Random #280

‘“In my world, I am constantly torn between killing myself or everyone around me.”

– Ragnar

Fooling No One

I really am sorry my friend

He said

But I can’t do much with that

The only thing I could recommend

He said

Is that you start wearing a hat


The Barber’s Secrets

Feeling
the
tension

In
the
air

He
dare not
mention

Your
thinning
hair

(Originally Posted 18.01.2020)

Maybe Next Year…

I know it’s only

One year on

But I’m still quite proud

Of this

Yet if I’ve had one thought

It’s that I should’ve sought

A better word

To rhyme with Elvis


Until Next Year…

As the calendar page turns once more

We are granted our reprieve

Thank you so much Mariah

Now you can fucking leave

Take that whiny choirboy with you

And that dick who thinks he’s Elvis

Bing and Bowie can piss off too

With their ‘pa rum pum pum pum’ bullshit

We’re happy to wave you off John

Although your message is appreciated

Best take your mate Paul with you though

Before we have his keyboard castrated

It’s time to step out and away now Elton

With The Jacksons, Jonah and Chuck

And as for the ‘NYPD choir’

We couldn’t give less of a fuck

We’ll really only miss you George

Like we do nearly every day

So perhaps, this year, we could keep you

Instead of giving you away

(Originally Posted 29.12.2021)

Obviously

He was right

As it turns out

As it only took me

A minute

To abandon the joy

I’d tried to employ

As I had reached

My limit


Whatever You Say

I’m going to be happy today

She said

And push this sadness from my mind

I’ll give you half an hour

He said

And even then that’s being kind

(Originally Posted 28.12.2021)

Fucking Fluoxetine

I enjoyed my trip

Up to the heavens

Albeit for just

Those thirty seconds


One Night Only

This bed’s not big enough

For the both of us

So I’ll be the one to leave

We should just be glad

For the time we’ve had

And the little bit of reprieve

(Originally Posted 06.12.2020)

Saviours Take Many Forms

I cannot imagine

I meant the Jesus

In the title of this piece

As it’s far more likely

To be a Jesús

Who’d make me go weak at the knees


Christ On A Bike

It
truly
is a
wonder

To see
such a
glorious
sight

My
heart
beats
like
thunder

As my
body
sings
with
delight

(Originally Posted 25.11.2019)

Old Movies (2)

“Of all the gin joints
In all the world…
She walks into mine”

“I hope he doesn’t think
I came here for him
As I just fancied
A soda and lime”


Old Movies (1)

Come
death
come,
as fast
as you
can

As
frankly
my dear,
I don’t
give
a damn

(Originally Posted 04.11.2019)

Birds Of A Feather

It still amazes me

To this day

That you even read my rhymes

Don’t get me wrong, my friend

It pleases me no end

But I do worry about you, at times


Wonderland

It’s nice
to think
I matter

That what
I feel is
shared

But really
I’m as mad
as a hatter

Surely no one
else is this
impaired?

(Originally Posted 25.10.2019)

Pot-Valiant

2,995 posts

And one pickled liver later

It’s a good job

That I didn’t stop

Or I’d never have put pen to paper


Drinking

I fear
I’ve had
one too
many
tonight

Perhaps
now isn’t
the time
my story
to write

(Originally Posted 18.10.2019)

A Way Of Life

Maybe she’s born with it…

Or maybe she’s just clinically depressed…


Moods

Ups and downs,

Peaks and troughs,

But the darkness?

That never stops…

(Originally Posted 10.10.2019)

Twisted

I actually quite like this one

It makes me laugh each time I read it

Though I do wonder, sometimes,

If there’s enough in my rhymes

For other people to see it


Romeo & Juliet (Alternative Version)

When
you think
about it,
he said,
true love
never dies.

Oh great
she said,
here we go,
another
hapless
fuckwit
to despise.

