‘Trouble Loves Me’

It would’ve saved a lot of time

She said

Had I walked away long ago

Oh please don’t kid yourself

She said

You’d still have lived a life of woe


‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’

If
someone
told me
then

How all
this
would
end

I’d pack
a bag
and run
away

And not
even
bother
to pretend

(Originally Posted 22.09.2020)

Taking To Bed

I may spend time lying down

But not much of that is sleeping

It’s existential dread

That fills my head

And that’s not to mention the weeping


Forty Winks

Why do
I bother
coming
to bed

It’s not
like I
can
sleep

All I
do is
fucking
lie here

Overthinking
and
counting
sheep

(Originally Posted 21.09.2019)

In Plain Sight

It’s not like it wasn’t obvious

That I was depressed as fuck

Given all my talk,

I would’ve thought,

That was understood


Read Between The Lines

How
much
more

Must
I write

Before
you
come to
save
me?

How
much
more

Must
I fight

Before
you
run to
embrace
me?

(Originally Posted 14.09.2020)

The Mask

I have just gone back

To pretending now

Convincing you that I

Am worth it, somehow

I’ve worked too hard

To let it go to waste

As this persona has taken

A lifetime to create


The Truth

If you
knew
the
truth
about me

You
would
run
away
and hide

You
wouldn’t
waste
another
minute

On
someone
so
rotten
inside

(Originally Posted 13.09.2019)

By Mutual Agreement

I can hardly remember writing

Such a powerful piece

Although I can recall requiring

A medication increase


Yes Sir, No Sir

Okay,
okay,
I accept
defeat.

I’ll get up,
get dressed,
drink tea,
eat.

I’ll take
the pills
you say
I need.

I’ll be a
good wee girl,
like we
agreed.

(Originally Posted 11.09.2019)

The Black Baccara

It can be hard to stop

And smell the roses

When you’d rather

Be six feet under them


The Black Dog

When I heard
the black dog
barking outside

I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide

When I heard
the black dog
at my door

I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore

Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder

And all I feel
is relief
that it’s over

(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)

Habit Of A Lifetime

Just stop this negative talk

He said

I won’t hear any more of it

But those seeds have been sown

She said

Ever since I was a kid


Sham(e)

I got
bored of
this shit
a long
time ago

These
endless
tales of
sadness
and woe

Now with
eyes that
burn from
the tears
that flow

I loathe
myself
more than
you’ll
ever know

(Originally Posted 23.08.2019)

‘Four Seasons In One Day’

I’ve always been indecisive

But now it’s worse than ever

The back and forth is so divisive

I’m about as reliable as the weather


Confusion

No!
No!
No!

Yes!
Yes!
Yes!

How am
I supposed
to decide
what to do

When my
head’s
in such
a mess?

(Originally Posted 22.08.2019)

Keeping It Brief

It’s been ages since I’ve seen you

She said

How are you doing my friend?

Oh, things are fine with me

She said

Not wishing to offend


Distraction

Maybe I could see a friend

Or give them a call instead

It must be better than wrestling

With these demons in my head

(Originally Posted 22.08.2021)

Buy Cheap Buy Twice

If only I had a pound

For each session that started like this

I wouldn’t need a whip-round

For a better therapist


On The Couch

What’s worrying you today,

He asks.

Everything,

I reply.

(Originally Posted 14.08.2020)

Better Off Alone

Why don’t you come over

He said

And spend time with me today

Because I’m better off alone

She said

I’ve learned that the hard way


Power

I’ve walked
along
this road
before

Feeling
lonely
and
insecure

At least
this time
I know
for sure

You
cannot
hurt me
anymore

(Originally Posted 11.08.2019)

Putting The Flags Away

I don’t know why

I got carried away

I only smiled

That one day

It’s not like my sadness

Can fade to grey

As this black cloud

Is here to stay


‘A Little Peculiar’

Something happened this morning

When I sat up in my bed

I found that instead of yawning

I actually smiled instead

(Originally Posted 10.08.2020)

The Cynic

Nature versus nurture

That is the great debate

Was I born a pessimist

Or did it find me late?

