Breakfast

I know that it

Has been a while

But sure as eggs is eggs

You do have such

A winning smile

And a cracking pair of legs

An Irish Confirmation

When he spoke

The congregation gasped

For what they heard

Could not be grasped

As the Saint he uttered

When the priest had asked

Was Judas

Then in the carnage, basked

Sex With The Ex

There’s a small amount of comfort

But it quickly becomes a chore

And when he tries to converse

You remember why he’s such a bore

Out Of Puff

We’ve got to move quickly

He said

Time is of the essence

Just go ahead without me

She said

I haven’t run since adolescence

Bodily Functions

If I could

He said

I really would love

To lie with you forever, like this

Really

She said

I couldn’t be arsed

Now shift – I need a piss

Conflicting Stories

I gave you everything I could

He said

Even if you don’t remember it

You gave me hell, heartbreak and hepatitis

She said

And your dope was shit

Ode To A Cockroach

You have no heart

You have no soul

Just crawl back

Into whatever hole

You came from

And die, motherfucker, die

(Originally Posted 03.08.2019)

Vaya Con Dios

Is this why we were put here

She said

To worship his favourite son?

I’m fucked if I know

He said

So let’s just have some fun

Overlooked

What would it take

For you to notice me

Wear a skimpy dress

Paint my lips so readily

Well all I have is my words

So I guess that counts me out

As there’s nothing at all about them

That suggests I’d like to hangout

Hecklers

Has 
anyone
ever
told
you to
stop

He
said

With
these
bullshit
rhymes
you
spew

Oh
many,
many
times

She
said

And
I told
them
to piss
off
too

Goodbyes

So long

Farewell

Auf Wiedersehen

Adieu

I never liked you anyway

Or the rest of your fucking crew

Shit Show

It 
can't
get
much
worse,
can it?

He
said

Than
the
year
that
has
just
passed

Well
you've
fucking
jinxed
it
now

She
said

That
you've
gone
and
bloody
asked!

The Ballad Of Boxing Day

Is that it now

He said

Have the bells rung out?

I cannot eat another sprout

Oh shut your face

She said

All you’ve done is moan

You’ll be spending next year

On your fucking own

Rusty

Please
don’t
be
scared

He
said

There
really
is no
need

It’s only
because
it’s been
a while

She
said

Since
I’ve
done
the dirty
deed

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