An Asylum For The Hysterically Widowed

I remember that night so well

Even though I don’t remember his face

I felt so guilty

Thinking they should commit me

Just for craving his embrace


Guilty

I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.

I’m sorry.

(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)

But It’s So Brutally Apt

So you’re another year older, eh?

And yet you’re still a cunt

Aging it seems, sadly for you,

Changes nothing on that front


(Not Too) Many Happy Returns

Happy
Birthday
to you

I hope
you
have
fun

I didn’t
send you
a card

Because
you don’t
deserve
one

(Originally Posted 11.04.2020)

‘Happy Or Sad?’

There’s not much I can add

To this one

As the conflict still exists

To this day

Yes, there are days

When I can laugh

But those tears aren’t ever

Too far away


Conflict

I laughed today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

I cried today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

As I soldier on, as best I can,
this simultaneous existence
of conflicting emotions
is slowly killing me.

(Originally Posted 10.04.2019)

Stamped Feet

I wish

I could

Take it back

All this time

That’s gone

To waste

Now

You’ll never know

Who I am

Because of

A choice

Made in haste

Wilderness

Never amongst so many people

Have I felt so alone

I really do not want to stay

But know I can’t go home

Yet for all the kindness

And love I’ve been shown

I still cannot face another day

Here on my own

(Originally Posted 01.06.2019)

How Are You?

It’s easier to say I’m alright, rather then I’m anxious.

It’s easier to say I’m okay, rather than I’m outraged.

It’s easier to say I’m better, rather than I’m broken.

It’s easier to say I’m good, rather than I’m grieving.

It’s easier to say I’m well, rather than I’m wasted.

It’s easier to say I’m fine, rather than I’m fucked.

Animosity

You can
keep your
feigned apology

For your
friendship
now means
nothing to me

I shall
live without
you merrily

Waiting for
the day
everyone
will see

Just how
wicked and
cruel you
can be

Monsters

They are always there,
Gnawing away at my brain.

One day I will kill them,
And I shall smile again.

Conflict

I laughed today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

I cried today.
Hard.
Tears ran down my face,
Dizziness overtook me as my muscles ached from the strain,
And I thought I’d never breathe deeply again.

As I soldier on,
as best I can,
the simultaneous existence
of conflicting emotions,
slowly kills me.

Tomorrow

I’m not sure how I’ll feel when I’m forced to remember you, tomorrow.

Forced to remember those torturous nights.

Forced to remember those heart breaking conversations.

They were so private, so personal, so intense.

Those words only ever destined to leave your lips and reach my ears.

There will be others there that feel the same way about their loved one, I’m sure.

And there will be others there just to watch. To steal someone else’s story to tell as their own.

Fuck them.

I’m not sure how I’ll feel when I’m forced to remember you, tomorrow.

I just wish you were still here.

And that I didn’t have to go.

Mild Peril

I trace those old scars with my finger
I remember the fleeting pain
And the lasting relief

I never told anyone

I hope I'm not about to re-open old wounds

Literally

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