Tag: grief

“Coping By Not Having To Cope”

When he died

And you’d nothing left

How did you deal

With the emptiness?

I filled it up

With pills and gin

In the vainest of hopes

I could forget him

And did you find

That it worked

They helped wash away

The pain and hurt

Some days did feel

Like less of a chore

But, in the end, the grief

Got too big to ignore

7

The Gradual Loss

It seems

The inevitable

Has happened

And I have finally

Gone mad

As I’m starting

To forget

The good things

Instead

Of just the bad

12

Dragging It Out

Another hour

Another day

Wishing I didn’t

Feel this way

Another second

Another minute

Life sure is shit

Without you in it

Xxx

3

At The Widows Support Group

Do you ever miss him?

All the time, she said

Each night I cry

Screaming “why?”

As I lay down

In our bed

Do you ever miss him?

Never once, she said

The second he’d gone

I just moved on

To someone else

Instead 

8

Shadows

They say

You are

No longer here

But I see you

Clear as day

I hear you

Talking

In your sleep

As I while

The hours away

They want me

To think

It can’t be true

That I’m mad

And must take

A pill

But I know you

Will never leave

And I am not

Mentally ill

4

Saturday

It wasn’t written 

In the stars

Or foretold through 

Your wanky cards 

It was just by chance 

We met that day 

And I wouldn’t have had it 

Any other way

Xxx

4

Disappointment

I wanted
Your hands 
To feel 
Like his 

To have one
More night
Of unbridled 
Bliss 

But as soon
As we touched 
Let alone
Kissed

I knew
From now on
It would feel 
Like this
0

For Clarity

I know

That we

Have

Hardly

Spoken

But my

Insides

Are now

Broken

And what

Is left

Merely

A token

Of the

Woman

I used to be

2

Flimsy

It never ceases to amaze me

How quickly the tears can flow

At some moment of nostalgia

Or sentimental TV show

I guess it’s just indicative

Of how most days I can deal

But just beneath the surface

Lurks a trauma yet to heal

2

“I Was Sorry To Hear About Your Dad…”

I remembered what

It was like today

Back when that pain

Gnawed away

When his death broke me

To the sum of my parts

And my mental health

Was off the charts

And although with her

I did empathise

I couldn’t be false

Or tell her lies

So I whispered the truth

As I’ve come to accept it

Although time does heal

It can never correct it

0

Welcome Interruptions

I’ve found if you socialise enough 

Sometimes, it actually works 

Then it’s only when 

You’re alone again 

That it really fucking hurts 

4

Trivial

I just can’t seem

To complete a task

However big,

Or small

I guess what once meant

Everything to me

Now means nothing

At all

2

Lifeless

Where is your commitment

He said

Your passion and desire?

