Local Boy Made ‘Good’

Although you’re glad to have me back,

Eating those chips will give me a heart attack!

I can’t sit in front of the telly all day,

For I fear my brain will waste away.

I don’t want a pint at the Working Men’s Club –

How about we cycle to a gastropub?

I don’t remember Elsie from next door but two,

Even if you are convinced I do.

And I don’t want any more tea,

Unless it’s ceylon, roiboos or elderberry.

You see when I moved away,

I left all of this without a care.

And now when I’m forced to come back here,

I am embarrassed beyond compare.

Savages

So now
you’re
leaving
me too

Now
you have
broken
my heart?

Well
fuck off
back to
her then

I’ll
soon
tear you
apart

True Colours

What
else
did
you
lose

She
asked

On
the
day
he
died?

All
the
love
and
respect

I
once
had
for
you

She
bitterly
replied

Ceasefire

Not
even a
worldwide
pandemic

Is
enough
to make
you see

That what
happened
to us was
your fault

And you
should
apologise
to me

Old Faces

I
loved
talking
to you
so much
tonight

It
bought
a tear
to my
eye

It seems
there’s
no one
else I
want to
sit with

And
watch
the
world
go by

On Future Dates

I
know
that
I
agreed
to
this

But
now
I
am
quite
scared

What
if
I’m
late
to
meet
you

Or
my
ability
to
talk
is
impaired?

What
about
if
you
realise

When
you
look
at
me up
close

That
I
really
am
quite
old
and
tired

And
the
thought
of
kissing
me
is gross?

On The Uptake

Is
this
the
part
where
we
kiss?

Be
sure
to
let
me
know

I
wouldn’t
want
to
miss
such
bliss

Because
I’m a
little
slow

Could Be Worse

If I
have
to read

Another
status
update

I think
I will
be sick

I
get
it

You’re
bored

With
nothing
to do

But
stop
moaning

You
selfish
prick

Sanitised

Don’t
come
anywhere
near
me

I don’t
know
where
you’ve
been

There’s
no way
you are
touching
me

Until
your
hands
are
clean

Tory Voters

You may well clap

And call out a cheer

But what have you done

For the rest of the year?

Hearing you support us tonight

Really made me shiver

It’s just so galling that before now

You’ve sold the NHS down the river