Category: Him

Tea For Two

At that café

Drinking tea

I wished you were there

Sitting opposite me

But I soon realised

Even though we’re apart

You’ll always be with me

Inside my heart

Xxx

Royal Exchange Square

I had to come back here,

How could I not?

Because it all started here,

On that night I’ve never forgot.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 03.07.2019)

13

I Dreamt About Him Last Night

I dreamt about him last night

You know

For only the third time since he died

At least we had fun

In this one

And it was when I woke up I cried

A Heavenly Reunion

What
are
you
doing
here

He
said

I
told
you
not
to
follow

I
couldn’t
take
any
more

She
said

Life
without
you
left
me
hollow

Xxx

(Originally Posted 29.06.2020)

9

Those Halcyon Days

I lay in the bath
As you walked the path
Into the depths
Of my soul

I dropped the glass
As we came to pass
And I knew then
I was out of control

(Laws Of) Attraction

I
can no
longer
trust
myself

Whenever
I see
your
face

For I
just
want to
kiss
you

And
never
leave
your
embrace

(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)

2

‘No one sings like you anymore…’

I don’t think

It will matter

How much time

Continues to turn

This will

Forever

Be the case

That much

I have learned

Three Score And Ten

Some
days
it feels
like
forever

Others
it feels
like a
minute

But no
matter
how
much
time has
passed

Life is
still
shit
without
you
in it

Xxx

(Originally Posted 17.06.2020)

6

‘For Better, For Worse’

To paint us as happy

For near nineteen years

Would be way too simplistic

To say there were times

When we were far from fine

Would be much more realistic

Xxx

Sleeping On The Sofa

Too
many
times

I’ve
sat
here
and
cried

Your
slightest
touch

So
cruelly
denied

And
even
though

We
both
tried

I’ve
still
been
left

Feeling
dead
inside

Xxx

(Originally Posted 15.06.2020)

7

A Martian Named Smith

Not only did I steal

An LP that night

But I also pilfered

A book

I’d always believed

Sci-fi wasn’t for me

But I’m so glad

He allowed me look

Squeeze

Such
a broken
heartened
man

In a
broken
hearted
land

If
only
I could
see you

I
would
squeeze
your
hand

And
never
let it
go

(Originally Posted 09.06.2020)

14

Died

And
then

He
did

Duped

You
must
never
leave
me

She
said

For
I
would
fall
apart

I’ll
stay
with
you
forever

He
said

I could
never
break
your
heart

(Originally Posted 08.06.2020)

6

Something Changed

Surely you must have known

He said

Not to fall in love with me

I just didn’t expect

She said

That it would happen so easily

I Love You

If I met you again,
For the first time,
I wouldn’t change a thing.

I’d do it all again,
Exactly the same,
Taking you under my wing.

But I should have,
if I could have,
told you that
I loved you
more.

Perhaps then
my life now
wouldn’t be
so difficult
to endure.

(Originally Posted 08.06.2019)

0

Desiderate

Even now I struggle

To lie on your side of the bed

I just wish you were in it

As often as you are my head

Xxx

A King Sized Longing

Lying in bed

Late at night

I turn over

With a sigh

I reach out

With my hand

But it’s now empty

Where you would lie

Xxx

(Originally Posted 31.05.2021)

12

A Thousand More

There’s nothing much

To add to this

Little else

That I can write

As the grief I felt

When you left

Will remain with me

For life

Xxx

A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)

2

‘I’ll Take All The Blame’

Not only did I fail myself

But I also failed you too

I hope one day

You’ll forgive me

For everything I didn’t do

Xxx

Failure

I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death

Xxx

(Originally Posted 10.05.2021)

3

Like It Was Yesterday

Someone asked me

The other day

How it was that we met

It felt so easy

In a strange way

To recite our own vignette

Cambuslang

All
those
days we
stayed
in bed

They
rattle
around
inside
my head

Until
the tears
run from
my eyes

As the
love we
shared
slowly
dies

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.05.2020)

4

Her Spiritual Home

She went to Glasgow

On Friday there

And was amazed at how much

She remembered

She intrinsically knew

She would live there again

Just as they had both intended

Head Over Heels

She
once
asked

Have
you
got a
light?

