Only Joking

You’d
think it
would
take
some
effort

To
write
as
much
as
this

Well
please
don’t
think
me
arrogant

But
it’s
really
a piece
of piss

Fuck Buddies

I
won’t
always
be
here,
you
know

For
when
you
feel
the
need
to
ask

Not
while
there
are
more
dicks
to
blow

And
other
glows
in
which
to
bask

Nom De Plume

Charmer’s the name

Misery the game

Pleased to meet you

I ain’t

I may lack flair

Writing without care

But really

I’m a saint

*winks*

Row 3 Seat 5

I don’t know
who said you
were funny

But I think
you’re pretty
witless

This really
wasn’t worth
the money

As I’m sitting
here bored
shitless

Kids

I
love
you

You
love
me

Let’s
make a
little
family

But try
not to
fuck
them up

Like our
folks did
to us

That way
they’ll be
fabulous

Middle Class Wooing

Don’t
bother
picking
flowers

They
will just
make me
sneeze

If you
really
want to
impress me

Just
bring
a wheel
of cheese

For an
‘expensive’
bottle
of wine

And a
little
bit of
Brie

Is
really
all it
takes

To get
into
bed
with me

Swipe Right

How’s
about
it

Just
us
two?

Fancy
a
walk

Visit
the
zoo?

Get
a
beer

Eat
some
food?

Spend
the
night

Being
terribly
rude?

Bed Head

There’s
so much
power,

In the
scissors
you wield,

It really
makes me
worry.

One slip
of your
hand,

A snip
or two
unplanned,

And I won’t
be going out
in a hurry.

Get Your Coat…

Would
you
like
to
dance,

He
said,

And I’ll
whisper
sweet
nothings in
your ear?

I’ve
no
time
for
romance,

She
said,

So
just
go and
buy me
a beer.

Wonderland

It’s nice
to think
I matter

That what
I feel is
shared

But really
I’m as mad
as a hatter

Surely no one
else is this
impaired?

The Washing Machine of Life

Up and down
Spinning around
No stability
to be found

Right and left
Side to side
Nowhere else
left to hide

Hang on,
where did
this sock
come from?

And where
the fuck
is the
other one?

Cops & Robbers

Caught with
my hands
in the
sweetie jar
I retreat,
shamefaced,
when I
hear a
police car…

Who the
fuck has
called
the cops?

I’ve only
stolen
a couple
of pear
drops…

The Knight

You would come charging in on your white horse

Thinking you’re going to save the world, of course

But you’ve got nothing to offer underneath all of that armour

You don’t fool me, you know, you little charmer

Still Hear

I still hear your key rattle in the door,
I still hear your footsteps across the floor.
I still hear your rubbish music playing,
I still hear your awesome temper fraying.
I still hear you impart your innate wisdom,
I still hear you berate with fierce criticism.
I still hear you sing your daft wee songs,
I still hear the bubble of your endless bongs.
I still hear you chew too loudly when you eat,
I still hear the thump of your heart beat.
I still hear your laugh and your wry chuckle,
I still hear your beloved belt unbuckle.
I still hear your enticing voice roar,
I still hear your thunderous snore.
I still hear your exasperated sigh,
I still hear your exhausted cry.

I Wish You Were,
Still Here.