Category: Grieving

Never In A Million Years

I know

You think

I’m better

She said

That I’ve spent

All these years

Healing

But just because

I don’t

Say his name

She said

Doesn’t mean

I’ve forgotten

A thing

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Canto 38

You may say

It’s better

To have loved

And lost

Than never to

Have loved

At all

But if what happened 

To me

Happened

To you

You wouldn’t have

The fucking gall

2

With The Fishes

Grief

Is like

An ocean

All vast,

And dark,

And deep

It ebbs

And flows

In waves

Through

Dark nights

And days

Never truly

Going

To sleep

4

Everything After

Life does go on,

You know

But you’re never

Really

The same

You just

Get good

At doing what

You should

So you can keep on

Playing

The game

2

After The Funeral

Walking home

In the rain

Knowing I’ll never

See you again

My heart hangs heavy

My eyes shut tight

Knowing there’s no way

That I’ll last the night

4

Gut Punch

Just as you

Start to think

You can cope

With anything

It comes along

To prove you wrong

And you’re left,

Reeling

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Forever Changed

The day

They die

Isn’t the worst

It’s every day

That follows

With nothing left

You exist, bereft

As your heart

Hangs empty

And hollow

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Thanks For Nothing

I can’t believe

You’ve left me

Alone, and

In this position

I never agreed

To this bullshit

Nor did I give you

Permission

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Why I Walked Away

They just assumed

I was better

Because they

Had all forgotten

So I’d just pretend

For months on end

As we had

Fuck all left

In common

2

Lost Voices

I’ve forgotten

What you sound like

Now

And it cuts me

Like a knife

I’m not sure if

I can cope

With such a silence

In my life

4

Just Watching TV

I don’t really know

What happened

I’m not sure

Why I cried

Something

Just reminded me

Of how I felt

The day he died

You were amazing

With me

Your words

So soft and kind

Your touch

Helping to soothe me

Drying the tears

From my eyes

I know

That I struggled

To tell you

At the time

Just how much

I loved him

And truly miss

That man of mine

Yet what I’m sorry

I couldn’t say

But really

Wanted to

Is how happy

I know he’d be

To see

That I’ve found you

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“Coping By Not Having To Cope”

When he died

And you’d nothing left

How did you deal

With the emptiness?

I filled it up

With pills and gin

In the vainest of hopes

I could forget him

And did you find

That it worked

They helped wash away

The pain and hurt

Some days did feel

Like less of a chore

But, in the end, the grief

Got too big to ignore

7

Moving

I remember the day

We got the keys

Thinking the rest

Would be a breeze

But now I sit and rot

All alone

In what should have been

Our forever home

6

The Gradual Loss

It seems

The inevitable

Has happened

And I have finally

Gone mad

As I’m starting

To forget

The good things

Instead

Of just the bad

12

Just A Glimpse

When I saw him

Again today

All of that pain

Was washed away

Until I realised

It wasn’t him

And my heart, once more,

Cracked

From within

2

At The Widows Support Group

Do you ever miss him?

All the time, she said

Each night I cry

Screaming “why?”

As I lay down

In our bed

Do you ever miss him?

Never once, she said

The second he’d gone

I just moved on

To someone else

Instead 

8

On Kindness

I’ll never forget

You sat with me

When I was as sad

As sad could be

And even though

You didn’t agree

You just let me talk

And made me tea

8

For Clarity

I know

That we

Have

Hardly

Spoken

But my

Insides

Are now

Broken

And what

Is left

Merely

A token

Of the

Woman

I used to be

2

Flimsy

It never ceases to amaze me

How quickly the tears can flow

At some moment of nostalgia

Or sentimental TV show

I guess it’s just indicative

Of how most days I can deal

But just beneath the surface

Lurks a trauma yet to heal

2

“I Was Sorry To Hear About Your Dad…”

I remembered what

It was like today

Back when that pain

Gnawed away

When his death broke me

To the sum of my parts

And my mental health

Was off the charts

And although with her

I did empathise

I couldn’t be false

Or tell her lies

So I whispered the truth

As I’ve come to accept it

Although time does heal

It can never correct it

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