It’ll Need Stitches

I can clean it with antiseptic

He said

And cover it with a plaster

It won’t make any difference

She said

It’s still a fucking disaster


Bleeding

It feels
like I’ve
been
robbed,
she said,

Of the
only
love
in my
life

This
pain
just
runs
so deep,
she sobbed,

As it
cuts
through me
like a
knife

(Originally Posted 05.12.2019)

Alt. 670m (2199ft)

Trying

In vain

To feel alive

There’s one more

Mountain

Left to drive


Hometime

As the hurt starts to subside

And the pain begins to fade

I’m never too far

From the reminder

Grief is still the sharpest blade

(Originally Posted 04.12.2020)

Death Changes Everything

This is still my answer

To most questions nowadays

All since that day

He went away

And I inherently changed


Passive

Who knows

And, quite frankly,

Who cares

(Originally Posted 27.11.2020)

Upping Sticks

When I think over

These last few years

I really have suffered a lot

So my house may well

Now be up for sale

But my heart definitely is not


Home Sweet Home

They say
you can
never go
home
again

And I’m
starting
to believe
that’s
true

For all
that resides
here now
is a world
of pain

And
far too
many
memories
of you

(Originally Posted 17.11.2019)

Sown Shut

You’re in a safe space here

She said

I’ve helped people like you before

The only reason that worked

She said

Is because they wanted to talk


The Rebuttal

You
know
nothing
about me

You
sanctimonious
cunt

Now fuck
off and
leave me
alone

(Originally Posted 15.11.2019)

Lucid Dreaming

I guess I hadn’t realised

Others would dream about their dead

That it’s not just me

At the mercy

Of the thoughts inside their head

What I never expected, however,

Is their dreams seem to be quite pleasant

Not like mine

Where he’s still dying

And fear is ever-present

Now I’m wondering how they do it

And if I could control my dreams

As to see him smile

Just for a while

May well reduce my screams


‘You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone ‘

It’s
only
now
I dream
of
you

Now
that
you
are
dead

If
only
you
were
still
here

And
not
just
inside
my
head

Xxx

(Originally Posted 12.11.2020)

“The Inexorable March Of Time”

That day

Still comes

Every year

Despite

My avoidance

As it

Draws near


One Year Ago

If I
just
don’t
think
about
it

Then
maybe
that
day
won’t
come

I’m
just
not
sure
I can
face it

When
all
is
said
and
done

(Originally Posted 11.11.2019)

The Split

This is what, ultimately,

Was the cause of it all

When he’d reached the end

And I needed a friend

It wasn’t her I wanted to call


Not Everybody Hurts The Same

Privacy
is not
allowed,
it seems

When
you’re
trying
to grieve

People
get pissed
off,
it seems

If you don’t
wear your
heart on
your sleeve

(Originally Posted 03.11.2019)

Birthdays & Christmases

It’s alright for you

As all you need to do

Is remember him

On special occasions

Well I feel that way

Every fucking day

So you’ll never know

My frustrations


Clueless

You
think
you
know

But
you
have
no clue

What
I’ve
had to
let go

Or
what I
still go
through

(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)

How Much Longer?

Three years on

And here I am

Having been kept waiting

With my life on hold

My heart stone cold

And my tears still accumulating


Tell Me

Do
these
tears
ever
stop?

(Originally Posted 28.10.2019)

The Dance

Another well meaning question

Asked way too expectantly

Answered without hesitation

Although far too respectfully


Tight Lipped

I am
not
trying
to be
mean

Or to
cause
yet
another
scene

So before
my fuse
is well
and truly
blown

Please
just piss
off and
leave me
alone

(Originally Posted 26.10.2019)

Stuck On Repeat

I must be one of those people

Who really gets off on pain

As since he died

On this song I’ve imbibed

Again and again and again


Masochism

Every time
I hear
this song

It brings
tears to
my eyes

And pain
to my
heart

A reminder of
all I’ve come
to despise

And how
we’ll forever
be apart

I should
just press
stop

Switch
off the
laptop

And
walk
away…

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

All Those Little Things

All those little things

That you think matter

Mean literally nothing

When your heart is shattered


Flowers

You never
once
bought
me flowers

Which used
to make
me mad

Now I don’t
give a fuck
about any
of that stuff

I just
want you
back

(Originally Posted 20.10.2019)

When They All Go Home

If you’ve ever planned a funeral

Then I’m sure you’ll relate to this

It’s easy not to crack

When focused on the task

But when it’s done, you fall to shit


Keeping Busy

It’s been
a busy
few days

In
many
ways

But now all
my tasks are
completed

So with
nothing
left to do

I’ll soon
be thinking
of you

And how
I’ve been left
feeling cheated

(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)

Not Yet, Anyway

It will soon be three years

Without him here

And I know time is supposed to fly

But it feels like just yesterday

That he was my mainstay

So I’m not ready for some other guy


The Anniversary

It will
soon be
a year,
without
you here,
and I
don’t
know
what
to do.

