Tag: pain

I Didn’t Believe You Anyway

Remember

When you told me

I’d never get hurt again

That it didn’t matter

How my heart was shattered

As there wouldn’t be

Any more pain

Well, you lied

This is worse

0

Dragging It Out

Another hour

Another day

Wishing I didn’t

Feel this way

Another second

Another minute

Life sure is shit

Without you in it

Xxx

3

“The Demons In Your Head”

You thought

You’d stop

Didn’t you?

And you’d never

Touch me again

That you wouldn’t

Need knives

Or razor blades

To cope

With all your pain

Yet here you are

With scissors

Poised to plunge

Into your skin

What a stupid bitch

To think you could switch

And that I

Would never win

2

Like Candy From A Baby

You seem to spend more time

Smiling

He said

Than you ever did

Before

I’ve just gotten better 

At hiding

She said

So you won’t ask me

Anymore

8

A Rum Punch

If at first

You don’t succeed

You should try,

And try again

Then when all else fails

Down a sea of cocktails

And hope

It dulls the pain

10

The Operation

Is there another way

She asked

To cure my ills?

I’d have no problem

Taking the pills

If there was something

He said

To advise, I would

But no pill out there

Would do you any good

What are you saying

She asked

I’m devoid of hope?

All that’s left

Is to sit around and mope?

What I mean

He said

Is given your pain

The only way forward

Is to rewire your brain

5

Welcome Interruptions

I’ve found if you socialise enough 

Sometimes, it actually works 

Then it’s only when 

You’re alone again 

That it really fucking hurts 

4

Another Kick In The Teeth

There was once a time

When I could go home

Shower

And wash myself clean

But now there’s no let up

No matter how hard I scrub

From the pain

My body has seen

5

Ruing The Day

When you asked me

If I loved you

How I wish

That I’d said no

Then my being exploited

Could’ve been avoided

And this pain

I’d never have known

6

Until Dinnertime

It’s never as bad

As you think it’ll be

All sitting around

The Christmas tree

As long as you have

A beer, or two

To dull the pain

And see you through

4

Getting On With The Job

Why should they rememeber

He said

Every year

When you never even talk

About him here

Well, it’s not like they cared

She said

In the first fucking place

Back when the pain was still written

All over my face

3

Gone

Love him while

You still can

As the hands of death

Wait for no man

2

Detrimental

There’s nothing worse

Than when it hurts

And that

Is all the time

Yet I’ll pretend

To the bitter end

That everything

Is fine

2

The Shield

It doesn’t matter

What you say

Because however much

You try

Nothing will ever

Hurt me now

As I am dead

Inside

0

Shots Fired

Nothing makes you

Feel more alive

Than the sound

Of a lovers verse

But nothing will ever

Hurt you more

Than the sting

Of a lovers curse

Love(less)

I
really
do
love
you

She
said

But I
don’t
like
you
very
much

Your
words
leave
me
reeling

She
said

And
feeling
cold
to the
touch

(Originally Posted 06.02.2020)

0

A Daily Challenge

It’s hard to consider

Giving much more

When your mind is weak

And your heart is sore

Cardiac Arrest

My heart
has been
aching
all day

Nothing
has made
the pain
go away

Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end

And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend

(Originally Posted 21.01.2020)

0

Diluted

She who was once vivacious

Grew ever weary from the pain

And though she remained flirtatious

She never truly loved again

As Time Goes By

From
happy
souls
the
lifeblood
drains

Until
nothing
but
the
darkness
remains

🖤

(Originally Posted 17.01.2020)

8

Minutiae

You think that when

Someone dies

It’s the big things

That you’ll miss

But what causes pain

To grieving brain

Is missing the small things

That they did

Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day

I can’t
even
change

The time
on the
oven

It’s just
one more
thing

I have
discovered

Since
you’ve
gone

(Originally Posted 04.01.2020)

2

Jusqu’à La Fin

I still loved you

Down to your bones

Even without

Those dulcet tones

Xxx

Robbed

I wish
you
could
have
spoken

Right
at
the
very
end

I’ll
miss
that
sound
forever

The
voice
of my
best
friend

(Originally Posted 03.01.2020)

0

Getting By

I know you put

A brave face on

I know as I did it

Myself

Not just because

You’re thinking of others

But more to protect

Yourself

Are You Okay?

I want to ask

But I’m far too scared

For I already know

As into those depths

I’ve stared

(Originally Posted 02.01.2020)

4

Missing The Boat

It’ll most likely be

Like the last four

Wondering what the fuck

I stuck around for

20/20

However
will I
make it
through

Another
year
without
you?

