"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I know you think
You can change me
That your kindness
Will be enough
But trust me when I say
There’s been too much decay
For my heart to be capable
Of love
Bad Seed
I
wish
there
was a
way
To
make
you
see
That
good
boys
like
you
Aren’t
for
bad
girls
like me
(Originally Posted 26.02.2020)
The fool and her heart
Were very soon parted
As he couldn’t finish
What he started
Unkept
You said
To me
You’d always
Be true
Yet it’s clear
That forever
Meant fuck all
To you
(Originally Posted 22.02.2021)
To think I was ever
This pathetic
Leaves me
Open mouthed
And aghast
It certainly took
Some toughening up
But at least now
That nonsense
Has passed
My Dark Heart
Although
my descent
into
madness
Has
torn
my soul
apart
Underneath
all of
this
sadness
I’m still
a romantic
at heart
(Originally Posted 22.02.2020)
Now it’s just over
Four years for me
And although
I’ve learned a lot
I still couldn’t claim
I know enough to explain
Or even to give it
A decent shot
Bereavement
Just
when
I think
I’ve got
no tears
left
They
fall
down
my
face
again
Why
the fuck
didn’t
someone
tell
me
How
to
prepare
for all
this
pain
(Originally Posted 19.02.2020)
It’s taken me by surprise
This year
As I thought I’d be OK
Yet I feel utterly desolate
Lying here
Washing my tears away
Xxx
What Should Have Been
Twenty two years
Just me and you
Sitting on the sofa
With wine and food
But it’s not to be
As you’re three years gone
So any romance today
Just feels wrong
Xxx
(Originally Posted 14.02.2022)
If only I’d have listened
To people back in the day
Everyone who told me
This would end in disarray
Then I wouldn’t ever have known
Such misery and dismay
But I’d never have felt love either
And for that I was willing to pay
Mum Knows Best
Why
didn’t
you
follow
your
dreams?
She
said
Using
your
good
humour
and wit
Now
you’ve
got no
choice
She
said
But
to put
up with
his
bullshit
(Originally Posted 29.01.2020)
I can get through
Most days now
Without crying
Over you
But sometimes it hits
Like a ton of bricks
And there is nothing
I can do
Recurring
The tears I cried
When you died
Will never fully dry
For with each day
Dawns a new array
Of pain I can’t deny
Xxx
(Originally Posted 22.01.2021)
Those oceans feel
A little calmer now
As those days
Have passed me by
So from here
I’ll just tread water
Hoping for help
Before I die
The Drowning Girl
Tears
run into
oceans
Hours
bleed into
days
As I go
through
the motions
Trapped
between
the waves
(Originally Posted 21.01.2021)
If only there
Was a way
To make the dream
A reality
But any hope of that
Was cruelly dashed
When you upped
And left me
Nocturnal Naughtiness
You
were
in my
dreams
last night
We
kissed
longingly
by the
fire
And
although
I woke
with
contented
delight
It
didn’t
quite
quench
my desire
(Originally Posted 08.01.2020)
You think that when
Someone dies
It’s the big things
That you’ll miss
But what causes pain
To grieving brain
Is missing the small things
That they did
Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day
I can’t
even
change
The time
on the
oven
It’s just
one more
thing
I have
discovered
Since
you’ve
gone
(Originally Posted 04.01.2020)
I know you put
A brave face on
I know as I did it
Myself
Not just because
You’re thinking of others
But more to protect
Yourself
Are You Okay?
I want to ask
But I’m far too scared
For I already know
As into those depths
I’ve stared
(Originally Posted 02.01.2020)
It’ll most likely be
Like the last four
Wondering what the fuck
I stuck around for
20/20
However
will I
make it
through
Another
year
without
you?
(Originally Posted 31.12.2019)
Of course I remember
How it feels
Down to the very last letter
But it wouldn’t matter
What I tried
Nothing can make it better
Utterly Helpless
I really wish
I could do more
Like pick you up
from the bathroom floor
Hug you when
your heart is breaking
Give you comfort
when your bones are aching
But for as much as
your pain to me is known
This is a journey
you must walk alone
(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)
There was nothing else
That I could do
Nothing else
That I could say
Other than
To remind them all
That it’s just
Another day
Brutal Honesty
I wish
I could
take
Your
pain
away
Tell
you
everything
Will
be
okay
But
I know
the truth
It
doesn’t
get
better
When
what
you had
Is lost
forever
(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)
I can’t
wait to
go home
This year
I just wish
you were
coming
with me
Xxx
(Originally Posted 24.12.2019)
It’s the time of year
Again
For that age old
Platitude
The one I’m expected
To receive
With a kindly
Gratitude
“It must be hard for you”
They say
“Especially at this time of year”
I want
To say
It’s hard
Every day
But that’s not
What they want to hear
Who The Fuck Are ‘They’ Anyway?
Time heals
Or so they say
Well, let me tell you
They fucking lie
Time does nothing
But march on
And you’re left
With no right to reply
(Originally Posted 22.12.2021)
I’m not sure
Who suffers more
Those who are
Oblivious
Or those who know
What’s in store
Identity Crisis
In
some
ways
losing
myself
has
been
harder
than
losing
you
(Originally Posted 22.12.2019)
I used to be
Quite kindly
Cheerful
And fresh of face
Then something happened
That kicked off a pattern
Of both misery
And disgrace
Pedestals
They say you don’t know
What you mean to people
Whom you may never see
Well all I can say
Is I hope and pray
That no one relies on me
(Originally Posted 20.12.2020)
The worst is in the office
With the radio on
And no-one bats an eyelid
When they play our favourite song
Xxx
Name That Tune
People play
those songs
With no notion
of this pain
No idea that
when I hear them
My heart bleeds
for you again
(Originally Posted 18.12.2019)
Never
Do I feel this more
Than each time I walk
Through that door
Sown Up
I don’t feel better.
I haven’t forgotten.
I’ve just stopped telling you,
How I feel.
(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)
In a way it’s easier
To still see you every day
For as we get both older
My heart grows colder
And doesn’t hurt in the same way
Taken
I can bear most things in life
But it kills me every time
To know no matter what I do
You will never again be mine
(Originally Posted 11.12.2020)
Reading this one back again
I feel so sorry for her
Clearly she lost more,
When he died,
Than her words could ever infer
I Can’t Bring You Back Though, Can I?
I can look at your photo
I can whisper your name
I can press your shirt
Against my face
But nothing feels the same
(Originally Posted 11.12.2020)
I thought having sex with strangers
Would get him out of my head
And though it filled a hole
That wasn’t my goal
So now it’s back to my own bed
Going Too Far
Lying
here
alone
In
this
strange
bed
Wondering
what the
fuck
Was
in my
head
Now I
must
ignore
This
feeling
of dread
And
stop
wishing
that I’d
Stayed
home
instead
(Originally Posted 07.12.2020)
I can clean it with antiseptic
He said
And cover it with a plaster
It won’t make any difference
She said
It’s still a fucking disaster
Bleeding
It feels
like I’ve
been
robbed,
she said,
Of the
only
love
in my
life
This
pain
just
runs
so deep,
she sobbed,
As it
cuts
through me
like a
knife
(Originally Posted 05.12.2019)
Many more moons
Have passed since then
And plenty of suns
Now too
In fact it’s been
1,458 days
That I’ve been here
Without you
Xxx
Many A Moon
As that
day draws
ever closer
The pain
cannot be
avoided
To think
it was just
a year ago
When my
whole world
imploded
(Originally Posted 28.11.2019)
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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