Random #269

There was a naughty boy
And a naughty boy was he,
He ran away to Scotland
The people for to see–
Then he found
That the ground
Was as hard,
That a yard
Was as long,
That a song
Was as merry,
That a cherry
Was as red–
That lead
Was as weighty,
That fourscore
Was as eighty,
That a door
Was as wooden
As in England–
So he stood in his shoes
And he wondered,
He wondered,
He stood in his shoes
And he wondered.

4

The Kindest Thing To Do

It’s not that I don’t want to

He said

But we have been here before

I can’t give you what you need

She said

So I won’t ask you any more

It’s Not Real

I think
I love
you

He
said

But
I cannot
wait

If you
loved
me

She
said

You
wouldn’t
hesitate

(Originally Posted 30.12.2019)

0

Getting Off Lightly

Grief affects everyone

In many different ways

Yet some among us

Prove lucky enough

To escape the daily malaise

Poles Apart

I still cry myself to sleep

Not that you’d know

You selfish creep

You think because

We all lost him

That we both feel the same

But you haven’t got

A fucking clue

Of how I live each day in pain

(Originally Posted 30.12.2020)

2

Sucked In

To be honest

I always knew

Psychopathy

Was your main trait

It’s just a shame

That I played your game

Losing out

When it was too late

Psychopathic

Looking through old photos

It’s only now I’m struck

By how much your eyes

Betray your lies

And your smile is fake as fuck

(Originally Posted 29.12.2020)

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Needs Must

My heart

May well

Be locked

Away

But my body

Is not

So come on

Over

If you like

And let’s see

What

You’ve got

Tough Shit

You can
try it on
all you
like

But
we can
never be
together

For my
heart
belongs
to another

And it
will stay
that way
forever

(Originally Posted 29.12.2019)

0

Maybe Next Year…

I know it’s only

One year on

But I’m still quite proud

Of this

Yet if I’ve had one thought

It’s that I should’ve sought

A better word

To rhyme with Elvis

Until Next Year…

As the calendar page turns once more

We are granted our reprieve

Thank you so much Mariah

Now you can fucking leave

Take that whiny choirboy with you

And that dick who thinks he’s Elvis

Bing and Bowie can piss off too

With their ‘pa rum pum pum pum’ bullshit

We’re happy to wave you off John

Although your message is appreciated

Best take your mate Paul with you though

Before we have his keyboard castrated

It’s time to step out and away now Elton

With The Jacksons, Jonah and Chuck

And as for the ‘NYPD choir’

We couldn’t give less of a fuck

We’ll really only miss you George

Like we do nearly every day

So perhaps, this year, we could keep you

Instead of giving you away

(Originally Posted 29.12.2021)

9

Relentless

I’d love to say

That things have changed

And I no longer feel

So hopeless

But the intervening time

Since writing this rhyme

Has been equally

As atrocious

Nothing

Nothing makes
me happy

Nothing makes
me smile

There’s nothing left
to look forward to

At least nothing that
feels worthwhile

(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)

6

Obviously

He was right

As it turns out

As it only took me

A minute

To abandon the joy

I’d tried to employ

As I had reached

My limit

Whatever You Say

I’m going to be happy today

She said

And push this sadness from my mind

I’ll give you half an hour

He said

And even then that’s being kind

(Originally Posted 28.12.2021)

2

Looking On

Of course I remember

How it feels

Down to the very last letter

But it wouldn’t matter

What I tried

Nothing can make it better

Utterly Helpless

I really wish
I could do more

Like pick you up
from the bathroom floor

Hug you when
your heart is breaking

Give you comfort
when your bones are aching

But for as much as
your pain to me is known

This is a journey
you must walk alone

(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)

10

Firsts

There was nothing else

That I could do

Nothing else

That I could say

Other than

To remind them all

That it’s just

Another day

Brutal Honesty

I wish
I could
take

Your
pain
away

Tell
you
everything

Will
be
okay

But
I know
the truth

It
doesn’t
get
better

When
what
you had

Is lost
forever

(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)

2

‘Meat Is Murder’

Well I hope you’ve enjoyed

Your murdered bird

I can’t think of anything

More absurd

Than to eat your friends

On Christmas Day

Proclaiming such abuse

As the Christian way

(Originally Posted 26.12.2020)

16

The Ballad Of Boxing Day

Is that it now

He said

Have the bells rung out?

As I cannot eat

Another sprout

Oh shut your face

She said

All you’ve done is moan

You’ll be spending next year

On your own

(Originally Posted 26.12.2020)

0

Random #268

Shaking cream on Christmas Day while listening to Mary of the Fourth Form by the Boomtown Rats

Playing record
my Christmas present
shaking cream
after turkey treat,
lid open, cream spills,
Dad’s jacket ruined
Dad’s temper flares
record broken
Terrible Christmas.

