Tag: depression

A Swinging Brick

As I sit here

Alone again

Staring

At the wall

I know it’s not

That I don’t

Feel love

It’s that I

Don’t feel

At all

7

Pot Luck

Feel free

To take it all

She said

The Valium,

Zoloft and Prozac

They never really

Worked for me

So it’s not like

I’ll need them back

0

Never To Be Seen Again

Though I caught his eye

As he said goodbye

I couldn’t quite tell

If he would jump

But when he didn’t show up

Later on that month

I knew to the bridge

He had succumbed

4

Mere Mortal

If I could learn

To love myself

I know how happy

I could be

But the effort required 

Would be superhuman

And I don’t have that much

In me

4

Worth A Try

I’ll get up to eat

Some food today

As opposed to staying

In bed

Maybe then I’ll find

Ways to busy my mind

Instead of laying there

Like I’m dead

3

Pyrrhic Victories

Why even try

In the end

Why bother

To believe

There’s just

Disappointment

And a lack 

Of enjoyment

No matter what

We try to achieve

2

A Coping Mechanism

If I tell you 

That I’m through

Then you don’t need to protect me 

But if I say

That I’m ok

Then you really do need to worry

10

The Boxing Day Swim

It’s funny how things turn out

She said

As she tugged on her costume straps

When I was here

Last year

She said

My mind had all but collapsed

I knew after I’d entered the water

She said

That there would be no doubt

As I had decided

Feeling like I did

Death was the only way out

But these last few months I have learned

She said

Through medication and therapy

Having survived that blip

A communal dip

Is now more than enough for me

10

Enough Of This Shit

As another day fills

Me with dread

Intrusive thoughts

Inside my head

I wish that I

Could stay in bed

And sleep

For a thousand years instead

4

To Care

You really shouldn’t wait

He said

Who knows what could happen next

It really wouldn’t matter

She said

As I’m far too fucking depressed

0

Recognition

I saw it in

Your eyes that day

I heard it

In your voice

You, like me,

No longer see

Living

As a choice

0

Gritted Teeth

The hardest part

About being depressed

Isn’t crying

Every day

The hardest part

About being depressed

Is pretending

You’re OK

8

Maybe Next Time

I really am

Very sorry

I did not mean

To offend

But to look

Interested

In what you

Had suggested

I couldn’t be bothered

To pretend

4

Clock Watching

I commend

Your curiosity

I absolutely do

The fact

That I’m not

Remotely arsed

Says far more

About me

Than you

0

Winter

Here I am

Pretending again

Faking a smile

To hide my pain

I fucking hate this weather

15

Deadened

I wish

That things

Were different

And I could be

More in control

But my drive

Is non existent

So I’m stuck here

In this hole

4

Burnt Out

Lacking in motivation
Devoid of all desire
Wondering if salvation
Is in the funeral pyre

4

In The Doldrums

Tongue tied

Dead inside

Lying

On my bed of nails

Forever lonely

Seeing true love only

In films

And fairy tales

6

All That Study, And For What?

I’ve seen so many

Of them now

You’d think one

Would’ve broken through

But not one

Of their degrees

Has helped cure

My disease

Or informed me

Of what to do

The Trick Cyclist

I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment

I don’t
want
to see
you today

What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed

When
you can’t
help me
anyway?

(Originally Posted 25.02.2020)

4

Lying In Wait

The rope

Is in

The bin

For now

Having given

That monster

A swerve

But it’s safe

To assume

I can’t give him

Any room

As he’ll have

Kept some back

In reserve

Try Harder Next Time

The monster who lives

Under my bed

Whispers again

Why aren’t you dead

Berating me

For writing instead

And putting the rope

Back in the shed

(Originally Posted 24.02.2021)

2

Undercurrent

This isn’t actually

Strictly true

It’s not like I’ve never

Had fun

It’s more that my weakness

For bleakness

Hasn’t ever quite been undone

‘Twilight’

I wish
I could
remember

The
good
old
days

But I
fear they
were just
a lie

For
I cannot
recall

Any
time in
my life

When
I didn’t
want
to die

(Originally Posted 17.02.2020)

6

In Perpetuity

Just keep taking the pills

He said

And they’ll eventually quieten
the voices

I suppose I can persevere

She said

Through a lack of any
other choices

‘It’s Nice To Be A Lunatic…’

Am I over
tired

Or am I just
plain sad

Am I far
too wired

Or simply
going mad

Does it
really matter

For I think
we can deduct

That as I can’t
stop this chatter

Either way,
I’m fucked

(Originally Posted 13.02.2020)

1

Bridges

On those days

When I feel depressed

And I can’t carry on

Or hope for the best

I know to avoid

The great outdoors

As they’d end up scraping me

Off the floor

You Have Been Warned

I’m
too
scared
to go
out
today

For
the
dark
thoughts
haven’t
gone away

I’m
worried
I’m so
far into
this
slump

That
I may
well
just
decide
to
jump

(Originally Posted 09.02.2020)

2

This Thing Called Life

Truth is

I’m getting older

I just wish

It was wiser too

Perhaps with that

Would come the ability

To find

A little stability

And I’d maybe make it

All the way through

The Spiral

It feels like
every day I fall

A little further
down the hole

Losing just
a wee bit more

Of my body,
mind and soul

(Originally Posted 05.02.2020)

7

Care Planning

Suffice it to say

If I had my way

There’d be no fucking risk assessment

I don’t need protecting

Despite your objecting

As in life I have no investment

999

God
knows
why I
didn’t
wake up
dead

Or why
I didn’t
think
to plan
this far
ahead

(Originally Posted 27.01.2020)

0

Mind Games

It’s only when

The meds kick in

That you realise

The truth

The only person

On that ward

Being fooled

Was you

Psych Ward 101

Just keep calm

Don’t let them see

They’ll leave you alone

If you just agree

(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)

2

A Daily Challenge

It’s hard to consider

Giving much more

When your mind is weak

And your heart is sore

Cardiac Arrest

My heart
has been
aching
all day

Nothing
has made
the pain
go away

Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end

And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend

(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)

0

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