I suppose it doesn’t matter

However it came to be

As the cynic is now embedded

In my personality


Mythbusting

If
life is
funny
sometimes

Then
why
can’t
I contain
my laughter

It’s the
same as
all that
bullshit
they say

About
living
happily
ever
after

(Originally Posted 01.08.2020)

Lifelong

There is no update for this one

Nothing further to remark

Other than to say

I have felt this way

Pretty much from the start


Outline In Chalk

Here
I lie

Despite
my wealth

Murdered

By my
mental
health

(Originally Posted 30.07.2020)

For My Own Good

I was pretending

So much back then

I should have known

Things would soon go tits up

In fact I’m amazed

Given how I behaved

No one thought to lock me up


Apathy & Deception

How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?

Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?

(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)

At The Time

I really wasn’t well, was I?

Looking back at this

It’s just silo strange, because I

Didn’t realise anything was amiss


The Drudgery

Another
day spent
trudging
through
the
sludge
of life
still
refusing
to budge
forever
trying to
avoid the
judgement
of those
who secretly
hold a
grudge
against me

(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)

For The Last Time

I have searched

High and low

Over sea

And underground

So please believe me

When I say

There’s still nary a fuck

To be found


Pretty Sure

I’ll look again,
if you like,
but I’m pretty
sure there’s none.

Fun, happiness,
joy, laughter,
I’m pretty sure
they’ve gone.

(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)

Out Of The Game

I wish
I could
find
myself
again

But
I’ve
no idea
where to
look


Hide & Seek

When
I think
back now
I realise

I lost
myself
way before
I lost you

(Originally Posted 20.07.2019)

Always Worse At Midsummer

Some people

Are built to sleep

Of that

I’m pretty much certain

But for those like me

With anxiety

Insomnia

Is just another burden


Just Because I’m Yawning, Doesn’t Mean I’m Tired

The restlessness
has started

Yet sleep refuses
to advance

Body and soul
have departed

While I’m being led
a merry dance

(Originally Posted 18.07.2019)

Wednesday 8pm

So I’m back
home now,
after that
shit show

Only two
more days
of pretending
to go

Then it’s
the weekend,
so I’ll be free
to lament

And avoid
all people,
to my hearts
content


Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)

I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow

No doubt
it’ll just be
more misery
and sorrow

Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed

Then I might
just escape
the thoughts
in my head

(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)


Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)

So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed

And it’s been
shit so far,
just as I predicted

It seems I was right,
I should never
have tried

For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside

(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)

Despite What The Ads Said

There
were
times,
back
then,

When
I just
wasn’t
worth
it


Water

It’s
amazing
the
difference
a shower
can make

Inside
and
out…

(Originally Posted 16.07.2019)

At The End Of The Day

I hope never again

To find myself

Walking along this path

I’ve been through such a lot

That I’m pretty much shot

So I doubt I would make it back


Depression (Part 2)

Eat until you’re sick
Snap until you bruise
Run until you’re limp
Drink a shit load of booze

Spend until you’re skint
Sleep until you’re sore
Cry until you’re empty
Sleep around like a whore

Shout until you’re hoarse
Cut until you bleed
Work until you drop
Smoke a shedload of weed

Lie until you’re spent
Smile until you’re alone
Write until you’re wrung
Forget all you’ve ever known

(Originally Posted 15.07.2019)

Is This It?

I really hadn’t

Given much thought

To how hard

Life would be

Alone

The constant struggle

In this suffocating bubble

And all so far away

From home


A Tale Of Two Cities

I really don’t want to leave

But I know that I can’t stay

Though I’ll be alone

Wherever I go

So I’m screwed either way

(Originally Posted 05.07.2019)

‘I’m Waiting For My Man’

Quite a subtle reference here

To a drug I’ve seen

But never taken

I’ve just always known

Being dependence prone

That beast never to awaken


Need(le)

I
need
you
here

Please
come
and
save
me

I
need
to
feel

The
love
you
gave
me

(Originally Posted 01.07.2020)

‘Back To Black’

Yet as the sun came out

Last summer

The glue I’d used soon melted

So whatever I felt back then

Didn’t start a trend

Or conclude as well as projected


Out Of The Blue

I woke up with a smile

Today

All the bad feeling

Had gone away

It actually felt

Like it was the start

Of gluing back together

My broken heart

(Originally Posted 30.06.2021)

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