I’ll go out with you
Again tonight
But don’t expect
I’ll be too much fun
I mean, I’ll be okay
But will slip away
When my social battery
Is done
"All my life's buried here, heap earth upon it"
I’ll go out with you
Again tonight
But don’t expect
I’ll be too much fun
I mean, I’ll be okay
But will slip away
When my social battery
Is done
I’ve found if you socialise enough
Sometimes, it actually works
Then it’s only when
You’re alone again
That it really fucking hurts
That’s really amazing news
She said
I’m so very pleased for you
Now let’s just leave it there
She said
As you wouldn’t want the truth
I don’t care
That you didn’t mean it
Or if just to deflect
You moved to attack
As now I know how you seethe
Underneath
And you can never take that back
You don’t see it, do you?
She said
The sadness in my eyes
That’s because you hide it
He said
So you shouldn’t be surprised
The hardest part
About being depressed
Isn’t crying
Every day
The hardest part
About being depressed
Is pretending
You’re OK
Here I am
Pretending again
Faking a smile
To hide my pain
I fucking hate this weather
You’ll say
You didn’t mean it
And it was
An honest mistake
But you’re a shit actress,
Quite frankly
So I know exactly
Just what point
You were trying to make
There’s nothing worse
Than when it hurts
And that
Is all the time
Yet I’ll pretend
To the bitter end
That everything
Is fine
This
ain’t
my first
rodeo
And it
won’t
be my
last
As
there’s
always a
change
I
can
undergo
To
keep
myself
intact
‘And The Academy Award Goes To…’
You’re
no fun
anymore
He
said
What
happened
to you
my friend?
I was
never
fun
before
She
said
All of
that
was
just
pretend
(Originally Posted 14.12.2020)
I have just gone back
To pretending now
Convincing you that I
Am worth it, somehow
I’ve worked too hard
To let it go to waste
As this persona has taken
A lifetime to create
The Truth
If you
knew
the
truth
about me
You
would
run
away
and hide
You
wouldn’t
waste
another
minute
On
someone
so
rotten
inside
(Originally Posted 13.09.2019)
I used to hide
So much back then
I’m amazed I got through the day
Reading this I remember
How exhausted I was
Pretending that I was okay
Secret Anxiety
Sickness grows
Frustration shows
Conversation slows
But no one knows
(Originally Posted 28.09.2019)
I was pretending
So much back then
I should have known
Things would soon go tits up
In fact I’m amazed
Given how I behaved
No one thought to lock me up
Apathy & Deception
How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?
Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?
(Originally Posted 30.07.2019)
So I’m back
home now,
after that
shit show
Only two
more days
of pretending
to go
Then it’s
the weekend,
so I’ll be free
to lament
And avoid
all people,
to my hearts
content
Wednesday 2.30am (Pt 1)
I can’t even
bear the thought
of what’s to
come tomorrow
No doubt
it’ll just be
more misery
and sorrow
Perhaps I’d
be better
off staying
in bed
Then I might
just escape
the thoughts
in my head
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Wednesday 11am (Pt 2)
So I managed,
in the end,
to get out of bed
And it’s been
shit so far,
just as I predicted
It seems I was right,
I should never
have tried
For I’ll never
escape this
pain inside
(Originally Posted 17.07.2019)
Still here
Still pretending
Still living
With grief unending
Sick & Tired
And
so
begins
another
day
Where
I pretend
every
thing
is ok
If
only
there
was
another
way
As I
hate
being
such a
fucking
cliché
(Originally Posted 14.04.2020)
Don’t just fucking humour me
She said
Actually listen to what I’m saying
But my job is to indulge you
He said
Isn’t that why you’re paying?
You can sit there all you want
My friend
Picking at your thumbs
But you and I know
How this will end
When the day of reckoning comes
Pretending gets tiring
After a while
So in the end you stop
With no cylinders left firing
And an inibility to smile
It’s back up to that rooftop
They smile and ask if I’m OK
So I lie and the emptiness downplay
For they have forgotten about the man
With no notion of the fact I never can
If
someone
told me
then
How all
this
would
end
I’d pack
a bag
and run
away
And not
even
bother
to pretend
And
so
begins
another
day
Where
I pretend
every
thing
is ok
If
only
there
was
another
way
As I
hate
being
such a
fucking
cliché
Everybody’s
everythingBut
Nobody’s
nothingBoth at
the same
time
I’m
not
really
cryingShe
saidHonestly
things
are
fineYou
can’t
kid a
kidderHe
saidNow
just
come
back
to mine
My heart
has been
aching
all day
Nothing
has made
the pain
go away
Perhaps
this will
finally be
the end
And I’ll
no longer
have to
pretend
If you
knew
the
truth
about meYou
would
run
away
and hideYou
wouldn’t
waste
another
minuteOn
someone
so
rotten
inside
So I’m good enough
to speak to today?
Now all your friends
have gone away?
Well I’ll hold my tongue
and try to be nice.
But you’ll find my lenience
will come at a price.
How the
fuck am
I going
to get
through
today
when I
can’t even
open my
eyes?Why the
fuck am
I even
bothering
today
when
my life
is just
a myriad
of lies?
I’m sorry I act like I don’t care,
I’m sorry it seems like I’m rarely there.
I’m sorry it looks like I don’t even try,
I’m sorry that you’ve never see me cry.
I’m sorry I never appear in a hurry,
I’m sorry I always make you worry.
I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be.
But most of all I’m just sorry for being me.
It’s easier to say I’m alright, rather then I’m anxious.
It’s easier to say I’m okay, rather than I’m outraged.
It’s easier to say I’m better, rather than I’m broken.
It’s easier to say I’m good, rather than I’m grieving.
It’s easier to say I’m well, rather than I’m wasted.
It’s easier to say I’m fine, rather than I’m fucked.
I can act like I’m happy,
I can act like I’m there.
I can act like I’m over it,
I can act like I care.
But it’s all to avoid having to admit,
That I’m just really fucking scared of life.
Without you.