"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
It’s hard to consider
Giving much more
When your mind is weak
And your heart is sore
Cardiac Arrest
My heart
has been
aching
all day
Nothing
has made
the pain
go away
Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end
And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend
(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)
“Raindrops keep falling on my head”
As that old sentimentalist croons
Well for me,
It’s not just raindrops
It’s a slew of fucking monsoons
Left Guessing
Time moves on
Yet I’m stood still
Fading away
Losing the will
As each second
Passes me by
I can’t seem to forget
Or stop asking why
(Originally Posted 19.01.2021)
Not everyone finds it easy
To go out and be social
Some of us need
A little time to breathe
While considering
Such a proposal
Leave Me Alone
Although the walls
Are closing in
I have no desire
To leave
I don’t understand
Why you find that
So fucking hard
To believe
(Originally Posted 11.01.2021)
Even if I wanted
To get up
And seize the day
It’s far too cold
For one so old
Outside anyway
Anhedonic
Trying
hard
to
survive
This
thing
called
life
Hoping
to fend
off the
madness
Striving
to find
Some peace
of mind
Underneath
this
duvet of
sadness
(Originally Posted 06.01.2020)
That really does sound lovely
She said
But I can’t come out to play
Depression wins again
She said
Much to my dismay
An Illicit Kiss
I can’t
think of
anything
more
exciting
Than
sitting
under
subdued
lighting
With
your
lips
pressed
to mine
That
feeling,
divine
Now
doesn’t
that
sound
inviting?
(Originally Posted 03.01.2020)
I’d love to say
That things have changed
And I no longer feel
So hopeless
But the intervening time
Since writing this rhyme
Has been equally
As atrocious
Nothing
Nothing makes
me happy
Nothing makes
me smile
There’s nothing left
to look forward to
At least nothing that
feels worthwhile
(Originally Posted 28.12.2019)
This is my favorite time of year
He said
With these scents of cinnamon and pine
As I endure the merriment of others
She said
I thank fuck for cheese and wine
(Originally Posted 24.12.2021)
This new one
Is my favourite
Of all those pills
And potions
As it leaves me feeling
Numb inside
And just going
Through the motions
Regime #7
These
pills
have
stopped
working
They
are now
simply
a token
As
they
don’t
take away
the hurting
From a
heart
that’s
truly
broken
(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)
I know
That depression
Is cyclical
Yet I’m still taken
By surprise
Whenever
It hits
And I feel
Like shit
As the light fades
From behind my eyes
Sprung
The beast has crept back in again
She’s beaten down my door
And there was me,
Foolishly,
Thinking I wouldn’t need pills anymore
(Originally Posted 09.12.2020)
They were all hoping
The blues would fade
But they were unaware
My decision was made
Rope
I know
I can’t
do this
anymore
My soul
is heavy
and my
heart
is sore
I feel
the relief
in every
pore
As I walk
along
to the
hardware
store
(Originally Posted 06.12.2019)
This type of positive sentiment
Is all well and good
But it’s of no use
When you cannot produce
The feelings others say you should
The (Not So) Funny Man
‘A day without laughter is a day wasted…’
Oh just fuck off Charlie,
Life’s far more complicated.
(Originally Posted 18.11.2019)
Remove the paracetamol
And hide the razor blades
As I feel like shit
Again today
So you need to take the reins
The Daily Struggle
I went back to bed
Three times today
To try to dream
This pain away
Yet it didn’t work
So now I’m awake
Do I have any choice
But my life to take?
(Originally Posted 16.11.2020)
This is what depression does
It strips you bare until life becomes
Just too much to contemplate.
So you lie there alone
Isolated at home
And accept what you feel is fate.
Meanwhile everyone else
Is worried about you.
Totally clueless
As to how to help you.
Ultimately nobody wins.
So fuck depression,
And all that it brings.
In My Eyes
No one
sees
me as
anything
more
Than a
sad and
lonely
depressed
old bore
A pathetic
waste of
space for
sure
Just
another
nuisance
to ignore
(Originally Posted 14.11.2019)
That is how
It was back then
When I had no choice
But to rely on pills
One to find a way
To get through each day
And several more
To help me rebuild
Happy Pills
I think
we’ll
increase
your dose,
She
said,
To stop
you
feeling so
morose.
I’ll
easily
give it
a try,
I
said,
But I’m
pretty sure
the end
is nigh.
(Originally Posted 07.11.2019)
Here I am stuck
In this carriage again
Honestly,
I could scream
I’m forever trying
To reach the end
Yet I always run out
Of steam
‘Forever Delayed’
Brought
to a
standstill
By leaves
on the
line ahead
Yet
another
signal
point
failure
Oh how
I wish
I’d stayed
in bed
(Originally Posted 05.11.2019)
I guess I don’t feel
Like this anymore
But in that I can take no pride
As the only reason
I feel any different
Is because I’m now dead inside
What’s The Point?
