’t finished yet!
So I guess now we just ignore each other
Pretend what we had never existed?
Well I suppose that’s better
Than letting things fester
And becoming all bitter and twisted
I didn’t think
I could fuck things up
Any more if I tried
But then I got drunk
And kissed you back
And now I want to die
‘If you walk out on me
I’m walking after you’
I play them too often nowadays
Just to feel the pain
It’s better then feeling nothing
Again and again and again…
You may as well keep the ring
He said
I’ve got no use for it
I’d rather keep my dignity
She said
Than this worthless piece of shit
Please stop sending me monthly timelines
Walking back and forth to the fridge doesn’t count
I didn’t ask for your opinion
In fact you’ve got a cheek
Now kindly piss off
You supercilious toff
Or I’ll knock you into next week
Some find it easier to deify
Rules bestowed from up high
And trust in his miraculous plan
But I feel it wiser
To be your own advisor
Than rely on the thoughts of a man
It was the best day
When we met
The worst when
You walked away
But what hurts the most
Is I was far too morose
For you to want to stay
There will be someone out there
He said
That will be the one for you
What if he’s already gone
She said
I don’t believe there can be two
I cry a lot more now
Even at the silliest thing
My therapist says it’s better
Than trying to keep it all in
You’ve been on my mind a lot more
Lately
Which really does trouble me
Greatly
You see my memories are at best
Hazy
So trying to remember drives me
Crazy
‘I’ll face it with a grin
I’m never giving in
On with the show…’
You’ve now outstayed a welcome
That you were never fucking given
So if you would kindly
Piss off please
I can get back to living
I used to be quite angry
But now I just feel numb
It’s not what you’ve said
That’s messed with my head
But everything else you’ve done
So today marks the beginning
Of WordPress year three
Happy two year anniversary to me
Quite a lot has changed
Since that first post
Not least the number of people
Seemingly engrossed
In reading my innermost thoughts and feelings
Which I admit even now
I have a hard time believing
For there are far more talented writers here than me
Whose focus isn’t madness, sadness or profanity
Yet as I’ve looked back over posts of the past
I see my words gradually getting lighter
Perhaps this is due, in part,
To my life being that little bit brighter
So, I hear you ask, will my future posts just become asinine?
Well, I suppose, your guess is as good as mine
But one things for sure
You’ll still find me here beneath the armour
Writing, posting and chatting
As your ever grateful Little Charmer