Then
never
went
home

After
that
night

(Originally Posted 24.04.2020)

7

In The Next Life

My only wish

Is to see you again

As I really do miss you,

My friend

Maybe One Day

My body
decays
and

My mind
forgets
but

My heart
desires
and

My soul
awakens

(Originally Posted 23.04.2019)

4

Plastic Forks

No more fish and chips for you

Or a macaroni pie for me

It’s not the same

On my own

Sitting here by the sea

Bank Holidays

Days off
are always
difficult.

There’s
so much more
time to fill,
without you.

So many
memories
of what we
used to do.

At least
at work, I
get paid
to be
miserable.

(Originally Posted 22.04.2019)

8

The Watershed

OK, perhaps not quite meaningless

But certainly everything changed

And though life now may be

Somewhat better for me

That numbness has definitely remained

All Surface, No Meaning

When you died,
My world stopped turning.

When you took your last breath,
My life became meaningless.

As the ongoing battle towards my own death continues,
I’m numb to everything and everyone.

I trudge along…

Feigning my interest,
Forging my desire,
Faking my love.

(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)

13

‘Life Is Unfair’

It hurts almost as much

To see how sad I was

As it does

To remember you

Reminders

It’s when it comes from nowhere,
that’s the worst.

The hysterical sobs that hit without warning.

When I’m driving and our song comes on the radio.
When a letter arrives and it’s addressed to you.
When I find a pair of your socks in my drawer.

My throat constricts,
as my lungs compress.

My stomach lurches,
as my heart laments.

And my eyes burn as I drown, slowly, in my own tears.

(Originally Posted 18.04.2019)

6

‘Show Me, Show Me, Show Me…’

I don’t feel you with me anymore
When you’ve always been in my heart
I mean I know that you’re dead, sure
As your cancer tore us apart

But lately I’ve been missing you
When I never used to have to look
I’m beginning to think I imagined you
Like a character from a book

I need you to show me something
Just give me a little sign
That our connection still exists, somehow,
And I’m not losing my mind

It doesn’t matter what method you choose
And I’m not too fussed about when
I just need you to do it
As I cannot lose you again

Just

I don’t really want to die.

At least I don’t think I do.

I just want the pain to stop.

Every day is a battle I have less and less desire to fight.

Every day is an experience I have less and less desire to enjoy.

Every day is a puzzle I have less and less desire to complete.

I just want that spark back.

I just want you back.

I just want you.

(Originally Posted 11.04.2019)

28

You’re Gone

It took me a while to accept it

But now I know that it’s true

So all I have are these memories

From those days of me and you

Xxx

Still Hear

I still hear
Your key rattle in the door
I still hear
Your footsteps across the floor
I still hear
Your rubbish music playing
I still hear
Your awesome temper fraying
I still hear
You impart your innate wisdom
I still hear
You berate with fierce criticism
I still hear
You sing your daft wee songs
I still hear
The bubble of your endless bongs
I still hear
You chew too loudly when you eat
I still hear
The thump of your heart beat
I still hear
Your laugh and your wry chuckle
I still hear
Your beloved belt unbuckle
I still hear
Your enticing voice roar
I still hear
Your thunderous snore
I still hear
Your exasperated sigh
I still hear
Your exhausted cry

Oh, how I wish you were
Still Here

(Originally Posted 19.03.2019)

10

G42 Revisited

Just a month or so ago

Sitting here alone

I took a notion to Google

That place we once called home

And there in the depths of YouTube

I found a stylish video tour

Filmed by an estate agent, apparently

As part of their brochure

I sobbed as I watched the camera

Pan from room to room

All of those happy memories

Now bathed in brokenhearted gloom

And yet I am so thankful

That such a thing does exist

As a peice of our history digitised

Is such a wonderful gift

G42

Was it really

The best of times?

Or was it just

The worst?

