"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Nothing makes you
Feel more alive
Than the sound
Of a lovers verse
But nothing will ever
Hurt you more
Than the sting
Of a lovers curse
Love(less)
I
really
do
love
you
She
said
But I
don’t
like
you
very
much
Your
words
leave
me
reeling
She
said
And
feeling
cold
to the
touch
(Originally Posted 06.02.2020)
Oh don’t get me wrong
Their tears will throng
As they stand forlornly
At your grave
But I’ll certainly know
That it’s all for show
As it’s just their face
They’re trying to save
Daughters
I am
so glad
You’re
not here
To
see
What
they’ve
become
Both
bitter and
twisted
Individuals
Who’ve
lost the
love
You
taught
them
(Originally Posted 01.02.2020)
I’ve picked up a few
Tips and tricks
Over the years
That I’ve been hurting
And although some work
My demons still lurk
So I’m never too far away
From reverting
Harm Reduction
I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain
So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again
At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token
And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken
(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)
Once, I thought
I had no choice
But my innermost feeling to hide
But now I know
That given room to grow
I can wear my scars with pride
Another Notch
A
little
nick
here
A
little
cut
there
It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore
Not
that
I’d
care…
(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)
I booked the day off work today
As I knew I’d want to be alone
I wouldn’t want to see anyone
Or even speak on the phone
It’s not that I’m ungrateful
Or I don’t appreciate the intent
But people just don’t realise
That, emotionally, I’m spent
Rest In Peace
Someone
sent me
flowers
today
And for
their
kindness
I was
thankful
But
I still
chucked
them
in the
bin
For of
condolences
I’ve had
a tankful
(Originally Posted 08.09.2020)
I remember that night so well
Even though I don’t remember his face
I felt so guilty
Thinking they should commit me
Just for craving his embrace
Guilty
I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.
I’m sorry.
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
This was just one route
That I’d considered
Amongst the many others
I had planned
I’d completely lost the plot
I think
In a way not many
Would understand
It seems that I
Had turned that choice
Into some kind of
Romantic notion
Which, it seems
For a while at least
Is how I coped
With my emotions
It took me some time
To best those thoughts
And to comprehend
The brutality of falling
But that’s not to say
They truly went away
And all I’m doing now, really
Is stalling
Look Out!
Falling
Tumbling
Through the air
Wondering
What it’s like
Down there
People standing
Faces aghast
Yet I don’t care
As I breathe my last
(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)
Sometimes I
Have nothing to add
No further words
Or updates
This is one
Of those times,
I think,
As when I read this
My heart breaks
Leftovers
A weak and weary
confused mind
An empty and
hollow heart
As bleak as it is,
it is all I have
As my life has
fallen apart
(Originally Posted 13.07.2019)
‘I was born standing up
And talking back’
“We are the same, you and I – two odd, lonely children, reaching for eternity.”
– Tom Hanks (as Col. Tom Parker)
Pretending I was fine
On that trip
Was just something
I needed to do
So I wiped my eyes
And stifled my cries
In the tent
Next door to you
Camping
The warmth of the sun on your face,
The anticipation of a road trip with friends,
The promise of tall tales around the campfire.
It’s the little things that bring the most joy.
(Originally Posted 28.06.2019)
It has gotten easier
To get out of bed
But life without him
Has not
For there is little relief
From the pain of grief
And that is now my lot
Options
I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.
You have no idea how hard it is.
This sustained internal struggle.
The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.
The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.
It’s exhausting.
If only I could return to the naivety of the past.
Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.
Where melancholy was a comforting friend.
And death wasn’t such a viable option.
(Originally Posted 27.06.2019)
Five cans
Six cans
Seven cans
Eight
No point
Stopping now
It’s already
Too late
Six Pack Blues
One can
Two cans
Three cans
Four
Perhaps
I should eat
Before
I drink
Any more
(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)
I have said
Time and time again
“That’s it – I’ve had enough”
But it proves pointless
Time and time again
As leaving you is just too tough
‘It’s In The Trees…’
How do I give you up
My drug of choice
You don’t stand a chance
Whispers the voice
(Originally Posted 31.05.2020)
As empty bottles clink
Into paper bags
My heart start to sink
And motivation flags
I was happy you came over
That much is true
Yet I can’t help but wish
She hadn’t left with you
More Or Less
I
guess
I am
happy
More
or
less
Even
though
I’m the
one
Left
cleaning
up the
mess
(Originally Posted 30.05.2020)
There’s nothing much
To add to this
Little else
That I can write
As the grief I felt
When you left
Will remain with me
For life
Xxx
A Thousand Years
Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.
Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.
Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.
(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)
I don’t remember where this was
Or which comedian I was bashing
But I hope they could see
It wasn’t them, but me
That was the reason I wasn’t laughing
Row 3 Seat 5
I don’t know
who said you
were funny
But I think
you’re pretty
witless
This really
wasn’t worth
the money
As I’m sitting
here bored
shitless
(Originally Posted 29.04.2020)
I have killed us
Once before
And I will happily
Do it again
For I am
No longer
In love with you
In fact
We’re not even friends
I hope you’re OK
I honestly do
Just don’t think
I am happy for you
Don’t stop me now
I’m on a roll
Saying my piece
Letting it all go
It was you who did this to us
You see
You are the arsehole here
Not me
It was easier when I was angry
When I was filled with hate
When I wanted nothing more
Than your head on a plate
It’s harder now I’m ‘better’
As the bitterness subsides
For all I have been left with
Is this hollowness inside
If all the roads are closed tonight
Then how will I get home
I’m much too scared
And emotionally impaired
To go a night out here alone
I know that
It seems strange
And makes it difficult
To confabulate
But you must believe me
When I say
It is how
I best communicate
They are all just scars,
Inked or otherwise.
Full of bleeding heart
That’s me
Slowly dying
For all to see
Hoping for words
To set the world alight
As I scribble away
In the dead of night
In your room
I got undressed
As my body took over
And my heart left
I was doing better alone
Then you came and messed with my head
So now I’ve got a different set of problems
To think about instead
‘I sort of came to the conclusion that misery is the natural state.
And if you get two decent minutes a day then that’s alright.’
– Nicky Wire
Words spill
Onto the page
Just like the blood
From my veins
In case you don’t come back
He said
You did really well today
Thank you very much
She said
But I don’t believe a word you say
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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