“I’ll Probably Never See You Again…”

When I first started 
Posting here
I was struggling
To hold on
A deep sadness
Had engulfed me
And all
Of my hope
Was gone

My partner
Of nigh on
Twenty years
Had died
Just four months
My heart
Was broken
And my life,
A token,
I was failing
To endure

Because, you see,
He'd been taken
From me
In the most horrific way
To witness
If you've never seen it
I can tell you,
With feeling,
Cancer's a cunt
Of an illness

So I began
To write again
As a way
To express
My emotions
At best,
I might get
Some rest
By recording
My rambling notions

I knew
From the start
Some readers
Would baulk
At the truths
That I'd lay bare
Suicidal thoughts
And self harm,
Of course,
All referenced
Without a care

But I had to be
Authentically me
And reflect
What I
Was feeling
Even though I knew
The words
I'd spew
May leave
More sensitive readers

And yet here
I have found
Such a welcoming crowd
Who've helped me
When times were tough
For their patience,
And understanding
I could never
Thank them

So if you find
From here on in
That I'm no longer posting
As often
Please know that you are,
In no small part,
The reason
I've started
To soften

And as for me
Well, I will see
If I can continue
To reduce
My pain
But I'll take
Some comfort
And feel
A little triumphant
At least,
I entertained


67 thoughts on ““I’ll Probably Never See You Again…”

Add yours

  1. You’ve done more than entertain. While my loss wasn’t in death, your words helps me work through my own pain. By finding solidarity in your words and emotions I too have softened a bit. Thank you for sharing your words.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A swan song of sorts my friend.

      Today is my four year WP anniversary and I’ve posted, at least once, every day for the duration of that time.

      I’m not leaving WP, and I won’t stop writing, I just probably won’t post every day from here on.

      I’m flirting with the idea of publishing a wee book of poetry though, so we shall see what time brings 😊🖤

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you my friend 😊
      Don’t worry – all is good with me. Just taking a little break from posting daily but, other than that, I’m not going anywhere 😉🖤


  2. Your caring, wit and voice mean and have meant much to me. Like many of us, I suspect, when I notice your absence, I do not go and seek you out as I should. I hope you continue to heal. With kindest regards, Phil

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thank you my friend. Your words are too kind. And there’s no need to worry about me – have just taken a little time out for various reasons but slowly getting back to it now 😊👍🖤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow! this post is an eye opener; one of the most powerful I’ve read in years. So much pain and bewilderment but resilience also; until this piece I did not realize there was such a strong autobiographical element; please keep posting —

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m glad to know you are healing and posting here has helped your stability. There’s something to this, writing the pain out. May you continue to be well and see good even when all appears lost. 🙏🏿❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  5. How did I miss this beautiful poem of yours…your writings are real & raw…an inspiration you are…a wonderful being…such a heartfelt sharing, Charmer ✨💟💫

    Liked by 1 person

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