I went back to bed
Three times today
To try to dream
This pain away
But it didn’t work
And now I’m awake
Do I have any choice
But my life to take?
‘Speak to Me Someone’
I am
more
lonely
Than
anybody
knows
I
could
really
Use
a
friend
Before
this
darkness
Inside
me
grows
And
it
really
Is
the
end
The Note
It was the lonliness
That got to me
If I’m honest
In the end
Sitting here
Just quietly
But all alone
Again
Desperately trying
Yet failing
My broken heart
To mend
All the while
Convinced
The rope
Was my friend
‘Still Life’
It’s too
quiet
for my
liking
I don’t
think
I can
cope
This
lonliness
is
striking
In a
world
devoid
of hope
‘Lonely This Christmas’
I remember when we stayed in bed all day
And just ate crisps and cheese
I remember when I surprised you with gifts
And you couldn’t have been more pleased
I remember when you chatted with my Gran
And you were welcomed by my crazy clan
I remember receiving your last present
Sent to me all the way from heaven
I miss you so much today
That you’re not here is a shame
As Christmas Day without you
Will never be the same
Xxx
Fuck Knows
My days
are sad
My nights
are lonely
Fuck knows
if I’ll ever
Only be
true to you
I’d Only Stand in the Kitchen Anyway…
For the third night in a row there are people having a party, somewhere, along my street.
I can hear them talking and laughing in their garden.
I can smell their cigarette smoke through my open window.
I can hear the rattle of beer bottles as they are thrown into the recycle bin.
Music blares away until the early hours.
I’m so jealous sitting here, miserable and alone, night after night.
I mean, I can be fun too you know.
Well, kind of.
Sham(e)
I got
bored of
this shit
a long
time agoThese
endless
tales of
sadness
and woeWith eyes
that burn
from the
tears that
flowI loathe
myself
more than
you’ll
ever know
Power
I’ve walked
along
this road
before
Feeling
lonely
and
insecure
At least
this time
I know
for sure
You
cannot
hurt me
anymore
How Much
It’s unmanageable, how much I grieve for you.
It’s uncomfortable, how much I can’t move on.
It’s unsettling, how much I hate you for leaving me.
It’s undignified, how much I cry for you.
It’s unbearable, how much I still love you.
He Said / She Said
One day
You might be somebody’s something
He said
But today
I am nobody’s nothing
She said
One day
Somebody might love you
He said
But today
Nobody does
She said
Questions
When does this pain end?
Have I not suffered enough?
Will things ever change?
Does time heal everything?
Am I done?
Do I care?
Shall I?
Go where?
Alone?
Forever?
Still Hear
I still hear your key rattle in the door,
I still hear your footsteps across the floor.
I still hear your rubbish music playing,
I still hear your awesome temper fraying.
I still hear you impart your innate wisdom,
I still hear you berate with fierce criticism.
I still hear you sing your daft wee songs,
I still hear the bubble of your endless bongs.
I still hear you chew too loudly when you eat,
I still hear the thump of your heart beat.
I still hear your laugh and your wry chuckle,
I still hear your beloved belt unbuckle.
I still hear your enticing voice roar,
I still hear your thunderous snore.
I still hear your exasperated sigh,
I still hear your exhausted cry.
I Wish You Were,
Still Here.
Random #13
Fuck
This
Shit
Hope
Your words help guide my wayward step
and shine light in to my darkened heart
Your smile breaks my fall to the kitchen floor
and stems the tears in my haunted eyes
Your touch quietens the incessant voice in my head
and replenishes my embittered soul
You allow me to believe that love might be possible again
One day
Hard/Harder
Falling asleep is hard
Waking up is harder
Getting showered is hard
Putting on clothes is harder
Making breakfast is hard
Eating it is harder
Leaving the house is hard
Going home is harder
Crossing the road is hard
Looking both ways is harder
Listening to people is hard
Talking to people is harder
Smiling in general is hard
Laughing at jokes is harder
Living with you was hard
Living without you is harder
Waiting
It’s like you’ve been round at your pals house for the evening, and you’re going to call me in a minute to tell me you’re on the bus home…
But you never call…
Broken
Bloodied, bruised, bowed
but not broken.
Who am I kidding?
I'm fucked.
Falling
I am falling.
Tumbling through the air,
Spinning over and over,
Hurtling towards the ground.
Some fucker has stolen my parachute.
Don’t think I’m surviving this one, eh?
The Bridge
Today, I choose not to jump.
Tomorrow, who knows.
I am already standing too close to the edge…
Three Hundred and Sixty Five Days
It is unbelievable to think that trip
was three hundred and sixty five days ago.
Just one anonymous face in a sea of many.
My twenty three year old dream realised.
Outstanding.
There was no way to know then where I would be now.
Here, three hundred and sixty five days on, alone.
I would trade every second of that trip,
to have just one more minute,
with you.
xxx