It
feels
like
I will
never
laugh
again
As my
life
is so
full of
sorrow
and pain
Like
I will
no
longer
be able
to smile
And
that
nothing
I do will
ever be
worthwhile
(Originally Posted 01.11.2019)
Four different medications
Plus some of my own to boot
Yet the madness persists
As I eye up my wrists
Making the point of treatment moot
Assistance / Resistance
So
it’s
been
a year
Of
your
latest
treatment
Yet
I still
don’t
feel
Any
fucking
different
(Originally Posted 30.10.2020)
It would not be
That unusual for me
To view my own mental health
As simply cliché
And to explain it away
As just feeling sorry for myself
The Gloom
Does it
follow me
Or do I
chase it
Either way
around
It’s still
pretty shit
(Originally Posted 30.10.2019)
Check in with your family and friends
Make sure they know you are their ally
As you can’t always tell
Who on the outside looks well
But on the inside wants to die
The Passing Samaritan
I
really
can’t
explain
it
This
feeling
I have
inside
I
just
don’t
want
to be
here
And,
God
knows,
I’ve
tried
(Originally Posted 29.10.2020)
I’ve felt this way
For some time now
And yet I still plod on
Perhaps this is just
My normal now
And it’s hoping for more that’s wrong
Zestless
Finally
dropping
into
bed
Knowing
I couldn’t
have done
any more
There is
no point
in setting
an alarm
As
there’s
nothing
to wake
up for
(Originally Posted 24.10.2020)
They sense my attempt
To avoid them, the pack,
So they change their course
Quick smart
For there’s nothing more appealing
Than an injured woman concealing
The stench
Of her bleeding heart
Prey
The
wolves
are on
their
hunt
again
I can
hear
them
whine
and
howl
They
are
already
stalking
me,
I know,
For
you’ve
told
them
where
to prowl
(Originally Posted 14.10.2019)
As there was no one to pull me
Back in from the ledge
It is here I remain
Drunk and in pain
Standing perilously close to the edge
A Little More
As I fall
apart
a little
more
each day
I wonder
if I’ll
always
feel
this way
How
much
lower
can I
sink?
Who will
pull me
back
from the
brink?
(Originally Posted 13.10.2019)
I probably did write this
On a Tuesday
Fuelled by coffee
And nicotine
But in truth
This could’ve been posted
On any given day
Back in twenty nineteen
Tuesday
I called in sick for work today.
My heart just couldn’t come out to play.
All I’ve done is lie in bed
Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.
With nausea consuming every movement,
My mood shows no sign of any improvement.
I hate existing like this.
Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.
I wonder how much more emotion can I conceal
Before I decide to end it all for real
(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)
I have never spoken
About that night
As to betray him
Would be be unfair
He only hit on me
Because he was ill, you see,
And his ability to judge
Impaired
Indiscretion
It was
what
it was
And
whilst
we
had
fun
Now
it is
what
it is
The
guilt
has
begun
(Originally Posted 01.10.2019)
That I ever thought
Those pills would work
Is actually quite preposterous
For I have found
To my cost
That the pit of my stomach is bottomless
Prescription For A Broken Heart
I took
the first
one this
morning
The rest
won’t be
hard to
swallow
Soon
my belly
will be
full
And I’ll
no longer
feel so
hollow
(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)
It would’ve saved a lot of time
She said
Had I walked away long ago
Oh please don’t kid yourself
She said
You’d still have lived a life of woe
‘Should I Stay Or Should I Go’
If
someone
told me
then
How all
this
would
end
I’d pack
a bag
and run
away
And not
even
bother
to pretend
(Originally Posted 22.09.2020)
If you were to see
Who I am inside
You would simply run
Away and hide
It’s not as though
I have ever lied
But to quell the beast
I’ve always tried
Hidden
There’s
so much
of me
You
never
see
So many
things
I do
That are
hidden
from view
I know you
won’t believe
it’s true
But it’s
my way of
protecting you
(Originally Posted 22.09.2019)
I may spend time lying down
But not much of that is sleeping
It’s existential dread
That fills my head
And that’s not to mention the weeping
Forty Winks
Why do
I bother
coming
to bed
It’s not
like I
can
sleep
All I
do is
fucking
lie here
Overthinking
and
counting
sheep
(Originally Posted 21.09.2019)
It’s not like it wasn’t obvious
That I was depressed as fuck
Given all my talk,
I would’ve thought,
That was understood
Read Between The Lines
How
much
more
Must
I write
Before
you
come to
save
me?
How
much
more
Must
I fight
Before
you
run to
embrace
me?
(Originally Posted 14.09.2020)
I can hardly remember writing
Such a powerful piece
Although I can recall requiring
A medication increase
Yes Sir, No Sir
Okay,
okay,
I accept
defeat.
I’ll get up,
get dressed,
drink tea,
eat.
I’ll take
the pills
you say
I need.
I’ll be a
good wee girl,
like we
agreed.
(Originally Posted 11.09.2019)
It can be hard to stop
And smell the roses
When you’d rather
Be six feet under them
The Black Dog
When I heard
the black dog
barking outside
I knew I had
nowhere left
to hide
When I heard
the black dog
at my door
I knew I didn’t
have the strength
to fight anymore
Now I hear
the black dog
on my shoulder
And all I feel
is relief
that it’s over
(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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