Desiderate

Even now I struggle

To lie on your side of the bed

I just wish you were in it

As often as you are my head

Xxx


A King Sized Longing

Lying in bed

Late at night

I turn over

With a sigh

I reach out

With my hand

But it’s now empty

Where you would lie

Xxx

(Originally Posted 31.05.2021)

In Thrall

I have said

Time and time again

“That’s it – I’ve had enough”

But it proves pointless

Time and time again

As leaving you is just too tough


‘It’s In The Trees…’

How do I give you up

My drug of choice

You don’t stand a chance

Whispers the voice

(Originally Posted 31.05.2020)

That Old Chestnut

I wish I could say

I’d never take you back

But if I did

I would be lying

You’ll always have a way

To knock me off track

Even without

You really trying


I Am My Own Temple

You only get one chance with me

And you blew it good and proper

Now it’s not about forgiveness

It’s all about my honour

(Originally Posted 30.05.2021)

After The Party

As empty bottles clink

Into paper bags

My heart start to sink

And motivation flags

I was happy you came over

That much is true

Yet I can’t help but wish

She hadn’t left with you


More Or Less

I
guess
I am
happy

More
or
less

Even
though
I’m the
one

Left
cleaning
up the
mess

(Originally Posted 30.05.2020)

For The Best

I never did tell him the truth

Of where I went that day

But even though I did it

I’m glad I hid it

As I could never hurt him that way


Deceit

Lying to
myself
is bad
enough

But
lying
to you
hurts
more

But
there’s
no way
I could
be truthful

That’s
for
fucking
sure

(Originally Posted 29.05.2020)

The Blues

I spent much of 2020

In a drug induced dwam

I found the only way

To cope with each day

Was to eat diazepam


Going Over

And
then
it
hits

Like
a ton
of
bricks

And
I don’t
feel a
thing

(Originally Posted 29.05.2020)

Just Enough Justification

That day you decided

To take it all from me

Yet all you actually provided

Was the route to set me free


You Know Nothing

I do not want your pity

Your sympathy is of no use

I care nothing for your tears

As your grief is just an excuse

(Originally Posted 29.05.2019)

There’s No Fun In Funeral

Crying in the chapel

Many years ago

Missing you intently

And wishing it wasn’t so


Granite

I wish
you were
with me

Gently
squeezing
my hand

Providing
me with
comfort

Helping me
understand

(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)

French Exits

As I lie with yet another

Notch on my bed post

I am grateful for a lover

But that’s as far as it goes


Just Another Fish

I suppose
I should
make it
clear

Right
from the
very
start

You may
delight
my
body

But you
will never
have my
heart

(Originally Posted 28.05.2020)

The Kitchen Sink Elixir

No matter what

Problem you have

Or whatever the issue

May be

There isn’t anything

That can’t be fixed

By an old fashioned

Cup of tea


Sacrilege

I didn’t think

There was anything else

You could do to anger me

But then you go

And confront me with

A fucking awful cup of tea

(Originally Posted 27.05.2021)

Imposter Syndrome

Seventy three thousand words now

And I haven’t improved very much

It’s a good job those who read me

Aren’t ones too quick to judge


You’re Too Kind

Thirty
six
thousand
words

And
each
one of
them
shite

But now
I’ve
passed
one
thousand
followers

I
must
be doing
something
right

(Originally Posted 27.05.2020)

The Cliché Continues

So I’m hearing you say you feel empty

He said

Could you expand further on this

Haven’t you heard enough

She said

To put an end to this bullshit


Such A Cliché

I don’t
know if
you’re
aware

She
said

But
I’ve
been
feeling
rather
down

Let me
fetch my
notebook

He
said

Reaching
forward
with a
frown

(Originally Posted 26.05.2020)

Soon Enough

I hear you have moved on since then

And got yourself a job

I wonder when others

Will see your true colours

And agree you’re a fucking snob


Supercilious Bint

Carry on ‘studying’

For your Mickey Mouse degree

But just know whatever happens

You’ll never be better than me

(Originally Posted 26.06.2020)

The Commute

As we sit

On the bus each day

I cannot help

But look your way

Wondering when

You’ll break away

And hoping that

You’ll be OK


Inkling

I think you feel

The way I do

That your heart beats

Like mine does too

That your mind wanders

On a similar path to me

That you also dream

Of when you’ll be free

(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)

If Only I Wasn’t Risk Averse (Scenario B)

If only I wasn’t risk averse

My world would open up

If only I wasn’t risk averse

I could see more of life closeup


Deep Breaths

Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind

Or
maybe
you
won’t

But
one
thing
is for
sure

You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t

(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)

If Only I Was Risk Averse (Scenario A)

If only I was risk averse

I would avoid these situations

If only I was risk averse

I could lay better foundations


Unhappy Endings

I wish
we’d never
started this.

