"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Perhaps I should climb
A mountain
Or sail off
On a round the cruise
Anything to relieve
This having to grieve
After all,
What have I got to lose?
‘I Could Be Wrong / I Could Be Right…’
The
pressure
is on
to find
meaning
In
this so
called
life of
mine
But
I just
can’t
help but
feeling
That
it’s a
total
waste
of time
(Originally Posted 27.02.2020)
Now it’s just over
Four years for me
And although
I’ve learned a lot
I still couldn’t claim
I know enough to explain
Or even to give it
A decent shot
Bereavement
Just
when
I think
I’ve got
no tears
left
They
fall
down
my
face
again
Why
the fuck
didn’t
someone
tell
me
How
to
prepare
for all
this
pain
(Originally Posted 19.02.2020)
How I remember
Feeling this way
That nothing again
Would be OK
But now I’ve got
Some feeling back
I see a glimmer of hope
Through the crack
Grieving
Are you
sure it’s
gone
He
said
What
about
love
Compassion?
Make
no
mistake
She
said
I’ve
lost
it all
Her
face,
as it was,
ashen
(Originally Posted 18.02.2020)
I know your heart’s
In the right place
And that deep down
You mean well
But your good intentions
Mean nothing
While I’m trapped
In this hell
Two Cents Worth
It will get better with time
They lied
Before my tears
Had even dried
(Originally Posted 18.02.2020)
At least when it all
Happened to me
I had what I’d call
The luxury
Of only having myself
To pull through this shit
And not have any kids
To help cope with it
Inconceivable
Mind
racing
Legs
pacing
Sheer
disbelief
At what
you’re
facing
(Originally Posted 12.02.2020)
So much changes
When your partner dies
Infinitely more
Than you would ever realise
Soul Bar(e)ing
I mourn
the loss
of us
Even more
than the
loss of
you
(Originally Posted 23.01.2020)
I know you don’t want to hear it
But you can’t run before you can walk
There is no way to beat it
So it’s best to just sit down and talk
Cheats Never Prosper
If there is one thing
I have learned
It’s that you cannot skip
The stages
Even if that means
Moving forward
Feels like it’s taking
Fucking ages
If you jump
Too far forward
You’ll only fall
Further back
And all you’re doing
Is storing your pain
For further
Down the track
(Originally Posted 23.01.2021)
I can get through
Most days now
Without crying
Over you
But sometimes it hits
Like a ton of bricks
And there is nothing
I can do
Recurring
The tears I cried
When you died
Will never fully dry
For with each day
Dawns a new array
Of pain I can’t deny
Xxx
(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)
You think that when
Someone dies
It’s the big things
That you’ll miss
But what causes pain
To grieving brain
Is missing the small things
That they did
Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day
I can’t
even
change
The time
on the
oven
It’s just
one more
thing
I have
discovered
Since
you’ve
gone
(Originally Posted 04.01.2020)
All those years
Spent with you
Silently
Being driven mad
But there’s no denying
(So it’s pointless trying)
That they were the best
I’ve ever had
Taking Things For Granted
I always
thought
being
with you
was hell
Seems
the boredom
of being
without you
is worse
Xxx
(Originally Posted 03.01.2022)
I know you put
A brave face on
I know as I did it
Myself
Not just because
You’re thinking of others
But more to protect
Yourself
Are You Okay?
I want to ask
But I’m far too scared
For I already know
As into those depths
I’ve stared
(Originally Posted 02.01.2020)
It’ll most likely be
Like the last four
Wondering what the fuck
I stuck around for
20/20
However
will I
make it
through
Another
year
without
you?
(Originally Posted 31.12.2019)
Grief affects everyone
In many different ways
Yet some among us
Prove lucky enough
To escape the daily malaise
Poles Apart
I still cry myself to sleep
Not that you’d know
You selfish creep
You think because
We all lost him
That we both feel the same
But you haven’t got
A fucking clue
Of how I live each day in pain
(Originally Posted 30.12.2020)
Of course I remember
How it feels
Down to the very last letter
But it wouldn’t matter
What I tried
Nothing can make it better
Utterly Helpless
I really wish
I could do more
Like pick you up
from the bathroom floor
Hug you when
your heart is breaking
Give you comfort
when your bones are aching
But for as much as
your pain to me is known
This is a journey
you must walk alone
(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)
There was nothing else
That I could do
Nothing else
That I could say
Other than
To remind them all
That it’s just
Another day
Brutal Honesty
I wish
I could
take
Your
pain
away
Tell
you
everything
Will
be
okay
But
I know
the truth
It
doesn’t
get
better
When
what
you had
Is lost
forever
(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)
It’s the time of year
Again
For that age old
Platitude
The one I’m expected
To receive
With a kindly
Gratitude
“It must be hard for you”
They say
“Especially at this time of year”
I want
To say
It’s hard
Every day
But that’s not
What they want to hear
Who The Fuck Are ‘They’ Anyway?
