Random #248

‘So I’ve made my mind up
I must live my life alone
And though it’s not the easy way
I guess I’ve always known
I’d say goodbye to love…’

0

In For The Kill

They sense my attempt

To avoid them, the pack,

So they change their course

Quick smart

For there’s nothing more appealing

Than an injured woman concealing

The stench

Of her bleeding heart

Prey

The
wolves
are on
their
hunt
again

I can
hear
them
whine
and
howl

They
are
already
stalking
me,
I know,

For
you’ve
told
them
where
to prowl

(Originally Posted 14.10.2019)

4

Human Intervention

I think he does this

From time to time

Sends me something

To ease my mind

Some small reminder

Of what once was

Knowing I find no comfort

In the words of God

From Beyond The Grave

There’s no
such thing
as a sign,
she said

Apart from
when you
need one,
he said

(Originally Posted 14.10.2019)

0

Ouch

If only I

Had seen more sense

And not fallen foul

Of my incompetence

Perhaps our relationship now

Wouldn’t be past tense

And I wouldn’t still feel

These splinters from the fence

Just Passing By

It was you

That was

The one

For me

But a future

Between us

I just

Couldn’t see

I suppose

That now

None of that

Matters

For you’ve

Moved on

While I’m left

In tatters

(Originally Posted 13.10.2020)

3

It’s Different Now

Though it took a while

For me to smile

Still, it is artificial

Any feeling of mirth

For what it’s worth

Is purely superficial

Emotional Flux

The guilt
I feel
when
I smile

Consumes
my day
and night

Perhaps I
should
just wait
a while

Before
thinking
it’s alright

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

0

So Close

As there was no one to pull me

Back in from the ledge

It is here I remain

Drunk and in pain

Standing perilously close to the edge

A Little More

As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day

I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way

How
much
lower
can I
sink?

Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?

(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)

4

Changing Your Tune

We can all claim

To be considerate and kind

To look after each other

In both heart and mind

But what I have found

If the truth be told

Is that people only care

When you’re dead and cold

Harsh Truth

It can
be a
hard
lesson
to learn

When
you’re
at the
point of
no return

That
nobody
actually
gives
a shit

Whether
you decide
to stay
or
end it

(Originally Posted 12.10.2019)

2

Emergency Supplies

I would be lying

If, after he lay dying,

I said I returned all of his medication

That I didn’t at least keep some

To peruse and choose from

In any future difficult situation

Well, in fact, I did

And with how many I hid

I could have force fed the nation

So, dead behind the eyes,

Full of prescribed pills and otherwise

I fulfilled each and every obligation

Acceptance

I
asked
the
doctor

When
will the
tablets
work?

When do
they take
away my
hurt?

Nothing
will
do that,
she said

They
only
make it
so you
get out
of bed

I
asked
the
doctor

Are
you
sure?

Won’t
you do
something
more?

There’s
nothing
else I
can do,
she said

You just
have to
accept
that he
is dead

(Originally Posted 12.10.2019)

2

It’s Never His Fault, Is It

I’m pretty sure

That back in the day

They called it the seven year itch

And though I can’t be certain

Why she slept with that person

It’s obvious she was being a bitch

Nearly Twenty Years

I still
love you,
he said,
underneath
it all

But it’s
just not
enough,
she said,
I want more

(Originally Posted 10.11.2019)

0

One Decision, One Thousand Lifetimes

I’m not sure if this notion

Of there only ever being one person

For us to love is true

But what I can say for sure

Is even if there were a hundred more

I would only ever want you

Galaxies

If
I was
to
decide

To
leave
this
place

I’d
still
find
you
again

In
any
time or
space

(Originally Posted 10.11.2020)

4

A Way Of Life

Maybe she’s born with it…

Or maybe she’s just clinically depressed…

Moods

Ups and downs,

Peaks and troughs,

But the darkness?