Then we
wouldn’t have
to end it.

(Originally Posted 25.05.2019)

No Room At The Inn

You should look for someone else

They say

Now time’s moved on a bit

I wouldn’t know where to start

I say

Or where in my head they’d fit


HeadRoom

I
did
not
realise

That
space
in my
head

Would
still be
filled
by you

Even
though
you’re
dead

(Originally Posted 24.05.2020)

From The Back Row

Crying because I was happy

Crying because I was sad

Crying because I had lost

The best friend I’d ever had


Joy and Sadness

Resisting
the urge
to cry
today
is futile.

(Originally Posted 24.05.2019)

Heartbreaker

Thank God

I never gave him this

As I don’t think

He’d have ever recovered

Young love is such

A fickle thing

As I’m sure

He’s since discovered


(I’m Not In) Love Letters

I read,
read
and
read it
again

But it
doesnt
change
a thing

I can’t
take
back
what
I wrote

Or
remove
it’s
sting

(Originally Posted 23.05.2020)

Departures

When I sat down and wrote this one

Everyone else was at the bar

(In the grand scheme of things that day

We hadn’t travelled very far)

Whilst I waited for my drink

I plastered on a smile

Wishing I was anywhere but

En route to the Emerald Isle


The Airport Lounge

It doesn’t matter how loud people are

They never drown out the voices inside my head.

(Originally Posted 23.05.2019)

Accuracy

I’d never use that word lightly

Or just for its shock value

In fact, I only ever use it rightly

And that’s when I’m describing you


Dumped

All
those
times
I was
there
for
you

I
never
asked
for a
thing
in return

Well
you’re
on your
own

You
self
righteous
cunt

So
now
perhaps
you’ll
learn

(Originally Posted 22.05.2020)

Dead To You

You will never stand

At my grave and weep

As you’ll never know

Where it is


Animosity

You can
keep your
feigned apology

For your
friendship
now means
nothing to me

I shall
live without
you merrily

Waiting for
the day
everyone
will see

Just how
wicked and
cruel you
can be

(Originally Posted 22.05.2019)

Actually, It’s Not Me That’s The Problem

If you lowered your expectations

I reckon we’d be OK

But if you feel it integeral

To keep me on that pedestal

It’ll only end in dismay


‘All The Time…’

If I
could
be

Who
you
want

Me
to
be

Perhaps
then
we

Would
both be
happy

(Originally Posted 21.05.2020)

A Clean Bill Of Health

Maybe it wasn’t a prison

But it certainly felt like it

I’d do anything not to go back there

Even if that means faking it


Climbing The Walls

Let
me
out

She
said

You
cannot
keep me
here

I
think
you’ll
find we
can

He
said

The
law is
very
clear

(Originally Posted 21.05.2020)

Thank Fuck For Waterproof Mascara

I had a lot of fun that day

And I looked beautiful too

Yet on the hour, every hour

I cried alone in the loo


Wedding Bells

Who knows
what will happen
when I get there.

Who knows
what will happen
along the way.

What I do know
is that you
won’t be there.

And my tears
will fall
all day.

(Originally Posted 21.05.2019)

Random #203

‘Head’s in a whirlpool
Spinnin’ round and round
If she don’t get her man back
She’s gonna drown’

How It Manifests

It isn’t just restricting

That should raise a red flag

Sometimes when you’re binging

It can be just as bad


Once More For The Cheap Seats

If
only
I was
wasting
away

Maybe
it would
be easier
to explain

Why my
heart is
broken and
my tongue
is tied

And
I live
each day
in pain

(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)

I Can Still Hear Her Now

I’m not drunk

She says

It’s all in your head

I know you’re lying

She says

I’ve seen under your bed


Mother’s Ruin

As
the rot
starts
to set
in

I
pour
myself
another
gin

To
silence
the pain
in my
head

As
the
thoughts
seem to
shift

My
mood
starts
to
lift

And
I can
finally
get out
of bed

(Originally Posted 20.05.2020)

Rhyme 101

I was obviously aiming

For something highbrow

Yet I fear this one

Misses the mark somehow

I’ve gotten better, I hope,

And developed this skill

So these words I can now

Consign to landfill


Underground

As
sinister
shadows
loom,
I
see
my
tomb.

Through
the
gloom,
my
dreams
resume.

(Originally Posted 20.05.2019)

The Residential Unit

I said this out loud

Believe it or not

Once, in a hospital

That time forgot

Back then I was sick

And definitely tired

As all my issues

Felt pretty hard wired

The poor therapist

Didn’t know where to look

As she scribbled about me

In her hard backed book

The room fell silent

Apart from one boy

Who looked up and smiled

And I jumped for joy

Someone finally understood me

Somebody else felt my pain

So we went and smoked cigarettes

Until group therapy started again


Group Therapy

I’m
glad
you
find
it
helpful

But I
certainly
do not

What’s
the
point
in
telling
tales

When
you’ve
already
lost
the
plot?

