Pissing In The Wind

That I ever thought

Those pills would work

Is actually quite preposterous

For I have found

To my cost

That the pit of my stomach is bottomless


Prescription For A Broken Heart

I took
the first
one this
morning

The rest
won’t be
hard to
swallow

Soon
my belly
will be
full

And I’ll
no longer
feel so
hollow

(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)

One At A Time

To be fair

I have gotten better

I can look at a photo

Or read a letter

But I find it best

Not to get too immersed

Because, after all,

It still fucking hurts


Wall Art

I can’t
look at
your
photos
anymore

They make
my heart
too heavy
and my eyes
too sore

(Originally Posted 20.09.2019)

Captainless

I still don’t really understand

Why I was left feeling so at sea

As I was always the one

Who steadied our ship

It’s not like you ever looked after me


Without You

Life
is just
shit
without
you

I’ve got
nothing
left to
hold
on to

If
only
you were
still
here

Then I’d
have
nothing
left
to fear

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

Take It From One Who Knows

You really have to stop hoping

She said

That all of this will end

To think you’ll ever be free

She said

Really is madness my friend


Sunrise

I woke
up crying
again today

So much so
I struggled
to breathe

How much
longer must
I endure this?

When is
there an end
to this grief

(Originally Posted 18.09.2019)

Autopilot

Grief doesn’t come with a manual

And neither, you’ll find, does life

So you just have to go on

Now they’re gone

And hope that you stay alive


NUMB

I
didn’t
think

It
would
be
like
this

Whatever
this
is

(Originally Posted 17.09.2019)

Minimal

When feelings

Are so intrinsic

Language

Is best kept simplistic


Random #19

It

just

fucking

hurts

(Originally Posted 14.09.2019)

I Wasn’t Given Any Instructions Either

I know you’re looking

To me for help

But I am just

As clueless myself


I’m Sorry

It hurt
to see
the pain
in your
eyes

I felt
every
ache
of your
heart

If only
I could
ease the
anguish
you feel

But
I’ve no
wisdom
left to
impart

(Originally Posted 10.09.2019)

Innocence

Nothing prepares them

For what’s to come

The devastation

And then some

All I can say

As I watch them have fun

Is just be there for them

When they are done


Piercing

It looks
like this
situation
I may have
misjudged

As not
once did I
think it
would hurt
this much

(Originally Posted 09.09.2019)

His Best Friend

We both met up again last night

And as we held each other tight

We reveled in our connection to you

Before parting in the morning hue


Your Birthday

Yesterday
we
remembered
you.

Together,
in this
city, just
us two.

We laughed,
and smoked
and drank
too much beer.

Both of us
wishing you
were still
fucking here.

Xxx

(Originally Posted 08.09.2019)

‘Nothing Else To Give’

I booked the day off work today

As I knew I’d want to be alone

I wouldn’t want to see anyone

Or even speak on the phone

It’s not that I’m ungrateful

Or I don’t appreciate the intent

But people just don’t realise

That, emotionally, I’m spent


Rest In Peace

Someone
sent me
flowers
today

And for
their
kindness
I was
thankful

But
I still
chucked
them
in the
bin

For of
condolences
I’ve had
a tankful

(Originally Posted 08.09.2020)

Taking Back Control

I know what you did

That day

How you made sure

Your pain

Stopped


Were You Afraid Of Dying?

It
was
awful
to see
you
waste
away

Neither
of us
knowing
why

Now
my
only
hope

Is
you
are
smoking
dope

At
that
great
gig in
the
sky

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

Death Trumps Divorce

It doesn’t compare

It’s not the same thing

I lost the man completely

Not just my wedding ring


That Morning

You
can
try
to
imagine

But
you
can
never
know

How
much
it
tore
me
apart

When
I had
to let
him go

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

This

I reach
for his
hand

Every
day

But
nothing
makes

The
pain
go away


That

It’s
just not
right

That you
won’t be
here when
I look
tonight

It’s
just not
fair

That I’ll
reach for
your hand
and it won’t
be there

(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)

#25 The Conductor

I wrote this one

On a train

Making my way

Back home again

I remember she asked me

Why it was I cried

‘Because he’s dead’

I replied


The Removal Van

All
my dreams
are dead.

All that’s left
is this room
inside my head,

Where you
once lived.

I wish
you’d move
back in.

(Originally Posted 07.09.2019)

Stuck

I know it comes evey year

Yet I’m still no more prepared

As much as I try

I’m still left high and dry

With any chance to move on impaired


That Day

I’m scared
of what
that day
will bring,

As I
know it’s
approaching
fast.

Even if
it’s the
start of
my future,

There’s no
way of
forgetting
my past.

(Originally Posted 05.09.2019)

The Cost Of Living

I went back to work too early

Of that I have no doubt

But with bills to pay

Much to my dismay

I had no choice but to force myself out


Tuesday

I called in sick for work today.

My heart just couldn’t come out to play.

All I’ve done is lie in bed

Filled with thoughts of fear and dread.

With nausea consuming every movement,

My mood shows no sign of improvement.

