Category: Coping

Eat Sleep Shit Repeat

Like a constant stream

From the mouth that feeds

Life has me bound

And on my knees

Never-Ending

Another minute

Another hour

Another day

Another shower

Of shite

(Originally Posted 16.05.2020)

5

The Flip Side

If it’s not monsters

It’s mermaids

As that’s how it is manic depression

Life is laborious

Or it’s glorious

With very little in the way of progression

Monsters

They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.

One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.

(Originally Posted 14.05.2019)

15

‘Coming Apart Yet Still Not Done’

Only a year ago

This one

And still no better than when I started

Sometimes I fear

There’ll never be an end

To feeling so broken hearted

The End Of The Road

Pretending gets tiring

After a while

So in the end you stop

With no cylinders left firing

And an inibility to smile

It’s back up to that rooftop

(Originally Posted 13.05.2021)

2

Wow Part #3

It never ceases to amaze me

How blunt I was back then

It’s so clear to see

I wasn’t well, mentally,

When I read this one again

Another Day…

Another day of pretence dawns,

And my heart is full of dread.

Another chasm in my mind yawns,

And I wish that I was dead.

(Originally Posted 09.05.2019)

4

On The Run

I haven’t had this dream

For a while now

But I know that I am not free

For to be confined

By what’s inside my mind

Will be my destiny

Night Terrors (Part 1)

I sense you,
stalking me from behind.
I won’t let you win.

I see you,
prowling outside my window.
I won’t let you in.

I hear you,
scratching at my door.
I won’t let you win.

I feel you,
gnawing on my bones.
How did you get in?

(Originally Posted 08.05.2019)

2

Shut In

As if all I do

Is wander around

And weep into the rain

When I really feel blue

To my bed I am bound

As that is my real domain

Grey Days

I love
walking
on grey days

The raindrops
land on my face
and mingle with
my tears

Hiding them
from prying
eyes

(Originally Posted 02.05.2019)

7

Same Time Next Week

I’ve said this many times

Mainly to my psychiatrist

For it is he who,

In my opinion,

Sould remain the quietest

No Idea

Stop asking me questions

When you are in no way prepared for the answers

(Originally Posted 01.05.2019)

2

It’s Not Rocket Science

You should start a diary

He said

And we can talk it through next week

I’ve been keeping one for years

She said

If you’d like to sneak a peek

‘What’s Good For The Goose…’

Just write it down

He said

How hard can it be

But he had never encountered

Someone as fucked up as me

(Originally Posted 25.04.2020)

2

Overrated

Please do not look upon me

With your pity and dismay

For this last few years

Have taught me

Feelings aren’t shit anyway

Blackout

I
don’t
want
to feel
better

I
don’t
want
to feel
at all

(Originally Posted 21.04.2020)

3

Best Laid Plans

Life will never be linear

He said

The path won’t always be straight

The trick is to just hold on

He said

And try your best to navigate

Trauma

But
you
were
doing
so well

He
said

I
don’t
quite
understand

Coming
back
from
hell

She
said

Doesn’t
always
go to
plan

(Originally Posted 20.04.2020)

5

‘Modern Life Is Rubbish’

Now

I am just

Still

Every Day

Still hoping,
Still waiting,
Still holding,
Still wanting.

Still thinking,
Still grieving,
Still trying,
Still giving.

Still caring,
Still feeling,
Still crying,
Still fighting.

Still breathing,
Still living,
Still believing,
Still loving.

(Originally Posted 17.04.2019)

9

The Firing Line

Dodging bullets

Since 1980

And showing no signs of stopping

The Loaded Gun

Time marches on
As I come undone
And my memories fade further away.

I try to hold on,
To ignore the gun
And trudge through yet another day.

(Originally Posted 16.04.2019)

4

Two Heads Can Be Better Than One

There’s nothing wrong with being self sufficient

She said

After all it’s got me this far

I never said you weren’t resilient

He said

But that doesn’t have to be all you are

Toolkit

You wish you could fix me,
But you can’t.
I wish I would let you,
But I won’t.