(Originally Posted 31.12.2019)

2

Looking On

Of course I remember

How it feels

Down to the very last letter

But it wouldn’t matter

What I tried

Nothing can make it better

Utterly Helpless

I really wish
I could do more

Like pick you up
from the bathroom floor

Hug you when
your heart is breaking

Give you comfort
when your bones are aching

But for as much as
your pain to me is known

This is a journey
you must walk alone

(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)

10

Firsts

There was nothing else

That I could do

Nothing else

That I could say

Other than

To remind them all

That it’s just

Another day

Brutal Honesty

I wish
I could
take

Your
pain
away

Tell
you
everything

Will
be
okay

But
I know
the truth

It
doesn’t
get
better

When
what
you had

Is lost
forever

(Originally Posted 27.12.2019)

2

Blunted

This new one

Is my favourite

Of all those pills

And potions

As it leaves me feeling

Numb inside

And just going

Through the motions

Regime #7

These
pills
have
stopped
working

They
are now
simply
a token

As
they
don’t
take away
the hurting

From a
heart
that’s
truly
broken

(Originally Posted 23.12.2019)

2

‘the weirdness flows between us’

The worst is in the office

With the radio on

And no-one bats an eyelid

When they play our favourite song

Xxx

Name That Tune

People play
those songs

With no notion
of this pain

No idea that
when I hear them

My heart bleeds
for you again

(Originally Posted 18.12.2019)

0

Trauma Breeds Trauma

It started off

Innocently enough

But the problem was

It worked

The desire then grew

And deep down I knew

How I’d forever quench

My thirst

‘Slash & Burn’

Skin somewhat healing

And yet I’m still reeling

As my heart slowly withers

Is there a more appealing

Way to cope with this feeling

Other than with a pair of scissors?

(Originally Posted 15.12.2020)

0

Only The Half Of It

Reading this one back again

I feel so sorry for her

Clearly she lost more,

When he died,

Than her words could ever infer

I Can’t Bring You Back Though, Can I?

I can look at your photo

I can whisper your name

I can press your shirt

Against my face

But nothing feels the same

(Originally Posted 11.12.2020)

0

Scarred For Life

It’s like saying hello

To your oldest friend

But seeing them is conflicting

You enjoy the sting

Of the comfort they bring

But not of the wounds you’re inflicting

Scabs

Picking at these circles

All itchy, bloody and raw

Wondering why

The fuck am I

Doing this shit again for

(Originally Posted 24.11.2020)

4

Magnitude

You may well have been dead

Nearly four years to the day

Yet you still have the power

To take my breath away

Xxx

A Different Coat

I cried for
hours this
morning

I found your
notebook in
my pocket

Now I’ve
started to
read it

I don’t
know how
to stop it

(Originally Posted 19.11.2019)

10

How Much Longer?

Three years on

And here I am

Having been kept waiting

With my life on hold

My heart stone cold

And my tears still accumulating

Tell Me

Do
these
tears
ever
stop?

(Originally Posted 28.10.2019)

8

Stuck On Repeat

I must be one of those people

Who really gets off on pain

As since he died

On this song I’ve imbibed

Again and again and again

Masochism

Every time
I hear
this song

It brings
tears to
my eyes

And pain
to my
heart

A reminder of
all I’ve come
to despise

And how
we’ll forever
be apart

I should
just press
stop

Switch
off the
laptop

And
walk
away…

(Originally Posted 24.10.2019)

0

The Feeling

It started out quite innocently

When I was just a kid

I used to pull my hair out

To stop me flipping my lid

But then as I grew older

Things took a darker turn

A wee nick here

A wee cut there

Sometimes even a burn

It’s not something I’m proud of

Or something anyone should aspire to do

But I can’t deny

That down the line

It’s those things that got me through

Thoughts #4

Sliced wide open again

For all the world to see

If only there was

Another way

To let the poison free

(Originally Posted 07.10.2021)

2

An Expensive Distraction

It’s been nearly three weeks now

That I’ve been off the booze

Choosing to cope instead

With the pain in my head

By getting some new tattoos

Therapy?

No
matter
what
the
guidelines
say

Or
how
many
braincells
may be
lost

I’ll
slay
my
dragons
my way,
thanks

And
live
with
whatever
the
cost

(Originally Posted 05.10.2020)

8

Telling The Truth

Three years on

And although further forward

By the pain of his death

I am still tortured

At A Bedside, Desolate

There
is no
more
hope.

There
are no
more
dreams.

My life
continues
to fall apart
at the seams,

As I
lie here
thinking
of you.

And
wondering
what the fuck
I’m supposed
to do,

Now.

