"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Even now I struggle
To lie on your side of the bed
I just wish you were in it
As often as you are my head
Xxx
A King Sized Longing
Lying in bed
Late at night
I turn over
With a sigh
I reach out
With my hand
But it’s now empty
Where you would lie
Xxx
(Originally Posted 31.05.2021)
I have said
Time and time again
“That’s it – I’ve had enough”
But it proves pointless
Time and time again
As leaving you is just too tough
‘It’s In The Trees…’
How do I give you up
My drug of choice
You don’t stand a chance
Whispers the voice
(Originally Posted 31.05.2020)
I wish I could say
I’d never take you back
But if I did
I would be lying
You’ll always have a way
To knock me off track
Even without
You really trying
I Am My Own Temple
You only get one chance with me
And you blew it good and proper
Now it’s not about forgiveness
It’s all about my honour
(Originally Posted 30.05.2021)
As empty bottles clink
Into paper bags
My heart start to sink
And motivation flags
I was happy you came over
That much is true
Yet I can’t help but wish
She hadn’t left with you
More Or Less
I
guess
I am
happy
More
or
less
Even
though
I’m the
one
Left
cleaning
up the
mess
(Originally Posted 30.05.2020)
I never did tell him the truth
Of where I went that day
But even though I did it
I’m glad I hid it
As I could never hurt him that way
Deceit
Lying to
myself
is bad
enough
But
lying
to you
hurts
more
But
there’s
no way
I could
be truthful
That’s
for
fucking
sure
(Originally Posted 29.05.2020)
I spent much of 2020
In a drug induced dwam
I found the only way
To cope with each day
Was to eat diazepam
Going Over
And
then
it
hits
Like
a ton
of
bricks
And
I don’t
feel a
thing
(Originally Posted 29.05.2020)
That day you decided
To take it all from me
Yet all you actually provided
Was the route to set me free
You Know Nothing
I do not want your pity
Your sympathy is of no use
I care nothing for your tears
As your grief is just an excuse
(Originally Posted 29.05.2019)
Crying in the chapel
Many years ago
Missing you intently
And wishing it wasn’t so
Granite
I wish
you were
with me
Gently
squeezing
my hand
Providing
me with
comfort
Helping me
understand
(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)
As I lie with yet another
Notch on my bed post
I am grateful for a lover
But that’s as far as it goes
Just Another Fish
I suppose
I should
make it
clear
Right
from the
very
start
You may
delight
my
body
But you
will never
have my
heart
(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)
‘In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double’
‘Cause everyone is horrid
Except me and possibly you…’
No matter what
Problem you have
Or whatever the issue
May be
There isn’t anything
That can’t be fixed
By an old fashioned
Cup of tea
Sacrilege
I didn’t think
There was anything else
You could do to anger me
But then you go
And confront me with
A fucking awful cup of tea
(Originally Posted 27.05.2021)
Seventy three thousand words now
And I haven’t improved very much
It’s a good job those who read me
Aren’t ones too quick to judge
You’re Too Kind
Thirty
six
thousand
words
And
each
one of
them
shite
But now
I’ve
passed
one
thousand
followers
I
must
be doing
something
right
(Originally Posted 27.05.2020)
So I’m hearing you say you feel empty
He said
Could you expand further on this
Haven’t you heard enough
She said
To put an end to this bullshit
Such A Cliché
I don’t
know if
you’re
aware
She
said
But
I’ve
been
feeling
rather
down
Let me
fetch my
notebook
He
said
Reaching
forward
with a
frown
(Originally Posted 26.05.2020)
I hear you have moved on since then
And got yourself a job
I wonder when others
Will see your true colours
And agree you’re a fucking snob
Supercilious Bint
Carry on ‘studying’
For your Mickey Mouse degree
But just know whatever happens
You’ll never be better than me
(Originally Posted 26.06.2020)
As we sit
On the bus each day
I cannot help
But look your way
Wondering when
You’ll break away
And hoping that
You’ll be OK
Inkling
I think you feel
The way I do
That your heart beats
Like mine does too
That your mind wanders
On a similar path to me
That you also dream
Of when you’ll be free
(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)
If only I wasn’t risk averse
My world would open up
If only I wasn’t risk averse
I could see more of life closeup
Deep Breaths
Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind
Or
maybe
you
won’t
But
one
thing
is for
sure
You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t
(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)
If only I was risk averse
I would avoid these situations
If only I was risk averse
I could lay better foundations
Unhappy Endings
I wish
we’d never
started this.
Then we
wouldn’t have
to end it.
