"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Something has to give,
For me to find a reason to live.
Something has to change,
For me to avoid the firing range.
Something good has to come,
For me to choose not to succumb.
Something better has to start,
For me to stop tearing myself apart.
Some other story must be told,
For me to finally come in out of the cold.
Atrophied. Abandoned.
Bleak. Barren.
Crumpled. Cracked.
Dark. Dank.
Embittered. Enraged.
Failed. Forgotten.
Garotted. Gutted.
Hateful. Haunted.
Indignant. Idle.
Jagged. Jaded.
Knocked. Knotted.
Longing. Lost.
Maudlin. Morose.
Nightmarish. Numb.
Obstructed. Obliterated.
Paralysed. Prone.
Quiet. Queasy.
Rotten. Ravaged.
Stolen. Shattered.
Traumatised. Tainted.
Unloveable. Undone.
Violated. Vanquished.
Weeping. Wasted.
Xxx
Yearning. Yawning.
Zero.
You must try harder, he says.
Harder to smile,
Harder to laugh,
Harder to forgive,
Harder to forget,
Harder to live again,
Harder to love again.
You must try harder, he says.
I can’t, she whispers
I’m sorry.
You can take a tablet to halt a head ache.
You can eat a sandwich to settle a queasy stomach.
You can sleep a while to revive your weary bones.
But the self loathing?
That shit lingers on inside your head for days. And there’s nothing you can do to help that.
God, hangovers are awful.
I should stop driving late at night.
Especially on country roads.
It’s becoming far too tempting not to press the foot brake.
And I’m not afraid of the darkness…
I trace those old scars with my finger
I remember the fleeting pain
And the lasting relief
I never told anyone
I hope I'm not about to re-open old wounds
Literally
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 