Self Talk

If I don’t talk about myself negatively

She said

Then I’ve got nothing much to say

Well perhaps I can try to help you

He said

See yourself in a different way

Rent Free

You’ve now outstayed a welcome

That you were never fucking given

So if you would kindly

Piss off please

I can get back to living

Honesty At Year Three

So today marks the beginning

Of WordPress year three

Happy two year anniversary to me

Quite a lot has changed

Since that first post

Not least the number of people

Seemingly engrossed

In reading my innermost thoughts and feelings

Which I admit even now

I have a hard time believing

For there are far more talented writers here than me

Whose focus isn’t madness, sadness or profanity

Yet as I’ve looked back over posts of the past

I see my words gradually getting lighter

Perhaps this is due, in part,

To my life being that little bit brighter

So, I hear you ask, will my future posts just become asinine?

Well, I suppose, your guess is as good as mine

But one things for sure

You’ll still find me here beneath the armour

Writing, posting and chatting

As your ever grateful Little Charmer

Fate

I wish I’d never met you.

Life would be easier then.

If I’d never met you

I wouldn’t have to forget you.

And I would be happier then.

(Originally Posted 09.03.2019)

‘A New Hope’

I don’t want to go back, actually

My old normal kinda sucked

Whereas my life now

Doesn’t seem somehow

So irrevocably fucked

Random #18

‘You could have achieved so much more, if you weren’t so fucking insecure’

– Me

(Originally Posted 19.07.2019)

Back To The Future

What do you do when there’s nothing left

When your darkest thoughts you’ve mined?

Perhaps a delve back into the past

For any gems you’ve left behind?

With my third year on WordPress approaching

I’m taking a look back inside my head

So apologies if you see what you’ve seen before

But it’ll be words I still need said

Cheats Never Prosper

If there’s one thing I’ve learned

It’s that you can’t skip the stages

Even if moving forward

Feels like it’s taking fucking ages

If you jump too far forward

You only fall further back

And all you do is store your pain

For further down the track

Hogmanay 2020 (Pt 1)

I’ll give you one day

Where the sun will shine

And that day is Friday

This week

But after that

It’ll all fall flat

And it’s back

To the future that’s bleak

Mawkish

You’ll say you miss him terribly

As you bleat and cry and whine

But all I’ll remember is when

You couldn’t stand to be near him then

Even half the fucking time

High School Reunions

I
wonder
what

You’d
think
of me
now

Fat,
forty
and
fucked

Would
you
still
love me
forever

Want
to be
together
whatever

Or be
thankful
for the
bullet
you
ducked

Whirlpools

When
I look
deep
into
your
eyes

I
can’t
help
but be
pleasantly
surprised

For
I actually
feel
something
down
below

And I
thought
I’d lost
that
years
ago

Mum Knows Best

Why
didn’t
you
follow
your
dreams?

She
said

Using
your
good
humour
and wit

Now
you’ve
got no
choice

She
said

But
to put
up with
his
bullshit

Without Warning

I still
have
no
idea
how
I’m
going
to live
without
you

I just
hope
I’ve
got
less
time
left
than
I think
I do

The Bargain

Who knows
when our
time will
come

But I fear
it’s not
just yet

For you
have to
forgive
yourself

And I
have to
forget

Emptiness

At one time
perhaps
I would have
said yes

But the
desire now
I no longer
possess

Should you
ever try
your love
to profess

To this
emptiness
inside I
would confess

Double Take

It’s only
now I
realise
I’ve
played
this all
wrong

And it
actually
should
have
been
you all
along

That Split Second

When I saw you
sleeping there

I couldn’t help
but stop and stare

Probably because
I was drunk too

Although nowhere
near as drunk as you

I had to walk over
and poke the bear

Angels & Devils

Good men
do bad things

And good
women do too

If I was ever that way
inclined again

I’d do bad things
with you

Trip Wires

If
love is
not what
you say

But
what
you do
instead

Then
you’ve
fucked
up

On
both
counts
mate

So be
careful
where you
tread

That Day

I’m scared
of what
that day
will bring,

As I
know it’s
approaching
fast.

Even if
it’s the
start of
my future,

There’s no
way of
forgetting
my past.

Options

I am amazed, yet again, that I’ve found the courage to get out of bed.

You have no idea how hard it is.

This sustained internal struggle.

The conscious effort required to motivate myself to move.

The strength of belief needed to convince my anxious brain that we can get through the day unscathed.

It’s exhausting.

If only I could return to the naivety of the past.

Travel back to a time when sadness was mere affectation.

Where melancholy was a comforting friend.

And death wasn’t such a viable option.

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