(Originally Posted 25.05.2019)
You should look for someone else
They say
Now time’s moved on a bit
I wouldn’t know where to start
I say
Or where in my head they’d fit
HeadRoom
I
did
not
realise
That
space
in my
head
Would
still be
filled
by you
Even
though
you’re
dead
(Originally Posted 24.05.2020)
Crying because I was happy
Crying because I was sad
Crying because I had lost
The best friend I’d ever had
Joy and Sadness
Resisting
the urge
to cry
today
is futile.
(Originally Posted 24.05.2019)
Thank God
I never gave him this
As I don’t think
He’d have ever recovered
Young love is such
A fickle thing
As I’m sure
He’s since discovered
(I’m Not In) Love Letters
I read,
read
and
read it
again
But it
doesnt
change
a thing
I can’t
take
back
what
I wrote
Or
remove
it’s
sting
(Originally Posted 23.05.2020)
When I sat down and wrote this one
Everyone else was at the bar
(In the grand scheme of things that day
We hadn’t travelled very far)
Whilst I waited for my drink
I plastered on a smile
Wishing I was anywhere but
En route to the Emerald Isle
The Airport Lounge
It doesn’t matter how loud people are
They never drown out the voices inside my head.
(Originally Posted 23.05.2019)
I’d never use that word lightly
Or just for its shock value
In fact, I only ever use it rightly
And that’s when I’m describing you
Dumped
All
those
times
I was
there
for
you
I
never
asked
for a
thing
in return
Well
you’re
on your
own
You
self
righteous
cunt
So
now
perhaps
you’ll
learn
(Originally Posted 22.05.2020)
You will never stand
At my grave and weep
As you’ll never know
Where it is
Animosity
You can
keep your
feigned apology
For your
friendship
now means
nothing to me
I shall
live without
you merrily
Waiting for
the day
everyone
will see
Just how
wicked and
cruel you
can be
(Originally Posted 22.05.2019)
If you lowered your expectations
I reckon we’d be OK
But if you feel it integeral
To keep me on that pedestal
It’ll only end in dismay
‘All The Time…’
If I
could
be
Who
you
want
Me
to
be
Perhaps
then
we
Would
both be
happy
(Originally Posted 21.05.2020)
Maybe it wasn’t a prison
But it certainly felt like it
I’d do anything not to go back there
Even if that means faking it
Climbing The Walls
Let
me
out
She
said
You
cannot
keep me
here
I
think
you’ll
find we
can
He
said
The
law is
very
clear
(Originally Posted 21.05.2020)
I had a lot of fun that day
And I looked beautiful too
Yet on the hour, every hour
I cried alone in the loo
Wedding Bells
Who knows
what will happen
when I get there.
Who knows
what will happen
along the way.
What I do know
is that you
won’t be there.
And my tears
will fall
all day.
(Originally Posted 21.05.2019)
‘Head’s in a whirlpool
Spinnin’ round and round
If she don’t get her man back
She’s gonna drown’
‘Jesus died for somebody’s sins
But not mine’
‘Beware the wolves amongst the sheep’
-Abandon Ship
It isn’t just restricting
That should raise a red flag
Sometimes when you’re binging
It can be just as bad
Once More For The Cheap Seats
If
only
I was
wasting
away
Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain
Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied
And
I live
each day
in pain
(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)
I’m not drunk
She says
It’s all in your head
I know you’re lying
She says
I’ve seen under your bed
Mother’s Ruin
As
the rot
starts
to set
in
I
pour
myself
another
gin
To
silence
the pain
in my
head
As
the
thoughts
seem to
shift
My
mood
starts
to
lift
And
I can
finally
get out
of bed
(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)
I was obviously aiming
For something highbrow
Yet I fear this one
Misses the mark somehow
I’ve gotten better, I hope,
And developed this skill
So these words I can now
Consign to landfill
Underground
As
sinister
shadows
loom,
I
see
my
tomb.
Through
the
gloom,
my
dreams
resume.
(Originally Posted 20.05.2019)
I said this out loud
Believe it or not
Once, in a hospital
That time forgot
Back then I was sick
And definitely tired
As all my issues
Felt pretty hard wired
The poor therapist
Didn’t know where to look
As she scribbled about me
In her hard backed book
The room fell silent
Apart from one boy
Who looked up and smiled
And I jumped for joy
Someone finally understood me
Somebody else felt my pain
So we went and smoked cigarettes
Until group therapy started again
Group Therapy
I’m
glad
you
find
it
helpful
But I
certainly
do not
What’s
the
point
in
telling
tales
When
you’ve
already
lost
the
plot?
