It fucked me up
That much is true
But the lonliness
Was nothing new
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
It fucked me up
That much is true
But the lonliness
Was nothing new
I clear the table
But leave your plate
Telling myself
You’re just running late
Over
And over again
It never ceases to amaze me
How quickly the tears can flow
At some moment of nostalgia
Or sentimental TV show
I guess it’s just indicative
Of how most days I can deal
But just beneath the surface
Lurks a trauma yet to heal
I remembered what
It was like today
Back when that pain
Gnawed away
When his death broke me
To the sum of my parts
And my mental health
Was off the charts
And although with her
I did empathise
I couldn’t be false
Or tell her lies
So I whispered the truth
As I’ve come to accept it
Although time does heal
It can never correct it
The longer I live
With a broken heart
The more I think dying
Was the easier part
I’ve found if you socialise enough
Sometimes, it actually works
Then it’s only when
You’re alone again
That it really fucking hurts
I know
What they say
But it’s simply
Not true
Because at the end
Of the day
There’s no one
Like you
It’s not
Just what
It took
From you
But it’s what
Was robbed
From me too
Sitting here
In our chair
Remembering how
You’d stroke my hair
And tell me
That you love me
I just can’t seem
To complete a task
However big,
Or small
I guess what once meant
Everything to me
Now means nothing
At all
Where is your commitment
He said
Your passion and desire?
It all left when he did
She said
Now there’s nothing
That stokes the fire
Imprint those times
On your mind
As it won’t be long
Before you find
What you remember
When they’re dead
Is the all pointless
Shit instead
After all
Is said and done
I’m still devastated
That you’re gone
Xxx
Time may heal
But it kills too
I know that now,
Without you
I did my best
At the time
Sacrificing
Your sanity
By protecting mine
Dealing with loss is hard
He said
Thinking that he’d really tried
It’s not like I lost him
She said
He actually fucking died
I used to be nice
I used to be kind
Then something happened
That changed my mind
Now I’m angry
Now I’m mean
With very little left
In-between
And so it falls
Another New Year’s Day
Yet this feeling of loss
Never fades away
Most of the time
I do quite wells
Smile on my face
Everything swell
But when those tears
Decide to fall
The reality is
There’s fuck all
I can do
To save myself
From drowning
Around the coast
And to the beach
To scratch an itch
Nothing else can reach
I write a bit
Now you know
Nothing special
Or much to show
But just enough
To get me though
And show how much
I still miss you
You took my hand
As we crossed the sand
And I knew then
What I still know now
That’s why I come back here
Every year
To talk to you again
Out loud
Why should they rememeber
He said
Every year
When you never even talk
About him here
Well, it’s not like they cared
She said
In the first fucking place
Back when the pain was still written
All over my face
Love him while
You still can
As the hands of death
Wait for no man
From the corner
Of my eye
I see you
Sitting there
Her head resting
On your thigh
Your fingers
Stroking her hair
I remember those days
My head touching his
When my heart
Would do nothing but flip
Yet all I feel now
Seeing such bliss
Is the overwhelming urge
To be sick
I don’t know if I
Can see this through
As it’s all so empty
Without you
When we said
Goodbye that day
We didn’t know
It would be
Forever
And yet
I’m left
Here alone
With only
Our memories
To treasure
With medications
To administer
And all those wounds
To dress
I think I said
Goodbye to you
Before you even left
Xxx
I stand at the window
Waiting to see you get off
But the bus whistles past
Without needing to stop
Because, of course,
You never got on
As I remember, with force,
That you are gone
Xxx
If love was permanent
And grief temporal
Perhaps I’d feel safe
And less conjectoral
Inspired by Cassa Bassa at flickerofthoughts.com
Not only
She said
Do I miss you
But on days
Like this
I miss me too
You must be logged in to post a comment.