That never stops…

(Originally Posted 10.10.2019)

0

It’s Not Help, It’s An Ego Trip

You say I only call you

When I am feeling depressed

But from my point of view

What is actually true

Is you just don’t care about the rest

‘Call Me Anytime’

When
I need
you

You’re
never
there

It
hurts,
you
know

That
you
don’t
care

(Originally Posted 10.10.2020)

0

I’m Fucked If I Know

I am guessing

From the title

That this one is about sex

Though I accept the fact

It is pretty abstract

So the truth may well be more complex

Bodies

When you push

And I pull

My head is silent

But my heart is full

(Originally Posted 10.10.2019)

0

I’d Actually Prefer A Geography Teacher

Sparks is an amazing song

And I guess Yellow isn’t bad

But by the time

We got to X&Y

There wasn’t a decent song to be had

The Coldest Of Plays

‘When
you
try
your
best
but
you
don’t
succeed…’

Just
fucking
give
it up
then,

Please

(Originally Posted 09.10.2020)

0

I Wasn’t Built For This

I guess I am

A misanthrope

Born as I was

Devoid of hope

Destined across

The world to mope

Forever trying

To avoid the rope

Misanthropic Me

People
never
cease to
disgust
and
disappoint
me in
equal measure

Perhaps
that’s
why my
life is
full of
discomfort
and
displeasure

(Originally Posted 09.10.2019)

2

Too Much Effort

Why don’t you just move on

They ask

And find another man

I’ve neither the inclination

I reply

Or the attention span

Stupid Questions

Do
you
still
think
of him

They
ask

Every
single
day

I
reply

Will
you
ever
stop

They
ask

Not
until
the
day
I die

(Originally Posted 08.10.2020)

8

Fuck Cancer

I will keep saying it

Until I am blue in the face

That I was effectively widowed

At thirty eight years old

Is an absolute fucking disgrace

Leaving

Now it’s
time
for me
leave

Please
don’t
make a
fuss

It’s not
the end
of the
world

It’s
just
the end
of us

(Originally Posted 08.10.2019)

12

There’s No Other Way

What’s the point

In dressing it up

And trying to be all poetic

Telling the truth

However uncouth

Will forever be my aesthetic

Blunt

I
wish
you
were
here
with
me

But
instead
I’m
all
alone

If
only
you
would
write
a letter

Or
call
me on
the
phone

It
would be
wonderful
to FaceTime

Or
if
you
texted
me
instead

But
I know
you
won’t
do any
of these

You
can’t

Because
you’re
dead

(Originally Posted 08.10.2020)

7

Random #245

“Stop breaking yourself down into bite sized pieces to serve others. Stay whole and let them choke.”

– Anon

4

Triple Jabbed

Well that lasted all of five minutes

As after that lockdown was lifted

I was out the front door like a shot

And did I care who touched me? Not a jot!

Deprived

I
honestly
don’t
remember

When
I last
felt
human
touch

And
as
time
goes
on

I’ve
started
to
feel

That
I actually
don’t
mind
too
much

(Originally Posted 07.10.2020)

6

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

2

I Don’t Even Like Casserole

I remember there was

A lot of this back then

People calling, fawning,

And trying to be my friend

Now I think about it, perhaps,

They just didn’t know what to say

But at the time I recall how much I wished

They’d just stayed the fuck away

Fake Flowers

Your fake
concern
disgusts me

Your false
condolences
knock me sick

If you
really want
to comfort me

Just piss off
and leave me
alone,

Prick

(Originally Posted 07.10.2019)

4

6hr 45mins

And so

It comes time

To travel home again

At least

I’ll sleep

On this fucking train

Digging For Worms

Please
make
sure
you
bury
me
deep

So
I can
finally
get
some
fucking
sleep

(Originally Posted 06.10.2020)

13

Constant Reminders

I’ve actually done

Pretty well to be fair

Staying on here

With all this pain to bear

I guess I have found ways

To make it my own

But this place will never not be

Our forever home

Haunted

Death
peers in
through
the gloom

As I
lie here
alone in
this room

Upon
this bed
we once
shared

Crying for
the love
we once
declared

(Originally Posted 06.10.2019)

