"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
It would’ve saved a lot of time
She said
Had I walked away long ago
Oh please don’t kid yourself
She said
You’d still have lived a life of woe
‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’
If
someone
told me
then
How all
this
would
end
I’d pack
a bag
and run
away
And not
even
bother
to pretend
(Originally Posted 22.09.2020)
I may spend time lying down
But not much of that is sleeping
It’s existential dread
That fills my head
And that’s not to mention the weeping
Forty Winks
Why do
I bother
coming
to bed
It’s not
like I
can
sleep
All I
do is
fucking
lie here
Overthinking
and
counting
sheep
(Originally Posted 21.09.2019)
It’s not like it wasn’t obvious
That I was depressed as fuck
Given all my talk,
I would’ve thought,
That was understood
Read Between The Lines
How
much
more
Must
I write
Before
you
come to
save
me?
How
much
more
Must
I fight
Before
you
run to
embrace
me?
(Originally Posted 14.09.2020)
I have just gone back
To pretending now
Convincing you that I
Am worth it, somehow
I’ve worked too hard
To let it go to waste
As this persona has taken
A lifetime to create
The Truth
If you
knew
the
truth
about me
You
would
run
away
and hide
You
wouldn’t
waste
another
minute
On
someone
so
rotten
inside
(Originally Posted 13.09.2019)
I can hardly remember writing
Such a powerful piece
Although I can recall requiring
A medication increase
Yes Sir, No Sir
Okay,
okay,
I accept
defeat.
I’ll get up,
get dressed,
drink tea,
eat.
I’ll take
the pills
you say
I need.
I’ll be a
good wee girl,
like we
agreed.
(Originally Posted 11.09.2019)
It can be hard to stop
And smell the roses
When you’d rather
Be six feet under them
The Black Dog
When I heard
the black dog
barking outside
I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide
When I heard
the black dog
at my door
I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore
Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder
And all I feel
is relief
that it’s over
(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)
Just stop this negative talk
He said
I won’t hear any more of it
But those seeds have been sown
She said
Ever since I was a kid
Sham(e)
I got
bored of
this shit
a long
time ago
These
endless
tales of
sadness
and woe
Now with
eyes that
burn from
the tears
that flow
I loathe
myself
more than
you’ll
ever know
(Originally Posted 23.08.2019)
I’ve always been indecisive
But now it’s worse than ever
The back and forth is so divisive
I’m about as reliable as the weather
Confusion
No!
No!
No!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
How am
I supposed
to decide
what to do
When my
head’s
in such
a mess?
(Originally Posted 22.08.2019)
It’s been ages since I’ve seen you
She said
How are you doing my friend?
Oh, things are fine with me
She said
Not wishing to offend
Distraction
Maybe I could see a friend
Or give them a call instead
It must be better than wrestling
With these demons in my head
(Originally Posted 22.08.2021)
If only I had a pound
For each session that started like this
I wouldn’t need a whip-round
For a better therapist
On The Couch
What’s worrying you today,
He asks.
Everything,
I reply.
(Originally Posted 14.08.2020)
Why don’t you come over
He said
And spend time with me today
Because I’m better off alone
She said
I’ve learned that the hard way
Power
I’ve walked
along
this road
before
Feeling
lonely
and
insecure
At least
this time
I know
for sure
You
cannot
hurt me
anymore
(Originally Posted 11.08.2019)
I don’t know why
I got carried away
I only smiled
That one day
It’s not like my sadness
Can fade to grey
As this black cloud
Is here to stay
‘A Little Peculiar’
Something happened this morning
When I sat up in my bed
I found that instead of yawning
I actually smiled instead
(Originally Posted 10.08.2020)
Nature versus nurture
That is the great debate
Was I born a pessimist
Or did it find me late?
I suppose it doesn’t matter
However it came to be
As the cynic is now embedded
In my personality
Mythbusting
If
life is
funny
sometimes
Then
why
can’t
I contain
my laughter
It’s the
same as
all that
bullshit
they say
About
living
happily
ever
after
(Originally Posted 01.08.2020)
There is no update for this one
Nothing further to remark
Other than to say
I have felt this way
Pretty much from the start
Outline In Chalk
Here
I lie
Despite
my wealth
Murdered
By my
mental
health
(Originally Posted 30.07.2020)
I was pretending
So much back then
I should have known
Things would soon go tits up
In fact I’m amazed
Given how I behaved
No one thought to lock me up
Apathy & Deception
How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?
Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
I really wasn’t well, was I?
Looking back at this
It’s just silo strange, because I
Didn’t realise anything was amiss
The Drudgery
Another
day spent
trudging
through
the
sludge
of life
still
refusing
to budge
forever
trying to
avoid the
judgement
of those
who secretly
hold a
grudge
against me
(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)
I have searched
High and low
Over sea
And underground
So please believe me
When I say
There’s still nary a fuck
To be found
Pretty Sure
I’ll look again,
if you like,
but I’m pretty
sure there’s none.
Fun, happiness,
joy, laughter,
I’m pretty sure
they’ve gone.
(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)
Some people
Are built to sleep
Of that
I’m pretty much certain
But for those like me
With anxiety
Insomnia
Is just another burden
Just Because I’m Yawning, Doesn’t Mean I’m Tired
The restlessness
has started
Yet sleep refuses
to advance
Body and soul
have departed
While I’m being led
a merry dance
(Originally Posted 18.07.2019)
So I’m back
home now,
after that
shit show
Only two
more days
of pretending
to go
Then it’s
the weekend,
so I’ll be free
to lament
And avoid
all people,
to my hearts
content
Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)
I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow
No doubt
it’ll just be
more misery
and sorrow
Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed
Then I might
just escape
the thoughts
in my head
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)
So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed
And it’s been
shit so far,
just as I predicted
It seems I was right,
I should never
have tried
For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
There
were
times,
back
then,
When
I just
wasn’t
worth
it
Water
It’s
amazing
the
difference
a shower
can make
Inside
and
out…
(Originally Posted 16.07.2019)
I hope never again
To find myself
Walking along this path
I’ve been through such a lot
That I’m pretty much shot
So I doubt I would make it back
Depression (Part 2)
Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink a shit load of booze
Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore
Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed
Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known
(Originally Posted 15.07.2019)
I really hadn’t
Given much thought
To how hard
Life would be
Alone
The constant struggle
In this suffocating bubble
And all so far away
From home
A Tale Of Two Cities
I really don’t want to leave
But I know that I can’t stay
Though I’ll be alone
Wherever I go
So I’m screwed either way
(Originally Posted 05.07.2019)
Quite a subtle reference here
To a drug I’ve seen
But never taken
I’ve just always known
Being dependence prone
That beast never to awaken
Need(le)
I
need
you
here
Please
come
and
save
me
I
need
to
feel
The
love
you
gave
me
(Originally Posted 01.07.2020)
Yet as the sun came out
Last summer
The glue I’d used soon melted
So whatever I felt back then
Didn’t start a trend
Or conclude as well as projected
Out Of The Blue
I woke up with a smile
Today
All the bad feeling
Had gone away
It actually felt
Like it was the start
Of gluing back together
My broken heart
(Originally Posted 30.06.2021)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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