Category: Laughing

All You Need To Know

I know I’d suggested

Greeting cards

But as I see the humour in this

Perhaps I’d be more suited

To writing less convoluted

Patient information leaflets

The Human Rattle

Take
these
pills

To
cure
your
ills

And
mend
your
broken
heart

They’ll
give
you
chills

And
delay
your
thrills

But at
least
it’ll
be a
start

(Originally Posted 18.02.2020)

2

Anti Bodies

Nothing says

I love you

More than a course

Of antibiotics

Or two

St Valentine’s Day Rebuke

It’s that
time of
year
again

When
love
is in
the air

But so is
Covid,
TB and flu

So please
take your
bullshit
elsewhere

(Originally Posted 17.02.2020)

0

One Or The Other

The urge to bow out

With a bang

Has been never fucking ending

So let’s wait and see

Whether, tomorrow, said spree

Will be a killing or spending

The Spree

I’m
leaving
first
thing
in the
morning

And I’m
unsure
if I’ll
return

For I
have
so
many
scores
to settle

And a
shitload
of bridges
to burn

(Originally Posted 11.02.2020)

0

The Candidates

Looking at the others

She said

I really think we have a shot

Then we’d better pack our jumpers

He said

As where we’re headed won’t be hot

Dante’s Board Meeting

So
who
do we
have
next

He
said

To
endure
this
pain
and
sorrow

We
don’t
really
know

She
said

Until
the
vote
tomorrow

(Originally Posted 06.02.2020)

0

Fooling No One

I really am sorry my friend

He said

But I can’t do much with that

The only thing I could recommend

He said

Is that you start wearing a hat

The Barber’s Secrets

Feeling
the
tension

In
the
air

He
dare not
mention

Your
thinning
hair

(Originally Posted 18.01.2020)

0

Asking For It

You have to accept

When you eat your friends

That they’re pretty adept

At taking revenge

The Dodgy Prawn

Sweating again

And feeling sick

All because of you

You little prick

(Originally Posted 16.01.2020)

0

Inside And Out

I hope you don’t

Just mean your hair

But your personality too

For you’ve been such

A miserable cunt

Throughout 2022

A Change Is As Good As A Rest

A
new
year
begins

Bringing
with it a
new look

I really
hope you
like it

Considering
how long
it took

(Originally Posted 01.01.2020)

2

Obviously

He was right

As it turns out

As it only took me

A minute

To abandon the joy

I’d tried to employ

As I had reached

My limit

Whatever You Say

I’m going to be happy today

She said

And push this sadness from my mind

I’ll give you half an hour

He said

And even then that’s being kind

(Originally Posted 28.12.2021)

2

Fucking Fluoxetine

I enjoyed my trip

Up to the heavens

Albeit for just

Those thirty seconds

One Night Only

This bed’s not big enough

For the both of us

So I’ll be the one to leave

We should just be glad

For the time we’ve had

And the little bit of reprieve

(Originally Posted 06.12.2020)

0

Lucky My Arse

All I get

If I look up

Into the twilight sky

Is a fucking crick

In the back of my neck

And bird shit in my eye

Somewhere Out There

I’m sure
your star
shines
brightly,

Up
there
in the
sky.

I try
to search
for it
nightly,

Yet it
always
passes
me by.

(Originally Posted 29.11.2019)

5

Saviours Take Many Forms

I cannot imagine

I meant the Jesus

In the title of this piece

As it’s far more likely

To be a Jesús

Who’d make me go weak at the knees

Christ On A Bike

It
truly
is a
wonder

To see
such a
glorious
sight

My
heart
beats
like
thunder

As my
body
sings
with
delight

(Originally Posted 25.11.2019)

2

Old Movies (2)

“Of all the gin joints
In all the world…
She walks into mine”

“I hope he doesn’t think
I came here for him
As I just fancied
A soda and lime”

Old Movies (1)

Come
death
come,
as fast
as you
can

As
frankly
my dear,
I don’t
give
a damn

(Originally Posted 04.11.2019)

6

A Way Of Life

Maybe she’s born with it…

Or maybe she’s just clinically depressed…

Moods

Ups and downs,

Peaks and troughs,

But the darkness?