For I’m
still
nowhere
near,
facing
my fear,
or the
reality
of losing
you.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)

It’s Different Now

Though it took a while

For me to smile

Still, it is artificial

Any feeling of mirth

For what it’s worth

Is purely superficial


Emotional Flux

The guilt
I feel
when
I smile

Consumes
my day
and night

Perhaps I
should
just wait
a while

Before
thinking
it’s alright

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

Emergency Supplies

I would be lying

If, after he lay dying,

I said I returned all of his medication

That I didn’t at least keep some

To peruse and choose from

In any future difficult situation

Well, in fact, I did

And with how many I hid

I could have force fed the nation

So, dead behind the eyes,

Full of prescribed pills and otherwise

I fulfilled each and every obligation


Acceptance

I
asked
the
doctor

When
will the
tablets
work?

When do
they take
away my
hurt?

Nothing
will
do that,
she said

They
only
make it
so you
get out
of bed

I
asked
the
doctor

Are
you
sure?

Won’t
you do
something
more?

There’s
nothing
else I
can do,
she said

You just
have to
accept
that he
is dead

(Originally Posted 12.10.2019)

Too Much Effort

Why don’t you just move on

They ask

And find another man

I’ve neither the inclination

I reply

Or the attention span


Stupid Questions

Do
you
still
think
of him

They
ask

Every
single
day

I
reply

Will
you
ever
stop

They
ask

Not
until
the
day
I die

(Originally Posted 08.10.2020)

I Don’t Even Like Casserole

I remember there was

A lot of this back then

People calling, fawning,

And trying to be my friend

Now I think about it, perhaps,

They just didn’t know what to say

But at the time I recall how much I wished

They’d just stayed the fuck away


Fake Flowers

Your fake
concern
disgusts me

Your false
condolences
knock me sick

If you
really want
to comfort me

Just piss off
and leave me
alone,

Prick

(Originally Posted 07.10.2019)

Constant Reminders

I’ve actually done

Pretty well to be fair

Staying on here

With all this pain to bear

I guess I have found ways

To make it my own

But this place will never not be

Our forever home


Haunted

Death
peers in
through
the gloom

As I
lie here
alone in
this room

Upon
this bed
we once
shared

Crying for
the love
we once
declared

(Originally Posted 06.10.2019)

A Real Shitty Year

I probably did write this

On a Tuesday

Fuelled by coffee

And nicotine

But in truth

This could’ve been posted

On any given day

Back in twenty nineteen


Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of any improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)

Even On Good Days

It’s never too far away

That shadow

I see it from the corner

Of my eye

An ever present reminder

Of what we lost

And when we had

To say goodbye


Mourning

Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head

As it
does
over
my
heart

Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound

As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part

(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)

It Comes To Us All

Seriously

They said

Do you have to be so fucking dramatic

One day you will feel the same

She said

When you experience something as tragic


The Double Bed

It’s been so quiet

Since you left

All I hear

Is my own breath

As I lie here alone

And wait for death

(Originally Posted 25.09.2020)

Telling The Truth

Three years on

And although further forward

By the pain of his death

I am still tortured


At A Bedside, Desolate

There
is no
more
hope.

There
are no
more
dreams.

My life
continues
to fall apart
at the seams,

As I
lie here
thinking
of you.

And
wondering
what the fuck
I’m supposed
to do,

Now.

(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)

Pissing In The Wind

That I ever thought

Those pills would work

Is actually quite preposterous

For I have found

To my cost

That the pit of my stomach is bottomless


Prescription For A Broken Heart

I took
the first
one this
morning

The rest
won’t be
hard to
swallow

Soon
my belly
will be
full

And I’ll
no longer
feel so
hollow

(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)

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