They say
You are
No longer here
But I see you
Clear as day
I hear you
Talking
In your sleep
As I while
The hours away
They want me
To think
It can’t be true
That I’m mad
And must take
A pill
But I know you
Will never leave
And I am not
Mentally ill
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
They say
You are
No longer here
But I see you
Clear as day
I hear you
Talking
In your sleep
As I while
The hours away
They want me
To think
It can’t be true
That I’m mad
And must take
A pill
But I know you
Will never leave
And I am not
Mentally ill
I guess you could say
I’ve been in mourning
With no desire to see
Yet another day dawning
And despite me trying
To relieve this burden
It would only be lying
To say my future is certain
You want advice?
I’m full of it
She exuberantly claimed
On any topic or theme
I can intervene
And so help to ease your mind
I can think of nothing worse
She sighed
Than spilling my guts to you
Because all I’d hear back
Is a load of crap
From your asinine point of view
I think I thought
I’d be alright
That it would all
Work itself out
And yet
I’m still here
Suffering
From loneliness
And self doubt
That’s it
I’m done
I have had
Enough
There is no
More smooth
To soften
The rough
And I know
That I seem
Pretty hardy
And tough
But trust me
I’m made
Of nothing like
The stuff
You cannot say
You didn’t know
Or that I wasn’t clear
When I said no
The fact that you
Were “just a kid”
Will never justify
What you did
I'm feeling down
And full of dread
I can't come in
I'm staying in bed
There’s no way
I could know
The depths of your hell
But I’ve known
My own
All too fucking well
As the punches roll
Time takes it’s toll
And I lose more
And more
Each day
I can’t be wrong
Thinking
It won’t be long
Before I fully
Fade away
Keep your friends
Around
And your family
Close
As you never
Know when
You'll be left
Alone
You say
That I intrigue you
As I’m pale
And interesting
Yet what I see
Is the reality
And that ain’t worth
A thing
Trudging on, acceptingly
Wading through life’s shit
I realise, objectively
That I’m worth more than this
As life
Moves on
And time
Goes by
It gnaws
At my soul
Whilst bleeding
Me dry
All that
Effort
All that
Stress
And still
You looked
Like a hot
Fucking mess
But whether
They noticed
Your distress
Or even
Cared
Is anyone’s
Guess
When all around me
Is falling to shit
I let my stomach hurt
And my sides split
Because I know whatever
Is in my path
Is best to be greeted
With a fucking laugh
To be honest
Most folks
Are doing
What you do
Just trying
Their best
To make
It through
So please
Don’t believe
All that
Bullshit’s true
Because, trust me,
It’s not all
About you
I remember,
Once,
He asked me
How I cope
With all these trials
I just use the darkest
Of humours,
I said,
Along with
The wryest of smiles
As the juice
Runs down
My fingers
Those feelings
Diffuse
Yet the malady
Lingers
You should get out
For a walk
He said
It’s great
For your mental health
I trust
Your poxy advice
She said
Even less
Than I trust myself
I don’t see
Too much damage
He said
You could get
Yourself on track
From all the shit
I’ve done
She said
There is
No coming back
In an
Attempt
To convince
Herself
That it really
Was ok
She sat down
With the required
Amount
To eat
Her feelings
Away
I know
You’ll think
I’m stupid
And say
I’m off
My head
But the seeds
Of doubt
Have rooted
And now
I’m filled
With dread
Maybe
I should move
She said
Start again
Somewhere new
It doesn’t matter
Where you go
He said
The guilt
Will follow you
As I sit here
In the dark
All alone again
I wonder
If it’s worth it
Living a life
So plain
It would
Perhaps
Be different
If I thought
That anyone
Cared
But an opinion
On my existence
Not a soul
Has aired
So it is back
To my
Conundrum
Do I stay
Or do I go?
Waste away
Amidst
This humdrum
Or just end it now,
You know?
I suppose
I’ve never
Really cared
For people,
Places,
Or things
But just dealt
With the
Endless
Melancholy
That abject
Depression
Brings
The more
I look
The more
I see
And I really
Don't like
What's in front
Of me
I don’t think I can cope
She said
With all this worry
And stress
My heart
Just won’t stop pounding
And my head’s
A fucking mess
Maybe I’ll just end it
She said
That could be
For the best
As within
The peace and quiet
I might finally
Get some rest
As I sit here
Alone again
Staring
At the wall
I know it’s not
That I don’t
Feel love
It’s that I
Don’t feel
At all
I am always here
He said
If you ever want
To talk
We could sit
And have a coffee
He said
Or go out
For a walk
Thank you
For the offer
She said
But I’d really
Rather not
If I start taking now
She said
I don’t think
I’d ever stop
I don’t think
You appreciate
How hard it is
To stay on track
When the only steps
Available
Are two forward
And three back
Feel free
To take it all
She said
The Valium,
Zoloft and Prozac
They never really
Worked for me
So it’s not like
I’ll need them back
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