Blowing My Cover

You’ve thought about a book

He said

For quite a number of years

You’ve got to find a way

He said

To let go of your fears

I feel more confident now

She said

That it is something I could do

But really what still bothers me

She said

Is which name I should use


Self Help

Why
do you
write
these
poems

He
said

If
you’re
not
going
to show
everyone?

Because
these
words
are
my life

She
said

They
are
not
for
just
anyone

(Originally Posted 29.01.2020)

Crying Is Definitely For Me

“Raindrops keep falling on my head”

As that old sentimentalist croons

Well for me,

It’s not just raindrops

It’s a slew of fucking monsoons


Left Guessing

Time moves on

Yet I’m stood still

Fading away

Losing the will

As each second

Passes me by

I can’t seem to forget

Or stop asking why

(Originally Posted 19.01.2021)

On Spontaneity

Not everyone finds it easy

To go out and be social

Some of us need

A little time to breathe

While considering

Such a proposal


Leave Me Alone

Although the walls

Are closing in

I have no desire

To leave

I don’t understand

Why you find that

So fucking hard

To believe

(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)

Relentless

I’d love to say

That things have changed

And I no longer feel

So hopeless

But the intervening time

Since writing this rhyme

Has been equally

As atrocious


Nothing

Nothing makes
me happy

Nothing makes
me smile

There’s nothing left
to look forward to

At least nothing that
feels worthwhile

(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)

Taking To Bed

I may spend time lying down

But not much of that is sleeping

It’s existential dread

That fills my head

And that’s not to mention the weeping


Forty Winks

Why do
I bother
coming
to bed

It’s not
like I
can
sleep

All I
do is
fucking
lie here

Overthinking
and
counting
sheep

(Originally Posted 21.09.2019)

‘Tonight Has Taught Me Something’

Having spent another day

Putting my body through the mill

It couldn’t be more clear to me

That sleeping is a skill


Sleep Is Futile

What’s the
point in
going to bed

With all
this shit
inside my head

It’s not
like I’ll be
allowed to rest

With this
sickness deep
inside my chest

(Originally Posted 04.09.2019)

Bash(Ful)

It was nice of them

To think of me

Very kind of them to try

But all I could think

As I was ushered in

Was that I wanted to curl up and die


The Surprise Party

Sorry
that
I’m not
jumping
with
delight

But
I would
have
preferred
to be
alone
tonight

(Originally Posted 07.08.2020)

Lifelong

There is no update for this one

Nothing further to remark

Other than to say

I have felt this way

Pretty much from the start


Outline In Chalk

Here
I lie

Despite
my wealth

Murdered

By my
mental
health

(Originally Posted 30.07.2020)

For My Own Good

I was pretending

So much back then

I should have known

Things would soon go tits up

In fact I’m amazed

Given how I behaved

No one thought to lock me up


Apathy & Deception

How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?

Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?

(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)

On The Front Foot

After that night I realised

To quell the fears inside my head

I’d get a much better sleep

If I began to keep

A cricket bat under my bed


Creaky Floorboards

Tonight is
the first time
I’ve felt real fear

Being
home alone
without you here

What if someone
breaks in during
the night?

Will I survive
now you’re not
here to fight?

(Originally Posted 29.07.2019)

Always Worse At Midsummer

Some people

Are built to sleep

Of that

I’m pretty much certain

But for those like me

With anxiety

Insomnia

Is just another burden


Just Because I’m Yawning, Doesn’t Mean I’m Tired

The restlessness
has started

Yet sleep refuses
to advance

Body and soul
have departed

While I’m being led
a merry dance

(Originally Posted 18.07.2019)

Rattling

Hoping this pill proves fruitful

That it will work as designed

So I swallow another scoopful

To quiet the chaos in my mind


Five A Day

An
apple
a day
may
keep
the
doctor
away.

But
it’s a
pill
at night
that makes
me feel
alright.

(Originally Posted 12.06.2019)

If Only I Wasn’t Risk Averse (Scenario B)

If only I wasn’t risk averse

My world would open up

If only I wasn’t risk averse

I could see more of life closeup


Deep Breaths

Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind

Or
maybe
you
won’t

But
one
thing
is for
sure

You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t

(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)

Swithering

It left you so exhausted

Wrestling to decide

Now you know

What it’s like

Living inside my mind

The Limbic Lament

If alcohol doesn’t soothe me

And music doesn’t move me

It’s no wonder I can’t cope

This crippling anxiety

Coupled with impropriety

Has left me devoid of hope

High Winds

If all the roads are closed tonight

Then how will I get home

I’m much too scared

And emotionally impaired

To go a night out here alone

#12 The Worrier

Does it matter

If I do

Or don’t

Should it matter

If I will

Or won’t

Why can’t it be easy

To decide

Without strain

When will I stop

Churning it over

Again

Distraction

Maybe I could see a friend

Or give them a call instead

It must be better than wrestling

With these demons in my head

Failure

I pride myself on my planning

I write lists day after day

I schedule my time wisely

So that nothing gets in the way

I prepare for every eventuality

Without a pause for breath

But the one thing I didn’t account for

Was your untimely death

Xxx

Dissociation

To not know

Who to trust

Certainly fucking hurts

But to be unsure

Of ones own self

Is infinitely worse

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)

The Faceless Female

She’s back again,
the little control freak,
whispering from my shoulder.

She never really goes away,
despite my efforts to brush her aside
or however much I grow older.

I’ve never once turned to look
at her whilst I try hard to
drown out her speech.

But I never forget
she’s there, berating me,
and bleeding me like a leech.

(Originally Posted 04.08.2019)

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