"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
Once, I thought
I had no choice
But my innermost feeling to hide
But now I know
That given room to grow
I can wear my scars with pride
Another Notch
A
little
nick
here
A
little
cut
there
It
doesn’t
hurt
anymore
Not
that
I’d
care…
(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)
This was so true
For much of that first year
In fact it’s only now
I have realised
How much his illness
And his death
Had left me
Paralysed
The Robbery
Your illness
robbed you
of your life
And it
robbed me
of my mind
Your death
still cuts me
like a knife
So now
to madness
I am inclined
(Originally Posted 01.09.2019)
Don’t get me wrong
It’ll take much more
Than just a smile
For my heart to thaw
But until such time
It doesn’t mean
That we can’t have fun
In between
Your Smile
Even
though
my
heart
Resides
in the
deep
freeze
Your
smile
has the
power
To make
me weak
at the
knees
(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)
Pretending I was fine
On that trip
Was just something
I needed to do
So I wiped my eyes
And stifled my cries
In the tent
Next door to you
Camping
The warmth of the sun on your face,
The anticipation of a road trip with friends,
The promise of tall tales around the campfire.
It’s the little things that bring the most joy.
(Originally Posted 28.06.2019)
Please do not look upon me
With your pity and dismay
For this last few years
Have taught me
Feelings aren’t shit anyway
Blackout
I
don’t
want
to feel
better
I
don’t
want
to feel
at all
(Originally Posted 21.04.2020)
I have killed us
Once before
And I will happily
Do it again
For I am
No longer
In love with you
In fact
We’re not even friends
They are all just scars,
Inked or otherwise.
I know
You know
I like you
But I know
You don’t know
How much
It’s not
That I didn’t
Consider
Your feelings
I just didn’t
Think about you
At all
Every time you send a pic
It breaks another piece of my heart
You’re having fun
And you deserve a ton
But it hurts that we’re so far apart
Listening to these old songs
How I wish I could go back
Maybe I’d make different choices
And life wouldn’t be so black
You said
You didn’t want me
So I had no choice
But to move on
If you’d made it clear
How you held me dear
Then your feelings
I wouldn’t have forgone
All that time
You never knew
How broken I was
Beneath the mask
And it wasn’t because
I didn’t tell you
You just never cared enough
To ask
Out walking alone
Serotonin in winter
Remains elusive
I’m finally closing the curtains
In the windows of my mind
Another bleeding heart
With wisdom left to impart
You will have to find
Come on then
Don’t keep us waiting
We want to see you bleed
To see others suffer
For their art
Is the validation we need
‘I sort of came to the conclusion that misery is the natural state.
And if you get two decent minutes a day then that’s alright.’
– Nicky Wire
So this is your birthday
I hope you have fun
Another year over
But you’re still a cunt
All that time
I blamed myself
When you were the one who lied
You have no idea
How much I wish
It wasn’t him, but you, who died
I wake up one morning
and I’ll look at the wind
and I’ll see a song and music
Though I’ll feel nothing
and hear no tune
I’ll look behind me
and see poetry
– Anon
Words spill
Onto the page
Just like the blood
From my veins
In case you don’t come back
He said
You did really well today
Thank you very much
She said
But I don’t believe a word you say
I cry a lot more now
Even at the silliest thing
My therapist says it’s better
Than trying to keep it all in
You will never beat me,
So please don’t even try.
I could choose to hurt you,
To really make you cry.
But I’m the better person,
Of that I have no doubt.
So just carry on with your bullshit,
Because you’ll never drive me out.
(Originally Posted 02.06.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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