It all left when he did

She said

Now there’s nothing

That stokes the fire

4

Fuzzy With Time

Imprint those times

On your mind

As it won’t be long

Before you find

What you remember

When they’re dead

Is the all pointless

Shit instead

4

Rewired

I used to be nice

I used to be kind

Then something happened

That changed my mind

Now I’m angry

Now I’m mean

With very little left

In-between

3

Overcome

Most of the time

I do quite wells

Smile on my face

Everything swell

But when those tears

Decide to fall

The reality is

There’s fuck all

I can do

To save myself

From drowning

0

An Audience Of One

I write a bit

Now you know

Nothing special

Or much to show

But just enough

To get me though

And show how much

I still miss you

0

Our Spot

You took my hand

As we crossed the sand

And I knew then

What I still know now

That’s why I come back here

Every year

To talk to you again

Out loud

0

Getting On With The Job

Why should they rememeber

He said

Every year

When you never even talk

About him here

Well, it’s not like they cared

She said

In the first fucking place

Back when the pain was still written

All over my face

3

Gone

Love him while

You still can

As the hands of death

Wait for no man

2

Sleeping On Trains

From the corner

Of my eye

I see you

Sitting there

Her head resting

On your thigh

Your fingers

Stroking her hair

I remember those days

My head touching his

When my heart

Would do nothing but flip

Yet all I feel now

Seeing such bliss

Is the overwhelming urge

To be sick

2

Unplanned

When we said

Goodbye that day

We didn’t know

It would be

Forever

And yet

I’m left

Here alone

With only

Our memories

To treasure

2

Night Nurse

With medications

To administer

And all those wounds

To dress

I think I said

Goodbye to you

Before you even left

Xxx

2

Taken Unawares

I stand at the window

Waiting to see you get off

But the bus whistles past

Without needing to stop

Because, of course,

You never got on

As I remember, with force,

That you are gone

Xxx

2

Hard Evidence

If love was permanent

And grief temporal

Perhaps I’d feel safe

And less conjectoral

Inspired by Cassa Bassa at flickerofthoughts.com

6

Stolen

You will never be forgiven

For what you took from me

Not just my only lover

But my whole identity

And even though you did it

A near whole five years ago

I am yet to fully recover

Or let my seething anger go

6

Top Of The Pops

When those bands
Of old
Don’t speak to you
And the comfort
Of music
Is gone

It won’t matter
Where
Because
I’ll be there
To help you
Carry on

2

Unhealthy Pursuits

Perhaps I should climb

A mountain

Or sail off

On a round the cruise

Anything to relieve

This having to grieve

After all,

What have I got to lose?

‘I Could Be Wrong / I Could Be Right…’

The
pressure
is on
to find
meaning

In
this so
called
life of
mine

But
I just
can’t
help but
feeling

That
it’s a
total
waste
of time

(Originally Posted 27.02.2020)

2

Premature

I know your heart’s

In the right place

And that deep down

You mean well

But your good intentions

Mean nothing

While I’m trapped

In this hell

Two Cents Worth

It will get better with time

They lied

Before my tears

Had even dried

(Originally Posted 18.02.2020)

4

Kismet

I took the fact

He listened

As you sending me

A sign

So wherever you are

I hope you know

Your best friend

Is now mine

Xxx

The Soirée

It
was
exactly

One
year
ago

That
we all
sat in
that
tent

But
there
was
only
one

Who
truly
heard

My
broken
hearted
lament

From
that
day

We’ve
kept
in touch

Forging a
connection
of our
own

And
that’s
because

You
chose
us

To
reap
what
you
had
sown

(Originally Posted 16.02.2020)

2

Joyeux Anniversaire

It’s taken me by surprise

This year

As I thought I’d be OK

Yet I feel utterly desolate

Lying here

Washing my tears away

Xxx

What Should Have Been

Twenty two years

Just me and you

Sitting on the sofa

With wine and food

But it’s not to be

As you’re three years gone

So any romance today

Just feels wrong

Xxx

(Originally Posted 14.02.2022)

2

Every Rose Has It’s Thorns

There is a tendency

When your partner dies

If thinking back

To romanticise

Every little thing

They ever did or said

To remember nothing wrong

In the years you were wed

But as time rolls by you realise

This wasn’t always the case

And putting them on that pedestal

Is just your grief misplaced

It doesn’t mean you didn’t love them

Or that their death isn’t terrible

But to acknowledge their flaws

Is important because

It makes your life slightly

More bearable

Xxx

Wasted Time

If I regret anything now

It’s all the arguments we had

The silent treatment I gave you

The things I did to make you mad

Now you’re no longer here

I can’t put those wrong things right

And I have no choice but to live with that

For the rest of my fucking life

Xxx

(Originally Posted 14.02.2020)

8

A Braver Man Than Me

At least when it all

Happened to me

I had what I’d call

The luxury

Of only having myself

To pull through this shit

And not have any kids

To help cope with it

Inconceivable

Mind
racing

Legs
pacing

Sheer
disbelief

At what
you’re
facing

(Originally Posted 12.02.2020)

0

Uproar

So much changes

When your partner dies

Infinitely more

Than you would ever realise

Soul Bar(e)ing

I mourn
the loss
of us

Even more
than the
loss of
you

(Originally Posted 23.01.2020)

0

The Grief Counsellor

I know you don’t want to hear it

But you can’t run before you can walk

There is no way to beat it

So it’s best to just sit down and talk

Cheats Never Prosper

If there is one thing

I have learned

It’s that you cannot skip

The stages

Even if that means

Moving forward

Feels like it’s taking

Fucking ages

If you jump

Too far forward

You’ll only fall

Further back

And all you’re doing

Is storing your pain

For further

Down the track

(Originally Posted 23.01.2021)

0

Rarer

I can get through

Most days now

Without crying

Over you

But sometimes it hits

Like a ton of bricks

And there is nothing

I can do

Recurring

The tears I cried

When you died

Will never fully dry

For with each day

Dawns a new array

Of pain I can’t deny

Xxx

(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)

4

Save Me

Those oceans feel

A little calmer now

As those days

Have passed me by

So from here

I’ll just tread water

Hoping for help

Before I die

The Drowning Girl

Tears
run into
oceans

Hours
bleed into
days

As I go
through
the motions

Trapped
between
the waves

(Originally Posted 21.01.2021)

0

Up ↑