I’ve got nae idea, pal

Ma heid’s fuckin’ burst

(Originally Posted 03.02.2020)

10

In Memoriam

There is nothing

Left to do

There isn’t anything

Else to say

I just really

Fucking miss him

Every single day

Xxx

8

What Should Have Been

Twenty two years

Just me and you

Sitting on the sofa

With wine and food

But it’s not to be

As you’re three years gone

So any romance today

Just feels wrong

Xxx

12

Letting You Go

I really did love you, you know

I wish I’d told you so before

And now you’re gone

Nothing can be done

But to regret it

Forevermore

Xxx

10

The Death Of Me

Nearly twenty years together

And what do I have to show

Just a blackened heart

Now we’re three years apart

And sadness the status quo

Xxx

9

Not A Material Girl

I wouldn’t thank you

For diamonds

And I don’t care

About pearls

I couldn’t give

Less of a shit

For all the stars

In the world

I just want you

Back here with me

If only

For a minute

For my life

Has lost it’s sparkle

Without you

Still in it

Xxx

7

Queen Of The Damned

I guess I should be better now

Is that what you’re trying to say

I should be all sweetness and light

Having locked the darkness away

Well I’m sorry to disappoint you

But that’s not how this shit works

Time doesn’t heal all wounds

In fact it makes it worse

See whilst the world moves itself on

I fall further and further behind

For the pain of his loss is lifelong

And to that I am resigned

Xxx

9

#16 The Friend

Today is going to be hard,

I know,

But that is why I’m here.

To eat, drink and smoke

With you

And wipe away your tears.

Xxx

17

964 Nights

I haven’t slept

On that side

Even after

All this time

It will forever

Lie empty

As it’s yours

Not mine

Xxx

29

Sceptical

You can tell me all you want

That you can hear him

But I’ll never believe it’s true

For if he was talking to anyone

From the ‘other side’

Then it would be me, not you

Xxx

40

The Claret Box

I know what this date means

Even if very few other people do

That’s why I’ll find a way

At some point today

To sit and remember you

Xxx

23

An Unnatural Order

You were always going to die

Before me

We were resigned to that fate

But it shouldn’t have been

When you were forty five

And I was thirty eight 

Xxx

15

Failure

I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death

Xxx

18

Headfuckery

I dreamt
About you
This afternoon
For only
The second time

Then
As I woke up
The silence sent
It’s shivers
Down my spine

Xxx

8

Forever Faltering

It’s all too easy

To slip into

This ‘everything is ok’ soundtrack

But you and I both know

It’s all just pretend

Because you’re never coming back

Xxx

17

April The 1st

I woke up alone again today

Going over the words we spoke

Another day without you here

Really is a fucking joke

Xxx

7

Fate

I wish I’d never met you.

Life would be easier then.

If I’d never met you

I wouldn’t have to forget you.

And I would be happier then.

(Originally Posted 09.03.2019)

3

Bottled Memories

I’m glad
I kept
your aftershave,
so that I
can wear
it too.

It’s the
only thing
that I
have left,
that keeps
me close
to you.

(Originally Posted 14.06.2019)

18

Sometimes

Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.

Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain, 
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.

Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth, 
stories flow like vintage wine, 
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.

Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head, 
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed, 
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)
15

Best Fri(end)

I
never
thought

This
would
be

How
all
this
would
end

Me
living
here
alone

Without
my
best
friend

(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)

14

A Life Together

There were times when I would tire of it all,

But I don’t have a single regret.

I never once got bored of it all,

Our inescapable duet.

(Originally Posted 06.05.2019)

0

Jigsaws

You should be here with us. 

Reciting these stories,

Reminding us of the facts,

Pointing out the details,

Bringing these memories to life.

We didn't realise, back then,

We'd need to remember it all.

As one day you wouldn't be here,

To connect the dots... 

(Originally Posted 13.03.2019)

4

‘Blue Sign’

I was doing really well today you know.

I got out of bed at a reasonable time.
I sang to myself in the shower.
I put on different clothes.
I remembered to fed the cat.

I cleaned the bathroom.
I threw out the stale food from the fridge.
I washed the bed sheets.
I took the rubbish out.

I went for a swim.
I started listening to a new podcast.
I went shopping in the afternoon.
I even flirted with the man who served me.

And then I drove past the blue sign.
And the sky fell in.
And I remembered everything.
And my heart shattered all over again.


(Originally Posted 11.03.2019)
12

Imprint

I roll over to your side of the bed.

My limbs search for yours,

My lungs for your scent,

My mouth for your kiss.

But all that’s left is your imprint.

So my tears fall into your pillow,

Once again.

(Originally Posted 23.03.2019)

16

Up ↑