Think
Of me less
As a hot
Fucking mess
And just
Someone
Who’s lost
Their way
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Think
Of me less
As a hot
Fucking mess
And just
Someone
Who’s lost
Their way
I remembered what
It was like today
Back when that pain
Gnawed away
When his death broke me
To the sum of my parts
And my mental health
Was off the charts
And although with her
I did empathise
I couldn’t be false
Or tell her lies
So I whispered the truth
As I’ve come to accept it
Although time does heal
It can never correct it
Why the fuck
Would you stay
When you know
That shit
Is not okay
There has to be
Some other way
For you
To leave
Without delay
Most days I do
Enjoy my work
And I welcome
The distraction
But as time goes by
It’s getting harder to try
And fake a positive reaction
(Anti) Social Work
I
think
I would
be
So
much
more
forgiving
If
I didn’t
have
To
work
for a
living
(Originally Posted 30.01.2020)
It would be really helpful
She said
If you took it down a notch
It’s not like I’m asking for approval
She said
Or for you to fucking watch
Lack Of Understanding
You can’t
keep
hurting
yourself
He
said
For
I can’t
bear to
see it
The
only
problem
is
She
said
It’s
not
about you,
is it?
(Originally Posted 20.01.2020)
Reading this one back again
I feel so sorry for her
Clearly she lost more,
When he died,
Than her words could ever infer
I Can’t Bring You Back Though, Can I?
I can look at your photo
I can whisper your name
I can press your shirt
Against my face
But nothing feels the same
(Originally Posted 11.12.2020)
Protecting yourself
From someone else
Doesn’t make you mean
It just shows that you
In my view
Are great at forward planning
Weak
I really am sorry
I cannot take your weight
For my arms are too broken
From carrying my own
(Originally Posted 19.11.2020)
If you’ve ever planned a funeral
Then I’m sure you’ll relate to this
It’s easy not to crack
When focused on the task
But when it’s done, you fall to shit
Keeping Busy
It’s been
a busy
few days
In
many
ways
But now all
my tasks are
completed
So with
nothing
left to do
I’ll soon
be thinking
of you
And how
I’ve been left
feeling cheated
(Originally Posted 17.10.2019)
It was about
My job this one
And how I could
No longer empathise
Even three years on
The desire is gone
And my apathy
Pretty hard to disguise
New Life
I’m still
nowhere
near the
same
She
said
Something
inside me has
permanently
changed
I can no
longer
play
this game
She
said
Unless a
new life
can be
arranged
(Originally Posted 14.08.2019)
Some have come and gone
Over the years
But I thank each and every one
Who helped dry my tears
Connections
It’s easier to connect with other writers these days, than it is to any of my friends.
It’s because we understand how shit things are, I think, when the madness descends.
(Originally Posted 24.07.2019)
I don’t know why I think
You’d be the same as me
If you were taken to the brink
Of complete insanity
Because you would never feel that way
You are not the same as me
You are far too fucking selfish
And devoid of empathy
The Switch
Why
don’t
you
Swap
places
with me
Sink
to the
depths
That
I have
been
For
if you
were to
suffer
The
way
I do
Perhaps
you
would
feel
The
same
way
too
(Originally Posted 21.07.2020)
It left you so exhausted
Wrestling to decide
Now you know
What it’s like
Living inside my mind
I don’t care
For your problems
I don’t care
For your pain
I don’t care
To prop you up
In fact
I’ll never care for you again
I suppose
You understand me now
Why I said
What was on my mind
Well don’t expect
Anything from me
As I’ll be paying you back
In kind
You must know why
I behave this way
The resignation is clear
On my face
You of all people
Should understand
My need for time
And space
Just think about
What I lost
On the day he died
Then ask yourself
If you were me
When would your tears subside?
I didn’t know it would hurt like this
He said
Or what I’d have to go through
There is no way of knowing
She said
Until it happens to you
If ever you need someone
You don’t have to worry
As I’ll be there
Like a shot
Please never question
If you can call me
As I’d rather listen to you
Than not
“If I was to ever
Look for another muse
It wouldn’t be you
Who I would choose
For I’d much rather
Pick someone smart
With the open mind of a Liberal
But without the bleeding heart”
Bitter
and
twistedYes,
that’s
meBut
live
my
lifeFor a
minute
or twoAnd so
would
you
fucking
be
Why
don’t
you
Swap
places
with me
Sink
to the
depths
That
I have
been
For
if you
suffered
The
way
I do
Perhaps
you’d
feel
The
same
way
too
Such
a broken
heartened
man
In a
broken
hearted
land
If
only
I could
see you
I
would
squeeze
your
hand
And
never
let it
go
It must be
so easy
for you
Loving
your life
as you do
But spare a
thought for
the likes of me
Drowning
in a sea of
melancholy
So you can
empathise
with her
Someone
you only
saw on TV?
But when
my shit hit
the fan
You couldn’t
sympathise
with me?
Well fuck your
social media
petition
And your
boycott of
that rag
Why not look
a little closer
to home?
You
disingenuous
old hag
If I
had
any
more
I’d
give
some
to you
But I
only
have
enough
To
get
myself
through
This
bullshit
they call
life
I
was so
devastated
for you
that dayAs
you had
travelled
all that
wayHoping
to say
your
final
goodbyeBut your
time
together
was so
cruelly
deniedXxx