I was doing better alone
Then you came and messed with my head
So now I’ve got a different set of problems
To think about instead
Failure
I pride myself on my planning
I write lists day after day
I schedule my time wisely
So that nothing gets in the way
I prepare for every eventuality
Without a pause for breath
But the one thing I didn’t account for
Was your untimely death
Xxx
Dissociation
To not know
Who to trust
Certainly fucking hurts
But to be unsure
Of ones own self
Is infinitely worse
If You Like
Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again
Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand
Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care
Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit
(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
The Faceless Female
She’s back again,
the little control freak,
whispering from my shoulder.She never really goes away,
despite my efforts to brush her aside
or however much I grow older.I’ve never once turned to look
at her whilst I try hard to
drown out her speech.But I never forget
she’s there, berating me,
and bleeding me like a leech.(Originally Posted 04.08.2019)
Sometimes
Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.
Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain,
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.
Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth,
stories flow like vintage wine,
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.
Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head,
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed,
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.
(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)
The Noose Tightens
Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall
I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all
Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse
I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse
It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say
But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way
All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope
As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
Try Harder Next Time
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
When all the time
That rope’s still in the shed
The Hangman
I really
try my
best to
cope and
not just
sit around
and mope
but as
time moves
on I
know there’s
no hope
I can
forget the
past and
avoid the
rope that
silently
whispers my
name(Originally Posted 02.07.2019)
Another Wasted Day
It’s four twenty five in the afternoon and I’m still lying in bed.
Trying, in vain, to sleep away the thoughts inside my head.
Perhaps I should get up and go out for a bracing walk instead.
It has to be better than staying in here and wishing I was dead.
(Originally Posted 22.06.2019)
Sailing
‘Choppy waters ahead, Captain, but I see dry land on the horizon’.
‘Drop anchor here then, Sailor, for I’d prefer to die in the storm’.
(Originally Posted 27.03.2019)
Aftermath
Confusion reigns
As my head struggles to explain
What I feel inside my heartSadness remains
As with all encompassing pain
I hate that we have to part(Originally Posted 06.07.2019)
Harbouring Secrets
You have no idea
As you sit here
With your good humour and wit.
Now let me be clear
Kindly fuck off my dear
‘Cause honestly, you don’t know shit.
(Originally Posted 18.06.2019)
This Silent War
I’m trapped inside this silent war
Furiously waving a white flag above my head
But no one seems to care
One day soon
I’ll stop trying
(Originally Posted 14.04.2019)
Paranoia
It’s heartfelt
praise, but
I know
your ways.How uncomfortable
you are
to see,
just how
miserable I
can be.I’m sorry
I no
longer make
you smile.For that
you’ll need
to wait
a while.Until then,
just keep
telling me
I’ll make
it through.And I’ll
keep on
whispering
fuck you.(Originally Posted 10.05.2019)
Random #18
‘You could have achieved so much more, if you weren’t so fucking insecure’
– Me
(Originally Posted 19.07.2019)
Parties
Hi,
Sorry I’m late.
I didn’t want to come
And I already want to go home.
Where’s the booze..?
(Originally Posted 19.04.2019)
Hold Tight
That roof is calling my name.
I know it is.
I can hear it.
Every day its voice gets louder and louder.
Every day I’m drawn closer and closer.
I went up there tonight.
Just to the edge.
Just to look.
I held on to the safety rail.
I cannot promise that tomorrow,
I won’t let go.
(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)
Multi Storey Car Parks
As I stand here I wonder…
Who would care, really?
Who would cry?
Who would be bothered to stop and ask why?
Should I? Shouldn’t I?
I couldn’t really go through with it though, could I?
Who would laugh?
Who would sigh?
Is it even possible from up this high?
And then I jump.
Without another care in the world,
or even so much as a goodbye.
(Originally Posted 17.06.2019)
Practice
Try as I may
I just cannot dance
To the beat of your drum
I'm always out of time
(Originally Posted 08.03.2019)
‘Thank You, But No…’
If this is how life is going to be
Then I wish to play no part.
I have neither the strength nor the desire
To risk another broken heart.
(Originally Posted 19.05.2019)