(Originally Posted 12.04.2019)

5

Ups And Downs

Had another day

Like this yesterday

After quite a few

Of feeling ok

The only way

Was in bed to lay

In order to

Keep those demons at bay

Who Gives A Fuck? (Not Me)

What do I do

Now all hope is gone

And I am left here

On my own

Somehow still alive

But gasping for air

Unable to thrive

Yet unwilling to care

(Originally Posted 05.04.2020)

14

My Unhappy Place

Not only is my bed

Still a blessed sanctuary

But back then,

Believe you me,

It was entirely fucking necessary

Fear

I’m
going
back
to bed

It’s
not
worth
staying
awake

From
these
thoughts
in my
head

I need a
fucking
break

(Originally Posted 04.04.2020)

0

Wow Part #2

In difference to the year before

I’d travelled down to Glasgow here

I met up with an old friend

To discuss another one over beer

What a difference a year can make

Along with some heavy anti-depressants

As you can see I was far happier

And had never felt more present

Old Faces

I
loved
talking
to you
so much
tonight

It
bought
a tear
to my
eye

It seems
there’s
no one
else I
want to
sit with

And
watch
the
world
go by

(Originally Posted 30.03.2020)

9

Wow Part #1

Jesus.

How depressed was I?

I’d travelled over to Dublin

Albeit with a heavy sigh

I remember all those people

And all the fun they had

I remember trying to fit in

Even though I was pretty much mad

It’s sad to think back now

On just how much I missed

As I may well have been there in person

But I clearly did not want to exist

Travel

It doesn’t matter where in the world you go.

How beautiful the country you visit,

How fascinating the people you meet,

How much booze you drink.

You can’t run away from your thoughts.

You might have a different view from your window but your soul will remain as black as the night sky and, beneath it all, you’ll still be the same fuck up you always were.

Travel solves nothing.

(Originally Posted 30.03.2019)

6

Still A Worthy Actress

Still here

Still play-acting

And still, no one has noticed

Pretence

People are easy to fool, I find, on the whole.

They are so wrapped up in themselves they don’t notice me standing there, amongst them, pretending to be happy…

(Originally Posted 29.03.2019)

14

‘A Waste Of Petrol, Time And Hope’

If only I was able

To be more optimistic

But I’ve been around enough

To know life is tough

So it’s better to be fatalistic

Fuck It

It doesn’t matter

How hard we try

We still fuck it all up

In the end.

(Originally Posted 21.03.2019)

0

Still Mad

I told you they’d quiten down

He said

That you just had to give it time

The reason I don’t hear them

She said

Is because now they tend to mime

Psycho(tic) Babble

It’s
past
midnight
again

And
still
I’m not
in bed

When will
they stop
driving
me insane

These
voices
inside
my head?

(Originally Posted 16.03.2020)

2

The Return Journey

It is becoming ever clearer

That I’ve spent too long

In amongst the mundane

Now enough time has passed

With me being downcast

And I want that high life again

The Train Home

Why
can’t
it be
like that
all the
time

Talking,
laughing
and
drinking
wine

It
always
feels
like
such a
crime

When I
have to
return
to this
life of
mine

(Originally Posted 08.03.2020)

10

Rising Above

Nobody ever did throw that lifeline

So I learned to swim on my own

It was better that way

Than to wait for the day

When I wouldn’t be alone

Loving You…

Feels like I’ve been thrown
Into the loch
The freezing water
Sucking me down
With no one on land
To throw me a lifeline

(Originally posted 03.03.2019)

8

1994

This may have been posted

In 2019

But it was written long ago

In the back of a French class

As I recall

Looking out into the snow

Je Suis Morte

I’ve been here so many, many times before

I’m just fucking bored now.

Bored with the fucking lot of it.

It’s pointless now.

Not that there ever was a point, obviously.

Je Suis Morte.

I Fucking Wish.

(Originally Posted 02.03.2019)

8

Swithering

It left you so exhausted

Wrestling to decide

Now you know

What it’s like

Living inside my mind

2

The Limbic Lament

If alcohol doesn’t soothe me

And music doesn’t move me

It’s no wonder I can’t cope

This crippling anxiety

Coupled with impropriety

Has left me devoid of hope

16

Money Talks

Don’t just fucking humour me
She said
Actually listen to what I’m saying

But my job is to indulge you
He said
Isn’t that why you’re paying?

12

The Guardian

It does not matter

What I am

It said

From the end of the bed

Just trust that I know

What’s for the best

And I won’t let you

Be misled

12

High Winds

If all the roads are closed tonight

Then how will I get home

I’m much too scared

And emotionally impaired

To go a night out here alone

12

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