I hate existing like this.

Full of anger, self loathing and all that shit.

I wonder how much more I can conceal

Before I decide to end it for real

(Originally Posted 03.09.2019)

Different For Us All

Now I don’t bother

With feelings at all

They wouldn’t get it

Even if I tried

No one cares

As it was my man,

Not theirs,

Who so unexpectedly died


Locked Away

As the
chasm
between
us

Continues
to grow

It gets
harder
and
harder

My
feelings
to show

Xxx

(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)

Death Hurts

This was so true

For much of that first year

In fact it’s only now

I have realised

How much his illness

And his death

Had left me

Paralysed


The Robbery

Your illness
robbed you
of your life

And it
robbed me
of my mind

Your death
still cuts me
like a knife

So now
to madness
I am inclined

(Originally Posted 01.09.2019)

The Sadness In My Soul

I wish I could update this one

Comment on how it has aged

Yet it seems that when

I pick up the pen

It’s only my tears that fill the page


I Hope So

Sing
to me
some
more

She
said

For
your
voice
I hold
so dear

I’ll
always
sing to
you

He
said

Even
when
I’m no
longer
here

Xxx

(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)

‘So We Go Inside And We Gravely Read The Stones…’

This is it

Where she now lies

The lonely widow

Who always cried

If only she

Had married again

Perhaps she may

Have forgotten her pain


Lovers Reunited

If I
can’t have
the one
that’s gone
then I’ll
just wait
out here,
alone,
until there’s
an end
to all
this pain
and our
hearts can
beat together
again

(Originally Posted 31.08.2019)

What A Waste

All those petty squabbles you had

The cold shoulders and silent treatment

They all come home to roost,

You know,

When you’re dealing with bereavement


Bedtime Bickering

And
you
accuse
me of
being
flirtatious?

When
your
behaviour
tonight
has been
outrageous!

(Originally Posted 30.08.2020)

Especially At Work

I used to hide

So much back then

I’m amazed I got through the day

Reading this I remember

How exhausted I was

Pretending that I was okay


Secret Anxiety

Sickness grows

Frustration shows

Conversation slows

But no one knows

(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)

On Grief

People say things

Get better with time

Which may be their truth

But it isn’t mine


Not Long Now

Each day brings

Yet more false hope

Along with an another

Earth shattering new low

I really am just

Biding my time now

Waiting until

It’s my turn to go

(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)

Q&A (cont)

Then you asked

If I got it back

Never

I replied

That was the day

When it all

Went black

And I was forever

Left dead inside


Q&A

You ask

What

I left

Behind

Nothing

I answer

Just

My mind

(Originally Posted 24.08.2020)

Good For You

You don’t even remember

The time of year

Let alone the date

You’ve moved on

Even though he’s gone

While all I can do is wait


Left

I
missed
you
again
today

Everyone
else
had
gone
away

And
it was
just me
here
alone

Crying
for the
love
I had
once
known

(Originally Posted 19.08.2019)

Life Events

There were so many photos taken

Back in twenty nineteen

And I had to pose

All alone

With a gap where you should’ve been


Speechless

There is so much
I want to tell you

So many things
I want to share

But my tears flow
all over again

When I realise
you’re not there

(Originally Posted 15.08.2019)

With Time Comes Acceptance, Supposedly

Stain free

Pain free

Neither really

Matter to me

As I’m still mad

And deeply sad

That this is how

It has to be


Only Sadness Remains

I wander barefoot
in the rain

Trying to wash
away your stain

Now that I’m left
in eternal pain

I’d give anything
to laugh again

(Originally Posted 12.08.2019)

In The Aftermath

I don’t
know
what you
expected

You knew
something
inside me
had changed

It wasn’t
just your
advances
I rejected

It was
from
everyone
I abstained


Robotic

Take
that
look
off
your
face

You
can
hardly
be
surprised

You
know
my heart
cannot
race

And
I’m
dead
behind
the
eyes

(Originally Posted 04.08.2020)

‘Priceless Advice’

Take all of your keepsakes

They say

And put them in a box

That way you will always have

A reminder of who you’ve lost

But not everything can be locked away

And it’s those things that you miss

It’s not like a shirt can replace a hug

Or a photo a kiss


Sense (less)

I’m starting to forget.

Your face,

Your voice,

Your touch.

I don’t like it.

(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)

In Desperation

There’s a chance this one might work

He said

Proffering her a wand

She near broke his hand

As she snatched it and ran

Before he could even respond


The Magic Shop

What
brings
you
here

He
said

What
can
I do
for
you?

I
just
need
a spell

She
said

To
make
it not
be
true

(Originally Posted 29.07.2020)

That Box

I’m not sure if I’m a masochist

Or just fittingly sentimental

But ever since that day

I haven’t put it away

Which surely can’t be coincidental


The Back of the Wardrobe

I foolishly
made a
mistake
today

I opened
the box
I’d hidden
away

Where the
memories of
our lives
are kept

Along with
all the
tears I’ve
wept

(Originally Posted 25.07.2019)

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