Out walking alone
Serotonin in winter
Remains elusive
From Birth
Why is everything so fucking bleak with you
He said
Why can’t you just stop moping around
For my melancholy is lifelong
She said
And no cure can be found
That’s It Settled Then
There’s really no point anymore
Now that joy seems so out of reach
It’s better to go now, than to linger
And to practice what I preach
The End Of The Road
Pretending gets tiring
After a while
So in the end you stop
With no cylinders left firing
And an inibility to smile
It’s back up to that rooftop
Namesake
Well that’s me back
In the doldrums again
Months of progress
Down the drain
I can no longer be bothered
With any motivation to find
For it’s clear now nothing will fix
This fragile mind of mine
Tumbleweeds
How long is normal
To feel empty inside
Because I still do
Ever since he died
Haywire
One minute I’m up
But then the next I’m down
It’s really hard
To fake this smile
When it’s easier to frown
Personality #3
I see you there
With your vacant stare
Drowning in infinite sadness
But never fear
I’ll alway be here
Trying to sweep away your madness
After The Exorcism
Things should be better now
He said
They certainly shouldn’t be worse
I really hope so
She said
For I can’t live with this curse
The Fallacy of Pharma
They promised I’d feel better by now
That these pills would have kicked in
Well they fucking lied
As my brain is still fried
And my heart belongs in the bin
Down The Back Of The Sofa
Does anybody know
What we are searching for?
Or where we’re supposed to look?
Because my motivation
Is fading
And it’s getting harder to give a fuck
Dazed And Confused
It was the best day
When we met
The worst when
You walked away
But what hurts the most
Is I was far too morose
For you to want to stay
Progress
I cry a lot more now
Even at the silliest thing
My therapist says it’s better
Than trying to keep it all in
Writer’s Block
I try to write but the words fail.
Sit, think, smoke, exhale.
As I reach for the coffee cup,
I wonder if my time is up.
Have I forgotten you,
Is that what this is?
The reason I can no longer write this shit?
Or could it be this depression is finally lifting?
Maybe the all encompassing darkness is shifting?
Perhaps after all this time my heart is mended.
And my love affair with words has ended.
(Originally Posted 11.08.2019)
The Faceless Female
She’s back again,
the little control freak,
whispering from my shoulder.She never really goes away,
despite my efforts to brush her aside
or however much I grow older.I’ve never once turned to look
at her whilst I try hard to
drown out her speech.But I never forget
she’s there, berating me,
and bleeding me like a leech.(Originally Posted 04.08.2019)
Sometimes
Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.
Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain,
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.
Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth,
stories flow like vintage wine,
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.
Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head,
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed,
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.
(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)
Murderer
My heart is empty now;
it can never be filled.My life is over now;
my spirit you have killed.(Originally Posted 16.07.2019)
Ice
I suppose I should be happy the sun is shining again,
Feel a spring in my step at the lighter evenings,
Be comforted by the warmth on the back of my neck.
But I couldn’t give a shit.
It means nothing.
None of it melts the ice in my heart.
(Originally Posted 21.03.2019)
Self Worth
I’d give you my heart,
But it’s not worth me tryingI’d give you my body,
But it’s not worth your touchI’d give you my soul,
But it’s not worth my cryingI’d give you my life,
But it’s not worth very much(Originally Posted 19.04.2019)
The Noose Tightens
Today has
been like
scratching
a brick wall
I didn’t
see this
one coming
at all
Everything
I’ve done
has made me
feel worse
I cannot
shrug this
nightmarish
curse
It feels
ridiculously
melodramatic
to say
But I
really don’t
think there’s
another way
All that
appeals
to me now
is that rope
As finally
it seems I’ve
abandoned
all hope
(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)
Try Harder Next Time
The monster who lives
Under my bed
Whispers again
Why aren’t you dead
Berating me
For writing instead
When all the time
That rope’s still in the shed
