How The Table Turned

Just for that one

Moment in time

I thought, perhaps,

That I had won

But then I saw you

Holding her hand

And I knew then

That we were done

Across The Table

I love how you know,

To hold my hand,

Just by the croak in my voice.

I am so grateful,

That you understand,

Just how much I need that choice.

Feeling that you’re there,

And how much you care,

Means everything you see.

But not forcing me to speak,

When you sense I’m weak,

Is why you’re the one for me.

(Originally Posted 04.03.2020)

6

Who’s That Girl?

I don’t remember who wrote this

But I can see that she was sad

Understandable, to be fair,

As she’d lost everything she had

2am

I am broken
I am hurt
Words unspoken
Emotion curt

I am sad
I am wrong
Mind mad
Tears throng

I am tired
I am lonely
Memories mired
Despair only

I am weak
I am frail
Burning cheek
Limbs fail

I am down
I am done
Brows frown
Love gone

(Originally posted 04.03.2019)

17

G42 Revisited

Just a month or so ago

Sitting here alone

I took a notion to Google

That place we once called home

And there in the depths of YouTube

I found a stylish video tour

Filmed by an estate agent, apparently

As part of their brochure

I sobbed as I watched the camera

Pan from room to room

All of those happy memories

Now bathed in brokenhearted gloom

And yet I am so thankful

That such a thing does exist

As a peice of our history digitised

Is such a wonderful gift

G42

Was it really

The best of times?

Or was it just

The worst?

I’ve got nae idea, pal

Ma heid’s fuckin’ burst

(Originally Posted 03.02.2020)

10

Rising Above

Nobody ever did throw that lifeline

So I learned to swim on my own

It was better that way

Than to wait for the day

When I wouldn’t be alone

Loving You…

Feels like I’ve been thrown
Into the loch
The freezing water
Sucking me down
With no one on land
To throw me a lifeline

(Originally posted 03.03.2019)

8

Try Manchego Instead

If only it took

Just a wee bit of cheese

To give my heart

A playful squeeze

Yet to succeed

Requires further endeavour

As I have no desire

(For cheese or otherwise)

What so fucking ever

Middle Class Wooing

Don’t
bother
picking
flowers

They
will just
make me
sneeze

If you
really
want to
impress me

Just
bring
a wheel
of cheese

For an
‘expensive’
bottle
of wine

And a
little
bit of
Brie

Is
really
all it
takes

To get
into
bed
with me

(Originally Posted 02.03.2020)

18

Saving Both Heartbreak And Time

As my head spun round

And the thunderbolt struck

I couldn’t help but think

If only I’d ducked

Pubs, Clubs & Other Establishments

It is strange.
You are told that when these things happen, you’ll just know.
You won’t be able to catch your breath,
your stomach will be in knots 
and a thunderbolt will fly through the sky.
But it doesn’t … it didn’t.
It is strange.

It is not that you are particularly handsome – you are not.
But it’s the way you make me feel.
You make me laugh.
You make me smile.
I look forward to seeing you.
I look forward to you coming to see me.

But I know there is no future in it.
It will not go anywhere.

I want the thunderbolt.
I need it.

(Originally Posted 02.03.2019)

8

1994

This may have been posted

In 2019

But it was written long ago

In the back of a French class

As I recall

Looking out into the snow

Je Suis Morte

I’ve been here so many, many times before

I’m just fucking bored now.

Bored with the fucking lot of it.

It’s pointless now.

Not that there ever was a point, obviously.

Je Suis Morte.

I Fucking Wish.

(Originally Posted 02.03.2019)

8

The Experience Since

Indeed she did

And she did it well

Or so some people said

Yet somehow now

Three years on

She’s still fucked in the head

The Beginning

‘Don’t be afraid to start poorly’

The kind man wrote

‘I will try’

The sad woman replied

And she did

(Originally Posted 01.03.2019)

8

From Tomorrow

I’ll be going on a journey

Down my very own memory lane

Back to the start of my WordPress life

To the advent of my pain

So please forgive me if you find

You are reading some posts again

But I feel the need to relive

Both the madness and the sane

35

The End Of The Line

It’s not that I’m leaving forever

I promise I’ll still be around

But the desire to fight

Let alone to write

Is proving too thin on the ground

35

Downing Tools

That’s it all done now

There’ll be no more

Or no less

Thank you for living

Through this with me

And not minding all the mess

7

In Memoriam

There is nothing

Left to do

There isn’t anything

Else to say

I just really

Fucking miss him

Every single day

Xxx

8

Let It Burn

I have killed us

Once before

And I will happily

Do it again

For I am

No longer

In love with you

In fact

We’re not even friends

7

The Dullest Ache

My heart is now

A dead weight

Sitting heavy

In my chest

Not sure if

There’s another chance

To show itself

At it’s best

11

My Hero

You came through

Like a bolt from the blue

When I never even knew

How much I needed you

18

Random #172

“No one else is carrying the aftermath trauma you have endured inside their body. They are not paying the concequences. They are not managing the recovery.

Therefore their opinions are secondary to any and all things that help you heal.”

– Nate Postlethwait via @mindful_tom

8

Waking Thoughts

And so to yet

Another day

Resisting

The urge to cry

In a body

That is fighting

Hard to survive

But with a mind

That wants to die

12

Not Crossing The Road

What if my answer

Is I couldn’t care less

I have no inclination

To help clean up your mess

Am I a terrible person

To leave you in such decay

That’s for you to decide

While I walk away

5

Access Denied

What I have

Is not for you

It is mine and mine alone

If you want

What I have got

Fuck off and find your own

15

Random #171

‘Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you
Tell me goodbye
Don’t you take it so hard now
And please don’t take it so bad
I’ll still be thinkin’ of you
And the times we had, baby’

11

Random #170

“Men speak conveniently of love when it their serves their purpose. And when it doesn’t, it’s a burden to them.”

– Maid Marian

6

What Should Have Been

Twenty two years

Just me and you

Sitting on the sofa

With wine and food

But it’s not to be

As you’re three years gone

So any romance today

Just feels wrong

Xxx

12

Swithering

It left you so exhausted

Wrestling to decide

Now you know

What it’s like

Living inside my mind

2

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