In Beero Veritas

Who’d have thought

That we’d come to

Both half dead

And needing the loo

Perhaps we should

Have thought this through

Instead of getting drunk

And doing the do

‘Back To The Old House’

The hairdressers who first permed my hair

The record shop that’s no longer there

The place the first ring pierced my nose

The stall that sold those second hand clothes

The school that taught me how to grow

The man who showed me all I know

The pub I was in every Saturday night

The doorway where I held you tight

The café where I laughed and cried

The club where I danced eyes open wide

The hospital visit that left a scar

The venue where I lost my bra       

For all the hours spent here

Both good and bad

I know they were the best

I’ve ever had

L’appel du Vide

I knew from the beginning

He said

Within you there was a spark

Writing is now a passion

She said

With misery my trademark

On A Promise

What happens when the music stops

She said

Do we have to go home?

Wherever you end up going

He said

You won’t be going alone

Liquid Fun

So I’m due to leave

The house today

Off out with my friends

To play

Whilst enjoying, perhaps

A wine or two

I’ll try my best

To forget about you

Kiss Chase

I looked you up online

Last night

And was disappointed

With what I found

It seems first loves

Almost certainly are

Best left

In the playground

Sacrilege

I didn’t think

There was anything else

You could do to anger me

But then you go

And confront me with

A fucking awful cup of tea

This Coastal Town

I love living here

Next to the sea

On my cosy little croft

But the seagull noise

When I’m trying to sleep?

That can fuck right off

Breakfast

I know that it

Has been a while

But sure as eggs is eggs

You do have such

A winning smile

And a cracking pair of legs

Solo

Time flies

When you’re having fun

That’s why it’s still midnight

As I’m having none

Sex With The Ex

There’s a small amount of comfort

But it quickly becomes a chore

And when he tries to converse

You remember why he’s such a bore

Out Of Puff

We’ve got to move quickly

He said

Time is of the essence

Just go ahead without me

She said

I haven’t run since adolescence

Bodily Functions

If I could

He said

I really would love

To lie with you forever, like this

Really

She said

I couldn’t be arsed

Now shift – I need a piss

Conflicting Stories

I gave you everything I could

He said

Even if you don’t remember it

You gave me hell, heartbreak and hepatitis

She said

And your dope was shit

Up Front

Go on then pal 

Unbutton your flies

Let's see what

You've got tonight

Does that bulge

In your jeans

Really mean

What I think it means

Will you actually have

Enough in there to please

Or are you just

A pretentious tease...

Aperitif

Thanks for that my dear

He said

Would you like a cigarette?

Are you fucking serious

She said

We haven’t finished yet!

Wilderness

Never amongst so many people

Have I felt so alone

I really do not want to stay

But know I can’t go home

Yet for all the kindness

And love I’ve been shown

I still cannot face another day

Here on my own

(Originally Posted 01.06.2019)

Sex & Drugs & Dance Music

‘Undo your trousers and get your cock out now’ she cried.

I knew she would be unimpressed with what she saw. It wasn’t the fact I was fucked from the seven hours of non-stop dancing, or that I felt physically ill from the dodgy burger I’d eaten at Stav’s van outside the club. I knew full well that my inability to get a hard on was due to the six wraps of amphetamine that I had hoovered up my nose throughout the night.

‘Come on, she pleaded. I want to feel you inside me. I want you to make me come all night long’. She had always been a pretty straight forward kind of girl. Or at least she had been since I’d known her. I’d met her in the club about four hours earlier. She was coming out of the toilets as I was heading in to fill up my water bottle. She said she liked my blue mascara and matching hair. I said I liked her devil horns and big tits. But those 36D’s were doing nothing for me now.

I felt the crotch of my faux snakeskin trousers. Nothing. Her eyes eagerly followed the direction of my hand. She wouldn’t be pleased. My usually ample sized dick was letting me down. I tried to change the subject.

‘I’ll put some tunes on’ I croaked as I fumbled about on the floor. I found a CD – Carl Cox Non Stop. For fucks sake. Must everything remind me of my dick? I angrily pushed the disk into the stereo.

‘I fancy you’ she purred. How the fuck was I going to pull this one off? Here was a smouldering sex kitten writhing around on my bed, gagging for it, and my bollocks had shrivelled to the size of a grape. I suppose it’s not their fault, I mused. Give me a choice between a shag and six wraps of pure base and I’ll go for the powder every time. It’s only when you have Uma Thurman on your bed that you wish you could say no.

Maybe I could try and satisfy her in another way, I wondered. That way if my sleeping policeman ever decides to wake up then it’ll be fine: I can shag her all night long. If he decides to sleep in, however, then maybe she’ll be content with other parts of my anatomy instead and fall asleep.

‘Well, if you won’t come to me then I’ll just have to come to you’ she teased, playfully. She stood up from the bed and moved over towards me, undoing the strings of her corset as she walked. Her eyes locked on mine. I would hate to be a disappointment to her but, as yet, there was no stirring in my nether regions. Her leather bodice fell to the floor, shortly followed by her crushed velvet hot pants. Fuck me, she was beautiful. She had a body to die for with a sexual appetite to match. Every man’s wet dream. I so wished I’d met her when I wasn’t off my face.

‘Interested?’ she seductively inquired. How ironic I thought. As I studied her ample chest, the old snakeskins felt a little tighter at the zip. Maybe all was not lost. Maybe my sleeping policeman’s alarm clock had finally gone off. I sent down another tentative hand to the area in question. Thank fuck. My bollocks had returned to their normal size and my dick was getting ready to greet Uma with a smile.

‘I’m interested if you are’ I beamed. And she was. My snakeskins and ‘FUCKED’ t-shirt were soon on the floor. They and the devil horns made a cracking looking pair.


‘I’ll be off then. Thanks for a great night!’

It wasn’t actually the sound of her voice that woke me up that afternoon, but the sound of the heels on her knee length boots clicking along the hallway floor. Through the haze of a banging headache and a raging thirst I watched them disappear as the front door slammed shut.

Although I felt like utter shit I smiled proudly to myself. She thought last night was ‘great’. For once, it seemed, I had managed to fight the side effects of the chemicals I had consumed and have a decent shag after a good nights whizzing. I settled back into bed and prepared for the inevitable come down that was already winging its way to me in the post.

My mobile began to vibrate on the bedside table. The noise felt like someone drilling holes into my head. I answered it, just to stop it hurting.

‘Hello?’

‘Fuck me, you are alive then!’ came an excited voice. ‘Man, I thought you’d be out of it considering how well you got on with our friend Billy last night. Fucking good night though, eh? Bouncing club that. But what about that bird with the devil horns and the big tits that you were talking to outside the toilets? Must have hurt when she called you a sexist prick and slapped your face before walking off with her pals…’

It was then I realised. It’s like the geezer from Manchester growls in that song:

‘All your dreams are made, when you’re chained to the mirror and the razor blade…’

(Originally Posted 08.03.2019)

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