(Originally Posted 19.05.2020)

One Trick Pony

Can’t you change things up

He said

All you do is bitch and whine

I honestly would if I could

She said

As I bore myself half the time


Myself

Why can’t I trust myself,
like I trusted you?

Why can’t I protect myself,
like I protected you?

Why can’t I love myself,
like I loved you?

Why?

(Originally Posted 19.05.2019)

At His Hands

Sometimes

The words I use

Are not deliberately explicit

Sometimes

The words I choose

Are inherently implicit


Overpowered

It is
not
only
my
heart
that
bleeds

As
you
take
care
of
your
own
needs

(Originally Posted 18.05.2020)

Oscillating

I’d still rather have you

Both ways

Than to never have had you

At all


The Past

Some days
it’s easy
to remember
you

Some days
it’s hard
to forget
you

Some days
I don’t want
to remember
you

Some days
I never want
to forget
you

(Originally Posted 18.05.2019)

Harder Than It Looks

My only haiku

A skill I do not possess

Best not try again


Searching For A Haiku

Out walking alone

Serotonin in winter

Remains elusive

(Originally Posted 17.05.2021)

Seeing Stars

As my cuts bleed

I beg and plead

That this pain

Will be my last


Internal Bleeding

Words
can’t
explain

This
eternal
ache

It
hurts
so much

When
I’m
awake

(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)

How Times Change

I guess I was re-watching

One of those films from my youth

As I was reminded

That for romance now

I am too long in the tooth


It’s Way More Than 10…

It’s the little things

That I hate

And the big things too

In fact there isn’t anything

That I actually like about you

(Originally Posted 16.05.2021)

Eat Sleep Shit Repeat

Like a constant stream

From the mouth that feeds

Life has me bound

And on my knees


Never-Ending

Another minute

Another hour

Another day

Another shower

Of shite

(Originally Posted 16.05.2020)

Random #200

‘People disappoint.

Pizza is eternal.’

– Unknown


‘I’ll Be There For You…’

They
claim
that you’re
not on
your
own

But
it
certainly
feels
like
it

Over
time
they
will all
fade
away

While
you’re
still
wading
through
shit

(Originally Posted 15.05.2020)

‘Standing On The Edge…’

There must be something to live for

He said

Just one reason to stick around

If there is then I can’t see it

She said

Those bastards have ground me down


Please

If this

Is all there is

Then who are you

To tell me no?

You have no idea

How hard this is

So please,

Just let me go

(Originally Posted 15.05.2019)

God, I’m Good

Nearly two and a half

Thousand posts

And yet I can still

Surprise myself

Perhaps poetry

Is my future, actually,

So I shouldn’t just leave it

On the shelf


Circling

Like
vultures

Eyeing up
the bones

Of those who
went before us

Now rotting
on the stones

(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)

Wow Part #4

I can tell

That there are posts

I’ve written to please

An audience

But there are a few

That make me freeze

As the pain I was in

Is obvious


It’s The Small Things That Hurt The Most

How long does it take

To reach for one mug

Or only set out one plate

To programme the heating

To click on at six

Instead of doing it myself at eight

To only buy

One pint of milk

Or get one lottery ticket

To stop saying hello

As I enter the house

Because you

Are no longer in it

(Originally Posted 14.05.2020)

The Flip Side

If it’s not monsters

It’s mermaids

As that’s how it is manic depression

Life is laborious

Or it’s glorious

With very little in the way of progression


Monsters

They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.

One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.

(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)

Based On Real Events

Eating a sandwich

Outside one day

Someone shouted this

In a jokey way

I snapped back with the truth

And needless to say

They shut the fuck up

And walked away


Lost In Thought

“Cheer up, love!

You don’t know,
it might never happen.”

“I do
and it did.

So piss off.”

(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)

Tongue In Cheek

This actually sounds quite spicy

When I read it back

It looks like I meant

A ménage à trois

But I assure you

It wasn’t that

When I wrote

About ‘us two’

I was trying to state a fact

There wasn’t another person

Pining

It was just me and the cat


‘Sleepy Time’

Lying here

Just us two

Isn’t the same

Without you

Xxx

(Originally Posted 13.05.2020)

‘Coming Apart Yet Still Not Done’

Only a year ago

This one

And still no better than when I started

Sometimes I fear

There’ll never be an end

To feeling so broken hearted


The End Of The Road

Pretending gets tiring

After a while

So in the end you stop

With no cylinders left firing

And an inibility to smile

It’s back up to that rooftop

(Originally Posted 13.05.2021)

A Good Idea At The Time

If only we hadn’t done it

If only we’d just stayed friends

I would still have you

To help me through

And this wouldn’t be the end


Our (Companion)Ship Has Sailed

Time
was
you
would
comfort
me

And
things
would
be just
fine

But
now it’s
much
too late
for that

As
we
both
crossed
the line

(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)

‘Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps’

You didn’t give me

An answer then

And I doubt that you could now

But that doesn’t mean

I’m not still wondering

If one day you will, somehow


The Hardest Question Of All

If
it’s
not you

And
it isn’t
not me

Then who
the fuck

Is it
supposed
to be?

