Lying In Wait

The rope

Is in

The bin

For now

Having given

That monster

A swerve

But it’s safe

To assume

I can’t give him

Any room

As he’ll have

Kept some back

In reserve


Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

And putting the rope

Back in the shed

(Originally Posted 24.02.2021)

Sanguine

I wouldn’t expect you

To understand

Your skin acts

As a protective layer

But mine is a seal

To be broken

For discharging misery

And despair


Scenes Some Viewers May Find Upsetting

It’s
not
self harming

It’s
self
soothing

(Originally Posted 10.02.2020)

Bridges

On those days

When I feel depressed

And I can’t carry on

Or hope for the best

I know to avoid

The great outdoors

As they’d end up scraping me

Off the floor


You Have Been Warned

I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today

For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away

I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump

That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

Calculating

If I were to take

One as prescribed

No doubt I’d feel

The same inside

If I were to take

Two or three

I could cope

Quite easily

If I were to take

Four or five

I’d most likely still

Make it out alive

If I were to take

Six or seven

I’d start knocking on

The door of heaven

If I were to take

Eight or nine

I’d be pretty close

To the finish line

But if I were

To take ten

I’d make sure you never

Saw me again


Dosage Instructions

Please
give me
another
pill to
swallow

For I
don’t
want to
wake up
tomorrow

(Originally Posted 31.01.2020)

Care Planning

Suffice it to say

If I had my way

There’d be no fucking risk assessment

I don’t need protecting

Despite your objecting

As in life I have no investment


999

God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead

Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead

(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)

Unaffected

It would be really helpful

She said

If you took it down a notch

It’s not like I’m asking for approval

She said

Or for you to fucking watch


Lack Of Understanding

You can’t
keep
hurting
yourself

He
said

For
I can’t
bear to
see it

The
only
problem
is

She
said

It’s
not
about you,
is it?

(Originally Posted 20.01.2020)

It’s Not What I Dreamt Of Either

We hate it

They say

When you act that way

Hurting yourself

Really saddens us

If only

I say

There was another way

As this is hardly

Fucking glamorous


Unsafe Thoughts

Please,
take
away
my
knives

And put
those
razors
in the
bin

For
the
urge
to cut
is rising

To
bleed
out the
pain
within

(Originally Posted 09.01.2020)

It Always Worked Before

Whether it’s from

The scars on my arms

Or from the words

That I have written

I think it may be best

If I take a rest

And go back

To keeping them hidden


Cutting

I scythe these words

Across the page

To allow my pain to flow

I find it leaves

Much less of a scar

Than some other ways I know

(Originally Posted 05.01.2021)

“I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday”

If some of my poems

Are humorous

Albeit

A little dark

This one

Is deadly serious

And not just

A flippant remark


Hanging Around

I know it’s there

In the shed

Waiting for when

I choose death instead

(Originally Posted 23.12.2020)

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst


‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

The Urgent Sea Of Life

There’s something about

The rush of the waves

Those echoing sounds

From beyond the caves

This feels like home

To me

That sheer expanse

Of glass like water

As I stand here shaking

In awe before her

I know when I wade in

I’ll be free


Happy Place

Take me back

To the sea

For it is where

I need to be

But don’t think because

I’ve emptied my pockets

That will be

Enough to stop it

For in the end

It will just be me

Sinking down

Into the depths of the sea

(Originally Posted 10.12.2020)

The Sudden Calmness

They were all hoping

The blues would fade

But they were unaware

My decision was made


Rope

I know
I can’t
do this
anymore

My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore

I feel
the relief
in every
pore

As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store

(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)

Scarred For Life

It’s like saying hello

To your oldest friend

But seeing them is conflicting

You enjoy the sting

Of the comfort they bring

But not of the wounds you’re inflicting


Scabs

Picking at these circles

All itchy, bloody and raw

Wondering why

The fuck am I

Doing this shit again for

(Originally Posted 24.11.2020)

Deploy The Safety Net

Remove the paracetamol

And hide the razor blades

As I feel like shit

Again today

So you need to take the reins


The Daily Struggle

I went back to bed

Three times today

To try to dream

This pain away

Yet it didn’t work

So now I’m awake

Do I have any choice

But my life to take?

(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)

What’s Next?

Four different medications

Plus some of my own to boot

Yet the madness persists

As I eye up my wrists

Making the point of treatment moot


Assistance / Resistance

So
it’s
been
a year

Of
your
latest
treatment

Yet
I still
don’t
feel

Any
fucking
different

(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)

Accepting What I Cannot Change

If you’re talking about my arms

She said

Then the urge I could try to park

But if you mean my wit

She said

That’ll always be razor sharp


Spitting Distance

We
could
have
had
it
all

She
said

But
now
we’re
left
with
nothing

Maybe
we’d
have
been
okay

He
said

Had you
not been
so fucking
cutting

(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)

Before It’s Too Late

Check in with your family and friends

Make sure they know you are their ally

As you can’t always tell

Who on the outside looks well

But on the inside wants to die


The Passing Samaritan

I
really
can’t
explain
it

This
feeling
I have
inside

I
just
don’t
want
to be
here

And,
God
knows,
I’ve
tried

(Originally Posted 29.10.2020)

Rituals

I’ve picked up a few

Tips and tricks

Over the years

That I’ve been hurting

And although some work

My demons still lurk

So I’m never too far away

From reverting


Harm Reduction

I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain

So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again

At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token

And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

Left Traumatised

Not a method I would choose

In reality

As I’d care about the driver

Far more than I ever could me


The Railway Line

I
shouldn’t
need to
tell you
again

You
must
already
know

I
don’t
want to
be here
anymore

Please
just
let me
go

(Originally Posted 20.10.2020)

So Close

As there was no one to pull me

Back in from the ledge

It is here I remain

Drunk and in pain

Standing perilously close to the edge


A Little More

As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day

I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way

How
much
lower
can I
sink?

Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

I Wasn’t Built For This

I guess I am

A misanthrope

Born as I was

Devoid of hope

Destined across

The world to mope

Forever trying

To avoid the rope


Misanthropic Me

People
never
cease to
disgust
and
disappoint
me in
equal measure

Perhaps
that’s
why my
life is
full of
discomfort
and
displeasure

(Originally Posted 09.10.2019)

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through


Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

‘You Can’t Handle The Truth’

If you were to see

Who I am inside

You would simply run

Away and hide

It’s not as though

I have ever lied

But to quell the beast

I’ve always tried


Hidden

There’s
so much
of me

You
never
see

So many
things
I do

That are
hidden
from view

I know you
won’t believe
it’s true

But it’s
my way of
protecting you

(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)

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