Shit Show

It 
can't
get
much
worse,
can it?

He
said

Than
the
year
that
has
just
passed

Well
you've
fucking
jinxed
it
now

She
said

That
you've
gone
and
bloody
asked!

The Ballad Of Boxing Day

Is that it now

He said

Have the bells rung out?

I cannot eat another sprout

Oh shut your face

She said

All you’ve done is moan

You’ll be spending next year

On your fucking own

Rusty

Please
don’t
be
scared

He
said

There
really
is no
need

It’s only
because
it’s been
a while

She
said

Since
I’ve
done
the dirty
deed

High School Reunions

I
wonder
what

You’d
think
of me
now

Fat,
forty
and
fucked

Would
you
still
love me
forever

Want
to be
together
whatever

Or be
thankful
for the
bullet
you
ducked

A Waste Of Money

Dearly
beloved

We
are
gathered
here
today

To
witness
this
couple’s
happiness

We
must
remember,
of course,

That
in a
year
they’ll be
divorced

And
we’ll
have
forgotten
all this
sappiness

Waxworks

You
can’t
hold a
candle
to him

She
said

You’ll
never
know
how
we felt

I wouldn’t
go near
him with
a naked
flame

He
said

For
fear
that he
would
melt

Too Late

You
only
want
me
now

Because
he
says
he
does

Well
you
had
your
chance

But
you
rebuffed
my
advance

So go
jump
in front
of a
bus

Fuck Buddies

I
won’t
always
be
here,
you
know

For
when
you
feel
the
need
to
ask

Not
while
there
are
more
dicks
to
blow

And
other
glows
in
which
to
bask

Road Trip

Shall
we
run
away

She
said

To
where
we can
both
be free?

You
don’t
have
to ask
me twice

He
said

I’ll
go fetch
the car
key

Redundant

It’s
okay
to fail
sometimes

He
said

That
you
keep
trying
will
count

Tell
that
to the
bank
manager

She
said

As my
debts
continue
to mount

Self Portrait #1

Both a rhymer and a charmer

She only sticks around for drama

Writing with a screw loose or two

She isn’t scared of an expletive or few

Mourning the loss of her true love

She knows there’s no-one up above

Kind, caring and empathetic

She isn’t very sympathetic

Often scathing but often witty

She has a penchant for the nitty gritty

Sometimes joking sometimes smart

She weeps with her broken heart

Enamoured with music, wine and song

She knows with those she can’t go wrong

Shaking Spears

‘When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions ‘

‘Tell me about it, my friend, that’s why we deserve fucking medallions’

Middle-Aged Spread

Perhaps
I’ve
just
run out
of luck

Or
maybe
I don’t
give a
fuck

Either
way
it
doesn’t
matter

I must
accept
I’m
getting
fatter

Precipice

Grab
onto
this

He
said

It’ll
be
fine

It’s
one
I made
myself

I’m
not
sure

She
said

It
might
not be
safe

I’ve
seen
you
put
up a
shelf

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