Tag: physical health

Ruined

I’d love to say

That two years on

That I have cleaned up my act

But from what I suffered

My body never recovered

And my mind will always be cracked

Old Habits

As my
veins
drip
with
chip
fat

And
my
lungs
marinate
in
tar

I
wonder
if,
perhaps
this
time,

I’ve
taken
things
too
far

(Originally Posted 28.09.2020)

4

#9 The Nurse

It was she

Who stopped my hands from shaking

She

Who stopped my head from aching

She

Who stopped my voice from quaking

So why can’t she stop

My heart from breaking?

6

Some Hit Harder Than Others

You could have been

So much more

But you drank it all away

I know deep down

Your heart was sore

And that you didn’t want to stay

But I wish you knew

How much we cared

And only wanted the best

Now you’re no longer here

We hope

You are finally at rest

(For O.R)

18

The Mirror

Hair crunchy like straw
Brain burst with chaos
Eyes darkened shadows
Arteries slick with grease
Lips rough as sandpaper
Cheeks stained with tears
Skin cracked and weeping
Forearms heavily scarred
Liver soaked with alcohol
Heart cold as granite

I hate looking in the mirror
For I do not like what I see
I shall stop looking in the mirror
For I do not like me

(Originally Posted 05.04.2019)

20

Vandalism

All
that
time
together

With
nothing
left to
show

But a
heart
that is
broken

And a
space
down
below

12

Stricken

Recent
events
have
taken
their
toll

On
my
body
and
my
mind

I
just
wish
I
could
go
back
to
when

I
didn’t
feel
so
sick
inside

20

428 Days Later

Never
before
have I
been so
trapped

In
such
a rigid
dichotomy

Between
being so
physically
restrained

Yet
emotionally
feeling
so free

8

Jettisoned

I’ve been
getting old
for a
while now

Physically
everything
hurts

And having
to deal
with your
bullshit

Was just
making
it worse

So it’s
goodbye
to all
of you

And your
passive
aggressive
nonsense

I’ll now
live out
the rest
of my life

Emancipated
and content

12

Cardiac Arrest

My heart
has been
aching
all day

Nothing
has made
the pain
go away

Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end

And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend

19

Ever Hopeful

Crossing
the road
slowly

Ever hopeful
of getting
run over

Leaving
the oven
door open

Ever hopeful
of inhaling
the gas

Drinking
spirits
every day

Ever hopeful
of pickling
the liver

Eating
salted chips
all night

Ever hopeful
of a heart
bypass

11

Out With A Bang

What is this
stabbing pain
in my chest?

Why is it
causing me
such unrest?

Fingers
crossed it’s
a heart attack

Then I
can leave
this place

And never
have to
come back

8

Living with Hypochondria

There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.

I get headaches. 
Crushing, pounding headaches.
Cannot finish cigarettes, 
because of the headaches.

I'm always itching,
Skin crawling.
Can't stay in one position for too long,
 as my bones ache.
Sickness burns in my stomach,
constantly queasy.
My sleep patterns are disturbed.

I have bruises on my arms and legs, 
Lumps and bumps everywhere.
I feel dizzy all the time, 
Stumbling when I walk. 
I cannot concentrate my mind.
My own wheeze wakes me up. 

There is something wrong with me.
I just know it.
I don't feel right.
I haven't for sometime now.
I don't know what it is.

But there's no way I can see a doctor. 
I'm too scared for that.
They might just confirm I'm really ill,
after all...

6

Reminders

It’s when it comes from nowhere,
that’s the worst.

The hysterical sobs that hit without warning.

When I’m driving and our song comes on the radio.
When a letter arrives and it’s addressed to you.
When I find a pair of your socks in my drawer.

My throat constricts,
as my lungs compress.

My stomach lurches,
as my heart laments.

And my eyes burn as I drown, slowly, in my own tears.

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