(Originally Posted 02.10.2019)

Being Toyed With

As I have never

Loved again

From that day

To this

I cannot help

But wonder

If someone up there

Is taking the piss


I Can’t Tell You

I can’t
tell
you
how
much
better
I feel

To
know my
feelings
I need
no
longer
conceal

I
can’t
tell you
how much
more open
I am
now

To the
possibility
of loving
someone
again,
someday,
somehow

(Originally Posted 11.09.2019)

Bien Sûr

Well you certainly seem happier

He said

This is the busiest I think you’ve been

I’ve always done my best work

She said

When fuelled by carbs and caffeine


Auberge de Lanouaille

You
should
use
this
time
to
think

He
said

About
what
it is
you
want

Only
if you
bring
me
coffee

She
said

And
a hot
buttered
croissant

(Originally Posted 05.09.2020)

Here, Rub This

It seems her wish

Wasn’t his command

Nor was ensuring

Her needs were met

This became

Pretty obvious

When they went back

To bed


Three Wishes

She stops
and sighs
as he
implores
her to stay

But I don’t
think you can
help me,
she says,
turning away

He looks
and smiles
as he
reaches for
her hand

Just trust
me, he says,
your
wish is my
command

(Originally Posted 01.09.2019)

Hamlet Is My Favorite, Obviously

Check me out

Getting all high brow

Quoting Shakespeare, no less

To help describe how

Hard it can be

When fighting off sadness

Even if there is method

In it’s madness


Shaking Spears

‘When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions ‘

‘Tell me about it, my friend, that’s why we fucking deserve medallions’

(Originally Posted 27.08.2020)

Mixed Results

There are those cut out

For DIY

And those who simply are not

You were always one

Who may have had fun

But were never as good as you thought

Xxx


Precipice

Grab
onto
this

He
said

It’ll
be
okay

It’s
one
I made
myself

I’m
not so
sure

She
said

That
it’ll
be
safe

I’ve
seen
you
put
up a
shelf

(Originally Posted 18.08.2020)

It Was Only A 10p Mix Up

Based on a true story this

From when I was about six or seven

I stole some sweets

So the owner called the police

In order to teach me a lesson

I have always felt

He was a little harsh

And his reaction was over the top

But I guess I learned then

Never to steal again

Well, at least not from his shop


Cops & Robbers

Caught with
my hands
in the
sweetie jar

I retreat,
shamefaced,
when I
hear a
police car…

Who the
fuck has
called
the cops?

I only
stole
a few
pear
drops…

(Originally Posted 11.08.2019)

A Diamond In The Rough

Perhaps I do have a sense of humour.

Sometimes.


Out of Shape

In a world full of cubes,

I’m a dodecahedron.

Overly complicated.

(Originally Posted 07.08.2019)

Just A Tad

Melodramatic?

Me?

Never!


The Night Shift

Is it
too late
to phone
in sick?

For life…

(Originally Posted 31.07.2019)

Est. 1980

When you won’t decide

One way or the other

Known colloquially

As a ‘contrary little fucker’

That’s me


Indifference

Sometimes I do
Sometimes I don’t

Sometimes I will
Sometimes I won’t

Either deal with it
Or don’t

I’m not fussed either way

(Originally Posted 22.06.2019)

Too Much Of A Good Thing

I should have gone with him that day

Instead of just staying in

As all I have to show

Now for saying no

Is one hell of a double chin


Better Plans

Shall we go out today

He said

Have a blast and give it our all

I’m afraid I already have a date

She said

With pizza, beer and football

(Originally Posted 14.06.2021)

Told You

I bumped into her

The other day

And it seems my prediction

Was right

As from what she said

He was so shit in bed

They didn’t even last

The night


Love’s Young Dream

Dance, you fools, dance

Dance far away from me

For I’ve seen all of the romance

That I need to see

I know only too well

How all this bullshit ends

Give it a year,

Maybe two,

And you won’t even be friends

(Originally Posted 08.06.2020)

Harder Than It Looks

My only haiku

A skill I do not possess

Best not try again


Searching For A Haiku

Out walking alone

Serotonin in winter

Remains elusive

(Originally Posted 17.05.2021)

Up ↑