2

Crowning Glory

There’s nothing like

A good cut and blow

To help restore

Your get up and go

Hair Dye

So I’ll walk away

And say cheerio

To the girl

I used to know

(Originally Posted 05.10.2020)

2

Now That’s Fucking Ironic

I shout and swear

About how you don’t care

And you just presume that I’m strong

Yet if you actually asked

It’s a one hundred percent fact

That I’d lie to you all day long

The Self Pity Party

So many nights I’ve cried,

Feeling dead inside,

Whilst wrestling with my neurosis.

Now I can’t help but discern,

Despite your care and concern,

That you haven’t even noticed.

(Originally Posted 05.10.2019)

0

An Expensive Distraction

It’s been nearly three weeks now

That I’ve been off the booze

Choosing to cope instead

With the pain in my head

By getting some new tattoos

Therapy?

No
matter
what
the
guidelines
say

Or
how
many
braincells
may be
lost

I’ll
slay
my
dragons
my way,
thanks

And
live
with
whatever
the
cost

(Originally Posted 05.10.2020)

8

Out In The Open

There,
she said,
I’ve
told my
truth

There
isn’t
any
more

Well
I am
glad
you
stayed,
he said,

As
that
wasn’t
boring
at all

Telling Tales

Why don’t
you stay
here
a while,
he said,
and have
a cup
of tea

But
I don’t
understand,
she said,
why would
you want
to talk
to me?

You’ve
got a tale
to tell,
he said,
and I
would
like to
hear
more

Well
you’ll
be sad
to find,
she said,
that I’m
just a
crashing
bore

(Originally Posted 04.09.2019)

4

‘Break On Through (To The Other Side)’

It is hard to accept

Death is the last

That nothing more

Will come to pass

There is no healing

Or making sense of it all

When you’re the one left reeling

On the other side of the wall

One Night In Heaven

Now
we’ll
never
hold
hands
again

Walk
in the
park
or
kiss in
the rain

That
only my
fading
memory
of us
remains

Just
breaks
my heart
and blows
my
brains

(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)

2

You Know Who You Are (Part 3)

You
really
are a
piece
of shit

That
gnaws
away
at my
brain

The
fact that
I’m even
still
writing
this

Just
drives
me
fucking
insane

You Know Who You Are (Part 2)

You
really
are
such a
prick

I don’t
know
how you
can show
face

That
you think
this can
be fixed
so quickly

Is an
absolute
fucking
disgrace

(Originally Posted 03.09.2020)

You Know Who You Are (Part 1)

You
are
such
an
unbelievable
cunt

Your
behaviour
has
been
just
vile

I
wish
you
nothing
but
unhappiness

And
a
life
spent in
lonely
exile

(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)

7

Experimentation

You were

Never destined

To be

Mrs Right

But as

Mrs Right Now

You were fun

So it’s good

That we dropped it

And eventually

Just stopped it

As no real harm

Was done

In Another Life, Perhaps

What
happened
the other
night

She
said

Must
never
happen
again

It
pains me
so much
to say it

He
said

But
we are
better off
as friends

(Originally Posted 03.09.2020)

8

A Real Shitty Year

I probably did write this

On a Tuesday

Fuelled by coffee

And nicotine

But in truth

This could’ve been posted

On any given day

Back in twenty nineteen

Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of any improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal

Before I decide to end it all for real

(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)

2

Obsequious

I kow you’re out there

Selling your story

Accepting sympathy

Basking in glory

But remember I know

Those who dance to your tune

All know, deep down,

The truth about you

(Prick)ing At Your Conscience

Think
whatever
you
want
about
me

Speak
shit
to
whoever
will
listen

But
believe
me
when
I say

I
won’t
ever
rue
the
day

That
you
created
this
division

(Originally Posted 02.10.2020)

4

The Second Time Around

The first time

It was fine

As I was young and naive

I didn’t know

Where it would go

So it was easy to just believe

But now I’m older

And my heart colder

I need to be assured

That you intend

To keep up your end

Before my commitment is secured

Going Down The Rabbit Hole

If you don’t mean what you say,

Perhaps we should both just walk away.

