Telling The Truth

Three years on

And although further forward

By the pain of his death

I am still tortured


At A Bedside, Desolate

There
is no
more
hope.

There
are no
more
dreams.

My life
continues
to fall apart
at the seams,

As I
lie here
thinking
of you.

And
wondering
what the fuck
I’m supposed
to do,

Now.

(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)

One At A Time

To be fair

I have gotten better

I can look at a photo

Or read a letter

But I find it best

Not to get too immersed

Because, after all,

It still fucking hurts


Wall Art

I can’t
look at
your
photos
anymore

They make
my heart
too heavy
and my eyes
too sore

(Originally Posted 20.09.2019)

Captainless

I still don’t really understand

Why I was left feeling so at sea

As I was always the one

Who steadied our ship

It’s not like you ever looked after me


Without You

Life
is just
shit
without
you

I’ve got
nothing
left to
hold
on to

If
only
you were
still
here

Then I’d
have
nothing
left
to fear

(Originally Posted 19.09.2019)

Take It From One Who Knows

You really have to stop hoping

She said

That all of this will end

To think you’ll ever be free

She said

Really is madness my friend


Sunrise

I woke
up crying
again today

So much so
I struggled
to breathe

How much
longer must
I endure this?

When is
there an end
to this grief

(Originally Posted 18.09.2019)

Autopilot

Grief doesn’t come with a manual

And neither, you’ll find, does life

So you just have to go on

Now they’re gone

And hope that you stay alive


NUMB

I
didn’t
think

It
would
be
like
this

Whatever
this
is

(Originally Posted 17.09.2019)

Being Toyed With

As I have never

Loved again

From that day

To this

I cannot help

But wonder

If someone up there

Is taking the piss


I Can’t Tell You

I can’t
tell
you
how
much
better
I feel

To
know my
feelings
I need
no
longer
conceal

I
can’t
tell you
how much
more open
I am
now

To the
possibility
of loving
someone
again,
someday,
somehow

(Originally Posted 11.09.2019)

I Wasn’t Given Any Instructions Either

I know you’re looking

To me for help

But I am just

As clueless myself


I’m Sorry

It hurt
to see
the pain
in your
eyes

I felt
every
ache
of your
heart

If only
I could
ease the
anguish
you feel

But
I’ve no
wisdom
left to
impart

(Originally Posted 10.09.2019)

Innocence

Nothing prepares them

For what’s to come

The devastation

And then some

All I can say

As I watch them have fun

Is just be there for them

When they are done


Piercing

It looks
like this
situation
I may have
misjudged

As not
once did I
think it
would hurt
this much

(Originally Posted 09.09.2019)

Random #236

“And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again”

Taking Back Control

I know what you did

That day

How you made sure

Your pain

Stopped


Were You Afraid Of Dying?

It
was
awful
to see
you
waste
away

Neither
of us
knowing
why

Now
my
only
hope

Is
you
are
smoking
dope

At
that
great
gig in
the
sky

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

Death Trumps Divorce

It doesn’t compare

It’s not the same thing

I lost the man completely

Not just my wedding ring


That Morning

You
can
try
to
imagine

But
you
can
never
know

How
much
it
tore
me
apart

When
I had
to let
him go

Xxx

(Originally Posted 07.09.2020)

A Poor Substitute

I made one into a pillow

To keep with me in bed

But there’s no point in denying

I’ve spent many a night crying

Wishing it was you instead


Your Shirt

I still have it.

Your shirt.

I can feel it.

I can smell it.

I just wish you were still here.

Wearing it.

(Originally Posted 06.09.2019)

Time Off

It takes me by surprise

Every year

If I can just yet through that day,

I think,

Then everthing will be ok

But it’s not


A Hard Week

Now that
the darkness
has descended

All my
happiness
has ended

Deep into
my soul
I have delved

And all
future plans
I have shelved

(Originally Posted 06.09.2019

Your Butterfly, Madame…

It’s better to have loved and lost

Than to never have loved at all

And it’s better to hide the knives,

I find,

To protect your abdominal wall


The Dagger

At
least
I don’t
feel pain
anymore

As my
insides
spill
to the
floor

(Originally Posted 04.09.2020)

Death Hurts

This was so true

For much of that first year

In fact it’s only now

I have realised

How much his illness

And his death

Had left me

Paralysed


The Robbery

Your illness
robbed you
of your life

And it
robbed me
of my mind

Your death
still cuts me
like a knife

So now
to madness
I am inclined

(Originally Posted 01.09.2019)

The Sadness In My Soul

I wish I could update this one

Comment on how it has aged

Yet it seems that when

I pick up the pen

It’s only my tears that fill the page


I Hope So

Sing
to me
some
more

She
said

For
your
voice
I hold
so dear

I’ll
always
sing to
you

He
said

Even
when
I’m no
longer
here

Xxx

(Originally Posted 01.09.2020)

On Grief

People say things

Get better with time

Which may be their truth

But it isn’t mine


Not Long Now

Each day brings

Yet more false hope

Along with an another

Earth shattering new low

I really am just

Biding my time now

Waiting until

It’s my turn to go

(Originally Posted 27.08.2019)

The Promise That Can’t Be Kept

He knew right then

As he watched

The tear fall from her eye

It was best to forget

And to just let

His feelings for her die


Silent Conversations

Not yet
but soon
she says,
as she makes her
way to the door

But when,
how soon
he asks
as he stares
at the floor

Not yet
but soon
she says,
as her head
is slowly bowed

But when,
how soon
he asks
will we
be allowed?

(Originally Posted 22.08.2019)

A Digital Death

You should be given a manual

For when your loved one dies

Not just on how to cope with grief

But practical advice

There’s so many things you have to do

When you’re under all that pressure

It’s no wonder some things are forgotten

And then they’re lost, forever


I Should Have Done It Back Then

The last link

Has been ripped away

Our final tether

Is severed

And all I can hear

Is your voice

Telling me

That I really should’ve done better

Xxx

Life Events

There were so many photos taken

Back in twenty nineteen

And I had to pose

All alone

With a gap where you should’ve been


Speechless

There is so much
I want to tell you

So many things
I want to share

But my tears flow
all over again

When I realise
you’re not there

(Originally Posted 15.08.2019)

Random #227

“I know that’s what people say – you’ll get over it. I’d say it too. But I know it’s not true. Oh, you’ll be happy again, never fear. But you won’t forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him.”

– Betty Smith

With Time Comes Acceptance, Supposedly

Stain free

Pain free

Neither really

Matter to me

As I’m still mad

And deeply sad

That this is how

It has to be


Only Sadness Remains

I wander barefoot
in the rain

Trying to wash
away your stain

Now that I’m left
in eternal pain

I’d give anything
to laugh again

(Originally Posted 12.08.2019)

Unreciprocated Love

It will never be

The right time for me

I just have to accept it

As I cannot take

The abject heartache

Each time I am rejected


Each Time We Meet

Why isn’t
it me,
she asks,

Why can’t
it be us?

For I
already
love another,
he says,

As her
dreams
crumble
to dust.

(Originally Posted 10.08.2019)

Birthdays Are The Worst Days

I still don’t know

What the fuck to do

Even though today

I’m forty two


Entering My Fifth Decade

So I
turned
forty
today

And
what
exactly
did
I do?

Nothing

But
drink,
smoke
and cry
too much

Like
every
other
day

Without
you

Xxx

(Originally Posted 08.08.2020)

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