I was doing better alone
Then you came and messed with my head
So now I’ve got a different set of problems
To think about instead
Random #70
‘I sort of came to the conclusion that misery is the natural state.
And if you get two decent minutes a day then that’s alright.’
– Nicky Wire
All Is Not Well
Words spill
Onto the page
Just like the blood
From my veins
Running Scared
In case you don’t come back
He said
You did really well today
Thank you very much
She said
But I don’t believe a word you say
The Expert
You just have to remember
He said
You can’t pour from an empty cup
Well mine is smashed to smithereens
She said
So how the fuck do I fill it up?
Insurance
What is it going to take
He said
For you to open up to me?
Another bottle of wine for starters
She said
And a money back guarantee
Protection
Why don’t you tell him what happened
He said
Instead of just writing it down
Because I don’t want him to know
She said
I couldn’t bear to see his frown
Self Talk
If I don’t talk about myself negatively
She said
Then I’ve got nothing much to say
Well perhaps I can try to help you
He said
See yourself in a different way
The Fallacy of Pharma
They promised I’d feel better by now
That these pills would have kicked in
Well they fucking lied
As my brain is still fried
And my heart belongs in the bin
Sad Songs
I play them too often nowadays
Just to feel the pain
It’s better then feeling nothing
Again and again and again…
Dazed And Confused
It was the best day
When we met
The worst when
You walked away
But what hurts the most
Is I was far too morose
For you to want to stay
Progress
I cry a lot more now
Even at the silliest thing
My therapist says it’s better
Than trying to keep it all in
Rent Free
You’ve now outstayed a welcome
That you were never fucking given
So if you would kindly
Piss off please
I can get back to living
Less Bitter, Yet Still Perplexed
I used to be quite angry
But now I just feel numb
It’s not what you’ve said
That’s messed with my head
But everything else you’ve done
If You Like
Stitch my wounds, if you like
I want to feel the pain
Don't call me a silly girl
For I'll only do it again
Ask me why, if you like
But you will never understand
The need, the comfort, the urgency
Those scissors close at hand
Leave me here, if you like
Walk away if you dare
Just remember I never asked for your help
Or your tender loving care
Forget I exist, if you like
It will not bother me one bit
For I'll always have my trusty blade
And carry my own first aid kit
(Originally Posted 08.04.2019)
Bottled Memories
I’m glad
I kept
your aftershave,
so that I
can wear
it too.It’s the
only thing
that I
have left,
that keeps
me close
to you.(Originally Posted 14.06.2019)
Sometimes
Sometimes it's easy to think about you.
Our memories overwhelm me,
I feel the touch of your hand in mine,
and my eyes sparkle with joyous delight.
Sometimes I can't think about you at all.
My brain shuts off the pathway to the pain,
My lungs stop taking in air,
and my heart, momentarily, stops beating.
Sometimes it's easy to talk about you.
Words fall from my mouth,
stories flow like vintage wine,
and my smile is as wide as the horizon.
Sometimes I can't talk about you at all.
Sentences fail to form in my head,
my voice dries up like a parched riverbed,
and my mouth is clamped like a vice.
(Originally Posted 22.03.2019)
The Reality
Life goes on,
now I’m alone,
as tears wash
over me
like rain.Time moves on,
as I come undone,
with fear that
I’ll never
love again.(Originally Posted 10.07.2019)
That Summer
That summer with you was glorious.
I was young, fearless and eager to learn.
You were older, wiser and willing to teach.
I can still recall that first night. You grabbed my hand and whispered ‘Come with me’.
We sailed past the doormen and into the club. I remember that heady mix of beer in plastic glasses, cigarette smoke and pounding bass lines in darkened alcoves.
We danced all night as those songs played and we lost ourselves in each other.
That summer was twenty two years ago, but it feels like it was yesterday.
Thank You.
For JH.
(Originally Posted 24.03.2019)
Sailing
‘Choppy waters ahead, Captain, but I see dry land on the horizon’.
‘Drop anchor here then, Sailor, for I’d prefer to die in the storm’.
(Originally Posted 27.03.2019)
I Hope You’re Happy Now
My eyes weep
As my heart aches
I hope you’re happy now
My mind breaks
As my guts bleed
I hope you’re happy now
My soul scars
As you leave
I hope you’re happy now
(Originally Posted 21.03.2019)