Now.

(Originally Posted 02.10.2020)

2

Twisted

I actually quite like this one

It makes me laugh each time I read it

Though I do wonder, sometimes,

If there’s enough in my rhymes

For other people to see it

Romeo & Juliet (Alternative Version)

When
you think
about it,
he said,
true love
never dies.

Oh great
she said,
here we go,
another
hapless
fuckwit
to despise.

(Originally Posted 02.10.2019)

10

Inescapable

It doesn’t matter where I go

Or who I try to be

One thing is always for sure

Trouble follows me

The Road To Happiness

So it’s off
out of the
country
again

Leaving
my
troubles
behind

Perhaps
I’ll find
happiness
again

Or at
least
peace
of mind

(Originally Posted 02.10.2019)

2

Clear Cut

To be fair

If you did

I wouldn’t need

To confess

As it radiates

From me

Like stale beer

And cigarettes

Emptiness

At one time
perhaps
I would have
said yes

But the
desire now
I no longer
possess

Should you
ever try
your love
to profess

To this
emptiness
inside I
would confess

(Originally Posted 01.10.2019)

4

Six Hours

I know some prefer

The daylight instead

But I’ve always been

At my happiest in bed

Eighteen Hours

It’s the time
between
waking up
and going
to sleep
that I’ve
always
found
the most
troublesome

(Originally Posted 01.10.2019)

6

‘Right Here Right Now’

It’s funny how

To bookish types

I certainly was once attracted

Whereas now I’m older

I’ve no time for the smoulder

And need something far less protracted

Timerous Beasties

When
I picture
my
youth

I see
you
and
me

Sitting
beneath
that old
oak tree

You
reading
a book

My
head
on your
shoulder

Both
of us
hoping

The
other
is
bolder

(Originally Posted 01.10.2020)

0

Mistaking Kindness For Desire

I have never spoken

About that night

As to betray him

Would be be unfair

He only hit on me

Because he was ill, you see,

And his ability to judge

Impaired

Indiscretion

It was
what
it was

And
whilst
we
had
fun

Now
it is
what
it is

The
guilt
has
begun

(Originally Posted 01.10.2019)

0

Sunday School

You know what they say

Doesn’t ring true

Yet upon it

You are told to rely

All those stories

Retelling past glories

But you’re not allowed to question why

What I’ve always wondered

Is who decided

Which one

Was the most hallowed

For I know

I needn’t look

To a fictional book

To guide me on moral code

False Gods

Will
it
always
be like
this

She
said

Don’t
I deserve
a reprieve?

That all
depends
on the
book

He
said

In
which
you
choose
to believe

(Originally Posted 01.10.2020)

6

Random #243

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”

– Aldous Huxley


For Sale

Your house isn’t the problem.

You are.

(Originally Posted 30.09.2020)

0

A Pain In The Neck

After spending seven hours today

Sitting on a train

As I lie here

I’m starting to fear

That I may never sleep again

The Sleeping Tablet

Thankfully,

tiredness

descends.

As upon

sleep,

sanity

depends.

(Originally Posted 30.09.2019)

0

Idolised

Some have beauty

Some have braun

Some have charm and flair

Some of them even

Have half a brain

But to you they never compare

First Sight

It
was
clear
to me

The
moment
we met

That
you’d
be the
one

I’d
least
regret

Xxx

(Originally Posted 30.09.2020)

5

Middle Class Pretentiousness

When I think of all

Those hours I lost

Feigning my interest

I realise now

How much getting out

Really was for the best

Just Me, Myself & I

Spending
another
day at
home in
reflective
solitude

Was
better
than
seeing
you and
your shitty
attitude

(Originally Posted 30.09.2019)

2

I’ll Find Out For Myself

It doesn’t matter

Who I ask

No one can answer me

So three years in

It’s time to begin

Living independently

?

