Tag: emotions

The Thief Of Joy

I wonder

Where

You are

Tonight

And if

You ever

Think of me

Or do you

Just

Lay there

Her hands in

Your hair

As you sigh

Contentedly

0

Punching Bags

If we take away

The anger

The frustration

And the pain

It’s pretty clear

Neither one of us

Has anything

To gain

2

What Do You Do?

What do you do

When you want to be touched

But you don’t really like

People very much

What do you do

When you want romance

But you’re in no way inclined

To give anyone a chance

Well, here’s what I do

I just stay in bed

And spend all day feeling

I’d be better off dead

8

Clean

All those worries

Doubts and fears

Washed away

Through a river

Of tears

2

I Think I Love You

This should’ve been

About convenience

And not a true

Affair of the heart

But when you tell me lies

To my total surprise

It completely

Tears me apart 

2

Filling The Void

In an

Attempt

To convince

Herself

That it really

Was ok

She sat down

With the required

Amount

To eat

Her feelings

Away

2

Motormouth

I am always here

He said

If you ever want

To talk

We could sit

And have a coffee

He said

Or go out

For a walk

Thank you

For the offer

She said

But I’d really

Rather not

If I start taking now

She said

I don’t think

I’d ever stop

0

Flimsy

It never ceases to amaze me

How quickly the tears can flow

At some moment of nostalgia

Or sentimental TV show

I guess it’s just indicative

Of how most days I can deal

But just beneath the surface

Lurks a trauma yet to heal

2

On Mute

I don’t think

You were hiding

But you just genuinely

Didn’t know

When I would ask

“How are you feeling”

About

The impending blow

2

Shots Fired

Nothing makes you

Feel more alive

Than the sound

Of a lovers verse

But nothing will ever

Hurt you more

Than the sting

Of a lovers curse

Love(less)

I
really
do
love
you

She
said

But I
don’t
like
you
very
much

Your
words
leave
me
reeling

She
said

And
feeling
cold
to the
touch

(Originally Posted 06.02.2020)

0

The Performance

Oh don’t get me wrong

Their tears will throng

As they stand forlornly

At your grave

But I’ll certainly know

That it’s all for show

As it’s just their face

They’re trying to save

Daughters

I am
so glad

You’re
not here

To
see

What
they’ve
become

Both
bitter and
twisted

Individuals

Who’ve
lost the
love

You
taught
them

(Originally Posted 01.02.2020)

0

Rituals

I’ve picked up a few

Tips and tricks

Over the years

That I’ve been hurting

And although some work

My demons still lurk

So I’m never too far away

From reverting

Harm Reduction

I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain

So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again

At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token

And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

2

Short Sleeves

Once, I thought

I had no choice

But my innermost feeling to hide

But now I know

That given room to grow

I can wear my scars with pride

Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

2

‘Nothing Else To Give’

I booked the day off work today

As I knew I’d want to be alone

I wouldn’t want to see anyone

Or even speak on the phone

It’s not that I’m ungrateful

Or I don’t appreciate the intent

But people just don’t realise

That, emotionally, I’m spent

Rest In Peace

Someone
sent me
flowers
today

And for
their
kindness
I was
thankful

But
I still
chucked
them
in the
bin

For of
condolences
I’ve had
a tankful

(Originally Posted 08.09.2020)

2

An Asylum For The Hysterically Widowed

I remember that night so well

Even though I don’t remember his face

I felt so guilty

Thinking they should commit me

Just for craving his embrace

Guilty

I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.

I’m sorry.

(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)

0

‘I Don’t Need A Gun To Blow My Mind’

This was just one route

That I’d considered

Amongst the many others

I had planned

I’d completely lost the plot

I think

In a way not many

Would understand

It seems that I

Had turned that choice

Into some kind of

Romantic notion

Which, it seems

For a while at least

Is how I coped

With my emotions

It took me some time

To best those thoughts

And to comprehend

The brutality of falling

But that’s not to say

They truly went away

And all I’m doing now, really

Is stalling

Look Out!

Falling

Tumbling

Through the air

Wondering

What it’s like

Down there

People standing

Faces aghast

Yet I don’t care

As I breathe my last

(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)

2

Poignant

Sometimes I

Have nothing to add

No further words

Or updates

This is one

Of those times,

I think,

As when I read this

My heart breaks

Leftovers

A weak and weary
confused mind

An empty and
hollow heart

As bleak as it is,
it is all I have

As my life has
fallen apart

(Originally Posted 13.07.2019)

8

Random #215

“We are the same, you and I – two odd, lonely children, reaching for eternity.”

– Tom Hanks (as Col. Tom Parker)

12

Not Spoiling Things

Pretending I was fine

On that trip

Was just something

I needed to do

So I wiped my eyes

And stifled my cries

In the tent

Next door to you

Camping

The warmth of the sun on your face,

The anticipation of a road trip with friends,

The promise of tall tales around the campfire.

It’s the little things that bring the most joy.

(Originally Posted 28.06.2019)

5

Omnipresent

It has gotten easier

To get out of bed

But life without him

Has not

For there is little relief

From the pain of grief

And that is now my lot

Options

I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.

You have no idea how hard it is.

This sustained internal struggle.

The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.

The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.

It’s exhausting.

If only I could return to the naivety of the past.

Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.

Where melancholy was a comforting friend.

And death wasn’t such a viable option.

