I don’t talk
Anymore
About who
I have become
Or how that day
Changed my life
And I ended up
So numb
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I don’t talk
Anymore
About who
I have become
Or how that day
Changed my life
And I ended up
So numb
I haven’t
Really done much
In my forty six years
On Earth
There’s nothing of note
To really show off
That has any value
Or worth
But one thing
I am proud of
If you can excuse
My indulgence
Is I’ve survived the days
When, deep in a haze,
I really thought
I fucking wouldn’t
You may say
It’s better
To have loved
And lost
Than never to
Have loved
At all
But if what happened
To me
Happened
To you
You wouldn’t have
The fucking gall
My brain
Will not stop circling
Like a vulture
Overhead
I can feel it
Fucking worsening
So I may as well
Just play dead
I don’t know
If I lost you
Or if
You were never
Really mine
Either way
You’re gone
So I’ll keep
Moving on
And maybe
Figure it out
In time
No one is coming to help you
Yes, I know,
She said
As the only one
Who would’ve come
Is now fucking dead
If only
I could help you
I’d be there
In a minute
But since he’s gone
My reserves are done
And my heart
Is no longer in it
Grief
Is like
An ocean
All vast,
And dark,
And deep
It ebbs
And flows
In waves
Through
Dark nights
And days
Never truly
Going
To sleep
Why don’t we
Just hit rewind
Go back to another
Place and time
Relive the day
That we first met
And when we didn’t
Hate each other yet
Whatever
You’re running
Away from
There is no
Salvation
Here
All you will find
Is what you left
Behind
Still comes through
Loud
And clear
What happened to
“I’ll make you happy baby,
Just wait and see”
It’s been more like
“Give me an inch baby,
And I’ll take fucking three”
I know
That I was lucky
To get
The prettiest
Of heads
But I would’ve
Preferred
To have been
A nerd
And been born
With brains
Instead
Searching
For the answers
Trying to make it
All make sense
But there’s no peace
Of mind
When all you
Can find
Is the lack
Of recompense
I’m sorry
To have to say it
But I don’t think
About you
Anymore
And if that sounds
Unkind
I can, once again,
Outline
How it was you
Who closed
That door
Life does go on,
You know
But you’re never
Really
The same
You just
Get good
At doing what
You should
So you can keep on
Playing
The game
I guess you were feeling lonely
Or particularly sad that day
As they are the only two reasons
You would look at me that way
Sometimes I wonder
Was it really true
Did you actually love me
As much as I loved you
Because now,
It seems,
Whenever I think back
I don’t remember the good
And can only see
The cracks
Xxx
If I was ten years younger
He said
Then I’d certainly be more bold
If you were ten years younger
She said
Then you’d still be way too old
God knows
What I did
In a past life
Or who sewed
These seeds
I reap
As I can fall
In love
Easily enough
But never
To fucking sleep
Don’t fall for it
Smiled The Charmer
It’s always me
I am the drama
“Infamy, infamy, they’ve all got it in for me…”
– Kenneth Williams (as Julius Caesar)
You don’t have
To see it
My way
There’s no need
For you
To agree
But I’ve thought
It over
And for the sake
Of closure
I’m pretty sure
That it wasn’t me
What is the fucking point
She said
Now I’m knee deep in it?
Trying to put
My best foot forward
And wade through this sea of shit
Don’t ask me
He said
Although
I had
A really
Good time
And never once
Felt on
My own
It seems
Despite
Dancing with
A sea of people
I’m still destined
To go home
Alone
Monday morning
Same old story
Trying to pretend
I’m hunky dory
If only weekends
Lasted longer
Maybe I’d start the week
Feeling stronger
But as it stands
I never feel refreshed
So how this week will go
Is anyone’s guess
Walking home
In the rain
Knowing I’ll never
See you again
My heart hangs heavy
My eyes shut tight
Knowing there’s no way
That I’ll last the night
Don’t think
I’ll let you
Just lie there
All backwards cap
And grey
Sweatpants
For we both
Know when
I count
To ten
You won’t stand
Even half
A chance
Every time
You do this
It makes me feel
Like shit
Fuck knows why
I don’t even try
To tell you not
To do it
Just as you
Start to think
You can cope
With anything
It comes along
To prove you wrong
And you’re left,
Reeling
I wouldn’t have
Invited you
If I didn’t want
You to come
Plus, I can’t go home
On my own
As my batteries
Are done
Waking up
For another day
Having chased
The demons
And vampires
Away
I am truly sorry
He said
I never meant
To break your heart
Maybe it would’ve been better
She said
To have been honest
From the start
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