What did I do
to deserve this?

Why did this
happen to me?

Where will
I end up now?

Who is coming
to save me?

(Originally Posted 30.09.2019)

0

Small Mercies

I’m not sure

If it was the booze

Or all the tablets

I was taking

But, ultimately,

I was pretty lucky

To survive all my (bad)

Decision making

Drunk

Looking in
the mirror
gives me
a fright,

But I think
I had a
good time
last night.

I don’t
remember
much or how
I got home,

So thank
fuck I’ve
woken up
alone.

(Originally Posted 29.09.2019)

2

Don’t Believe Everything You Read

I know it seems

Like I’m really evil

Always ranting and raving

And wishing ill on people

But, honestly, my poetry

Is just an outlet

I think you’d quite like me, actually,

If we ever met

Best Wishes

Enjoy
your
cake

You fat
fucking
snake

I hope
you
choke
and
die

Don’t
mind
me

As I
drink
my
tea

And
watch
the
world
go by

(Originally Posted 29.09.2020)

6

Waiting For Roadside Assistance

I’m not usually very good

With metaphors

But this one is pretty neat

Then I guess it would be

As it was conceived

While in the back seat of a Mini

Car Trouble

Nothing makes this better

Everything makes it worse

A body straining in first gear

But a mind stuck in reverse

(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)

2

Heroic

I’ve never been easy company

People like me rarely are

But well done for persevering

For that you are a star

Misled

You say
it’s not me,
it’s you.

But
you’re
a liar,

And we
both know
that’s true.

(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)

2

A Shared Experience

I thought it was just me

Back then

But now I know I’m just one of many

Death affects everyone

As we all feel loss, innately

Only You

With my
heart
in my
mouth

And my
head
in my
hands

It saddens
me to realise

That no one
understands

(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)

0

Ruined

I’d love to say

That two years on

That I have cleaned up my act

But from what I suffered

My body never recovered

And my mind will always be cracked

Old Habits

As my
veins
drip
with
chip
fat

And
my
lungs
marinate
in
tar

I
wonder
if,
perhaps
this
time,

I’ve
taken
things
too
far

(Originally Posted 28.09.2020)

4

Even On Good Days

It’s never too far away

That shadow

I see it from the corner

Of my eye

An ever present reminder

Of what we lost

And when we had

To say goodbye

Mourning

Darkness
casts a
shadow
over my
head

As it
does
over
my
heart

Thoughts
and
dreams
of you
abound

As does
sorrow
that
we’d to
part

(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)

2

Redo

There is no going back

There are no more simpler times

Now I just have to accept

That you’ll never again be mine

Undo

Can we go back

To a simpler time

When I was yours

And you were mine?

(Originally Posted 27.09.2020)

0

Seen It All Before

I’ve been around

For far too long

To fall for your crocodile tears

So go try them out

On someone else

Before their patience also disappears

Waterfalls

Go on,

Keep crying.

It changes nothing.

(Originally Posted 27.09.2019)

2

It’s Not Just Me Either

There’s one in every office

Whose presence elicits a grimace

And in mine it’s you

Who never ceases to

Push me to my limits

The Irritant

It actually
hurts to
listen to you

Let alone
look you
in the eye

Please just
leave me
alone

For I have
bigger fish
to fry

(Originally Posted 26.09.2019)

6

You Caused It

When everyone else

Thought the worst

I stayed with you

Your pain I nursed

Yet when things changed

And they turned on me

You hung me out

For all to see

That is really

What hurt the most

Although I’d helped you

And remained so close

You joined in with them

And betrayed me

Never once repaying

My courtesy

So that’s why now

All is said and done

I’m more than happy

Calling you a cunt

The Better Person

I loved you,

When no one else did.

Remember that.

(Originally Posted 26.09.2019)

2

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