Time heals
Or so they say
Well, let me tell you
They fucking lie
Time does nothing
But march on
And you’re left
With no right to reply
(Originally Posted 22.12.2021)
I’m not sure
Who suffers more
Those who are
Oblivious
Or those who know
What’s in store
Identity Crisis
In
some
ways
losing
myself
has
been
harder
than
losing
you
(Originally Posted 22.12.2019)
Never
Do I feel this more
Than each time I walk
Through that door
Sown Up
I don’t feel better.
I haven’t forgotten.
I’ve just stopped telling you,
How I feel.
(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)
Reading this one back again
I feel so sorry for her
Clearly she lost more,
When he died,
Than her words could ever infer
I Can’t Bring You Back Though, Can I?
I can look at your photo
I can whisper your name
I can press your shirt
Against my face
But nothing feels the same
(Originally Posted 11.12.2020)
I gave away
Your boots today
To a charity shop
For next time I know
I’ll be walking alone
All along that rugged hilltop
Gone For Good
What I have lost
Can’t be replaced
For our footsteps
Can’t be retraced
(Originally Posted 10.12.2019)
I thought having sex with strangers
Would get him out of my head
And though it filled a hole
That wasn’t my goal
So now it’s back to my own bed
Going Too Far
Lying
here
alone
In
this
strange
bed
Wondering
what the
fuck
Was
in my
head
Now I
must
ignore
This
feeling
of dread
And
stop
wishing
that I’d
Stayed
home
instead
(Originally Posted 07.12.2020)
I can clean it with antiseptic
He said
And cover it with a plaster
It won’t make any difference
She said
It’s still a fucking disaster
Bleeding
It feels
like I’ve
been
robbed,
she said,
Of the
only
love
in my
life
This
pain
just
runs
so deep,
she sobbed,
As it
cuts
through me
like a
knife
(Originally Posted 05.12.2019)
Trying
In vain
To feel alive
There’s one more
Mountain
Left to drive
Hometime
As the hurt starts to subside
And the pain begins to fade
I’m never too far
From the reminder
Grief is still the sharpest blade
(Originally Posted 04.12.2020)
This is still my answer
To most questions nowadays
All since that day
He went away
And I inherently changed
Passive
Who knows
And, quite frankly,
Who cares
(Originally Posted 27.11.2020)
When I think over
These last few years
I really have suffered a lot
So my house may well
Now be up for sale
But my heart definitely is not
Home Sweet Home
They say
you can
never go
home
again
And I’m
starting
to believe
that’s
true
For all
that resides
here now
is a world
of pain
And
far too
many
memories
of you
(Originally Posted 17.11.2019)
You’re in a safe space here
She said
I’ve helped people like you before
The only reason that worked
She said
Is because they wanted to talk
The Rebuttal
You
know
nothing
about me
You
sanctimonious
cunt
Now fuck
off and
leave me
alone
(Originally Posted 15.11.2019)
I guess I hadn’t realised
Others would dream about their dead
That it’s not just me
At the mercy
Of the thoughts inside their head
What I never expected, however,
Is their dreams seem to be quite pleasant
Not like mine
Where he’s still dying
And fear is ever-present
Now I’m wondering how they do it
And if I could control my dreams
As to see him smile
Just for a while
May well reduce my screams
‘You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone ‘
It’s
only
now
I dream
of
you
Now
that
you
are
dead
If
only
you
were
still
here
And
not
just
inside
my
head
Xxx
(Originally Posted 12.11.2020)
That day
Still comes
Every year
Despite
My avoidance
As it
Draws near
One Year Ago
If I
just
don’t
think
about
it
Then
maybe
that
day
won’t
come
I’m
just
not
sure
I can
face it
When
all
is
said
and
done
(Originally Posted 11.11.2019)
This is what, ultimately,
Was the cause of it all
When he’d reached the end
And I needed a friend
It wasn’t her I wanted to call
Not Everybody Hurts The Same
Privacy
is not
allowed,
it seems
When
you’re
trying
to grieve
People
get pissed
off,
it seems
If you don’t
wear your
heart on
your sleeve
(Originally Posted 03.11.2019)
It’s alright for you
As all you need to do
Is remember him
On special occasions
Well I feel that way
Every fucking day
So you’ll never know
My frustrations
Clueless
You
think
you
know
But
you
have
no clue
What
I’ve
had to
let go
Or
what I
still go
through
(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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