Why even try
In the end
Why bother
To believe
There’s just
Disappointment
And a lack
Of enjoyment
No matter what
We try to achieve
Staring At The Bathroom Floor
You should just relax
They say
And take it
All in your stride
But those people
Have no idea
How anxiety
Eats your insides
Passing It On
I look back now
On that day and laugh
As I picture me cutting
Myself in half
Trying to please
You and your friends
Desperate, somehow
To make amends
But now I know
It wasn’t down to me
And I’ve got myself better
Mentally
So I think of that time
With a grin
Knowing it’s your turn to feel
That beast within
Longing For Silence
Please stop talking
Or I’m out the door
I cannot listen
To you any more
At The Latest
It’s brilliant that you came
She said
Now just relax
And enjoy yourself
Oh, I’ll certainly try
She said
Knowing she’d be out of there
By twelve
What’s The Time, Mr Wolf?
The problem
With hiding
Is finding
Myself
A Coping Mechanism
If I tell you
That I’m through
Then you don’t need to protect me
But if I say
That I’m ok
Then you really do need to worry
The Brave Front
After all
Is said and done
I’m still devastated
That you’re gone
Xxx
Enough Now
Anyone else
Sick of this shit
Just miserable and irked?
I don’t know about you
But feeling like I do
I’d rather be back at work
The Leak In The Roof
I really tried
Hard today
But nothing ever
Goes my way
Even when I pretend
I’m okay
Things fall to shit
Anyway
Until Dinnertime
It’s never as bad
As you think it’ll be
All sitting around
The Christmas tree
As long as you have
A beer, or two
To dull the pain
And see you through
Top Of The List
What would you like
For Christmas he asked
His smile
A million miles wide
I just need the strength
To carry on
She wholeheartedly replied
From The Ashes
How did it come to be
He said
That you no longer care
Because I chose to live carefree
She said
And turned my back on despair
Festive Cheer (Or Lack Thereof)
Hold on to your baubles
He said
Santa’s coming to town!
Well, let’s hope he fucking dawdles
She said
Because all I can do is frown
Enough Of This Shit
As another day fills
Me with dread
Intrusive thoughts
Inside my head
I wish that I
Could stay in bed
And sleep
For a thousand years instead
The Union Rep
With my head left reeling
I can’t help but feeling
It’s not worth it,
Anymore
Takes One To Know One
It strikes me as you speak
She said
Just how unhappy you are
And I haven’t even been
He said
That forthcoming so far
Is Depression Contagious?
Join me
He said
By the fire
It’s cold outside
And the rain, dire
Thank you
She said
But I’d better not
As you wouldn’t want
What I have got
The Bad Apple
I’ll always be like this
She said
Of that I have no doubt
Because there isn’t enough goodness
She said
To drive the badness out
The Perils Of Peer Support
I realise I fucked up
He said
When I wasn’t there for you
But I promise I’ll be here now
He said
And will help to see you through
All that shit is pointless
She said
We can’t go back in time
Just prioritise your own health
She said
And I’ll take care of mine
It Never Lasts
Things can only get better
He said
If you keep up this attitude
It’ll be gone within the day
She said
Along with my good mood
To Care
You really shouldn’t wait
He said
Who knows what could happen next
It really wouldn’t matter
She said
As I’m far too fucking depressed
The Long Dark
There are some nights
That never stop
Even when you look
That silent clock
Just seems
To stay the same
Time appears
To have stopped
And although you lie
There and watch
You know that everything
Has changed
Like A Canary
With my head at rest
On the chopping block
I now think it best
That I start to talk
Universal
She said she’d written it
About herself
When I saw her
On TV
But there’s no way
She could portray
The exact same feelings
As me
On With The Show
Save your cheers
Your whoops and applause
I don’t deserve it
I’m inherently flawed
And please don’t say
That’s why you love me
Because that’s even worse
Than just clapping would be
What Do You Want From Me?
You don’t see it, do you?