(Originally Posted 12.05.2020)

The Protestant Work Ethic

All I am

Is hollow inside

What I once had is gone

You’ve bled me dry

Time after time

So now we’re officially done


‘I Have Nothing’

Whatever it is you expect,
I do not have it to give.

As

Whatever it is you want,
I lost it long ago.

(Originally Posted 12.05.2019)

A Thousand More

There’s nothing much

To add to this

Little else

That I can write

As the grief I felt

When you left

Will remain with me

For life

Xxx


A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)

‘I’ll Take All The Blame’

Not only did I fail myself

But I also failed you too

I hope one day

You’ll forgive me

For everything I didn’t do

Xxx


Failure

I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death

Xxx

(Originally Posted 10.05.2021)

Falling Short

The reality

That is me

Rarely lives up

To the promise

That is why

I will always hide

If I am

Brutally honest


Fervour

I have written

All the words I need

Now I just have to press send

But as my finger hovers

I am scared

That our time together

Will end

(Originally Posted 10.05.2020)

Wow Part #3

It never ceases to amaze me

How blunt I was back then

It’s so clear to see

I wasn’t well, mentally,

When I read this one again


Another Day…

Another day of pretence dawns,

And my heart is full of dread.

Another chasm in my mind yawns,

And I wish that I was dead.

(Originally Posted 09.05.2019)

I Blame The Parents

The simple things in life

It seems

Are not for the likes of me

All I feel I deserve

It seems

Is pain and misery


Arcadia

Here
I am
again

Sitting
all
alone

I don’t
like this
anymore

I just
want to
go home

(Originally Posted 09.05.2020)

My Better Half

Now you’re not here

To cheer me on

I have lost my way a bit

I just need to remember

Those things you said

And try my best to get through it


You Make It Easy

It’s
not
really
you I
love

It’s
that
when
I am
with
you

You
make
it
easy
to
believe

The
lies
I tell
myself
are
true

(Originally Posted 08.05.2020)

On The Run

I haven’t had this dream

For a while now

But I know that I am not free

For to be confined

By what’s inside my mind

Will be my destiny


Night Terrors (Part 1)

I sense you,
stalking me from behind.
I won’t let you win.

I see you,
prowling outside my window.
I won’t let you in.

I hear you,
scratching at my door.
I won’t let you win.

I feel you,
gnawing on my bones.
How did you get in?

(Originally Posted 08.05.2019)

Like It Was Yesterday

Someone asked me

The other day

How it was that we met

It felt so easy

In a strange way

To recite our own vignette


Cambuslang

All
those
days we
stayed
in bed

They
rattle
around
inside
my head

Until
the tears
run from
my eyes

As the
love we
shared
slowly
dies

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.05.2020)

Random #195

“There must have been a moment at the beginning, where we could have said no. Somehow we missed it. Well, we’ll know better next time.”

– Guildenstern

K(not) Anymore

I threw out that rope

A few weeks ago

When I cleared out the shed

Now I’ll try to forgo

My life of woe

And hope for better instead


K(not)

All
I can
say is
I live
in hope

That
one day
I will
tie that
rope

As
tightly
as I see
it in
my mind

And
all my
troubles
I’ll leave
behind

(Originally Posted 06.05.2020)

Same Shit, Different Idiots

Because your love was strong

He said

You can feel like that again

I’m afraid this time you’re wrong

She said

You’re talking bullshit, friend


Conversations with Idiots

‘It’s better
to have
loved and lost
than never to
have loved
at all’

‘You really
should just
shut your mouth
as, honestly,
you know
fuck all’

(Originally Posted 06.05.2019)

Disingenuous

You hide behind

All that shit you post

But you and I both know

You’re far more inclined

Someone else to quote

Than for your own thoughts to show


Blocked

Your
platitudes
irritate
me every
day

That’s
it

That’s
all
I wanted
to
say

(Originally Posted 05.05.2020)

Keep Away

Please don’t misunderstand me

I didn’t mean this physically

It was far more metaphorically

That I didn’t want you near me


Distance

The closer
you get,
I wish
you were
further away.

(Originally Posted 05.05.2019)

The Meet-Cute

So I suppose

This is the part

Where you say hello

And break my heart


All Good Things

So
I
suppose

This
is the
part

Where
you say
goodbye

And
break my
heart

(Originally Posted 04.05.2020)

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