"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
You’ve thought about a book
He said
For quite a number of years
You’ve got to find a way
He said
To let go of your fears
I feel more confident now
She said
That it is something I could do
But really what still bothers me
She said
Is which name I should use
Self Help
Why
do you
write
these
poems
He
said
If
you’re
not
going
to show
everyone?
Because
these
words
are
my life
She
said
They
are
not
for
just
anyone
(Originally Posted 29.01.2020)
“Raindrops keep falling on my head”
As that old sentimentalist croons
Well for me,
It’s not just raindrops
It’s a slew of fucking monsoons
Left Guessing
Time moves on
Yet I’m stood still
Fading away
Losing the will
As each second
Passes me by
I can’t seem to forget
Or stop asking why
(Originally Posted 19.01.2021)
Not everyone finds it easy
To go out and be social
Some of us need
A little time to breathe
While considering
Such a proposal
Leave Me Alone
Although the walls
Are closing in
I have no desire
To leave
I don’t understand
Why you find that
So fucking hard
To believe
(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)
I’d love to say
That things have changed
And I no longer feel
So hopeless
But the intervening time
Since writing this rhyme
Has been equally
As atrocious
Nothing
Nothing makes
me happy
Nothing makes
me smile
There’s nothing left
to look forward to
At least nothing that
feels worthwhile
(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)
I may spend time lying down
But not much of that is sleeping
It’s existential dread
That fills my head
And that’s not to mention the weeping
Forty Winks
Why do
I bother
coming
to bed
It’s not
like I
can
sleep
All I
do is
fucking
lie here
Overthinking
and
counting
sheep
(Originally Posted 21.09.2019)
Having spent another day
Putting my body through the mill
It couldn’t be more clear to me
That sleeping is a skill
Sleep Is Futile
What’s the
point in
going to bed
With all
this shit
inside my head
It’s not
like I’ll be
allowed to rest
With this
sickness deep
inside my chest
(Originally Posted 04.09.2019)
“Life isn’t as serious as the mind makes it out to be”
– Eckhart Tolle
It was nice of them
To think of me
Very kind of them to try
But all I could think
As I was ushered in
Was that I wanted to curl up and die
The Surprise Party
Sorry
that
I’m not
jumping
with
delight
But
I would
have
preferred
to be
alone
tonight
(Originally Posted 07.08.2020)
There is no update for this one
Nothing further to remark
Other than to say
I have felt this way
Pretty much from the start
Outline In Chalk
Here
I lie
Despite
my wealth
Murdered
By my
mental
health
(Originally Posted 30.07.2020)
I was pretending
So much back then
I should have known
Things would soon go tits up
In fact I’m amazed
Given how I behaved
No one thought to lock me up
Apathy & Deception
How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?
Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
After that night I realised
To quell the fears inside my head
I’d get a much better sleep
If I began to keep
A cricket bat under my bed
Creaky Floorboards
Tonight is
the first time
I’ve felt real fear
Being
home alone
without you here
What if someone
breaks in during
the night?
Will I survive
now you’re not
here to fight?
(Originally Posted 29.07.2019)
Some people
Are built to sleep
Of that
I’m pretty much certain
But for those like me
With anxiety
Insomnia
Is just another burden
Just Because I’m Yawning, Doesn’t Mean I’m Tired
The restlessness
has started
Yet sleep refuses
to advance
Body and soul
have departed
While I’m being led
a merry dance
(Originally Posted 18.07.2019)
Hoping this pill proves fruitful
That it will work as designed
So I swallow another scoopful
To quiet the chaos in my mind
Five A Day
An
apple
a day
may
keep
the
doctor
away.
But
it’s a
pill
at night
that makes
me feel
alright.
(Originally Posted 12.06.2019)
If only I wasn’t risk averse
My world would open up
If only I wasn’t risk averse
I could see more of life closeup
Deep Breaths
Maybe
you’ll
change
your
mind
Or
maybe
you
won’t
But
one
thing
is for
sure
You’ll
regret
it if
you
don’t
(Originally Posted 25.05.2020)
It left you so exhausted
Wrestling to decide
Now you know
What it’s like
Living inside my mind
If alcohol doesn’t soothe me
And music doesn’t move me
It’s no wonder I can’t cope
This crippling anxiety
Coupled with impropriety
Has left me devoid of hope
If all the roads are closed tonight
Then how will I get home
I’m much too scared
And emotionally impaired
To go a night out here alone
My body may be
At 35,000ft
But my mind
Is anything
But cruising
Does it matter
If I do
Or don’t
Should it matter
If I will
Or won’t
Why can’t it be easy
To decide
Without strain
When will I stop
Churning it over
Again
Maybe I could see a friend
Or give them a call instead
It must be better than wrestling
With these demons in my head
I was doing better alone
Then you came and messed with my head
So now I’ve got a different set of problems
To think about instead
I pride myself on my planning
I write lists day after day
I schedule my time wisely
So that nothing gets in the way
I prepare for every eventuality
Without a pause for breath
But the one thing I didn’t account for
Was your untimely death
Xxx
To not know
Who to trust
Certainly fucking hurts
But to be unsure
Of ones own self
Is infinitely worse
Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again
Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand
Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care
Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit
(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
She’s back again,
the little control freak,
whispering from my shoulder.She never really goes away,
despite my efforts to brush her aside
or however much I grow older.I’ve never once turned to look
at her whilst I try hard to
drown out her speech.But I never forget
she’s there, berating me,
and bleeding me like a leech.(Originally Posted 04.08.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
You must be logged in to post a comment.