Random #155

‘We twa hae paidl’d in the burn,
Frae morning sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin’ auld lang syne.’

– Robert Burns

Random #154

“May the best you’ve ever seen,
Be the worst you’ll ever see.
May the mouse ne’er leave your girnal,
Wi’ a tear drap in it’s e’e.
May your lum keep blithely reekin’,
Till ye’re auld enough to dee.
May you aye be just as happy,
As I’d like ye aye tae be.”

– Traditional Scottish Toast


“New year, new me”

Is that what you want me to say?

Well, I’m not pretending

I’ll get a happy ending

Just like any other Friday

Until Next Year…

As the calendar page turns once more

We are granted our reprieve

Thank you so much Mariah

Now you can fucking leave

Take that whiny choirboy with you

And that dick who thinks he’s Elvis

Bing and Bowie can piss off too

With their ‘pa rum pum pum pum’ bullshit

We’re happy to wave you off John

Although your message is appreciated

Best take your mate Paul with you though

Before we have his keyboard castrated

It’s time to step out and away now Elton

With The Jacksons, Jonah and Chuck

And as for the ‘NYPD choir’

We couldn’t give less of a fuck

We’ll really only miss you George

Like we do nearly every day

So perhaps, this year, we could keep you

Instead of giving you away

Whatever You Say

I’m going to be happy today

She said

Push this sadness from my mind

I’ll give you half an hour

He said

And even then that’s being kind

Season’s Beatings

I fucking hate Christmas

Just like Christmas hates me

Walking on eggshells all day

Faking smiles around a tree

I learned when I was five

Santa doesn’t deliver for free

That he prefers ‘good little girls’

And the one he favoured that year was me

As an adult I’ve tried to make it better

To erase him from my memory

But I still fucking hate Christmas

Just like Christmas hates me


I’m not proud of what I did

Nor am I happy with what I said

But if you had been kinder

And not some whiny fault finder

Then your eyes needn’t have bled

I’m Fine Thanks

I’m sorry you think I’ve missed you

As I haven’t given one fuck

If you thought you mattered

And my life is shattered

Well then you’re shit out of luck

Random #150

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

– Carl Jung


That thing

You were speaking of

Well, I think I’ve found it

Now I’m out of my head

And in your bed

I don’t think I’ll ever quit


What is more important

She said

Being kind or telling the truth

For if it’s the latter

Then I cannot flatter

And your ego I will not soothe


Robbed of what’s right
You certainly have been
Hard to believe
It’s not because of your skin

As corruption and greed
Handed your rival the win
With no case left to plead
You took it on the chin

You deserve better

Dating Advice

“You’d have so much to offer

If you could just proffer

A kindly look their way”

“My mouth may be broken

But I do have a shot gun

So I’m sure I’ll be ok”

One Good Turn…

I suppose

You understand me now

Why I said

What was on my mind

Well don’t expect

Anything from me

As I’ll be paying you back

In kind

Random #148

“I wish neither to possess nor to be possessed. I no longer covet ‘paradise’. More important, I no longer fear ‘hell’. The medicine for my suffering I had within me from the very beginning but I did not take it. My ailment came from within myself, but I did not observe it, until this moment. Now I see that I will never find the light unless, like the candle, I am my own fuel, consuming myself.”

– Bruce Lee

El Paradiso

You find me here alone
Broken and desolate

With nothing to call my own
Except for beer and regret


With skin

As tough as leather

And a heart

That’s lined with lead

I wander out

Into the night

To find something else instead

Snow Gates

Every twist and turn

Each up and down

All tell a different story

There really is nothing

To rival these roads

In all their majestic glory

Losing The Will

I can’t think of another ditty

Or come up with a different rhyme

Not when what I write is so shitty

More than half of the time

Speak Up

I can empathise

And respond in kind

Take my cue

From many a sign

But there is no way

I can read your mind

Down a silent

Telephone line

Last In Line

If you continue to push this

She said

And I am forced to choose

You really should be prepared

She said

For the fact I won’t pick you

Yet Another Failure

If there’s one thing I’m sure of

He said

It’s that you’ll get your happy ending

Please stop lying to me

She said

And being so fucking condescending

Random #146

I’ve fallen down another rung of the ladder, and I know I’ve got a fight on my hands

– Sean Hughes

‘Half The World Away’

Life would have been so different

Had you never moved away

We could still be together now

Enjoying every day

But that’s not what happened, is it?

When you fucked off and left

Saying that you needed more

Couldn’t stand to feel oppressed

Well I’m glad things worked out for you

That all your stars aligned

But what I cannot ever forgive

Is that you left me behind

Random #145

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery – air, mountains, trees, people. I thought: “This is what it is to be happy.”

― Sylvia Plath

Letting You Go

I really did love you, you know

I wish I’d told you so before

And now you’re gone

Nothing can be done

But to regret it



Random #144

‘I get along without you very well,
Of course I do.
Except perhaps in spring.
But I should never think of spring,
For that would surely break my heart in two’

Random #143

‘The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.

I broke something, Old Man.

How badly is it broken?

It’s in a million little pieces.

I’m afraid I can’t help you.


There’s nothing you can do.


It can’t be fixed.


It’s broken beyond repair. It’s in a million little pieces.’

– James Frey

Six Years Ago

Walk down the aisle with me?

She said

The bakery aisle, that is

I thought you were being serious

He said

And my heart just skipped a beat


The Death Of Me

Nearly twenty years together

And what do I have to show

Just a blackened heart

Now we’re three years apart

And sadness the status quo


Not A Material Girl

I wouldn’t thank you

For diamonds

And I don’t care

About pearls

I couldn’t give

Less of a shit

For all the stars

In the world

I just want you

Back here with me

If only

For a minute

For my life

Has lost it’s sparkle

Without you

Still in it


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