"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I don’t really know
What happened
I’m not sure
Why I cried
Something
Just reminded me
Of how I felt
The day he died
You were amazing
With me
Your words
So soft and kind
Your touch
Helping to soothe me
Drying the tears
From my eyes
I know
That I struggled
To tell you
At the time
Just how much
I loved him
And truly miss
That man of mine
Yet what I’m sorry
I couldn’t say
But really
Wanted to
Is how happy
I know he’d be
To see
That I’ve found you
It was really nice
To see you today
Now time has seen
Most memories away
Yet when I said
Goodbye, my friend
Both of us knew
This is the end
I thought of us
Again today
And, as always,
You made me smile
It was a welcome break
From all the heartache
Even if only
For a while
I don’t think
I’ve missed you
More than I have
Today
There was nothing
I could do
To help push
These feelings away
And even though
It is now
Nearly twenty six years old
I have realised
My love for you
Will simply
Never grow cold
Xxx
It all
Felt better
For a while
You made
Me laugh
You made
Me smile
But now
It’s over
And
You’re gone
So again,
I’m left
All alone
I’ve never felt
More myself
Than when I
Was alone
With you
Xxx
I’m not that girl
You used to know
I killed her off
Many moons ago
Now close your mouth
And dry your eyes
As life isn’t all beer
And scampi fries
Through
The stink
Of stale beer
And smoke
I close
My eyes
And try not
To choke
It seems
The inevitable
Has happened
And I have finally
Gone mad
As I’m starting
To forget
The good things
Instead
Of just the bad
To listen back
Is the best escape
As you never forget
Your first mix tape
(Nor the one who sent it)
Sometimes I wonder
If you were asked
What it is
You’d say
About me
Would you describe
All that time
We spent
Together
As happy?
As I sit here
Nursing a beer
Facing up
To the cold light of day
It is crystal clear
To me now, dear
You never loved me
Anyway
I remember precisely
Where I was
Along with the time
And date
When I knew
To just stop trying
And resign myself
To fate
You cannot say
You didn’t know
Or that I wasn’t clear
When I said no
The fact that you
Were “just a kid”
Will never justify
What you did
It’s only now
On this
Winters night
That I wish
You were here
By my side
There's no need
For you
To feel bad
To worry,
Or to fret
It's not like
You're "reminding me"
Because I
Could never forget
If
One day
You should
Read this
Just know
Each minute
With you
Was bliss
Xxx
All that
Worry
And constant
Stress
Never made
Me love you
Any less
Xxx
I knew as soon
As we touched
All wasn’t
What it seemed
Yet it still hurt
My heart
When I woke
With a start
To realise
It was a dream
I remember
Driving to see you
In the middle
Of the night
I didn’t want
To talk
I just needed
To feel your might
Because I knew
When you kissed me
You’d wrap your arms
Around me tight
And that you
Would be the one
To make everything
Alright
Xxx
I hope you don’t mind me asking
He said
But do you think of me
At all?
I’ll remember that night forever
She said
But the rest
I can’t recall
I often think
Of that night
And how events
Proceeded
Because being seduced
Was the confidence boost
That I so sorely
I needed
I clear the table
But leave your plate
Telling myself
You’re just running late
Over
And over again
Nothing
Of what
We had
Remains
As our
Memories
Dance
Between
The flames
I remembered what
It was like today
Back when that pain
Gnawed away
When his death broke me
To the sum of my parts
And my mental health
Was off the charts
And although with her
I did empathise
I couldn’t be false
Or tell her lies
So I whispered the truth
As I’ve come to accept it
Although time does heal
It can never correct it
The longer I live
With a broken heart
The more I think dying
Was the easier part
I hear you shout
Through the wall
And realise you don’t
Love her at all
Then I see you fight
From my bed
And know you won’t stop
Until she’s dead
It doesn’t matter
What you do
Or how many fantasies
You suggest
As nothing can beat
The reality
That plays
Inside my head
Sitting here
In our chair
Remembering how
You’d stroke my hair
And tell me
That you love me
Imprint those times
On your mind
As it won’t be long
Before you find
What you remember
When they’re dead
Is the all pointless
Shit instead
What I’ve got for you depends
He said
On if you’ve been bad or good
I couldn’t give a fuck
She said
And haven’t since childhood
Ramblings Of A Fragile Mind 
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