Tag: anxiety

Staying Power

I understand

It takes time

For wounds

Like these

To heal

But I got bored

Of myself

Years ago

So fuck knows

How you feel

6

Compadre

There’s no way

I could know

The depths of your hell

But I’ve known

My own

All too fucking well

2

Fitting In

All that

Effort

All that

Stress

And still

You looked

Like a hot

Fucking mess

But whether

They noticed

Your distress

Or even

Cared

Is anyone’s

Guess

8

Manic Panic

I know

You’ll think

I’m stupid

And say

I’m off 

My head

But the seeds

Of doubt

Have rooted

And now

I’m filled

With dread

6

Like A Bad Penny

Maybe

I should move

She said

Start again

Somewhere new

It doesn’t matter

Where you go

He said

The guilt

Will follow you

8

Overthinking Again

I don’t think I can cope

She said

With all this worry

And stress

My heart

Just won’t stop pounding

And my head’s

A fucking mess

Maybe I’ll just end it

She said

That could be

For the best

As within

The peace and quiet

I might finally

Get some rest

4

The Wisdom Of Age

The older I get

She said

I’ve realised

That the timing

Will never be right

You’ve just got to go for it

She said

And to not

Be so uptight

4

It’s Been A Long Week

I’ll go out with you

Again tonight

But don’t expect

I’ll be too much fun

I mean, I’ll be okay

But will slip away

When my social battery

Is done

2

Passing It On

I look back now

On that day and laugh

As I picture me cutting

Myself in half

Trying to please

You and your friends

Desperate, somehow

To make amends

But now I know

It wasn’t down to me

And I’ve got myself better

Mentally

So I think of that time

With a grin

Knowing it’s your turn to feel

That beast within

7

Until Dinnertime

It’s never as bad

As you think it’ll be

All sitting around

The Christmas tree

As long as you have

A beer, or two

To dull the pain

And see you through

4

Enough Of This Shit

As another day fills

Me with dread

Intrusive thoughts

Inside my head

I wish that I

Could stay in bed

And sleep

For a thousand years instead

4

Anxiety

Here again

Home alone

Pacing, waiting

By the phone

Hoping to hear

That familiar tone

And to read our date

Has been postponed

0

Recognition

I saw it in

Your eyes that day

I heard it

In your voice

You, like me,

No longer see

Living

As a choice

0

On With The Show

Save your cheers

Your whoops and applause

I don’t deserve it

I’m inherently flawed

And please don’t say

That’s why you love me

Because that’s even worse

Than just clapping would be

0

Blowing My Cover

You’ve thought about a book

He said

For quite a number of years

You’ve got to find a way

He said

To let go of your fears

I feel more confident now

She said

That it is something I could do

But really what still bothers me

She said

Is which name I should use

Self Help

Why
do you
write
these
poems

He
said

If
you’re
not
going
to show
everyone?

Because
these
words
are
my life

She
said

They
are
not
for
just
anyone

(Originally Posted 29.01.2020)

6

Crying Is Definitely For Me

“Raindrops keep falling on my head”

As that old sentimentalist croons

Well for me,

It’s not just raindrops

It’s a slew of fucking monsoons

Left Guessing

Time moves on

Yet I’m stood still

Fading away

Losing the will

As each second

Passes me by

I can’t seem to forget

Or stop asking why

(Originally Posted 19.01.2021)

0

On Spontaneity

Not everyone finds it easy

To go out and be social

Some of us need

A little time to breathe

While considering

Such a proposal

Leave Me Alone

Although the walls

Are closing in

I have no desire

To leave

I don’t understand

Why you find that

So fucking hard

To believe

(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)

2

Relentless

I’d love to say

That things have changed

And I no longer feel

So hopeless

But the intervening time

Since writing this rhyme

Has been equally

As atrocious

Nothing

Nothing makes
me happy

Nothing makes
me smile

There’s nothing left
to look forward to

At least nothing that
feels worthwhile

(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)

6

Taking To Bed

I may spend time lying down

But not much of that is sleeping

It’s existential dread

That fills my head

And that’s not to mention the weeping

Forty Winks

Why do
I bother
coming
to bed

It’s not
like I
can
sleep

All I
do is
fucking
lie here

Overthinking
and
counting
sheep

(Originally Posted 21.09.2019)

0

‘Tonight Has Taught Me Something’

Having spent another day

Putting my body through the mill

It couldn’t be more clear to me

That sleeping is a skill

Sleep Is Futile

What’s the
point in
going to bed

With all
this shit
inside my head

It’s not
like I’ll be
allowed to rest

With this
sickness deep
inside my chest

(Originally Posted 04.09.2019)

2

Bash(Ful)

It was nice of them

To think of me

Very kind of them to try

But all I could think

As I was ushered in

Was that I wanted to curl up and die

The Surprise Party

Sorry
that
I’m not
jumping
with
delight

But
I would
have
preferred
to be
alone
tonight

(Originally Posted 07.08.2020)

2

Lifelong

There is no update for this one

Nothing further to remark

Other than to say

I have felt this way

Pretty much from the start

Outline In Chalk

Here
I lie

Despite
my wealth

Murdered

By my
mental
health

(Originally Posted 30.07.2020)

2

For My Own Good

I was pretending

So much back then

I should have known

Things would soon go tits up

In fact I’m amazed

Given how I behaved

No one thought to lock me up

Apathy & Deception

How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?

Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?

(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)

4

On The Front Foot

After that night I realised

To quell the fears inside my head

I’d get a much better sleep

If I began to keep

A cricket bat under my bed

Creaky Floorboards

Tonight is
the first time
I’ve felt real fear

Being
home alone
without you here

What if someone
breaks in during
the night?

Will I survive
now you’re not
here to fight?

(Originally Posted 29.07.2019)

7

Always Worse At Midsummer

Some people

Are built to sleep

Of that

I’m pretty much certain

But for those like me

With anxiety

Insomnia

Is just another burden

Just Because I’m Yawning, Doesn’t Mean I’m Tired

The restlessness
has started

Yet sleep refuses
to advance

Body and soul
have departed

While I’m being led
a merry dance

(Originally Posted 18.07.2019)

14

Rattling

Hoping this pill proves fruitful

That it will work as designed

So I swallow another scoopful

To quiet the chaos in my mind

Five A Day

An
apple
a day
may
keep
the
doctor
away.

But
it’s a
pill
at night
that makes
me feel
alright.

(Originally Posted 12.06.2019)

8

If Only I Wasn’t Risk Averse (Scenario B)

If only I wasn’t risk averse

My world would open up

If only I wasn’t risk averse

I could see more of life closeup

Deep Breaths

Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind

Or
maybe
you
won’t

But
one
thing
is for
sure

You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t

(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)

5

Swithering

It left you so exhausted

Wrestling to decide

Now you know

What it’s like

Living inside my mind

2

The Limbic Lament

If alcohol doesn’t soothe me

And music doesn’t move me

It’s no wonder I can’t cope

This crippling anxiety

Coupled with impropriety

Has left me devoid of hope

16

High Winds

If all the roads are closed tonight

Then how will I get home

I’m much too scared

And emotionally impaired

To go a night out here alone

12

#12 The Worrier

Does it matter

If I do

Or don’t

Should it matter

If I will

Or won’t

Why can’t it be easy

To decide

Without strain

When will I stop

Churning it over

Again

11

Distraction

Maybe I could see a friend

Or give them a call instead

It must be better than wrestling

With these demons in my head

13

Failure

I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death

Xxx

18

Dissociation

To not know

Who to trust

Certainly fucking hurts

But to be unsure

Of ones own self

Is infinitely worse

14

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
4

The Faceless Female

She’s back again,
the little control freak,
whispering from my shoulder.

She never really goes away,
despite my efforts to brush her aside
or however much I grow older.

I’ve never once turned to look
at her whilst I try hard to
drown out her speech.

But I never forget
she’s there, berating me,
and bleeding me like a leech.

(Originally Posted 04.08.2019)

17

Sometimes

Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.

Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain, 
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.

Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth, 
stories flow like vintage wine, 
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.

Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head, 
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed, 
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)
15

The Noose Tightens

Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall

I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all

Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse

I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse

It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say

But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way

All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope

As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope

(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)

24

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

When all the time

That rope’s still in the shed

8

The Hangman

I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name

(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)

12

Another Wasted Day

It’s four twenty five in the afternoon and I’m still lying in bed.

Trying, in vain, to sleep away the thoughts inside my head.

Perhaps I should get up and go out for a bracing walk instead.

It has to be better than staying in here and wishing I was dead.

(Originally Posted 22.06.2019)

12

Sailing

‘Choppy waters ahead, Captain, but I see dry land on the horizon’.

‘Drop anchor here then, Sailor, for I’d prefer to die in the storm’.

(Originally Posted 27.03.2019)

14

Aftermath

Confusion reigns
As my head struggles to explain
What I feel inside my heart

Sadness remains
As with all encompassing pain
I hate that we have to part

(Originally Posted 06.07.2019)

4

Harbouring Secrets

You have no idea

As you sit here

With your good humour and wit.

Now let me be clear

Kindly fuck off my dear

‘Cause honestly, you don’t know shit.

(Originally Posted 18.06.2019)

2

This Silent War

I’m trapped inside this silent war

Furiously waving a white flag above my head

But no one seems to care

One day soon

I’ll stop trying

(Originally Posted 14.04.2019)

7

Paranoia

It’s heartfelt
praise, but
I know
your ways.

How uncomfortable
you are
to see,
just how
miserable I
can be.

I’m sorry
I no
longer make
you smile.

For that
you’ll need
to wait
a while.

Until then,
just keep
telling me
I’ll make
it through.

And I’ll
keep on
whispering
fuck you.

(Originally Posted 10.05.2019)

9

Random #18

‘You could have achieved so much more, if you weren’t so fucking insecure’

– Me

(Originally Posted 19.07.2019)

10

Parties

Hi,

Sorry I’m late.

I didn’t want to come

And I already want to go home.

Where’s the booze..?

(Originally Posted 19.04.2019)

12

Hold Tight

That roof is calling my name.

I know it is.

I can hear it.

Every day its voice gets louder and louder.

Every day I’m drawn closer and closer.

I went up there tonight.

Just to the edge.

Just to look.

I held on to the safety rail.

I cannot promise that tomorrow,

I won’t let go.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

11

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