(Originally Posted 27.06.2019)

2

And The Blues Continues

Five cans

Six cans

Seven cans

Eight

No point

Stopping now

It’s already

Too late

Six Pack Blues

One can

Two cans

Three cans

Four

Perhaps

I should eat

Before

I drink

Any more

(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)

4

In Thrall

I have said

Time and time again

“That’s it – I’ve had enough”

But it proves pointless

Time and time again

As leaving you is just too tough

‘It’s In The Trees…’

How do I give you up

My drug of choice

You don’t stand a chance

Whispers the voice

(Originally Posted 31.05.2020)

4

After The Party

As empty bottles clink

Into paper bags

My heart start to sink

And motivation flags

I was happy you came over

That much is true

Yet I can’t help but wish

She hadn’t left with you

More Or Less

I
guess
I am
happy

More
or
less

Even
though
I’m the
one

Left
cleaning
up the
mess

(Originally Posted 30.05.2020)

2

A Thousand More

There’s nothing much

To add to this

Little else

That I can write

As the grief I felt

When you left

Will remain with me

For life

Xxx

A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)

2

Stunted

I don’t remember where this was

Or which comedian I was bashing

But I hope they could see

It wasn’t them, but me

That was the reason I wasn’t laughing

Row 3 Seat 5

I don’t know
who said you
were funny

But I think
you’re pretty
witless

This really
wasn’t worth
the money

As I’m sitting
here bored
shitless

(Originally Posted 29.04.2020)

2

Let It Burn

I have killed us

Once before

And I will happily

Do it again

For I am

No longer

In love with you

In fact

We’re not even friends

7

The Tirade

Don’t stop me now

I’m on a roll

Saying my piece

Letting it all go

It was you who did this to us

You see

You are the arsehole here

Not me

9

Depleted

It was easier when I was angry

When I was filled with hate

When I wanted nothing more

Than your head on a plate

It’s harder now I’m ‘better’

As the bitterness subsides

For all I have been left with

Is this hollowness inside

21

High Winds

If all the roads are closed tonight

Then how will I get home

I’m much too scared

And emotionally impaired

To go a night out here alone

12

Screaming

I know that

It seems strange

And makes it difficult

To confabulate

But you must believe me

When I say

It is how

I best communicate

7

#24 The Writer

Full of bleeding heart

That’s me

Slowly dying

For all to see

Hoping for words

To set the world alight

As I scribble away

In the dead of night

22

Random #70

‘I sort of came to the conclusion that misery is the natural state.

And if you get two decent minutes a day then that’s alright.’

– Nicky Wire

8

Running Scared

In case you don’t come back

He said

You did really well today

Thank you very much

She said

But I don’t believe a word you say

6

The Expert

You just have to remember

He said

You can’t pour from an empty cup

Well mine is smashed to smithereens

She said

So how the fuck do I fill it up?

23

Insurance

What is it going to take

He said

For you to open up to me?

Another bottle of wine for starters

She said

And a money back guarantee

31

Protection

Why don’t you tell him what happened

He said

Instead of just writing it down

Because I don’t want him to know

She said

I couldn’t bear to see his frown

7

Self Talk

If I don’t talk about myself negatively

She said

Then I’ve got nothing much to say

Well perhaps I can try to help you

He said

See yourself in a different way

31

The Fallacy of Pharma

They promised I’d feel better by now

That these pills would have kicked in

Well they fucking lied

As my brain is still fried

And my heart belongs in the bin

22

Sad Songs

I play them too often nowadays

Just to feel the pain

It’s better then feeling nothing

Again and again and again…

16

Dazed And Confused

It was the best day

When we met

The worst when

You walked away

But what hurts the most

Is I was far too morose

For you to want to stay

20

Progress

I cry a lot more now

Even at the silliest thing

My therapist says it’s better

Than trying to keep it all in

22

Rent Free

You’ve now outstayed a welcome

That you were never fucking given

So if you would kindly

Piss off please

I can get back to living

2

If You Like

Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again

Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand

Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care

Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit

(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
4

Bottled Memories

I’m glad
I kept
your aftershave,
so that I
can wear
it too.

It’s the
only thing
that I
have left,
that keeps
me close
to you.

(Originally Posted 14.06.2019)

18

Sometimes

Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.

Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain, 
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.

Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth, 
stories flow like vintage wine, 
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.

Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head, 
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed, 
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.

(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)
15

The Reality

Life goes on,
now I’m alone,
as tears wash
over me
like rain.

Time moves on,
as I come undone,
with fear that
I’ll never
love again.

(Originally Posted 10.07.2019)

14

That Summer

That summer with you was glorious.

I was young, fearless and eager to learn.

You were older, wiser and willing to teach.

I can still recall that first night. You grabbed my hand and whispered ‘Come with me’.

We sailed past the doormen and into the club. I remember that heady mix of beer in plastic glasses, cigarette smoke and pounding bass lines in darkened alcoves.

We danced all night as those songs played and we lost ourselves in each other.

That summer was twenty two years ago, but it feels like it was yesterday.

Thank You.

For JH.

(Originally Posted 24.03.2019)

28

Sailing

‘Choppy waters ahead, Captain, but I see dry land on the horizon’.

‘Drop anchor here then, Sailor, for I’d prefer to die in the storm’.

(Originally Posted 27.03.2019)

14

I Hope You’re Happy Now

My eyes weep
As my heart aches
I hope you’re happy now

My mind breaks
As my guts bleed
I hope you’re happy now

My soul scars
As you leave
I hope you’re happy now

(Originally Posted 21.03.2019)

18

Harbouring Secrets

You have no idea

As you sit here

With your good humour and wit.

Now let me be clear

Kindly fuck off my dear

‘Cause honestly, you don’t know shit.

(Originally Posted 18.06.2019)

2

A Life Together

There were times when I would tire of it all,

But I don’t have a single regret.

I never once got bored of it all,

Our inescapable duet.

(Originally Posted 06.05.2019)

0

Up ↑