(Originally Posted 24.09.2019)

0

Minimal

When feelings

Are so intrinsic

Language

Is best kept simplistic

Random #19

It

just

fucking

hurts

(Originally Posted 14.09.2019)

4

A Different Box Of Tricks

There are other ways

To deal with pain

Instead of creating your own,

Again

Scissors

It’s time
to put you
back in
your box

To fasten
the lid
and change
the locks

I cannot
continue
down this
path

For if I
do there
is no way
back

(Originally Posted 21.08.2019)

2

Random #230

‘Late at night I can hear your voices
Talking shit about all my choices
You would think you’ve known me forever
Just because you know my name…’

0

Long Sleeves All Year Round

You can work through your issues

Until they’re no longer discernable

But it’s important to remember

Not all the results are reversible

The Sting

If
I had
never
gone
down
this
path

It
wouldn’t
hurt
so
much
in the
bath

(Originally Posted 19.08.2020)

2

It Isn’t Always Metaphorical

I’m not quite sure

If this needs any more

As my request is perfectly clear

Sometimes my implication

Requires no explanation

Just as is the case here

Submission

Ah well

What the heck

Put your hand

Around my neck

And squeeze

(Originally Posted 20.07.2020)

8

The No Escape Room

It’s a word I use a lot

‘Abyss’

Reading back now

I have noticed

I hadn’t quite realised

How numb

I’d become

Or how dissociated I was

When I wrote this

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

(Originally Posted 12.07.2019)

6

I Should Have Known

The ultimate head fuck

For an obsessive planner like me

Is the loss of his soul

Was outwith my control

And something I did not forsee

(In)Competent

Out
of
all
the
things

I
can
say
or
do

What
hurts
me
the
most

Is
that
I couldn’t
save
you

Xxx

(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)

2

Lacklustre

Let’s go have some fun

He said

Eat, drink and be merry

That’s nowhere near enough

She said

To persuade me to bite the cherry

One Week On

What
exactly
am I
missing
out on?

Go on
then
please,
explain

It’s
your last
chance to
convince me

To
leave
the
house
again

(Originally Posted 08.07.2020)

0

Switching Off The Machine

I had forgotten

Ever writing this

But reading it now

It’s so clear to see

Why the overwhelming trauma

I endured that morning

Will never leave

My memory

Sigh

Sorry
it must
end
this way

She
said

But
I need
to let
you go

Please
don’t
forget
what we
had

He
said

Or
how
I loved
you
so

(Originally Posted 07.07.2020)

7

‘I Keep Mine Hidden’

Cuts that were made

Long ago

Given time do

Eventually heal

But their scars

Will remain

To remind you

Of the pain

You couldn’t reveal

No Sharps Please

The
cut
on
my
wrist

Has
now
healed

As
I was
told
not
to
pick
it

The
delicate
skin

Is
now
sealed

So
I will
try
not
to
nick
it

Again

(Originally Posted 02.07.2020)

4

The Songs That Saved My Life

You were all I had

When he died

And I didn’t know how to cope

I was driven mad

Each time I cried

And you were my only hope

‘The Boy’s No Good… ‘

As
I sit
and
listen

To each
word you
say

All
of my
pain

Simply
ebbs
away

(Originally Posted 06.06.2020)

10

Thank Fuck For Waterproof Mascara

I had a lot of fun that day

And I looked beautiful too

Yet on the hour, every hour

I cried alone in the loo

Wedding Bells

Who knows
what will happen
when I get there.

Who knows
what will happen
along the way.

What I do know
is that you
won’t be there.

And my tears
will fall
all day.

(Originally Posted 21.05.2019)

10

Seeing Stars

As my cuts bleed

I beg and plead

That this pain

Will be my last

Internal Bleeding

Words
can’t
explain

This
eternal
ache

It
hurts
so much

When
I’m
awake

(Originally Posted 17.05.2020)

7

Random #193

“You’d be surprised what lengths people will go to not to face what’s real and painful inside them.”

– Kester Gill

4

Our Demise

Why do we bother to love

She said

When it really is

So cruel

I’ve got no idea

He said

It’s not me who makes the rules

Savages

So now
you’re
leaving
me too

Now
you have
broken
my heart?

Well
fuck off
back to
her then

I’ll
soon
tear you
apart

(Originally Posted 01.04.2020)

2

In Memoriam

There is nothing

Left to do

There isn’t anything

Else to say

I just really

Fucking miss him

Every single day

Xxx

8

In Loving Memory

The girl you knew is gone

She said

Killed by love itself

You don’t need to tell me

He said

For I dug her grave myself

10

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