Category: Suicide & Self Harming

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

16

Spare Keys

The idea really

Was never

For you to just come

And go

It was more to ensure

You could open the door

To remove my head

From inside the stove

Putting It Bluntly

I’ll say

I felt better

In the end

But the honest truth

Is that

The only reason

I didn’t jump

That day

Is there’d be no one

To feed my cat

Crying Wolf

Remember when I told you

I wished that I was dead

And you thought it was all

Just nonsense in my head

Well maybe now you’ll realise

You will finally get to see

The worst thing that you ever did

Was not to believe me

Out Of My Hands

There wouldn’t be any problem

If I didn’t wake up tomorrow

At least I wouldn’t be in pain

Or suffocating in this sorrow

Two Steps Back

Words don’t cut it

Anymore

So it’s back to the knives

Instead

I really thought

I was over this

But the trauma demon

Has to be fed

The End Of The Road

Pretending gets tiring

After a while

So in the end you stop

With no cylinders left firing

And an inibility to smile

It’s back up to that rooftop

The Support Group

I do not come here

Every week

Looking for praise or reward

For I don’t deserve

Any of those things

Of that I have been assured

Peace

It’s hard to explain what happens

When I’m standing alone up there

I’m just willing it all to end

To no longer have to care

I forget about everyone

And every little thing

It’s just me and the breeze

With the comfort it can bring

My mind is crystal clear

And I don’t hear a sound

As all of my focus is trained

On finally hitting the ground

I Can’t Be Arsed

Is this all there is now

Just sitting here killing time

Waiting for the next one to come along

Getting stoned and drinking wine

You see I’d rather not bother

Wasting all this time and effort

I’d prefer to end it here and now

And all my earthly ties sever

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

When all the time

That rope’s still in the shed

Hold Tight

That roof is calling my name.

I know it is.

I can hear it.

Every day its voice gets louder and louder.

Every day I’m drawn closer and closer.

I went up there tonight.

Just to the edge.

Just to look.

I held on to the safety rail.

I cannot promise that tomorrow,

I won’t let go.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

Beinn Eighe

My heart 
belongs 
to the 
Highlands 

Of 
that 
there 
is no 
doubt 

I
pray
for
the 
day 

I 
drive 
all
that 
way 

And my 
heart 
just 
gives
out

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

Yet I’m still left reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way of coping with this feeling

Other than by using scissors?

Happy Place

Take me back

To the sea

For it is where

I need to be

But please don’t think

That just because

You’ve emptied my pockets

It’ll be enough to stop it

For in the end

It will just be me

Sinking deep down

Into the depths of the sea

Off The Hook

I’ve worked it out

How all this will end

And you’ll be pleased to know

I won’t need you, my friend

Scabs

Picking at these circles

All itchy, bloody and raw

Wondering why

The fuck am I

Doing this shit again for

The Daily Struggle

I went back to bed

Three times today

To try to dream

This pain away

But it didn’t work

And now I’m awake

Do I have any choice

But my life to take?

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