Stuck

I know it comes evey year

Yet I’m still no more prepared

As much as I try

I’m still left high and dry

With any chance to move on impaired

That Day

I’m scared
of what
that day
will bring,

As I
know it’s
approaching
fast.

Even if
it’s the
start of
my future,

There’s no
way of
forgetting
my past.

(Originally Posted 05.09.2019)

05/09/2022 0

Putting The Flags Away

I don’t know why

I got carried away

I only smiled

That one day

It’s not like my sadness

Can fade to grey

As this black cloud

Is here to stay

‘A Little Peculiar’

Something happened this morning

When I sat up in my bed

I found that instead of yawning

I actually smiled instead

(Originally Posted 10.08.2020)

10/08/2022 2

If Not Now, When?

I’ll talk you through each step

He said

I’ll explain everything as we go

That’s not what concerns me

She said

It’s the resultant shame I need to forgo

Like Riding A Bike

It’s
not
that
I don’t
want
to

She
said

It’s
more
that
I don’t
know
how

Just
come a
little
closer

He
said

None
of
that
matters
now

(Originally Posted 05.08.2020)

05/08/2022 0

Weight Off Your Shoulders

I hope that now

You’re away from me

You are enjoying

Your life carefree

I hope you don’t

Think of me

For I’m standing tall

Just as I should be

The Burden

If
only
I knew
what to do

I
would
not be so
reliant on you

If
only
I knew
how to grieve

It
would be
so much easier
to let you leave

If
only
I knew
who to be

I’d
thank you
for your help
and set you free

(Originally Posted 01.08.2019)

01/08/2022 4

Not Wandering Anymore

Out with the old

And in with the new

Time for me to find

Someone better than you

Rose Tinted Glasses

Sometimes a
wander down
memory lane
is no bad
thing

So long
as you can
remember
your way
back

(Originally Posted 22.07.2019)

22/07/2022 4

To Never Apologising Again

This is how

You made me feel

Pathetic, lonely

And small

It took me far too long

To realise

That this wasn’t love

At all

Apologies

I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,

I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.

I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,

I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.

I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,

I’m sorry I always make you worry.

I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.

But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.

(Originally Posted 26.06.2019)

26/06/2022 10

There’s Still Time

Have you thought about moving on

He said

Of starting a life with someone else

It hasn’t even crossed my mind

She said

As I’m more than happy on the shelf

It’s Not The Same Thing

Just think about

What I lost

On the day he died

Then ask yourself

If you were me

When would your tears subside?

(Originally Posted 25.06.2021)

25/06/2022 4

The Failed Ultimatum

Remember when you told me

To do this / do that

And you expected

I’d dance to your tune

Well, in reality

Your words fell flat

And to your bullshit

I’m now immune

Think Again

It’s a
mistake
to tell
me what
to do.

Even
bigger
to think
I’d listen
to you.

(Originally Posted 21.06.2019)

21/06/2022 2

Only Traces Left

No matter how hard you strive

To keep a memory alive

They’re always forgotten

In the end

At All

I reach
for your hand,
but it’s not there,
and further into
the abyss
I fall.

I search
for your face,
but you don’t care,
and it’s like we
were never here
at all.

(Originally Posted 20.06.2019)

20/06/2022 12

No Room At The Inn

You should look for someone else

They say

Now time’s moved on a bit

I wouldn’t know where to start

I say

Or where in my head they’d fit

HeadRoom

I
did
not
realise

That
space
in my
head

Would
still be
filled
by you

Even
though
you’re
dead

(Originally Posted 24.05.2020)

24/05/2022 4

I Am Now

I do not look

Over my shoulder

For I am brave

I am bolder

You will not beat me

Any longer

Because I am better

I am stronger

Yearning

Time passes

Like a dream

In my mind

As I remember

Everything

I’ve left behind

(Originally Posted 25.04.2020)

25/04/2022 6

In

The days still march on,

But now I run forward.

Always in step,

Everything in place,

And just about in time.

Out

The days march on,
But I trail behind.
Out of step,
Out of place,
Out of time.

(Originally Posted 09.04.2019)

09/04/2022 10

Becoming Unstuck

Back in the day

The only way

Was to express my grief

In paragraphs

I avoided talking

Like the plague

And couldn’t look

At photographs

I knew that it

Was wrong of me

But in my sadness

I was frozen

There was no option

For me back then

No other path

I could have chosen

But now I find

Day in day out

I can move

A little bit more

I am becoming unstuck,

It seems

Of that much

I am sure

I can only hope

As time goes on

Things continue

In this vain

And I’m never physically,

Mentally or emotionally

So immovable

Again

Immovable

It’s like wading through a swamp. Trying to lift your limbs from quicksand. Pushing against an invisible wind with a colossal weight strapped to your back. Everything takes so much longer. So many hours are lost. Motivation is impossible to muster. Action comes only in waves. Trivial tasks are insurmountable and nothing makes sense.

I’ve become physically, mentally and emotionally immovable.

Please, send help.

(Originally Posted 26.03.2019)

26/03/2022 16