Thinking Out Loud (Bonus Post)

I watch you from

Across the room

And see your face fill

With dread

If only you

Could see what I do

And quiet that voice

Inside your head


Internal Monologue

What the fuck
is wrong with you?

Just cheer up,
you miserable cunt

Your wallowing
is excruciating

And your self
pity an affront

(Originally Posted 29.02.2020)

All That Study, And For What?

I’ve seen so many

Of them now

You’d think one

Would’ve broken through

But not one

Of their degrees

Has helped cure

My disease

Or informed me

Of what to do


The Trick Cyclist

I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment

I don’t
want
to see
you today

What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed

When
you can’t
help me
anyway?

(Originally Posted 25.02.2020)

Sea Legs

Now I can take

Longer strokes

And can draw

Bigger breaths

Perhaps one day

I’ll swim away

And escape

These murky depths


(Compass)ion

It must
be so easy
for you

Loving
your life
as you do

But spare a
thought for
the likes of me

Who drown
in a sea of
melancholy

(Originally Posted 23.02.2020)

Wednesdays Aren’t Much Better

I eat

I drink

I sleep

I breathe

But with

Very little else

Inbetween


I Fucking Hate Tuesdays

Trudging through this half a life

Really just subsisting

Knowing I’d be

Better off dead

Than merely just existing

(Originally Posted 22.02.2022)

Re-traumatisation Is Re-al

You can stop

Telling me

That it helps

To talk about

This shit

As you have

No notion

Of why

I’ve chosen

To keep

A lid on it


The Shrink

The
pain
is
buried
so
deep

She
said

I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
re-surface

Then
we
should
leave
it
where
it is

He
said

Breaking
your
heart
(again)
isn’t
worth
it

(Originally Posted 21.02.2020)

Your Alloted Time Slot

You must start moving on

My friend

As it won’t be long

Until the end

And when you look back

You’ll rue the day

That you gave all

Of your time away


Overheard

All
you
do is
bitch
and
moan

And
I listen,
with
a sigh

For you
can’t
seem
to see
what
I do

That’s
your
life,
passing
you by

(Originally Posted 20.02.2020)

Undercurrent

This isn’t actually

Strictly true

It’s not like I’ve never

Had fun

It’s more that my weakness

For bleakness

Hasn’t ever quite been undone


‘Twilight’

I wish
I could
remember

The
good
old
days

But I
fear they
were just
a lie

For
I cannot
recall

Any
time in
my life

When
I didn’t
want
to die

(Originally Posted 17.02.2020)

Daybreak

I felt that way

For a really long time

After you rounded on me

That night

But now I’ve moved on

And boy I’ve grown

So I’m stepping back

Into the light


Nyctophilia

I’m
better
alone
than in
company

Just
like I’m
happier
in the
dark

That
way
I never
have to
see anyone

Or
hear
another
disparaging
remark

(Originally Posted 16.02.2020)

Safekeeping

I’m not sure

What I was protecting here

My mind, body or soul

Either way, it seems,

I’d go to extremes

To keep whatever makes me whole


Access Denied

What I have

Is not for you

It is mine and mine alone

If you want

What I have got

Fuck off and find your own

(Originally Posted 15.02.2022)

In Perpetuity

Just keep taking the pills

He said

And they’ll eventually quieten
the voices

I suppose I can persevere

She said

Through a lack of any
other choices


‘It’s Nice To Be A Lunatic…’

Am I over
tired

Or am I just
plain sad

Am I far
too wired

Or simply
going mad

Does it
really matter

For I think
we can deduct

That as I can’t
stop this chatter

Either way,
I’m fucked

(Originally Posted 13.02.2020)

This Thing Called Life

Truth is

I’m getting older

I just wish

It was wiser too

Perhaps with that

Would come the ability

To find

A little stability

And I’d maybe make it

All the way through


The Spiral

It feels like
every day I fall

A little further
down the hole

Losing just
a wee bit more

Of my body,
mind and soul

(Originally Posted 05.02.2020)

Sincerity

If we speak to them

With smiles on our faces

There’s no chance we’ll get back

Into their good graces

We need to show them

Our regrets are huge

Even if that’s only

Half of the truth


Remorse

As we
return
to face
the music

Remember,
this is
no time
for hubris

(Originally Posted 31.01.2020)

Happy As Larry

I envy those people

Who are not deep thinkers

Who never peek out

From behind their blinkers

They all must live

Such carefree lives

Whilst I toil away

Hiding the knives


Stood At The Urinal

Do you
ever
think
there’s
more to
life
than
this?