(Originally Posted 19.05.2020)
Can’t you change things up
He said
All you do is bitch and whine
I honestly would if I could
She said
As I bore myself half the time
Myself
Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?
Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?
Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?
Why?
(Originally Posted 19.05.2019)
Sometimes
The words I use
Are not deliberately explicit
Sometimes
The words I choose
Are inherently implicit
Overpowered
It is
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds
As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs
(Originally Posted 18.05.2020)
I’d still rather have you
Both ways
Than to never have had you
At all
The Past
Some days
it’s easy
to remember
you
Some days
it’s hard
to forget
you
Some days
I don’t want
to remember
you
Some days
I never want
to forget
you
(Originally Posted 18.05.2019)
My only haiku
A skill I do not possess
Best not try again
Searching For A Haiku
Out walking alone
Serotonin in winter
Remains elusive
(Originally Posted 17.05.2021)
As my cuts bleed
I beg and plead
That this pain
Will be my last
Internal Bleeding
Words
can’t
explain
This
eternal
ache
It
hurts
so much
When
I’m
awake
(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)
I guess I was re-watching
One of those films from my youth
As I was reminded
That for romance now
I am too long in the tooth
It’s Way More Than 10…
It’s the little things
That I hate
And the big things too
In fact there isn’t anything
That I actually like about you
(Originally Posted 16.05.2021)
Like a constant stream
From the mouth that feeds
Life has me bound
And on my knees
Never-Ending
Another minute
Another hour
Another day
Another shower
Of shite
(Originally Posted 16.05.2020)
‘People disappoint.
Pizza is eternal.’
– Unknown
‘I’ll Be There For You…’
They
claim
that you’re
not on
your
own
But
it
certainly
feels
like
it
Over
time
they
will all
fade
away
While
you’re
still
wading
through
shit
(Originally Posted 15.05.2020)
There must be something to live for
He said
Just one reason to stick around
If there is then I can’t see it
She said
Those bastards have ground me down
Please
If this
Is all there is
Then who are you
To tell me no?
You have no idea
How hard this is
So please,
Just let me go
(Originally Posted 15.05.2019)
Nearly two and a half
Thousand posts
And yet I can still
Surprise myself
Perhaps poetry
Is my future, actually,
So I shouldn’t just leave it
On the shelf
Circling
Like
vultures
Eyeing up
the bones
Of those who
went before us
Now rotting
on the stones
(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)
I can tell
That there are posts
I’ve written to please
An audience
But there are a few
That make me freeze
As the pain I was in
Is obvious
It’s The Small Things That Hurt The Most
How long does it take
To reach for one mug
Or only set out one plate
To programme the heating
To click on at six
Instead of doing it myself at eight
To only buy
One pint of milk
Or get one lottery ticket
To stop saying hello
As I enter the house
Because you
Are no longer in it
(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)
If it’s not monsters
It’s mermaids
As that’s how it is manic depression
Life is laborious
Or it’s glorious
With very little in the way of progression
Monsters
They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.
One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.
(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)
Eating a sandwich
Outside one day
Someone shouted this
In a jokey way
I snapped back with the truth
And needless to say
They shut the fuck up
And walked away
Lost In Thought
“Cheer up, love!
You don’t know,
it might never happen.”
“I do
and it did.
So piss off.”
(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)
“He’s not coming back”
– Johnny Utah
‘The curiousness of your potential kiss
Has got my mind and body aching’
This actually sounds quite spicy
When I read it back
It looks like I meant
A ménage à trois
But I assure you
It wasn’t that
When I wrote
About ‘us two’
I was trying to state a fact
There wasn’t another person
Pining
It was just me and the cat
‘Sleepy Time’
Lying here
Just us two
Isn’t the same
Without you
Xxx
(Originally Posted 13.05.2020)
Only a year ago
This one
And still no better than when I started
Sometimes I fear
There’ll never be an end
To feeling so broken hearted
The End Of The Road
Pretending gets tiring
After a while
So in the end you stop
With no cylinders left firing
And an inibility to smile
It’s back up to that rooftop
(Originally Posted 13.05.2021)
If only we hadn’t done it
If only we’d just stayed friends
I would still have you
To help me through
And this wouldn’t be the end
Our (Companion)Ship Has Sailed
Time
was
you
would
comfort
me
And
things
would
be just
fine
But
now it’s
much
too late
for that
As
we
both
crossed
the line
(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)
You didn’t give me
An answer then
And I doubt that you could now
But that doesn’t mean
I’m not still wondering
If one day you will, somehow
The Hardest Question Of All
If
it’s
not you
And
it isn’t
not me
Then who
the fuck
Is it
supposed
to be?
