I know that it must seem
She said
Like I’m arrogant and self centered
But that’s not it at all
She said
I just write how I feel uncensored
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I know that it must seem
She said
Like I’m arrogant and self centered
But that’s not it at all
She said
I just write how I feel uncensored
She said she’d written it
About herself
When I saw her
On TV
But there’s no way
She could portray
The exact same feelings
As me
I didn’t tell you
All back then
So don’t think
That I’ll talk now
Just because
You’ve changed your tune
Doesn’t mean
You’ve won me round
The hardest part
About being depressed
Isn’t crying
Every day
The hardest part
About being depressed
Is pretending
You’re OK
I’ve always felt
Misunderstood
Wrong, somehow
And not much good
But I’ve come to learn
As I have aged
I wasn’t born this way
I was made
Back in the day
The words flowed freely
And I knew just what
To impart
But I’ve recently found
Since my new love’s in town
That for poems,
I’m no longer arsed
If you knew
Anything about me
You’d know that shit
Isn’t my style
I’d say
To your face
That you’re a cunt
And not hide it
Behind a smile
I wonder
If you’ll remember
All those things
You said to me
The last time
That we sat
In this room
Drinking herbal tea
I recall you had
A deck of cards
Asking me pick
Just three
Using them, then
As your guide
To set
The spirits free
I knew back then
It was bullshit
And now I don’t
Feel differently
But if indeed
You do remember
To your ‘gift’
I will concede
If the price
Of love
Is loss
Then I’ll
Just wait
For the sales
There’s no use
In contemplation
Or any sense
In looking back
All there is
Is madness
That belongs firmly
In the past
Sometimes
I regret
What I said
And how often
I showed you
The door
As it never seemed
To matter
How your heart
Was shattered
You’d always
Come back
For more
Tongue tied
Dead inside
Lying
On my bed of nails
Forever lonely
Seeing true love only
In films
And fairy tales
Paranoia can be
Our best friend
As it often saves us
In the end
The lights go out
In the blink of an eye
And there’s nothing left
But to say goodbye
You do not need
To put me first
And I would never ask you to
But it would be nice
If, once or twice,
You thought of someone
Other than you
We need support
When traumatised
Not to be attacked
Or demonised
Something we wish
That you’d realise
When losing them
Leaves us paralysed
Time’s tide
Is unforgiving
Not for the dead
But upon the living
Why are you so depressing
He said
Why are your words so dark
Because my life is fucking distressing
She said
And so, therefore’s, my art
If you find my words too dreary
Then just scroll on, my dear
‘Cause if you are looking for cheery
There’s nothing for you here
At your wedding toast
Yesterday
I did not cry one bit
Even when I glanced
Upon your first dance
I held it in
With an iron like grit
For what I wouldn’t do
Is ever tell you
How seeing you so happy
Did hurt
And that, at times,
If just in my mind
I did wish your happy day cursed
As you stand there
Wailing and weeping
Just be glad they’re all dead
And not just sleeping
Just
walk
away
And
don’t
look
back
(Self)
defence
really
is
The
best
form
of
attack
When those bands
Of old
Don’t speak to you
And the comfort
Of music
Is gone
It won’t matter
Where
Because
I’ll be there
To help you
Carry on
What was the worst thing
They asked
About watching him die
The hope
He’d get better
She replied
When I first started
Posting here
I was struggling
To hold on
A deep sadness
Had engulfed me
And all
Of my hope
Was gone
My partner
Of nigh on
Twenty years
Had died
Just four months
Before
My heart
Was broken
And my life,
A token,
I was failing
To endure
Because, you see,
He'd been taken
From me
In the most horrific way
To witness
If you've never seen it
I can tell you,
With feeling,
Cancer's a cunt
Of an illness
So I began
To write again
As a way
To express
My emotions
Thinking,
At best,
I might get
Some rest
By recording
My rambling notions
I knew
From the start
Some readers
Would baulk
At the truths
That I'd lay bare
Suicidal thoughts
And self harm,
Of course,
All referenced
Without a care
But I had to be
Authentically me
And reflect
What I
Was feeling
Even though I knew
The words
I'd spew
May leave
More sensitive readers
Reeling
And yet here
I have found
Such a welcoming crowd
Who've helped me
Hugely
When times were tough
For their patience,
Kindness,
And understanding
I could never
Thank them
Enough
So if you find
From here on in
That I'm no longer posting
As often
Please know that you are,
In no small part,
The reason
I've started
To soften
And as for me
Well, I will see
If I can continue
To reduce
My pain
But I'll take
Some comfort
And feel
A little triumphant
Knowing,
At least,
I entertained
❤️
That’s the problem
With the past
As humans,
We tend to rose tint it
When in actual fact
If we really look back
It wasn’t quite like
How we wished it
Misrepresentation
The old days
Weren’t that good
Trust me,
I remember
(Originally Posted 27.02.2020)
I’ve seen so many
Of them now
You’d think one
Would’ve broken through
But not one
Of their degrees
Has helped cure
My disease
Or informed me
Of what to do
The Trick Cyclist
I’d
like to
cancel my
appointment
I don’t
want
to see
you today
What’s
the point
in getting
out of bed
When
you can’t
help me
anyway?
(Originally Posted 25.02.2020)
Sometimes,
As a writer,
All that you can do
Is to drop
The flowery language
And just tell
The fucking truth
In Memoriam
There is nothing
Left to do
There isn’t anything
Else to say
I just really
Fucking miss him
Every single day
Xxx
(Originally Posted 25.02.2022)
“I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.”
– Meredith Grey
I know I’d suggested
Greeting cards
But as I see the humour in this
Perhaps I’d be more suited
To writing less convoluted
Patient information leaflets
The Human Rattle
Take
these
pills
To
cure
your
ills
And
mend
your
broken
heart
They’ll
give
you
chills
And
delay
your
thrills
But at
least
it’ll
be a
start
(Originally Posted 18.02.2020)
“There shouldn’t be this radio silence
But what are the options?”
You must be logged in to post a comment.