"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I’ve seen so many
Of them now
You’d think one
Would’ve broken through
But not one
Of their degrees
Has helped cure
My disease
Or informed me
Of what to do
The Trick Cyclist
I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment
I don’t
want
to see
you today
What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed
When
you can’t
help me
anyway?
(Originally Posted 25.02.2020)
The rope
Is in
The bin
For now
Having given
That monster
A swerve
But it’s safe
To assume
I can’t give him
Any room
As he’ll have
Kept some back
In reserve
Try Harder Next Time
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
And putting the rope
Back in the shed
(Originally Posted 24.02.2021)
This isn’t actually
Strictly true
It’s not like I’ve never
Had fun
It’s more that my weakness
For bleakness
Hasn’t ever quite been undone
‘Twilight’
I wish
I could
remember
The
good
old
days
But I
fear they
were just
a lie
For
I cannot
recall
Any
time in
my life
When
I didn’t
want
to die
(Originally Posted 17.02.2020)
Just keep taking the pills
He said
And they’ll eventually quieten
the voices
I suppose I can persevere
She said
Through a lack of any
other choices
‘It’s Nice To Be A Lunatic…’
Am I over
tired
Or am I just
plain sad
Am I far
too wired
Or simply
going mad
Does it
really matter
For I think
we can deduct
That as I can’t
stop this chatter
Either way,
I’m fucked
(Originally Posted 13.02.2020)
On those days
When I feel depressed
And I can’t carry on
Or hope for the best
I know to avoid
The great outdoors
As they’d end up scraping me
Off the floor
You Have Been Warned
I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today
For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away
I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump
That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump
(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)
Truth is
I’m getting older
I just wish
It was wiser too
Perhaps with that
Would come the ability
To find
A little stability
And I’d maybe make it
All the way through
The Spiral
It feels like
every day I fall
A little further
down the hole
Losing just
a wee bit more
Of my body,
mind and soul
(Originally Posted 05.02.2020)
Suffice it to say
If I had my way
There’d be no fucking risk assessment
I don’t need protecting
Despite your objecting
As in life I have no investment
999
God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead
Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead
(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)
It’s only when
The meds kick in
That you realise
The truth
The only person
On that ward
Being fooled
Was you
Psych Ward 101
Just keep calm
Don’t let them see
They’ll leave you alone
If you just agree
(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)
It’s hard to consider
Giving much more
When your mind is weak
And your heart is sore
Cardiac Arrest
My heart
has been
aching
all day
Nothing
has made
the pain
go away
Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end
And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend
(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)
“Raindrops keep falling on my head”
As that old sentimentalist croons
Well for me,
It’s not just raindrops
It’s a slew of fucking monsoons
Left Guessing
Time moves on
Yet I’m stood still
Fading away
Losing the will
As each second
Passes me by
I can’t seem to forget
Or stop asking why
(Originally Posted 19.01.2021)
Not everyone finds it easy
To go out and be social
Some of us need
A little time to breathe
While considering
Such a proposal
Leave Me Alone
Although the walls
Are closing in
I have no desire
To leave
I don’t understand
Why you find that
So fucking hard
To believe
(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)
Even if I wanted
To get up
And seize the day
It’s far too cold
For one so old
Outside anyway
Anhedonic
Trying
hard
to
survive
This
thing
called
life
Hoping
to fend
off the
madness
Striving
to find
Some peace
of mind
Underneath
this
duvet of
sadness
(Originally Posted 06.01.2020)
That really does sound lovely
She said
But I can’t come out to play
Depression wins again
She said
Much to my dismay
An Illicit Kiss
I can’t
think of
anything
more
exciting
Than
sitting
under
subdued
lighting
With
your
lips
pressed
to mine
That
feeling,
divine
Now
doesn’t
that
sound
inviting?
(Originally Posted 03.01.2020)
I’d love to say
That things have changed
And I no longer feel
So hopeless
But the intervening time
Since writing this rhyme
Has been equally
As atrocious
Nothing
Nothing makes
me happy
Nothing makes
me smile
There’s nothing left
to look forward to
At least nothing that
feels worthwhile
(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)
This is my favorite time of year
He said
With these scents of cinnamon and pine
As I endure the merriment of others
She said
I thank fuck for cheese and wine
(Originally Posted 24.12.2021)
This new one
Is my favourite
Of all those pills
And potions
As it leaves me feeling
Numb inside
And just going
Through the motions
Regime #7
These
pills
have
stopped
working
They
are now
simply
a token
As
they
don’t
take away
the hurting
From a
heart
that’s
truly
broken
(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)
I know
That depression
Is cyclical
Yet I’m still taken
By surprise
Whenever
It hits
And I feel
Like shit
As the light fades
From behind my eyes
Sprung
The beast has crept back in again
She’s beaten down my door
And there was me,
Foolishly,
Thinking I wouldn’t need pills anymore
(Originally Posted 09.12.2020)
They were all hoping
The blues would fade
But they were unaware
My decision was made
Rope
I know
I can’t
do this
anymore
My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore
I feel
the relief
in every
pore
As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store
(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)
This type of positive sentiment
Is all well and good
But it’s of no use
When you cannot produce
The feelings others say you should
The (Not So) Funny Man
‘A day without laughter is a day wasted…’
Oh just fuck off Charlie,
Life’s far more complicated.
(Originally Posted 18.11.2019)
Remove the paracetamol
And hide the razor blades
As I feel like shit
Again today
So you need to take the reins
The Daily Struggle
I went back to bed
Three times today
To try to dream
This pain away
Yet it didn’t work
So now I’m awake
Do I have any choice
But my life to take?
(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)
This is what depression does
It strips you bare until life becomes
Just too much to contemplate.
So you lie there alone
Isolated at home
And accept what you feel is fate.
Meanwhile everyone else
Is worried about you.
Totally clueless
As to how to help you.
Ultimately nobody wins.
So fuck depression,
And all that it brings.
In My Eyes
No one
sees
me as
anything
more
Than a
sad and
lonely
depressed
old bore
A pathetic
waste of
space for
sure
Just
another
nuisance
to ignore
(Originally Posted 14.11.2019)
That is how
It was back then
When I had no choice
But to rely on pills
One to find a way
To get through each day
And several more
To help me rebuild
Happy Pills
I think
we’ll
increase
your dose,
She
said,
To stop
you
feeling so
morose.
I’ll
easily
give it
a try,
I
said,
But I’m
pretty sure
the end
is nigh.
(Originally Posted 07.11.2019)
Here I am stuck
In this carriage again
Honestly,
I could scream
I’m forever trying
To reach the end
Yet I always run out
Of steam
‘Forever Delayed’
Brought
to a
standstill
By leaves
on the
line ahead
Yet
another
signal
point
failure
Oh how
I wish
I’d stayed
in bed
(Originally Posted 05.11.2019)
I guess I don’t feel
Like this anymore
But in that I can take no pride
As the only reason
I feel any different
Is because I’m now dead inside
What’s The Point?
It
feels
like
I will
never
laugh
again
As my
life
is so
full of
sorrow
and pain
Like
I will
no
longer
be able
to smile
And
that
nothing
I do will
ever be
worthwhile
(Originally Posted 01.11.2019)
Four different medications
Plus some of my own to boot
Yet the madness persists
As I eye up my wrists
Making the point of treatment moot
Assistance / Resistance
So
it’s
been
a year
Of
your
latest
treatment
Yet
I still
don’t
feel
Any
fucking
different
(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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