Up Front

Go on then pal 

Unbutton your flies

Let's see what

You've got tonight

Does that bulge

In your jeans

Really mean

What I think it means

Will you actually have

Enough in there to please

Or are you just

A pretentious tease...

Aperitif

Thanks for that my dear

He said

Would you like a cigarette?

Are you fucking serious

She said

We haven’t finished yet!

Wilderness

Never amongst so many people

Have I felt so alone

I really do not want to stay

But know I can’t go home

Yet for all the kindness

And love I’ve been shown

I still cannot face another day

Here on my own

(Originally Posted 01.06.2019)

Sex & Drugs & Dance Music

‘Undo your trousers and get your cock out now’ she cried.

I knew she would be unimpressed with what she saw. It wasn’t the fact I was fucked from the seven hours of non-stop dancing, or that I felt physically ill from the dodgy burger I’d eaten at Stav’s van outside the club. I knew full well that my inability to get a hard on was due to the six wraps of amphetamine that I had hoovered up my nose throughout the night.

‘Come on, she pleaded. I want to feel you inside me. I want you to make me come all night long’. She had always been a pretty straight forward kind of girl. Or at least she had been since I’d known her. I’d met her in the club about four hours earlier. She was coming out of the toilets as I was heading in to fill up my water bottle. She said she liked my blue mascara and matching hair. I said I liked her devil horns and big tits. But those 36D’s were doing nothing for me now.

I felt the crotch of my faux snakeskin trousers. Nothing. Her eyes eagerly followed the direction of my hand. She wouldn’t be pleased. My usually ample sized dick was letting me down. I tried to change the subject.

‘I’ll put some tunes on’ I croaked as I fumbled about on the floor. I found a CD – Carl Cox Non Stop. For fucks sake. Must everything remind me of my dick? I angrily pushed the disk into the stereo.

‘I fancy you’ she purred. How the fuck was I going to pull this one off? Here was a smouldering sex kitten writhing around on my bed, gagging for it, and my bollocks had shrivelled to the size of a grape. I suppose it’s not their fault, I mused. Give me a choice between a shag and six wraps of pure base and I’ll go for the powder every time. It’s only when you have Uma Thurman on your bed that you wish you could say no.

Maybe I could try and satisfy her in another way, I wondered. That way if my sleeping policeman ever decides to wake up then it’ll be fine: I can shag her all night long. If he decides to sleep in, however, then maybe she’ll be content with other parts of my anatomy instead and fall asleep.

‘Well, if you won’t come to me then I’ll just have to come to you’ she teased, playfully. She stood up from the bed and moved over towards me, undoing the strings of her corset as she walked. Her eyes locked on mine. I would hate to be a disappointment to her but, as yet, there was no stirring in my nether regions. Her leather bodice fell to the floor, shortly followed by her crushed velvet hot pants. Fuck me, she was beautiful. She had a body to die for with a sexual appetite to match. Every man’s wet dream. I so wished I’d met her when I wasn’t off my face.

‘Interested?’ she seductively inquired. How ironic I thought. As I studied her ample chest, the old snakeskins felt a little tighter at the zip. Maybe all was not lost. Maybe my sleeping policeman’s alarm clock had finally gone off. I sent down another tentative hand to the area in question. Thank fuck. My bollocks had returned to their normal size and my dick was getting ready to greet Uma with a smile.

‘I’m interested if you are’ I beamed. And she was. My snakeskins and ‘FUCKED’ t-shirt were soon on the floor. They and the devil horns made a cracking looking pair.


‘I’ll be off then. Thanks for a great night!’

It wasn’t actually the sound of her voice that woke me up that afternoon, but the sound of the heels on her knee length boots clicking along the hallway floor. Through the haze of a banging headache and a raging thirst I watched them disappear as the front door slammed shut.

Although I felt like utter shit I smiled proudly to myself. She thought last night was ‘great’. For once, it seemed, I had managed to fight the side effects of the chemicals I had consumed and have a decent shag after a good nights whizzing. I settled back into bed and prepared for the inevitable come down that was already winging its way to me in the post.

My mobile began to vibrate on the bedside table. The noise felt like someone drilling holes into my head. I answered it, just to stop it hurting.

‘Hello?’

‘Fuck me, you are alive then!’ came an excited voice. ‘Man, I thought you’d be out of it considering how well you got on with our friend Billy last night. Fucking good night though, eh? Bouncing club that. But what about that bird with the devil horns and the big tits that you were talking to outside the toilets? Must have hurt when she called you a sexist prick and slapped your face before walking off with her pals…’

It was then I realised. It’s like the geezer from Manchester growls in that song:

‘All your dreams are made, when you’re chained to the mirror and the razor blade…’

(Originally Posted 08.03.2019)

That Summer

That summer with you was glorious.

I was young, fearless and eager to learn.

You were older, wiser and willing to teach.

I can still recall that first night. You grabbed my hand and whispered ‘Come with me’.

We sailed past the doormen and into the club. I remember that heady mix of beer in plastic glasses, cigarette smoke and pounding bass lines in darkened alcoves.

We danced all night as those songs played and we lost ourselves in each other.

That summer was twenty two years ago, but it feels like it was yesterday.

Thank You.

For JH.

(Originally Posted 24.03.2019)

@little.charmer.poetry

So I’ve opened up an Insta

After discussion with some friends

As not only am I interested

In the efforts others have invested

But also who might slide into my DM’s

😉

Vaya Con Dios

Is this why we were put here

She said

To worship his favourite son?

I’m fucked if I know

He said

So let’s just have some fun

Overlooked

What would it take

For you to notice me

Wear a skimpy dress

Paint my lips so readily

Well all I have is my words

So I guess that counts me out

As there’s nothing at all about them

That suggests I’d like to hangout

An Honour

I’ve never met anyone else

Who could spin a tale like you

Who tied people in knots with laughter

Who turned the air so cheekily blue

You were a master of your trade

The likes of which there’ll only ever be one

I’ll never forget your stories

Even now you’re gone

You’ll always be my hero

And a treasure to many more

I hope one day we’ll meet again

My Glaswegian raconteur

Xxx

Moonlighting

This back and forth

Between us both

Has certainly served a purpose

But now we know

Our virtue exists

Merely on the surface

Fuck Boys

I 
shall
make it

My
life's
work

To
ensure
this

Is
never
repeated

That
never
again

Will
I fall
in love

With
someone so
conceited

Goodbyes

So long

Farewell

Auf Wiedersehen

Adieu

I never liked you anyway

Or the rest of your fucking crew

Theatrics

Of my love

For you

I’ve never been

More certain

It is time

To drop

The safety curtain

So with confidence

And fiery gusto

Let’s just get

On with our show

The Over 40’s Club

Let’s both jump

Into this taxi

Please just take me home

And have me

I’m done waiting

Now is our time

Let’s grasp this moment

Whilst we’re in our prime

(High)lands

Let us 
roam
amongst
the
heather

Laugh
out loud
betwixt
the
blether

Kiss
amidst
this
stormy
weather

Until
we
come
undone
together

High School Reunions

I
wonder
what

You’d
think
of me
now

Fat,
forty
and
fucked

Would
you
still
love me
forever

Want
to be
together
whatever

Or be
thankful
for the
bullet
you
ducked

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