Tag: pain

Piercing

It looks
like this
situation
I may have
misjudged

As not
once did I
think it
would hurt
this much

0

Forever

My happiness
is fleeting,
she said,
but my pain
is forever

I can’t help
repeating,
he said,
that I’m here
for you whatever

10

Out With A Bang

What is this
stabbing pain
in my chest?

Why is it
causing me
such unrest?

Fingers
crossed it’s
a heart attack

Then I
can leave
this place

And never
have to
come back

8

The Jumble Sale

I rummage around inside my head as I search for what to say

But the silence means all you hear is that I don’t want you to stay

I rummage around inside my head as I look down to the floor

But the silence means all you hear is that I don’t love you anymore

What is painfully sad for both of us is that neither of these things are true

But this jumble sale of words in my head prevents me from being honest with you

18

Our Waltz

My joy
is in your
weakness.

Your solace
is in my
pain.

Both
forever
destined,

To dance
together
in the rain.

2

When Will It End?

Biting my nails
until they bleed,
doesn’t give me
the relief I need.

Scratching my skin
until it’s breaking,
doesn’t stop my
heart from aching.

When will it end,
this pain I’m feeling?
When does it stop,
when do I start healing?

0

Dwelling

Pain helps, momentarily.

It provides a fleeting relief.

Then the numbness returns.

And living inside this emotionless abyss, continues.

0

Another Day…

Another day of pretence dawns,

And my heart is full of dread.

Another chasm in my mind yawns,

And I wish that I was dead.

0

Never Stop

If I turn on the tap,
it’ll never stop flowing.

If I turn on the rage,
it’ll never stop glowing.

If I turn on my mind,
it’ll never stop knowing.

If I turn on my grief,
it’ll never stop showing.

It will never stop,
this seed I am sewing.

0

An Unwanted Gift

You’ll always carry it with you,
The pain.

You can try to wrap it differently.

Use an alternative box,
Choose a shiny wrapping paper.
Secure it with ribbon,
Even glue on a fucking huge bow,
If you like.

But you’ll still carry it with you,
The pain.

Like a gaudy present nobody wants to open.
An unwanted gift you can never return.

4

Just

I don’t really want to die.

At least I don’t think I do.

I just want the pain to stop.

Every day is a battle I have less and less desire to fight.

Every day is an experience I have less and less desire to enjoy.

Every day is a puzzle I have less and less desire to complete.

I just want that spark back.

I just want you back.

I just want you.

0

Alphabet Heart

Atrophied. Abandoned.
Bleak. Barren.
Crumpled. Cracked.
Dark. Dank.
Embittered. Enraged.
Failed. Forgotten.
Garotted. Gutted.
Hateful. Haunted.
Indignant. Idle.
Jagged. Jaded.
Knocked. Knotted.
Longing. Lost.
Maudlin. Morose.
Nightmarish. Numb.
Obstructed. Obliterated.
Paralysed. Prone.
Quiet. Queasy.
Rotten. Ravaged.
Stolen. Shattered.
Traumatised. Tainted.
Unloveable. Undone.
Violated. Vanquished.
Weeping. Wasted.
Xxx
Yearning. Yawning.
Zero.
0

Country Roads

I should stop driving late at night.

Especially on country roads.

It’s becoming far too tempting not to press the foot brake.

And I’m not afraid of the darkness…

 

 

0

Who Goes First?

It’s better that I’m living without you

Rather than you living without me

You’d never cope with this pain

It has wrecked me

But it would have destroyed you

And I would have hated that

0

Waiting

It’s like you’ve been round at your pals house for the evening, and you’re going to call me in a minute to tell me you’re on the bus home…

But you never call…

0

The Bridge

Today, I choose not to jump.

Tomorrow, who knows.

I am already standing too close to the edge…

 

0

Fuck You

Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck you
Fuck you fuck you fuck
6

‘Of Course…’

There was, of course, a time 
when I wouldn't let this happen.
There was, of course, a time 
when I'd have pulled myself out of this
mess and just got on with it.

But not now.
Now I feel different.
I've lost the need, the sense of urgency.
I'm not even worried if it doesn't come back.
I've given up hoping it will any more.

Although I know I can't carry on like this.
And honestly, I don't want to.
To get out of this shithole I've got to work.

And there is, of course, only so much daytime TV 
you can watch.

 

0

When…

When you are misunderstood is when you are alone.
When you are alone is when you have no one to talk to.
When you have no one to talk to is when you are silenced.
When you are silenced is when you suffer.
When you suffer is when you cry.
When you cry is when you are in pain
When you are in pain is when you erase yourself.
When you erase yourself is when you cease to exist.
When you cease to exist is when you are dead.
When you are dead is when you are happy.

When you are happy is when you are dead.  
0

I(d)

Who knows why I do these things.
Even I don't know why I do these things!
I know they are stupid, pathetic and immature.
And yet I still do them.

I ruin peoples lives.
I fuck up people's lives because my life is fucked up too.
It's like a revenge I love to wreak, but feel guilty about, 
later. When it's over.

I just don't understand myself.
I make these things happen.
I lure people into my trap, spit them out 
and then ignore the consequences.
Sometimes I wonder why I drink too much, smoke too much
and delve into substance abuse...

It's to cheat myself from the truth.

I am a fuck up.
I am a fuck up who fucks up other people's lives,
just for the fucking sake of it.

You have no idea how bored I have become.
Of fucking that is.

2

Je Suis Morte

I've been here so many, many times before
I'm just fucking bored now.
Bored with the fucking lot of it.
It's pointless now.
Not that there ever was a point, obviously.

Je Suis Morte.
I Fucking Wish.
0

After watching ‘Rebel’

Why did you leave me here?
Here alone to fend for myself?

Why couldn't you have stayed to comfort me through the years we both had left on this planet?
 
You were the only one who ever understood me.
You were the only one I could ever understand.
I loved you, I still love you,
but I can't ever forgive you for leaving me.

Discarding me like an expired bus pass.
That's all I was to you.
A ticket you used to transport you to your next destination.

We could have been so good together Jimmy, but you walked out on me.
And I'll never forgive you for that.

'Mum, Dad, a boy was killed tonight'.
 
0

THEM

You attempt to tell them, but they won't listen.
You try to explain, but they can't understand.
You try to express yourself, but they dismiss you as mad.
You shout and you scream and you feel like crying,
But still they don't listen.

Every word you say is laughed at or brushed aside.
They can't understand you.
They've never been there.

Sometimes, just sometimes, you throw something at them
with the intent to prod or provoke.
And it does.
But only for a second.

Then they revert back to their normal selves, 
and walk away.
 
0

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