Rituals

I’ve picked up a few

Tips and tricks

Over the years

That I’ve been hurting

And although some work

My demons still lurk

So I’m never too far away

From reverting


Harm Reduction

I’ve been
trying
so hard
to break
this chain

So I’ve
drawn on
my arms
with Biro
again

At least,
this time,
it’s just
a token

And my
skin,
for now,
remains
unbroken

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

Short Sleeves

Once, I thought

I had no choice

But my innermost feeling to hide

But now I know

That given room to grow

I can wear my scars with pride


Another Notch

A
little
nick
here

A
little
cut
there

It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore

Not
that
I’d
care…

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

‘Nothing Else To Give’

I booked the day off work today

As I knew I’d want to be alone

I wouldn’t want to see anyone

Or even speak on the phone

It’s not that I’m ungrateful

Or I don’t appreciate the intent

But people just don’t realise

That, emotionally, I’m spent


Rest In Peace

Someone
sent me
flowers
today

And for
their
kindness
I was
thankful

But
I still
chucked
them
in the
bin

For of
condolences
I’ve had
a tankful

(Originally Posted 08.09.2020)

An Asylum For The Hysterically Widowed

I remember that night so well

Even though I don’t remember his face

I felt so guilty

Thinking they should commit me

Just for craving his embrace


Guilty

I got lost
in his eyes
when he spoke to me
and, for a moment,
I wondered what
it would be like
to hold his hand.

I’m sorry.

(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)

‘I Don’t Need A Gun To Blow My Mind’

This was just one route

That I’d considered

Amongst the many others

I had planned

I’d completely lost the plot

I think

In a way not many

Would understand

It seems that I

Had turned that choice

Into some kind of

Romantic notion

Which, it seems

For a while at least

Is how I coped

With my emotions

It took me some time

To best those thoughts

And to comprehend

The brutality of falling

But that’s not to say

They truly went away

And all I’m doing now, really

Is stalling


Look Out!

Falling

Tumbling

Through the air

Wondering

What it’s like

Down there

People standing

Faces aghast

Yet I don’t care

As I breathe my last

(Originally Posted 19.07.2020)

Poignant

Sometimes I

Have nothing to add

No further words

Or updates

This is one

Of those times,

I think,

As when I read this

My heart breaks


Leftovers

A weak and weary
confused mind

An empty and
hollow heart

As bleak as it is,
it is all I have

As my life has
fallen apart

(Originally Posted 13.07.2019)

Random #215

“We are the same, you and I – two odd, lonely children, reaching for eternity.”

– Tom Hanks (as Col. Tom Parker)

Not Spoiling Things

Pretending I was fine

On that trip

Was just something

I needed to do

So I wiped my eyes

And stifled my cries

In the tent

Next door to you


Camping

The warmth of the sun on your face,

The anticipation of a road trip with friends,

The promise of tall tales around the campfire.

It’s the little things that bring the most joy.

(Originally Posted 28.06.2019)

Omnipresent

It has gotten easier

To get out of bed

But life without him

Has not

For there is little relief

From the pain of grief

And that is now my lot


Options

I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.

You have no idea how hard it is.

This sustained internal struggle.

The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.

The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.

It’s exhausting.

If only I could return to the naivety of the past.

Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.

Where melancholy was a comforting friend.

And death wasn’t such a viable option.

(Originally Posted 27.06.2019)

And The Blues Continues

Five cans

Six cans

Seven cans

Eight

No point

Stopping now

It’s already

Too late


Six Pack Blues

One can

Two cans

Three cans

Four

Perhaps

I should eat

Before

I drink

Any more

(Originally Posted 19.06.2020)

In Thrall

I have said

Time and time again

“That’s it – I’ve had enough”

But it proves pointless

Time and time again

As leaving you is just too tough


‘It’s In The Trees…’

How do I give you up

My drug of choice

You don’t stand a chance

Whispers the voice

(Originally Posted 31.05.2020)

After The Party

As empty bottles clink

Into paper bags

My heart start to sink

And motivation flags

I was happy you came over

That much is true

Yet I can’t help but wish

She hadn’t left with you


More Or Less

I
guess
I am
happy

More
or
less

Even
though
I’m the
one

Left
cleaning
up the
mess

(Originally Posted 30.05.2020)

A Thousand More

There’s nothing much

To add to this

Little else

That I can write

As the grief I felt

When you left

Will remain with me

For life

Xxx


A Thousand Years

Honestly,
I could wait
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
be too tough.

Honestly,
I could sleep
for a
thousand years
and it
would never
be enough.

Honestly,
I could cry
for a
thousand years
and it
would still
hurt too much.

(Originally Posted 11.5.2019)

Stunted

I don’t remember where this was

Or which comedian I was bashing

But I hope they could see

It wasn’t them, but me

That was the reason I wasn’t laughing


Row 3 Seat 5

I don’t know
who said you
were funny

But I think
you’re pretty
witless

This really
wasn’t worth
the money

As I’m sitting
here bored
shitless

(Originally Posted 29.04.2020)

Let It Burn

I have killed us

Once before

And I will happily

Do it again

For I am

No longer

In love with you

In fact

We’re not even friends

The Tirade

Don’t stop me now

I’m on a roll

Saying my piece

Letting it all go

It was you who did this to us

You see

You are the arsehole here

Not me

Depleted

It was easier when I was angry

When I was filled with hate

When I wanted nothing more

Than your head on a plate

It’s harder now I’m ‘better’

As the bitterness subsides

For all I have been left with

Is this hollowness inside

High Winds

If all the roads are closed tonight

Then how will I get home

I’m much too scared

And emotionally impaired

To go a night out here alone

Screaming

I know that

It seems strange

And makes it difficult

To confabulate

But you must believe me

When I say

It is how

I best communicate

#24 The Writer

Full of bleeding heart

That’s me

Slowly dying

For all to see

Hoping for words

To set the world alight

As I scribble away

In the dead of night

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