Thoughts #9

Is this real

Am I still me

Or is this part

Of my insanity

It’s hard to tell

If I’m really here

Or if I have in fact

Disappeared

Putting It Bluntly

I’ll say

I felt better

In the end

But the honest truth

Is that

The only reason

I didn’t jump

That day

Is there’d be no one

To feed my cat

Abandoned

As I sit here alone

And my tears glisten

I just wish I knew

Someone who’d listen

#17 The Therapist

Come sit in the comfy chair

And I’ll tell you why you’re ill

We’ve got all night

To spend speaking shite

When your insurance is footing the bill

#12 The Worrier

Does it matter

If I do

Or don’t

Should it matter

If I will

Or won’t

Why can’t it be easy

To decide

Without strain

When will I stop

Churning it over

Again

#9 The Nurse

It was she

Who stopped my hands from shaking

She

Who stopped my head from aching

She

Who stopped my voice from quaking

So why can’t she stop

My heart from breaking?

#8 The Optimist

This is

A message

From your favourite

Depressive

To say all

Is well with me

Here’s hoping

It lasts

That those days

Have passed

And I don’t drive

Into a tree

#7 The Banshee

After all the wailing

And gnashing of teeth

There’s no point in being violent

From now on

With my spirit long gone

All my screams will be silent

Distraction

Maybe I could see a friend

Or give them a call instead

It must be better than wrestling

With these demons in my head

Hard To Believe

When you find

It’s a struggle to cope

When it feels

Like you’ve lost all hope

Remember and try

To just hold on

For there will be

Better days to come

Grounding

Thanks for talking to me

He said

I hope it was of some worth

Thank you for listening

She said

It brought me back to earth

Out Of The Blue

I woke up with a smile

Today

All the bad feeling

Had gone away

It actually felt

Like it was the start

Of gluing back together

My broken heart

From Under The Bed

Just because you didn’t hear it

She said

Doesn’t mean it didn’t speak

I think perhaps you should discuss it

He said

With your psychiatrist next week

Out Of My Hands

There wouldn’t be any problem

If I didn’t wake up tomorrow

At least I wouldn’t be in pain

Or suffocating in this sorrow

From Birth

Why is everything so fucking bleak with you

He said

Why can’t you just stop moping around

For my melancholy is lifelong

She said

And no cure can be found

The End Of The Road

Pretending gets tiring

After a while

So in the end you stop

With no cylinders left firing

And an inibility to smile

It’s back up to that rooftop

Namesake

Well that’s me back

In the doldrums again

Months of progress

Down the drain

I can no longer be bothered

With any motivation to find

For it’s clear now nothing will fix

This fragile mind of mine

Dissociation

To not know

Who to trust

Certainly fucking hurts

But to be unsure

Of ones own self

Is infinitely worse

The Support Group

I do not come here

Every week

Looking for praise or reward

For I don’t deserve

Any of those things

Of that I have been assured

Haywire

One minute I’m up

But then the next I’m down

It’s really hard

To fake this smile

When it’s easier to frown

Galore

I wish I’d known you then

He said

When you offered so much more

Now it’s only apathy

She said

And neuroses galore

Personality #3

I see you there

With your vacant stare

Drowning in infinite sadness

But never fear

I’ll alway be here

Trying to sweep away your madness

Self Worth

I’d give you my heart,
But it’s not worth me trying

I’d give you my body,
But it’s not worth your touch

I’d give you my soul,
But it’s not worth my crying

I’d give you my life,
But it’s not worth very much

(Originally Posted 19.04.2019)

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