Tag: depression

Dark, Even For Me

It is

No longer

Up to me

It’s so

Far out

Of my hands

Now

I only hope

For a sturdy rope

And that,

One day,

You’ll understand

2

A Fate Worse Than Death

I will always say

That I’m doing well

And that nothing

Could ever annoy me

Because if I didn’t

That look

On your face

Would absolutely destroy me

4

A Knife’s Edge

It rears it’s head

This time of year

The feeling of wishing

That I wasn’t here

I’ll try to push through

As best as I can

But I’d be lying to say

It wasn’t still a plan

9

Staying Power

I understand

It takes time

For wounds

Like these

To heal

But I got bored

Of myself

Years ago

So fuck knows

How you feel

6

Without A Fuss

Don’t you want to get better?

No, she politely replied

I think folks would be happier

If I just quietly died

4

“The Demons In Your Head”

You thought

You’d stop

Didn’t you?

And you’d never

Touch me again

That you wouldn’t

Need knives

Or razor blades

To cope

With all your pain

Yet here you are

With scissors

Poised to plunge

Into your skin

What a stupid bitch

To think you could switch

And that I

Would never win

2

Shadows

They say

You are

No longer here

But I see you

Clear as day

I hear you

Talking

In your sleep

As I while

The hours away

They want me

To think

It can’t be true

That I’m mad

And must take

A pill

But I know you

Will never leave

And I am not

Mentally ill

4

Absence

I guess you could say

I’ve been in mourning

With no desire to see

Yet another day dawning

And despite me trying

To relieve this burden

It would only be lying

To say my future is certain

30

Compadre

There’s no way

I could know

The depths of your hell

But I’ve known

My own

All too fucking well

2

Piecemeal

As the punches roll

Time takes it’s toll

And I lose more

And more

Each day

I can’t be wrong

Thinking

It won’t be long

Before I fully

Fade away

0

Secluded

Slowly 
I walk 
Along 
The bridge 
Resisting 
The urge 
To jump

But 
I feel
The ringing 
In my ears 
And my heart 
Begin 
To thump 

Now
I have felt
This way 
Before 
And 
I recognise 
The slump

So I go
In search  
Somewhere 
Else
For these 
Feelings 
To dump
12

Peachy

As the juice

Runs down

My fingers

Those feelings

Diffuse

Yet the malady

Lingers

2

Like A Bad Penny

Maybe

I should move

She said

Start again

Somewhere new

It doesn’t matter

Where you go

He said

The guilt

Will follow you

8

The Dilemma

As I sit here

In the dark

All alone again

I wonder

If it’s worth it

Living a life

So plain

It would

Perhaps

Be different

If I thought

That anyone

Cared

But an opinion

On my existence

Not a soul

Has aired

So it is back

To my

Conundrum

Do I stay

Or do I go?

Waste away

Amidst

This humdrum

Or just end it now,

You know?

19

Just My Lot In Life

I suppose

I’ve never

Really cared

For people,

Places,

Or things

But just dealt

With the

Endless

Melancholy

That abject

Depression

Brings

6

A Swinging Brick

As I sit here

Alone again

Staring

At the wall

I know it’s not

That I don’t

Feel love

It’s that I

Don’t feel

At all

7

Pot Luck

Feel free

To take it all

She said

The Valium,

Zoloft and Prozac

They never really

Worked for me

So it’s not like

I’ll need them back

0

Never To Be Seen Again

Though I caught his eye

As he said goodbye

I couldn’t quite tell

If he would jump

But when he didn’t show up

Later on that month

I knew to the bridge

He had succumbed

4

Mere Mortal

If I could learn

To love myself

I know how happy

I could be

But the effort required 

Would be superhuman

And I don’t have that much

In me

4

Worth A Try

I’ll get up to eat

Some food today

As opposed to staying

In bed

Maybe then I’ll find

Ways to busy my mind

Instead of laying there

Like I’m dead

3

Pyrrhic Victories

Why even try

In the end

Why bother

To believe

There’s just

Disappointment

And a lack 

Of enjoyment

No matter what

We try to achieve

2

A Coping Mechanism

If I tell you 

That I’m through

Then you don’t need to protect me 

But if I say

That I’m ok

Then you really do need to worry

10

The Boxing Day Swim

It’s funny how things turn out

She said

As she tugged on her costume straps

When I was here

Last year

She said

My mind had all but collapsed

I knew after I’d entered the water

She said

That there would be no doubt

As I had decided

Feeling like I did

Death was the only way out

But these last few months I have learned

She said

Through medication and therapy

Having survived that blip

A communal dip

Is now more than enough for me

10

Enough Of This Shit

As another day fills

Me with dread

Intrusive thoughts

Inside my head

I wish that I

Could stay in bed

And sleep

For a thousand years instead

4

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