That never stops…

(Originally Posted 10.10.2019)

0

I’d Actually Prefer A Geography Teacher

Sparks is an amazing song

And I guess Yellow isn’t bad

But by the time

We got to X&Y

There wasn’t a decent song to be had

The Coldest Of Plays

‘When
you
try
your
best
but
you
don’t
succeed…’

Just
fucking
give
it up
then,

Please

(Originally Posted 09.10.2020)

0

Triple Jabbed

Well that lasted all of five minutes

As after that lockdown was lifted

I was out the front door like a shot

And did I care who touched me? Not a jot!

Deprived

I
honestly
don’t
remember

When
I last
felt
human
touch

And
as
time
goes
on

I’ve
started
to
feel

That
I actually
don’t
mind
too
much

(Originally Posted 07.10.2020)

6

Crowning Glory

There’s nothing like

A good cut and blow

To help restore

Your get up and go

Hair Dye

So I’ll walk away

And say cheerio

To the girl

I used to know

(Originally Posted 05.10.2020)

2

Allure

When I stopped the anti depressants

My feelings of lust were incessant

My thirst for bad boys,

Conmen and cowboys

All came back with a vengeance

(Well, those on TV shows at least)

Angels & Devils

Good men
do bad things

And good
women do too

If I was ever that way
inclined again

I’d do bad things
with you

(Originally Posted 13.08.2019)

8

Being Toyed With

As I have never

Loved again

From that day

To this

I cannot help

But wonder

If someone up there

Is taking the piss

I Can’t Tell You

I can’t
tell
you
how
much
better
I feel

To
know my
feelings
I need
no
longer
conceal

I
can’t
tell you
how much
more open
I am
now

To the
possibility
of loving
someone
again,
someday,
somehow

(Originally Posted 11.09.2019)

2

Hamlet Is My Favorite, Obviously

Check me out

Getting all high brow

Quoting Shakespeare, no less

To help describe how

Hard it can be

When fighting off sadness

Even if there is method

In it’s madness

Shaking Spears

‘When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions ‘

‘Tell me about it, my friend, that’s why we fucking deserve medallions’

(Originally Posted 27.08.2020)

2

Open To Interpretation

I’m not sure

If I meant this

In a playful way

Or not

Usually,

I would say I did

But back then

My humour

Was shot

Come Closer

I don’t bite.

Much.

(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)

6

A Diamond In The Rough

Perhaps I do have a sense of humour.

Sometimes.

Out of Shape

In a world full of cubes,

I’m a dodecahedron.

Overly complicated.

(Originally Posted 07.08.2019)

7

Just A Tad

Melodramatic?

Me?

Never!

The Night Shift

Is it
too late
to phone
in sick?

For life…

(Originally Posted 31.07.2019)

2

Some Old Fashioned Smut

It seems that every so often

I’ll write a cheeky one like this

I blame the Carry On films

I watched when I was a kid

Their irreverent innuendo

Now belongs to a time gone by

But they taught me comedic timing

And left a twinkle in my eye

Repetitive Strain Injury

Time is running out

She said

Remember we’re on the clock

I wish you’d just stop checking

He said

And focus on my… shoulder

(Originally Posted 11.07.2021)

4

Blurred Lines

I was thinking about this

Just last night

How I am not always

Visually inspired

Have I such little imagination

Lack a formal education

Or is it just that new glasses

Are required?

The Art Gallery

Sometimes
I think

I’m too
stupid to
understand

Sometimes
I think

I’m the
only one
that does

(Originally Posted 04.07.2019)

16

Two Sides To Every Story

Believe it or not

Despite my wroth

I am actually quite sweet

I may talk shit

In these words I spit

But in real life I’m a treat

Nom De Plume

Charmer’s the name

Misery the game

Pleased to meet you

I ain’t

I may lack flair

Writing without care

But really

I’m a saint

*winks*

(Originally Posted 23.06.2020)

24

Up ↑