Tag: depression

A Knife’s Edge

It rears it’s head

This time of year

The feeling of wishing

That I wasn’t here

I’ll try to push through

As best as I can

But I’d be lying to say

It wasn’t still a plan

9

Staying Power

I understand

It takes time

For wounds

Like these

To heal

But I got bored

Of myself

Years ago

So fuck knows

How you feel

6

Without A Fuss

Don’t you want to get better?

No, she politely replied

I think folks would be happier

If I just quietly died

4

“The Demons In Your Head”

You thought

You’d stop

Didn’t you?

And you’d never

Touch me again

That you wouldn’t

Need knives

Or razor blades

To cope

With all your pain

Yet here you are

With scissors

Poised to plunge

Into your skin

What a stupid bitch

To think you could switch

And that I

Would never win

2

Shadows

They say

You are

No longer here

But I see you

Clear as day

I hear you

Talking

In your sleep

As I while

The hours away

They want me

To think

It can’t be true

That I’m mad

And must take

A pill

But I know you

Will never leave

And I am not

Mentally ill

4

Absence

I guess you could say

I’ve been in mourning

With no desire to see

Yet another day dawning

And despite me trying

To relieve this burden

It would only be lying

To say my future is certain

30

Compadre

There’s no way

I could know

The depths of your hell

But I’ve known

My own

All too fucking well

2

Piecemeal

As the punches roll

Time takes it’s toll

And I lose more

And more

Each day

I can’t be wrong

Thinking

It won’t be long

Before I fully

Fade away

0

Secluded

Slowly 
I walk 
Along 
The bridge 
Resisting 
The urge 
To jump

But 
I feel
The ringing 
In my ears 
And my heart 
Begin 
To thump 

Now
I have felt
This way 
Before 
And 
I recognise 
The slump

So I go
In search  
Somewhere 
Else
For these 
Feelings 
To dump
12

Peachy

As the juice

Runs down

My fingers

Those feelings

Diffuse

Yet the malady

Lingers

2

Like A Bad Penny

Maybe

I should move

She said

Start again

Somewhere new

It doesn’t matter

Where you go

He said

The guilt

Will follow you

8

The Dilemma

As I sit here

In the dark

All alone again

I wonder

If it’s worth it

Living a life

So plain

It would

Perhaps

Be different

If I thought

That anyone

Cared

But an opinion

On my existence

Not a soul

Has aired

So it is back

To my

Conundrum

Do I stay

Or do I go?

Waste away

Amidst

This humdrum

Or just end it now,

You know?

19

Just My Lot In Life

I suppose

I’ve never

Really cared

For people,

Places,

Or things

But just dealt

With the

Endless

Melancholy

That abject

Depression

Brings

6

A Swinging Brick

As I sit here

Alone again

Staring

At the wall

I know it’s not

That I don’t

Feel love

It’s that I

Don’t feel

At all

7

Pot Luck

Feel free

To take it all

She said

The Valium,

Zoloft and Prozac

They never really

Worked for me

So it’s not like

I’ll need them back

0

Never To Be Seen Again

Though I caught his eye

As he said goodbye

I couldn’t quite tell

If he would jump

But when he didn’t show up

Later on that month

I knew to the bridge

He had succumbed

4

Mere Mortal

If I could learn

To love myself

I know how happy

I could be

But the effort required 

Would be superhuman

And I don’t have that much

In me

4

Worth A Try

I’ll get up to eat

Some food today

As opposed to staying

In bed

Maybe then I’ll find

Ways to busy my mind

Instead of laying there

Like I’m dead

3

Pyrrhic Victories

Why even try

In the end

Why bother

To believe

There’s just

Disappointment

And a lack 

Of enjoyment

No matter what

We try to achieve

2

A Coping Mechanism

If I tell you 

That I’m through

Then you don’t need to protect me 

But if I say

That I’m ok

Then you really do need to worry

10

The Boxing Day Swim

It’s funny how things turn out

She said

As she tugged on her costume straps

When I was here

Last year

She said

My mind had all but collapsed

I knew after I’d entered the water

She said

That there would be no doubt

As I had decided

Feeling like I did

Death was the only way out

But these last few months I have learned

She said

Through medication and therapy

Having survived that blip

A communal dip

Is now more than enough for me

10

Enough Of This Shit

As another day fills

Me with dread

Intrusive thoughts

Inside my head

I wish that I

Could stay in bed

And sleep

For a thousand years instead

4

To Care

You really shouldn’t wait

He said

Who knows what could happen next

It really wouldn’t matter

She said

As I’m far too fucking depressed

0

Recognition

I saw it in

Your eyes that day

I heard it

In your voice

You, like me,

No longer see

Living

As a choice

0

Gritted Teeth

The hardest part

About being depressed

Isn’t crying

Every day

The hardest part

About being depressed

Is pretending

You’re OK

8

Maybe Next Time

I really am

Very sorry

I did not mean

To offend

But to look

Interested

In what you

Had suggested

I couldn’t be bothered

To pretend

4

Clock Watching

I commend

Your curiosity

I absolutely do

The fact

That I’m not

Remotely arsed

Says far more

About me

Than you

0

Winter

Here I am

Pretending again

Faking a smile

To hide my pain

I fucking hate this weather

15

Deadened

I wish

That things

Were different

And I could be

More in control

But my drive

Is non existent

So I’m stuck here

In this hole

4

Burnt Out

Lacking in motivation
Devoid of all desire
Wondering if salvation
Is in the funeral pyre

4

In The Doldrums

Tongue tied

Dead inside

Lying

On my bed of nails

Forever lonely

Seeing true love only

In films

And fairy tales

6

All That Study, And For What?

