I actually believed it
When you said
“I love you”
But little
Did I realise
I was at the back
Of the queue
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I actually believed it
When you said
“I love you”
But little
Did I realise
I was at the back
Of the queue
I didn’t believe in love
She said
Until my head
Was turned
Then I realised
How right I was
When I got
My fingers burned
You convince yourself
It’s not that bad
When it’s the only love
You’ve ever had
Now those old gods
Have disappeared
And it seems mere mortals
Are now revered
I can’t help but wonder
If all such crooks
Shouldn’t too be confined
To story books
(Inspired by a writing prompt offered by Michael at https://afterwards.blog/)
Frozen with fear
In the dead of night
I shed a tear
And hold on tight
As I pray to you
To see me through
Hoping this time
You’ll hear my plight
They say
He made us
In his own likeness
So why the fuck
Didn’t he do
The same
With kindness
Don’t be scared
He said
Now you’ve shared
I’ll keep your secret
‘Til the end
If they ever found out
She said
I’m not that devout
I fear chaos
Would descend
Go to bed
Say your prayers
Just ignore me
And the other nay sayers
If it makes you feel good
To utter those words
In the belief your request
Will be heard
Then pay no mind
To the likes of me
Heathens devoid
Of all piety
We’ll suffer one day
When He proves to be true
And we’ll regret not kneeling
Next to you
I think he does this
From time to time
Sends me something
To ease my mind
Some small reminder
Of what once was
Knowing I find no comfort
In the words of God
From Beyond The Grave
There’s no
such thing
as a sign,
she said
Apart from
when you
need one,
he said
(Originally Posted 14.10.2019)
I must’ve overdone the happy pills
When I wrote this one
As I can’t believe
I’d ever conceive
Of something like this with none
Hard To Believe
When you find
It’s a struggle to cope
When it feels
Like you’ve lost all hope
Remember and try
To just hold on
For there will be
Better days to come
(Originally Posted 13.08.2021)
If it’s distance that you want
He said
Then that’s exactly what you’ll get
There has to be something more
She said
But I just haven’t found it yet
A Pin In A Map
Do you think you’ll get away with it
He said
That you will succeed in your plan
I just know I have to try
She said
I need as much distance as I can
(Originally Posted 03.08.2021)
Now you’re not here
To cheer me on
I have lost my way a bit
I just need to remember
Those things you said
And try my best to get through it
You Make It Easy
It’s
not
really
you I
love
It’s
that
when
I am
with
you
You
make
it
easy
to
believe
The
lies
I tell
myself
are
true
(Originally Posted 08.05.2020)
If there’s one thing I’m sure of
He said
It’s that you’ll get your happy ending
Please stop lying to me
She said
And being so fucking condescending
They do not like me Jesus
He said
What am I supposed to do
If you teach me one of your tricks
Perhaps some friends might then ensue
—
I cannot help you friend
He said
For those tricks are mine alone
You must find your own way
Even if it means a lifetime alone
What about our adventure
She said
When do we get to go
That was just a gesture
He said
I thought by now you’d know
Drink this magic potion, dear
In its benefits place your trust
For come midday tomorrow
When your life’s still a shit show
You won’t see me for dust
Soon our saviour will return
To wash my sins away
So until that time
My only crime
Will be to sit around and pray
I’ll love you forever and ever
Until we’re both cold and blue
Just don’t worry
Your pretty little head
With who else I’ve said this to
Remember when I told you
I wished that I was dead
And you thought it was all
Just nonsense in my head
Well maybe now you’ll realise
You will finally get to see
The worst thing that you ever did
Was not to believe me
Do you really look past
The colour of my skin
And try hard to see
Who I am within
I don’t believe you
Some find it easier to deify
Rules bestowed from up high
And trust in his miraculous plan
But I feel it wiser
To be your own advisor
Than rely on the thoughts of a man
You
calledMy
LordBut
didn’t
waitFor
the
answerI
was
appalledMy
LordTo
find
youSuch
a chancer
Will
it
always
be like
this
She
said
Don’t
I deserve
a reprieve?
That
all
depends
on the
book
He
said
In
which
you
choose
to believe
And
just
like
that,
I
was
attracted.
Your
hand
warm
in
mine
Distracted
me
from
the
pain.
And
so I
fell in
love
with
you,
All
over
again.
I
listen
to all
the words
you say
And my
pain
slowly
ebbs
away
A kind man once said to me
You can be anything you want to be
But it’s hard to believe that you could matter
In amongst all this chatter
A kind man once said to me
You can do anything you want to do
But it’s hard to believe that could be true
When you live your life as I do
A kind man once said to me
You can say whatever you want
But it’s hard to believe you could speak that way
When you’ve never felt that it’s okay
A kind man once said to me
You are capable of more than you think
But it’s hard to believe you could make that link
As your heart, once more, begins to sink
Isn’t
it
funny
How
the
world
turns
And
yet
deep
inside
My
heart
still
burns
For
another
chance
At
somekind
of
romance
With
someone
Other
than
you
When
change
is
thrust
upon you
It
really
makes
you
wonder
Can I
make
it to
pastures
new
Or
will I
just fail
and go
under?
I wish
I could
tell you
everything
With
no
detail
spared
Perhaps
I would
If I
thought
you’d be
interested
If for a
second
I believed
you cared
Can you
see me?For I can
see youBelieve it
or notBut I know
it’s true
She told me this would happen
When we met many moons ago
She knew you were in jeopardy
That you would reap what you sow
She sent an angel to watch over you
While I sat and took the piss
I wish I’d realised then that it would all end like this
Looking at you
Looking at meI wonder how
far into
my soul
you can
really seeLooking at me
Looking at youI wonder
if I’ll ever
believe
what you
say is true
Still hoping,
Still waiting,
Still holding,
Still wanting.Still thinking,
Still grieving,
Still trying,
Still giving.Still caring,
Still feeling,
Still crying,
Still fighting.Still breathing,
Still living,
Still believing,
Still loving.
I wish I believed.
It’s heartening to see those of faith comforted from words set down so many years ago.
It’s uplifting to hear the voices of the choir soar alongside such stirring melody.
It’s inspiring to gaze in wonder at those beautifully stained glass windows like so many before me.
Truly.
But I don’t believe. In anyone or anything.
I’m not sure if I lack the inclination or imagination. Or both.
I am glad there are those that can be lifted from their darkest moments by the arms their God.
Sadly, the only person who will rescue me…is me.
And I’m not sure I have the strength.