Shadows

They say

You are

No longer here

But I see you

Clear as day

I hear you

Talking

In your sleep

As I while

The hours away

They want me

To think

It can’t be true

That I’m mad

And must take

A pill

But I know you

Will never leave

And I am not

Mentally ill

Absence

I guess you could say

I’ve been in mourning

With no desire to see

Yet another day dawning

And despite me trying

To relieve this burden

It would only be lying

To say my future is certain

“You Wouldn’t Understand…”

You want advice?

I’m full of it

She exuberantly claimed

On any topic or theme

I can intervene

And so help to ease your mind

I can think of nothing worse

She sighed

Than spilling my guts to you

Because all I’d hear back

Is a load of crap

From your asinine point of view

Desperate

I think I thought 

I’d be alright 

That it would all

Work itself out

And yet

I’m still here

Suffering

From loneliness

And self doubt

Tapping Out

That’s it

I’m done

I have had

Enough

There is no

More smooth

To soften

The rough

And I know

That I seem

Pretty hardy

And tough

But trust me

I’m made

Of nothing like

The stuff

I Remember

You cannot say

You didn’t know

Or that I wasn’t clear

When I said no

The fact that you

Were “just a kid”

Will never justify

What you did

Compadre

There’s no way

I could know

The depths of your hell

But I’ve known

My own

All too fucking well

Piecemeal

As the punches roll

Time takes it’s toll

And I lose more

And more

Each day

I can’t be wrong

Thinking

It won’t be long

Before I fully

Fade away

Fitting In

All that

Effort

All that

Stress

And still

You looked

Like a hot

Fucking mess

But whether

They noticed

Your distress

Or even

Cared

Is anyone’s

Guess

With A Smile

When all around me

Is falling to shit

I let my stomach hurt

And my sides split

Because I know whatever

Is in my path

Is best to be greeted

With a fucking laugh

Food For Thought

To be honest

Most folks

Are doing

What you do

Just trying

Their best

To make

It through

So please

Don’t believe

All that

Bullshit’s true

Because, trust me,

It’s not all

About you

From The Gallows

I remember,

Once,

He asked me

How I cope

With all these trials

I just use the darkest

Of humours,

I said,

Along with

The wryest of smiles

Peachy

As the juice

Runs down

My fingers

Those feelings

Diffuse

Yet the malady

Lingers

Fatal Errors

I don’t see

Too much damage

He said

You could get

Yourself on track

From all the shit

I’ve done

She said

There is

No coming back

Filling The Void

In an

Attempt

To convince

Herself

That it really

Was ok

She sat down

With the required

Amount

To eat

Her feelings

Away

Manic Panic

I know

You’ll think

I’m stupid

And say

I’m off 

My head

But the seeds

Of doubt

Have rooted

And now

I’m filled

With dread

Like A Bad Penny

Maybe

I should move

She said

Start again

Somewhere new

It doesn’t matter

Where you go

He said

The guilt

Will follow you

The Dilemma

As I sit here

In the dark

All alone again

I wonder

If it’s worth it

Living a life

So plain

It would

Perhaps

Be different

If I thought

That anyone

Cared

But an opinion

On my existence

Not a soul

Has aired

So it is back

To my

Conundrum

Do I stay

Or do I go?

Waste away

Amidst

This humdrum

Or just end it now,

You know?

Just My Lot In Life

I suppose

I’ve never

Really cared

For people,

Places,

Or things

But just dealt

With the

Endless

Melancholy

That abject

Depression

Brings

Overthinking Again

I don’t think I can cope

She said

With all this worry

And stress

My heart

Just won’t stop pounding

And my head’s

A fucking mess

Maybe I’ll just end it

She said

That could be

For the best

As within

The peace and quiet

I might finally

Get some rest

A Swinging Brick

As I sit here

Alone again

Staring

At the wall

I know it’s not

That I don’t

Feel love

It’s that I

Don’t feel

At all

Motormouth

I am always here

He said

If you ever want

To talk

We could sit

And have a coffee

He said

Or go out

For a walk

Thank you

For the offer

She said

But I’d really

Rather not

If I start taking now

She said

I don’t think

I’d ever stop

Snakes & Ladders

I don’t think

You appreciate

How hard it is

To stay on track

When the only steps

Available

Are two forward

And three back

Pot Luck

Feel free

To take it all

She said

The Valium,

Zoloft and Prozac

They never really

Worked for me

So it’s not like

I’ll need them back

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