She said
The sadness in my eyes
That’s because you hide it
He said
So you shouldn’t be surprised
Imaginary Friends
I have
More fun
In my head
That’s why
I prefer
To stay in bed
Gritted Teeth
The hardest part
About being depressed
Isn’t crying
Every day
The hardest part
About being depressed
Is pretending
You’re OK
‘They Fuck You Up…’
I’ve always felt
Misunderstood
Wrong, somehow
And not much good
But I’ve come to learn
As I have aged
I wasn’t born this way
I was made
Unqualified
If you needed help
He said
Why didn’t you just ask
Because I knew
She said
You weren’t up to the task
Adequate
I’ll never have
The perfect body
I’ll always be
An imperfect soul
So to get through each day
Without further decay
That
Is the fucking goal
Winter
Here I am
Pretending again
Faking a smile
To hide my pain
I fucking hate this weather
Charming Collaborations #8
Never Give Up
Don't give up now
He said
You have come so far
The moment you give in
Is the moment
You fuck up
You can't afford to regress
He is not there to catch you
When you fall flat
On your pretty face
Written in collaboration with Cassa Bassa at http://www.flickerofthoughts.com ©2023
A Well Trodden Path
Tell me about yourself
He said
I’m here to listen
Not talk
There’s nothing left to say
She said
As every ware I’ve had
I’ve hawked
You’ll Find
No one cares
In the end
Not even family
Or your friends
Liquidity
You can’t drink from an empty cup
He said
Your throat is still left parched
To have a cup in the first place
She said
Would be a fucking start
Deadened
I wish
That things
Were different
And I could be
More in control
But my drive
Is non existent
So I’m stuck here
In this hole
Thank You And Goodnight
I am going home
And locking the door
As I do not care
For this shit anymore
Detrimental
There’s nothing worse
Than when it hurts
And that
Is all the time
Yet I’ll pretend
To the bitter end
That everything
Is fine
Eyes Off The Ball
There’s only so much you can take
He said
Before you’ll break down for good
If you don’t think I’m screwed already
She said
Then you’ve clearly misunderstood
On Mute
I don’t think
You were hiding
But you just genuinely
Didn’t know
When I would ask
“How are you feeling”
About
The impending blow
The Shield
It doesn’t matter
What you say
Because however much
You try
Nothing will ever
Hurt me now
As I am dead
Inside
Therapeutic Relationships
Life is better
He said
Than it was
Your progress
You can’t deny
That doesn’t mean
She said
I don’t still dream
Of stabbing you
In the eye
“More Espresso – Less Depresso”
Why don’t you come along
They said
We’re going for coffee and cake
To force such joy upon me
She said
Would only be a mistake
Off The Rack
It took me a while
To realise it
However, it seems,
I’m built for this shit
Taking to Bed
Some days
I feel ok
And how I present
Is true
But on other days
This deep malaise
Makes faking it
Too hard to do
Cognito
Now that all
The talking’s done
And those strategies
Have been deployed
It is time to face
The reality
I’ve tried so hard
To avoid
Seeing It Coming
Paranoia can be
Our best friend
As it often saves us
In the end
Fatalism
The lighter’s scritch
Scratches the itch
Of yet another
Nicotine hit
So I flick the switch
And cross the stitch
On yet another day
I didn’t quit
A Reflection
Why are you so depressing
He said
Why are your words so dark
Because my life is fucking distressing
She said
And so, therefore’s, my art
Thinking Out Loud (Bonus Post)
I watch you from
Across the room
And see your face fill
With dread
If only you
Could see what I do
And quiet that voice
Inside your head
Internal Monologue
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
Just cheer up,
you miserable cunt
Your wallowing
is excruciating
And your self
pity an affront
(Originally Posted 29.02.2020)
All That Study, And For What?
I’ve seen so many
Of them now
You’d think one
Would’ve broken through
But not one
Of their degrees
Has helped cure
My disease
Or informed me
Of what to do
The Trick Cyclist
I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment
I don’t
want
to see
you today
What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed
When
you can’t
help me
anyway?
(Originally Posted 25.02.2020)
Sea Legs
Now I can take
Longer strokes
And can draw
Bigger breaths
Perhaps one day
I’ll swim away
And escape
These murky depths
(Compass)ion
It must
be so easy
for you
Loving
your life
as you do
But spare a
thought for
the likes of me
Who drown
in a sea of
melancholy
(Originally Posted 23.02.2020)
Wednesdays Aren’t Much Better
I eat
I drink
I sleep
I breathe
But with
Very little else
Inbetween
I Fucking Hate Tuesdays
Trudging through this half a life
Really just subsisting
Knowing I’d be
Better off dead
Than merely just existing
(Originally Posted 22.02.2022)
Re-traumatisation Is Re-al
You can stop
Telling me
That it helps
To talk about
This shit
As you have
No notion
Of why
I’ve chosen
To keep
A lid on it
The Shrink
The
pain
is
buried
so
deep
She
said
I
don’t
think
it’ll
ever
re-surface
Then
we
should
leave
it
where
it is
He
said
Breaking
your
heart
(again)
isn’t
worth
it
(Originally Posted 21.02.2020)
Your Alloted Time Slot
You must start moving on
My friend
As it won’t be long
Until the end
And when you look back
You’ll rue the day
That you gave all
Of your time away
Overheard
All
you
do is
bitch
and
moan
And
I listen,
with
a sigh
For you
can’t
seem
to see
what
I do
That’s
your
life,
passing
you by
(Originally Posted 20.02.2020)
Undercurrent
This isn’t actually
Strictly true
It’s not like I’ve never
Had fun
It’s more that my weakness
For bleakness
Hasn’t ever quite been undone
‘Twilight’
I wish
I could
remember
The
good
old
days
But I
fear they
were just
a lie
For
I cannot
recall
Any
time in
my life
When
I didn’t
want
to die
(Originally Posted 17.02.2020)
Daybreak
I felt that way
For a really long time
After you rounded on me
That night
But now I’ve moved on
And boy I’ve grown
So I’m stepping back
Into the light
Nyctophilia
I’m
better
alone
than in
company
Just
like I’m
happier
in the
dark
That
way
I never
have to
see anyone
Or
hear
another
disparaging
remark
(Originally Posted 16.02.2020)
Safekeeping
I’m not sure
What I was protecting here
My mind, body or soul
Either way, it seems,
I’d go to extremes
To keep whatever makes me whole
Access Denied
What I have
Is not for you
It is mine and mine alone
If you want
What I have got
Fuck off and find your own
(Originally Posted 15.02.2022)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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