You keep saying
That it’s sorted
And everything’s
Under control
Yet all I can see
Is anxiety
As you fall deeper
Down the hole
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
You keep saying
That it’s sorted
And everything’s
Under control
Yet all I can see
Is anxiety
As you fall deeper
Down the hole
I clear the table
But leave your plate
Telling myself
You’re just running late
Over
And over again
Even if
You love me now
There’s no way
That it can last
For I know my luck
And I’ll fuck it up
Losing all
That we have amassed
Nothing
Of what
We had
Remains
As our
Memories
Dance
Between
The flames
I don’t think
You appreciate
How hard it is
To stay on track
When the only steps
Available
Are two forward
And three back
If I could love anyone
She said
Then it would be you
But what’s inside me now
Is broken
And there is nothing
I can do
I’ve often wondered
Over the years
If I had never met
The barbarian
What my life
Would have been like
Had I slept
With the librarian
(Inspired by a writing prompt offered by Michael at https://afterwards.blog)
High School English Teachers
I remember everything about you
Your cardigan, glasses and quiff
If you weren’t so much older
Maybe I’d have been bolder
And asked you out forthwith
(Originally Posted 19.08.2022)
Last Chance
Despite my protests
to the contrary,
it has always
been you.
Why not
meet me
at the library,
and I’ll make
your dreams
come true.
(Originally Posted 19.08.2019)
As much as we had fun
She said
I am never
Drinking again
What on earth were we thinking
He said
Mixing grape
And grain
It never ceases to amaze me
How quickly the tears can flow
At some moment of nostalgia
Or sentimental TV show
I guess it’s just indicative
Of how most days I can deal
But just beneath the surface
Lurks a trauma yet to heal
The worst is when
All hope is gone
And you know that they
Can’t carry on
When the end is coming
At them hard
And all that’s left
Is wounds and scars
That’s when you wish
They could call it a day
Instead of just watching
Them waste away
I remembered what
It was like today
Back when that pain
Gnawed away
When his death broke me
To the sum of my parts
And my mental health
Was off the charts
And although with her
I did empathise
I couldn’t be false
Or tell her lies
So I whispered the truth
As I’ve come to accept it
Although time does heal
It can never correct it
Feel free
To take it all
She said
The Valium,
Zoloft and Prozac
They never really
Worked for me
So it’s not like
I’ll need them back
It's like now
He's gone
We're missing
The glue
And the bond
Is broken
Between me
And you
I’ll sleep with you
When I’m good and ready
So don’t come around here
All hot and heavy
Thinking your patter
Will trick me to bed
You see all that talk
I’ve heard before
And believe you me
I know the score
So never again
Can I be misled
I need time
To think it through
She said
It’s not that cut
And dried
Well you need
To hurry up
He said
As time’s not on
Our side
So much the same
Between me and you
But it’s okay
I’ve buried it too
Do as I say
Not as I do
Words I really
Should have tattooed
Have you done this before
He said
As you’re really rather good
Some things wouldn’t be right to share
She said
Even if I could
The older I get
She said
I’ve realised
That the timing
Will never be right
You’ve just got to go for it
She said
And to not
Be so uptight
I am honestly
Not interested
In whatever
You’ve got to say
It’s not like
It’ll make a difference
To how I feel
Anyway
For I have
Already decided
This relationship
Has died a death
So you may as well
Just leave me alone
And save
Your fucking breath
I guess I'll go out
Again today
See if another kill
Will put away
All these feelings
Of anger and rage
Yet as the bodies
Increase
Whether their death
Brings peace
Is getting far harder
For me to gauge
Inspired by a writing prompt offered by Michael at https://afterwards.blog)
I knew I’d regret
That glass of wine
And so, to bed
I’m now resigned
I’ll go out with you
Again tonight
But don’t expect
I’ll be too much fun
I mean, I’ll be okay
But will slip away
When my social battery
Is done
I wrote to you
The other day
As I find the words
Too hard to say
So I thought a note
The best way to approach it
That is, of course,
If I ever post it
When I see you love
So lazily
It makes me think
There’s hope for me
To steal him away
Soon
There was a time
I’d humour you
But that has long
Since passed
It’s not like I ever
Wanted to know
That’s why I
Never asked
As another sun sets
On our argument
My stomach
Is still in bits
Because of all the things
We could’ve been
I never thought
That we’d be this
I never said
You weren’t thoughtful
Not conscientious or kind
It’s just that when I said
I wish you were dead
I had other things
On my mind
If I was a little more forward
And not just so uptight
Then I’d stop being so awkward
And sleep with you tonight
But as it is I’m a coward
With no confidence at all
So the only thing I’ll see tonight
Are the cracks in my bedroom wall
Just kick back
And drink with me
There’s no need
To be so reserved
As for tying up loose ends
And toasting old friends
We’ve got all the time
In the world
(Inspired by a writing prompt offered by Michael at https://afterwards.blog)
This isn’t the most painful
She said
Or the worst hardship
I’ve endured
My armour’s doing fine
She said
Though I’m not too sure
About yours
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