I’ve seen so many

Of them now

You’d think one

Would’ve broken through

But not one

Of their degrees

Has helped cure

My disease

Or informed me

Of what to do

The Trick Cyclist

I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment

I don’t
want
to see
you today

What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed

When
you can’t
help me
anyway?

(Originally Posted 25.02.2020)

4

Lying In Wait

The rope

Is in

The bin

For now

Having given

That monster

A swerve

But it’s safe

To assume

I can’t give him

Any room

As he’ll have

Kept some back

In reserve

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

And putting the rope

Back in the shed

(Originally Posted 24.02.2021)

2

Undercurrent

This isn’t actually

Strictly true

It’s not like I’ve never

Had fun

It’s more that my weakness

For bleakness

Hasn’t ever quite been undone

‘Twilight’

I wish
I could
remember

The
good
old
days

But I
fear they
were just
a lie

For
I cannot
recall

Any
time in
my life

When
I didn’t
want
to die

(Originally Posted 17.02.2020)

6

In Perpetuity

Just keep taking the pills

He said

And they’ll eventually quieten
the voices

I suppose I can persevere

She said

Through a lack of any
other choices

‘It’s Nice To Be A Lunatic…’

Am I over
tired

Or am I just
plain sad

Am I far
too wired

Or simply
going mad

Does it
really matter

For I think
we can deduct

That as I can’t
stop this chatter

Either way,
I’m fucked

(Originally Posted 13.02.2020)

1

Bridges

On those days

When I feel depressed

And I can’t carry on

Or hope for the best

I know to avoid

The great outdoors

As they’d end up scraping me

Off the floor

You Have Been Warned

I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today

For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away

I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump

That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

2

This Thing Called Life

Truth is

I’m getting older

I just wish

It was wiser too

Perhaps with that

Would come the ability

To find

A little stability

And I’d maybe make it

All the way through

The Spiral

It feels like
every day I fall

A little further
down the hole

Losing just
a wee bit more

Of my body,
mind and soul

(Originally Posted 05.02.2020)

7

Care Planning

Suffice it to say

If I had my way

There’d be no fucking risk assessment

I don’t need protecting

Despite your objecting

As in life I have no investment

999

God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead

Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead

(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)

0

Mind Games

It’s only when

The meds kick in

That you realise

The truth

The only person

On that ward

Being fooled

Was you

Psych Ward 101

Just keep calm

Don’t let them see

They’ll leave you alone

If you just agree

(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)

2

A Daily Challenge

It’s hard to consider

Giving much more

When your mind is weak

And your heart is sore

Cardiac Arrest

My heart
has been
aching
all day

Nothing
has made
the pain
go away

Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end

And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend

(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)

0

Crying Is Definitely For Me

“Raindrops keep falling on my head”

As that old sentimentalist croons

Well for me,

It’s not just raindrops

It’s a slew of fucking monsoons

Left Guessing

Time moves on

Yet I’m stood still

Fading away

Losing the will

As each second

Passes me by

I can’t seem to forget

Or stop asking why

(Originally Posted 19.01.2021)

0

On Spontaneity

Not everyone finds it easy

To go out and be social

Some of us need

A little time to breathe

While considering

Such a proposal

Leave Me Alone

Although the walls

Are closing in

I have no desire

To leave

I don’t understand

Why you find that

So fucking hard

To believe

(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)

2

Frostbite

Even if I wanted

To get up

And seize the day

It’s far too cold

For one so old

Outside anyway

Anhedonic

Trying
hard
to
survive

This
thing
called
life

Hoping
to fend
off the
madness

Striving
to find

Some peace
of mind

Underneath
this
duvet of
sadness

(Originally Posted 06.01.2020)

4

Debilitating

That really does sound lovely

She said

But I can’t come out to play

Depression wins again

She said

Much to my dismay

An Illicit Kiss

I can’t
think of
anything
more
exciting

Than
sitting
under
subdued
lighting

With
your
lips
pressed
to mine

That
feeling,
divine

Now
doesn’t
that
sound
inviting?

(Originally Posted 03.01.2020)

4

Relentless

I’d love to say

That things have changed

And I no longer feel

So hopeless

But the intervening time

Since writing this rhyme

Has been equally

As atrocious

Nothing

Nothing makes
me happy

Nothing makes
me smile

There’s nothing left
to look forward to

At least nothing that
feels worthwhile

(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)

6

It’s Not Wonderful For Everyone

This is my favorite time of year

He said

With these scents of cinnamon and pine

As I endure the merriment of others

She said

I thank fuck for cheese and wine

(Originally Posted 24.12.2021)

2

Blunted

This new one

Is my favourite

Of all those pills

And potions

As it leaves me feeling

Numb inside

And just going

Through the motions

Regime #7

These
pills
have
stopped
working

They
are now
simply
a token

As
they
don’t
take away
the hurting

From a
heart
that’s
truly
broken

(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)

2

Dead Inside

I know

That depression

Is cyclical

Yet I’m still taken

By surprise

Whenever

It hits

And I feel

Like shit

As the light fades

From behind my eyes

Sprung

The beast has crept back in again

She’s beaten down my door

And there was me,

Foolishly,

Thinking I wouldn’t need pills anymore

(Originally Posted 09.12.2020)

7

The Sudden Calmness

They were all hoping

The blues would fade

But they were unaware

My decision was made

Rope

I know
I can’t
do this
anymore

My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore

I feel
the relief
in every
pore

As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store

(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)

4

Encou(rage)ment

This type of positive sentiment

Is all well and good

But it’s of no use

When you cannot produce

The feelings others say you should

The (Not So) Funny Man

‘A day without laughter is a day wasted…’

Oh just fuck off Charlie,

Life’s far more complicated.

(Originally Posted 18.11.2019)

2

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