(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)
All I am
Is hollow inside
What I once had is gone
You’ve bled me dry
Time after time
So now we’re officially done
‘I Have Nothing’
Whatever it is you expect,
I do not have it to give.
As
Whatever it is you want,
I lost it long ago.
(Originally Posted 12.05.2019)
There’s nothing much
To add to this
Little else
That I can write
As the grief I felt
When you left
Will remain with me
For life
Xxx
A Thousand Years
Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.
Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.
Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.
(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)
Not only did I fail myself
But I also failed you too
I hope one day
You’ll forgive me
For everything I didn’t do
Xxx
Failure
I pride myself on my planning
I write lists day after day
I schedule my time wisely
So that nothing gets in the way
I prepare for every eventuality
Without a pause for breath
But the one thing I didn’t account for
Was your untimely death
Xxx
(Originally Posted 10.05.2021)
The reality
That is me
Rarely lives up
To the promise
That is why
I will always hide
If I am
Brutally honest
Fervour
I have written
All the words I need
Now I just have to press send
But as my finger hovers
I am scared
That our time together
Will end
(Originally Posted 10.05.2020)
It never ceases to amaze me
How blunt I was back then
It’s so clear to see
I wasn’t well, mentally,
When I read this one again
Another Day…
Another day of pretence dawns,
And my heart is full of dread.
Another chasm in my mind yawns,
And I wish that I was dead.
(Originally Posted 09.05.2019)
The simple things in life
It seems
Are not for the likes of me
All I feel I deserve
It seems
Is pain and misery
Arcadia
Here
I am
again
Sitting
all
alone
I don’t
like this
anymore
I just
want to
go home
(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)
Now you’re not here
To cheer me on
I have lost my way a bit
I just need to remember
Those things you said
And try my best to get through it
You Make It Easy
It’s
not
really
you I
love
It’s
that
when
I am
with
you
You
make
it
easy
to
believe
The
lies
I tell
myself
are
true
(Originally Posted 08.05.2020)
I haven’t had this dream
For a while now
But I know that I am not free
For to be confined
By what’s inside my mind
Will be my destiny
Night Terrors (Part 1)
I sense you,
stalking me from behind.
I won’t let you win.
I see you,
prowling outside my window.
I won’t let you in.
I hear you,
scratching at my door.
I won’t let you win.
I feel you,
gnawing on my bones.
How did you get in?
(Originally Posted 08.05.2019)
Someone asked me
The other day
How it was that we met
It felt so easy
In a strange way
To recite our own vignette
Cambuslang
All
those
days we
stayed
in bed
They
rattle
around
inside
my head
Until
the tears
run from
my eyes
As the
love we
shared
slowly
dies
Xxx
(Originally Posted 07.05.2020)
‘This is not really
This, this, this is not really happening
You bet your life it is…’
‘There ain’t nothing in the woodshed
(except maybe some wood)’
“There must have been a moment at the beginning, where we could have said no. Somehow we missed it. Well, we’ll know better next time.”
– Guildenstern
I threw out that rope
A few weeks ago
When I cleared out the shed
Now I’ll try to forgo
My life of woe
And hope for better instead
K(not)
All
I can
say is
I live
in hope
That
one day
I will
tie that
rope
As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind
And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind
(Originally Posted 06.05.2020)
Because your love was strong
He said
You can feel like that again
I’m afraid this time you’re wrong
She said
You’re talking bullshit, friend
Conversations with Idiots
‘It’s better
to have
loved and lost
than never to
have loved
at all’
‘You really
should just
shut your mouth
as, honestly,
you know
fuck all’
(Originally Posted 06.05.2019)
You hide behind
All that shit you post
But you and I both know
You’re far more inclined
Someone else to quote
Than for your own thoughts to show
Blocked
Your
platitudes
irritate
me every
day
That’s
it
That’s
all
I wanted
to
say
(Originally Posted 05.05.2020)
Please don’t misunderstand me
I didn’t mean this physically
It was far more metaphorically
That I didn’t want you near me
Distance
The closer
you get,
I wish
you were
further away.
(Originally Posted 05.05.2019)
So I suppose
This is the part
Where you say hello
And break my heart
All Good Things
So
I
suppose
This
is the
part
Where
you say
goodbye
And
break my
heart
(Originally Posted 04.05.2020)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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