Fuck
knows
mate,
to be
honest,
I only
came in
for a piss

(Originally Posted 30.01.2020)

Devastating

Washing your hands

Checking the locks

Labelling your cans

Sorting your socks

You call them all

Your ‘OCD’

But you’ve got no idea

What it really means


All The 8’s

And so it begins

The incessant counting

The overthinking

The fear mounting

That impending doom

Will certainly strike

If I do not get

This pattern right

(Originally Posted 25.01.2021)

Mind Games

It’s only when

The meds kick in

That you realise

The truth

The only person

On that ward

Being fooled

Was you


Psych Ward 101

Just keep calm

Don’t let them see

They’ll leave you alone

If you just agree

(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)

A Daily Challenge

It’s hard to consider

Giving much more

When your mind is weak

And your heart is sore


Cardiac Arrest

My heart
has been
aching
all day

Nothing
has made
the pain
go away

Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end

And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend

(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)

Crying Is Definitely For Me

“Raindrops keep falling on my head”

As that old sentimentalist croons

Well for me,

It’s not just raindrops

It’s a slew of fucking monsoons


Left Guessing

Time moves on

Yet I’m stood still

Fading away

Losing the will

As each second

Passes me by

I can’t seem to forget

Or stop asking why

(Originally Posted 19.01.2021)

Talking Too Much

I feel I should

Apologise again

For burdening you

Last night

I understand

It’s not your problem

And I know

It’s not your fight


Nice Try

Thank
you
for the
offer

But I
really
must
say no

There is
no need
for you
to listen

To any
more of
my tales
of woe

(Originally Posted 19.01.2020)

Fixated

Has it ever occured to you

He said

That the source of your discord

Is your inability

To end the hostility

By changing the fucking record?


‘My Only Friend, The End…’

We
mustn’t
ever
forget

She
said

That
the
worst
is yet
to come

How
bloody
long
exactly

He
said

Do you
plan to
bang
that
drum?

(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)

On Spontaneity

Not everyone finds it easy

To go out and be social

Some of us need

A little time to breathe

While considering

Such a proposal


Leave Me Alone

Although the walls

Are closing in

I have no desire

To leave

I don’t understand

Why you find that

So fucking hard

To believe

(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)

Random #272

‘For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the Pack’

– Rudyard Kipling

Frostbite

Even if I wanted

To get up

And seize the day

It’s far too cold

For one so old

Outside anyway


Anhedonic

Trying
hard
to
survive

This
thing
called
life

Hoping
to fend
off the
madness

Striving
to find

Some peace
of mind

Underneath
this
duvet of
sadness

(Originally Posted 06.01.2020)

The Romance Of It All

No matter how

I try to improve

Or alter my behaviour

It seems I’m destined

To forever seek

The beauty in my failure


In Vain

Each
time
I try

I always
seem
to fail

Spectacularly

(Originally Posted 05.01.2020)

Debilitating

That really does sound lovely

She said

But I can’t come out to play

Depression wins again

She said

Much to my dismay


An Illicit Kiss

I can’t
think of
anything
more
exciting

Than
sitting
under
subdued
lighting

With
your
lips
pressed
to mine

That
feeling,
divine

Now
doesn’t
that
sound
inviting?

(Originally Posted 03.01.2020)

Turning Night Into Day

Sleep at 3pm

No problem

But at 3am

Not a chance

What the fuck

Is wrong

With me

That sleep

At night

Just won’t

Advance


The Insomniac’s Paradox

Why should I bother
Going to bed
When there’s nothing
To wake up for

Why should I bother
Waking up
When I enjoy sleeping
So much more

(Originally Posted 03.01.2021)

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