Dad’s Version

Turn music down
Awful hangover
Sean shake cream
I’m starving
What happened?
You’re sorry!
Jacket ruined
My Christmas present
That’ll teach you.
Terrible Christmas.

– Sean Hughes

0

Christmas Kudos

I’m neither little

Nor quite charming

In fact my words

Can be most alarming

But the friends I’ve made

In different ways

All serve to brighten

My darkest days

So thanks to you all

For reading my shit

It warms this dark heart

Just a little bit

(Originally Posted 25.12.2020)

10

Christmas Dinner

I really
can’t be
arsed
today

I’d
rather
just stay
in bed

I’m not
in the
mood

For
such
jollity

Preferring
melancholy,
instead

(Originally Posted 25.12.2019)

5

Random #267

“What is the bravest thing you’ve ever said? asked the boy.

‘Help’, said the horse.”

– Charlie Mackesy

0

Naughty Or Nice?

Only ever

Fleetingly happy

But always

Desperately sad

Forever trying

To be good

Whilst contemplating

Being bad

(Originally Posted 24.12.2019)

4

It’s Not Wonderful For Everyone

This is my favorite time of year

He said

With these scents of cinnamon and pine

As I endure the merriment of others

She said

I thank fuck for cheese and wine

(Originally Posted 24.12.2021)

2

Random #266

‘When you’re used
Bruised
Black and blued
Don’t think about it
Never doubt it

I’ll walk beside you…’

4

Blunted

This new one

Is my favourite

Of all those pills

And potions

As it leaves me feeling

Numb inside

And just going

Through the motions

Regime #7

These
pills
have
stopped
working

They
are now
simply
a token

As
they
don’t
take away
the hurting

From a
heart
that’s
truly
broken

(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)

2

“I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday”

If some of my poems

Are humorous

Albeit

A little dark

This one

Is deadly serious

And not just

A flippant remark

Hanging Around

I know it’s there

In the shed

Waiting for when

I choose death instead

(Originally Posted 23.12.2020)

2

“If You Didn’t Laugh You’d Cry”

Some people must think

My words are so bleak

That they no longer

Wish to scroll

But all I see

With poems like these

Is a humour

As black as coal

‘Mistletoe & Whine’

Just piss
off with your
Christmas shit

All this
Ho, Ho,
Fucking Ho…

Not
everyone
appreciates it

Some of us
are depressed,
you know

(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)

8

‘Blue Christmas’

It’s the time of year

Again

For that age old

Platitude

The one I’m expected

To receive

With a kindly

Gratitude

“It must be hard for you”

They say

“Especially at this time of year”

I want

To say

It’s hard

Every day

But that’s not

What they want to hear

Who The Fuck Are ‘They’ Anyway?

Time heals

Or so they say

Well, let me tell you

They fucking lie

Time does nothing

But march on

And you’re left

With no right to reply

(Originally Posted 22.12.2021)

0

Terminal

I’m not sure
Who suffers more
Those who are
Oblivious
Or those who know
What’s in store

Identity Crisis

In
some
ways
losing
myself
has
been
harder
than
losing
you

(Originally Posted 22.12.2019)

0

Apologies To The Author

I’d obviously been reading

A lot of Stevie Smith

So much so, it seems,

That I ripped her off a bit

Strong Currents

I’m all
at sea

But no one
sees me

Gesticulating
wildly

Against
the tide

(Originally Posted 21.12.2019)

10

What A Difference Three Months Makes

Run around

Jump up and down

That arrogant prick

Has just left town

As it turns out

He was a brutish lout

Intent on flinging my heart about

Next time I’ll know

Not to lower my wall

And for romantic bullshit

I will not fall

Quickstep

Run around

Jump up and down

There’s a new love in town!

He’s really neat

And ever so sweet

This black heart skips a beat

I think that now

I’m ready for more

As I wait for him to whisk me

Across the dancefloor

(Originally Posted 21.12.2020)

0

The Final Appointment

I don’t need this, any more

I’m doing a lot better

She said

Now I just hear screaming

Once or twice a week

And only inside my head

The Circus Is Back In Town

I wish
I spent
more time
sleeping

Instead
of all
this
weeping

It would
be nice to
do some
dreaming

As
opposed
to all this
screaming

(Originally Posted 21.12.2019)

0

Best Thing I Ever Did

Full of your own

Self importance

Never short

Of a winning performance

You had vanity at your core

All those years

You implored us

Until that day

We saw your distortions

And I walked out the door

I’m Fine Thanks

I’m sorry you think I’ve missed you

As I haven’t given one fuck

If you thought you mattered

And my life is shattered

Well then, you’re shit out of luck

(Originally Posted 20.12.2021)

0

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